


In My Cardboard Walls

by tinylilremus



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Arthur and Merlin being ridiculous, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Lots of build-up though, M/M, Minor Character Death, Musician Merlin, No Smut, Record Executive Arthur
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-01
Updated: 2018-02-07
Packaged: 2018-07-19 09:59:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 114,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7356706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinylilremus/pseuds/tinylilremus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Folk-musician, Merlin Emrys, feels like he’s slowly but surely getting his foot in the door in the music industry. He has a decent following on social media, a gig almost every other night and people have (mostly) stopped pouring beer into his guitar case as a tip. But when an old friend of Gwen’s offers him a slot as the warm-up act for one of his favourite musicians on a live music show watched worldwide, Merlin finds his career fast-tracked.</p><p>Now, navigating fake relationships, tabloid gossip, the paparazzi, corporate scandals and a rather unfortunate crush on Arthur Pendragon, the handsome owner of Excalibur Records, Merlin is learning that big dreams come at a huge price.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Adonis

**Author's Note:**

>  
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Firstly a huge shout-out to my awesome reading team: noninimicus, rapha-senna, emrysdragoon, monkeyrainbowpie – you're all superheroes and I appreciate you all so so much :)
> 
> Secondly, I've actually written most of the songs from the fic to give you an idea of how I imagine them. You can find them all on [my SoundCloud account](https://soundcloud.com/aislynnprice/sets/in-my-cardboard-walls-songs).
> 
> Thirdly, I've written a sizeable chunk of this already so updates should be fairly regular. At this point I'm aiming for every second Friday, so that's about two chapters every month.
> 
> Fourthly, I've tried as far as possible to research what it's like to work with a record label but being an unsigned artist myself I have no idea if it's accurate or not. Please excuse. I'm also South African so if the Britishisms sound a bit off, that's why. I tried my hardest to make it sound as authentic as possible.
> 
> Fifthly – and if you're still reading this, you're amazing – I don't own any of these characters. They all belong to the BBC. I'm just borrowing them and positioning them awkwardly.
> 
> (The story title is from "East" by Sleeping At Last)

If you asked Merlin Emrys now if he’d been staring at Arthur Pendragon the day they met, he would flatly deny it. The truth according to Gwaine, however, was that in the hour before they first spoke to each other, Merlin did little else. 

The restaurant, a veritable palace of black steel and exposed brick in a part of town Merlin and Gwaine would normally have no business visiting, was not their usual haunt, but Gwaine was drunk off of the success of his first week of performances as a professional actor and insisted on treating Merlin to a “proper feast” to thank him for putting up with his “unemployed arse” for so long. Merlin didn’t have the heart to tell him that as a full-time musician (albeit one with a decent following and a steady stream of gigs thanks to their flatmate, Gwen, who took the job of manager deathly seriously) he was also technically unemployed and that judging by the number of French words on the menus in front of them, the portions weren’t likely to amount to a “feast”.

Considering that neither of them could usually afford as much as a coffee here (and indeed probably wouldn’t be able to afford coffee anywhere else for a long while afterwards), the two of them silently agreed to make the most of the experience. It wasn’t likely to happen again in a hurry. However, in-between Gwaine’s hilarious backstage horror stories and gossip about the cast, they took a moment to entertain the idea that they might have made a mistake in their choice of restaurant.

The trouble with French restaurants was that the menus were predominantly in French. And neither of them spoke French, as their unfortunate waiter, Gilli, soon learned.

“I'll have the, er, ‘giggot dagnew plewreer’, Gwaine said, his Irish accent making deciphering whatever French he was attempting to say even more impossible.

“The…  _ Gigot D’Agneau Pleureur? _ ” Gilli asked nervously. 

“If that means meat and potatoes, then that's the one,” Gwaine said with a wink. The waiter scribbled it down and turned to Merlin.

“I’ll have the ‘boof borgi… borgwigen…’”

Merlin looked to Gwaine for help, but he was too busy sniggering behind his menu.

“W-why don't you just... point to the meal you want?” Gilli suggested and Merlin was only too happy to oblige. Gilli wrote it down with a smile and looked back up at them. “For future reference it's  _ Boeuf Bourguignon.” _

“Isn't it tough working here?” asked Gwaine. “Getting your head around all these foreign words?”

“Well my dad is French, so the language isn't a problem,” said Gilli, colour filling his cheeks, “but it's only my second day working here so there's all that pressure. This is a really good restaurant and I'm hoping to get a bit of experience before I go off to study to be a chef.”

“Brilliant, mate,” Merlin grinned. “We promise not to be difficult customers. Well I do, I can't make any guarantees about Gwaine here.”

“I'll behave,” Gwaine said, with a flirtatious smirk, and Gilli blushed a deeper red. Merlin kicked Gwaine under the table and made a mental note to tell him to tip Gilli well.

Despite (or perhaps because of) their atrocious French and inexperienced waiter, their misgivings about the restaurant had evaporated. It was ridiculous and mental and exactly the kind of thing that the two of them would get up to. Merlin was having the time of his life.

And then the blond prat waltzed in.

Gwaine was in the middle of a hilarious story about how one of the actors had glued the female lead’s’ lipstick to the dressing table as payback for her insufferable diva attitude, when Merlin spotted him. He was sure he stopped breathing for a moment.

He looked like a marble statue come to life. His features were strong and accentuated by the seriousness with which he carried himself. Although he was dressed like the preppiest catalogue model ever (a relatively tight-fitting black polo shirt underneath a grey cardigan and dark blue jeans that hugged his body  _ perfectly _ ), the combination of his tousled hair and, quite frankly, arse of a god, had Merlin going from thinking about dressing room shenanigans to shenanigans involving  _ un _ dressing in his room. 

Just when his thoughts were about to head down the point of no return, he noticed that he was with a woman. A really pretty woman with dark hair and and looks to rival his.

So straight then. Bloody perfect.

Still, as the couple settled down at a table just a few from Merlin and Gwaine’s, Merlin found he couldn't stop sneaking glances at The Adonis (as he had now privately dubbed him). Gwaine, who was becoming increasingly frustrated at the fact that Merlin wasn’t listening, turned to see what he kept looking at and when he turned back around he was smirking.

“Aye, Merlin, he’s very pretty,” he chuckled, “but he does look a bit of a princess.”

“In what way does he look a ‘princess’?” Merlin asked, glancing briefly at the man again to be sure he had enough context. “A prince, I’ll give you, but definitely not a princess.” 

_ A Disney prince with perfect hair and eyes like an ocean.  _

“I'm just saying gorgeous as he is, he looks… pampered,” Gwaine said softly, his eyes crinkling at the corners at Merlin’s defensiveness. “You know, the kind of man who gets manicures and the like.”

“Says the man with an entire men's skin-care range in the bathroom cabinet,” Merlin said, quirking an eyebrow in amusement.

“Ah, but that's different,” Gwaine rebutted. “As an actor, my face is my instrument and I have to keep it well-tuned. Princess Perky over there has no such excuse.”

“I wouldn't be too sure about that, Tuna Face. He does look vaguely familiar.”

And it was true; the more Merlin looked at him, the more he got the feeling he'd seen him somewhere before. He began sifting through various actors, musicians and TV personalities, trying to pin his face to something he knew.

He was so lost in this process that it took him a moment or two to realise that the man was now staring back at him, wearing a sour expression. Merlin looked away hastily, his cheeks filling with colour, feeling a complete idiot. When he chanced another glance, he was pleased to see a pink tinge to the other man’s face too. The resulting effect made him look more human, more approachable.

And even more bloody attractive.

“Oi, Earth to Merlin!” Gwaine said indignantly, snapping his fingers right in front of Merlin’s eyes and startling him out of his daydreams. Merlin looked back at Gwaine sheepishly. “Look, we didn't come here on the pull – although if we did I'd be all for that.” He motioned behind him to where The Adonis was drinking some kind of fruit juice. “No, we came here to celebrate the fact that my show didn't flop after one night, that I got decent reviews and so that I could pay you back for that time you paid for us both at Mogue the night Ellie Godwyn was playing and I got to chat her up for a full five minutes.”

He remembered the night well. Merlin, being slightly obsessed with Ellie Godwyn’s music and knowing Gwaine's immense crush on her, upon hearing that she was going to be on  _ Saturday Night Unplugged _ (the televised live show that the coffee shop, Mogue, had became famous for) had used the money from a really decent gig he had just done and immediately booked a table as close to the stage as possible. During her performance, she had glanced at Gwaine more than a few times and Gwaine, of course, took this as some kind of sign that he was in with a chance, despite Merlin’s assurances that it was a beyond horrible idea.  _ (“Oh my God, Gwaine, please don't try to hit on her. You're just a really good-looking bloke. I would also look at you the more than the other people. I'm pretty sure she has a boyfriend.”)  _

The funny thing was that even when he had cornered her, chatted her up (as he had determined he was going to) and she had politely turned him down because she was in a relationship, Merlin could tell that she was actually  _ disappointed _ that she had had to say no. He, of course, hadn't told Gwaine this. The mere thought of Gwaine’s smug grin and the never ending stream of chatter that was likely to follow, was more than enough for Merlin to keep mum on the subject.

“You're right,” Merlin said eventually, shaking his head a little and giving Gwaine a small grin. “Sorry about that. Back to pretending to be fancy.” He picked up his glass of water, pinky-out, and continued in his best affectation of a posh accent. “Do please continue with more of your delightful backstage anecdotes or describe in detail the exact shade of magenta you say Vivian Olafsson turned.”

If he glanced at The Adonis after that, he made sure it was when Gwaine wasn't looking and then only for the briefest of brief moments.

About halfway through a dessert that Merlin was sure had been handcrafted by magical baking woodland fairies, he realised that there were raised voices coming from The Adonis’ table.

Well, one raised voice. The Adonis was on his feet and shouting at Gilli. The poor waiter, who was at least a head shorter than him, looked like he would love nothing more than to dissolve into the laminated wood flooring and never return and Merlin didn't think that was fair. It was only his second day. 

“Hold that thought a moment, Gwaine, I want to see what's going on over there,” Merlin said, frowning, eyes fixed on the scene as he stood up and made his way over to The Adonis’ table. He vaguely heard Gwaine telling him to leave it alone, but he ignored it. Someone had to bring it to the man’s attention that Gilli was new and mistakes were to be expected.

“... I have been coming to this restaurant for years now and never, not once, have I received service like this! Do you realise that someone with allergies could  _ die _ if you brought them the wrong meal? That's not just incompetence – that's reckless negli—”

“Alright, mate, you've had your little shouting match – fun’s over,” Merlin interrupted. The Adonis turned to look at him, face contorted with disgust.

“And who are  _ you? _ ” He asked, the last word dripping with disdain. So much so that Merlin was temporarily disarmed.

“I'm… well, I'm Merl… nobody. I'm no one.”

The Adonis’ lip curled into a humourless smirk. “Precisely, so stay out of it.”

The Adonis turned again to shout at Gilli, who at this point looked ready to bolt for the door, but Merlin caught his arm, pure anger raging through him now.

“It's only his second day, you complete and utter twozzle! He's still learning! Would it hurt your delicate sensibilities to give him a fucking break?”

“What did you say to me?” The Adonis said, now rounding on Merlin instead.

“Exactly what you heard me say,” Merlin said, all nerves gone, a note of danger to his voice now.

“Do you have any idea who I am?” The Adonis said, voice dangerously calm. 

“Oh come now, Arthur, stop being such an arse,” said the girl with the dark hair. Now that Merlin was looking at her properly, he recognised her as Morgana Pendragon, celebrity, heiress and businesswoman. Which meant that The Adonis was…

“Arthur Pendragon,” said Gwaine, sidling up next to Merlin. Arthur glared daggers at him. “Morgana Pendragon too. What a delightful surprise. I’ll just collect my Merlin and leave you two to enjoy the rest of your meal then shall I?” He took Merlin’s arm and began steering them back to their table, but Merlin shrugged out of his grasp and turned back to the Pendragons and Gilli who now looked a second away from passing out completely.

“Pendragon, huh?” Merlin said, furiously. “So that’s it? You think just because you’re some big businessman-celebrity you think you can take it out on people who earn significantly less than you? Just because they aren’t making your life comfortable enough? What kind of entitled prick do you have to be to yell at a man on his second day for an honest mistake? Your name, famous as it is, does not entitle you to whatever the fuck you want. Contrary to popular belief, the sun does  _ not _ shine out of your every orifice, no matter who your father was.”

Merlin managed to duck the punch that was aimed his way and Gwaine valiantly caught it inches from his face.

“Now, Princess, that nose is my career,” he said with a smirk. “You don’t want to be messing that up. I’m not above litigation.”

Merlin thought Arthur looked like he would love nothing more than to be messing up Gwaine's face, but he was saved from seeing it happen by a voice somewhere behind them.

“Excuse me gentlemen, but I must insist that you all leave this restaurant immediately,” said the dangerous voice. Merlin turned around to see who it belonged to. The manager, a frail-looking old man with wispy white hair and icy blue eyes that blazed with fury, strode towards them and Merlin instinctively knew that there would be no point in arguing his case. Without another word, he marched over to his table, grabbed his bag and strode out of the door, purposefully knocking Arthur's shoulder on the way out.

He leaned against the wall outside, waiting for Gwaine while he paid. Arthur and Morgana were out the door a minute later and just before they strode off back to their Lamborghinis, or limousines or whatever amazing and stupidly expensive cars they probably drove, Arthur gave him one last glare, while Morgana mouthed what Merlin interpreted as “I’m sorry my brother is such a prick”.

“Cheer up, mate” said Gwaine, clapping a hand to Merlin’s shoulder, startling him. “That was a good thing you did. And at least we had fun before Princess Prat fecked everything up, eh? In any case, you’ve got McGillin's to look forward to later.”

Yeah, he did. If he didn’t snap all of the strings on his guitar angry-rehearsing before then.

* * *

McGillin's was a relatively new pub that had opened up in the nicer part of the city and it had the unique distinction of being the only typical British pub in Britain that didn’t feel like a typical British pub.

Merlin instantly disliked it.

Through the tireless managerial efforts of his best friend, Gwen, Merlin had performed at close to a hundred different pubs, and they were all more or less of the same mold – a room full of decent food and good people that felt like a second home.

McGillin’s was completely different. There was the decent food, granted, and the drinks were surprisingly well-priced for where they were in town, but the place was full of slightly intimidating people who looked like they earned the pub’s monthly takings in a day and it felt the furthest thing from a second home Merlin could imagine.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Merlin muttered to Gwen as he followed her through the door, guitar case in hand. “These people look like they're used to people far bet—”

“Merlin, I swear to God if you say better, I'll scream. I swear I will.”

They crossed over to the bar where she turned to glare at him.

“This is one of the best pub gigs in the country at the moment and I don't want to tell you how many people I had to yell at to get it for you. Do you think I would have done that if you weren't as good, if not  _ better  _ than any other act that has performed here? Do I look like someone who shouts at people for mediocre?”

“No, but…”

“But nothing, Merlin,” she said, taking his hand. “I wouldn't have told you to quit your job and volunteered to be your manager if I didn't think this was what you were born to do. You're amazing, okay? And I  _ know _ that you know that, so stop being so scared.” Merlin offered her a small grateful smile. Gwen pointed at the stage, a small raised platform at the other end of the room. “Look, you are going to go up there, you are going to open that big, fat mouth of yours and you are going to make them listen, just like you always do. This gig has the potential to change your life so stop second-guessing it, alright?”

“I love you to bits, you know that?” Merlin said with a grin, pulling Gwen into a tight hug. “I’m sorry if I sounded ungrateful. You’re an amazing manager and an even more amazing friend. I’m just daft.”

“You are,” she agreed, kissing him on the cheek. “But that’s why I love you. Now, go break some hearts.” She pushed him towards the stage.

The sound check took a few more minutes, but before long, he was standing in front of a live microphone, heart racing, with his guitar slung around his shoulders, staring out into a room full of people who were about to hear his music for the first time.

And as he took a deep breath to calm himself, he realised that there was no better feeling.

* * *

“You see? What did I tell you? You were flawless up there!” said Gwen the minute she caught sight of Merlin. Leaving the stage had proved difficult as over the course of the performance Merlin had gained a new group of fans who were quite eager to chat to him afterwards. He spent almost fifteen minutes meeting people and trying to disentangle himself from all of the women (and men) wanting to buy him drinks, until finally a path back to Gwen had cleared and Merlin ran for it.

“That was actually a good one,” Merlin grinned. It really had been amazing. The audience had been a bit cold towards the start, which wasn't unusual for a venue he hadn't played before, but by the end he had gained the attention of almost everyone in the room. They laughed at his banter and jokes and by the end, most eyes were trained on him. All in all, it was what Merlin would describe as the perfect gig. He pulled Gwen into a hug. “I was wrong, you were right and I will never doubt you again.”

“Any chance I can get that in writing?” Gwen laughed and just as Merlin was about to reply, she was dragging him towards a table at the back of the pub.

“Um, Gwen, I know I literally just promised to never doubt you, but what the fuck?”

“There's someone I want you to meet before we go,” she said, stopping suddenly to look Merlin in the eye. “She's an old friend of mine but also potentially a really important contact so, you know, just be yourself.”

She turned back towards the table before whipping around a second later.

“But, I mean, don't be too much like yourself,” she added seriously. “Maybe just Merlin-lite, okay?”

Merlin was about to retort in indignation when one of the people from the table got up and began making their way towards them. When he saw who it was, he felt his stomach sink. 

Seven billion people in this world and it had to be _ her. _

“Morgana, this is Merlin Emrys; Merlin, Morgana Pendragon,” Gwen said, gesturing between the two of them. 

Morgana was smirking like it was Christmas and she had been given the biggest present under the tree.

“ _ Merlin, _ ” she said, eyes glittering with barely-contained humour. “I didn't think we would be meeting again so soon.”

“You’ve met?” Gwen asked, her eyebrows flying up into her hairline.

“You  _ know _ Morgana Pendragon?” Merlin countered, just as confused.

“Gwen and I were roommates at boarding school,” Morgana explained to Merlin before turning to Gwen, “and Merlin and I met earlier today when he valiantly yelled at my brother for being a dick to our waiter.”

A beat of silence followed this statement as Gwen processed exactly what Morgana was saying, and a second later, she gave a horrified gasp and buried her face in her hands.

“No, oh my god, Merlin. Please tell me you didn't shout at the CEO of Excalibur Records?” Gwen said, voice muffled. “It sounds like exactly something you would do, but please tell me I’m wrong this time?”

“Uh…” said Merlin, not sure how to explain that that was exactly what he had done. Gwen made another horrified noise and pulled her hands away from her face.

“I think it was commendable,” Morgana laughed. “I mean, it was unfortunate because you caught my brother on the worst possible day, but he really was being an A-grade arsehole and your interference was warranted.”

“I didn't mean to fuck up his day or anything. I just don't like seeing people treating other people badly just because they can,” Merlin said, mostly to Gwen, who was now looking at him like he had just binned a million quid. 

Which, in a way, he supposed he had. 

“Oh, he’ll be fine,” Morgana said, waving her hand dismissively. “What I really want to talk about is your music.”

“Oh?” Merlin asked, not knowing what else to say. He had no idea where this conversation was going. He looked at Gwen for a clue but she seemed just as perplexed as him.

“It's really good,” said Morgana with a warmer smile. “Incredible, in fact.”

“Oh, uh, thank you,” he said, feeling his cheeks fill with colour.

“I’m a co-owner of the coffee shop Mogue, ever been there?” Morgana asked.

“Yeah, quite a few times,” said Merlin, his heart speeding up a little. “To be honest, I’d live there if I could.” 

Morgana laughed delightedly.

“Well, we're still looking for a warm-up act before the  _ Saturday Night Unplugged  _ performance this week, because the artist we had booked dropped us yesterday. Do you think you can fill in on such short notice?”

It took Merlin a second to hear what Morgana was asking him. He was sure that he had misunderstood her, but he didn’t know how else to interpret the words she had just said. He also knew he should give her an answer, but his mind was all over the place now and the power of speech suddenly seemed beyond his capabilities..

“He’d love to,” Gwen said, jumping in. “Sorry, he’s just a bit overwhelmed. Mogue is probably his favourite place on earth. He’s not joking when he says he’d live there given half the chance. This means so much, Morgana. Thank you.”

“Y-yeah,” Merlin agreed. “Thanks so much. This is just.. _ Wow _ .”

“You’re welcome,” Morgana smiled. “We do a rehearsal early Saturday morning with the warm-up act and the headliner so that everyone’s comfortable come the evening. I’ll email you and Gwen with those details tomorrow. Oh and it’s Ellie Godwyn this weekend! She’s going to adore you!”

Merlin was about to pass out. 

“Are you sure you don't want to have another drink with us, Gwen?” Morgana asked, gesturing to the table behind her. Merlin glanced over and several of the women there waved at him. He waved back, with an awkward smile.

“I would love to, but I have to get a report on my boss’ desk by eight tomorrow morning or it's my job,” said Gwen. “Thanks so much for inviting me to sit with you, though. I had a lovely time.”

“It was really good to see you again, Gwen,” Morgana said, pulling her into a hug. “I really have missed you all these years.”

“Me too,” smiled Gwen.

“Well, you'd better go finish your report,” Morgana said. “I'll be in contact, and if I'm not, you have my number. Feel free to pester me. It was lovely meeting you, Merlin.”

“You too,” he replied. 

And as he turned to leave with Gwen, he wondered how many other impossible things would happen before the day ended.

* * *

“You really yelled at Arthur Pendragon though?” Gwen asked as they took a bus back to their small apartment. She was frowning at Merlin who smiled back at her, too elated to be terrified of her anger.

“I only yelled because he was being an arse,” Merlin explained. “It was the poor bloke’s second day and he was nervous enough dealing with just Gwaine and me. Arthur and Morgana are whole new levels of intimidating. So yeah, I put the prat in his place. He took a swing at me, I ducked, Gwaine caught his fist and we got chucked out. And I'd do it again if I saw him…”

Merlin's voice trailed off as a whole new thought occurred to him: what if he ended up seeing Arthur again? He was bound to if Gwen and Morgana had reconnected. Would he be just as big of a prat the next time? Morgana had said that Merlin had just caught him on a bad day, but he was having a hard time imagining him as anything other than a proper tool. 

Merlin was brought out of his thoughts by the sound of chuckling next to him.

“Excuse me, but are you  _ laughing? _ ” he asked, looking round at her.

“I am,” she said, “but only because you're just always so…  _ you. _ I don't know many people who would have the nerve to shout at a celebrity for being rude to a waiter, but I guess I should have known you'd be one of them.”

“I wasn't trying to prove anything,” said Merlin, heat creeping up his neck. “I just wanted to make sure that he knew  _ why _ the waiter might be fucking up and then  _ he _ turned it into this huge fucking argument. He's a proper wanker, Gwen.”

“Well, I only spent time with him a few times when I was a teenager,” said Gwen, “but he seemed like a butt back then so I suppose not much has changed.”

“Yeah, now that we're on the subject,” said Merlin, nudging Gwen’s shoulder. “How is it that we've been friends since pretty much the first day of uni and not once in all that time did you mention that you were friends and roomies with  _ Morgana Fucking Pendragon _ ?”

“I don't know,” said Gwen, playing with the strap of her bag. “It didn't really ever pop up in conversation in the beginning and then when she got really famous with that TV show I didn't want to be that loser who drops names to look cool. We were friends but we lost contact and I figured that was it, you know. Sometimes you don't get to keep your friends from high school.”

Merlin’s heart gave a pang at this, his mind filling with thoughts of his only friend from high school, Will. He didn’t get to keep him.

“Oh no, Merlin!” said Gwen, suddenly, slipping her hand into Merlin’s and giving it a squeeze. “That was really insensitive of me, I'm so sorry.”

“It's alright, you didn't mean anything by it,” Merlin replied, giving her hand a squeeze in return. Guilt at his reaction to Gwen's harmless words mingled with sadness, and he looked out the window in case he did actually start crying or something.

They both went quiet and Merlin tried desperately to think about Mogue or McGillin’s or Ellie Godwyn’s new album – absolutely anything other than Will. Then Gwen broke the awkward silence.

“Arthur though,” she said carefully, “he isn't half gorgeous, is he?”

Merlin genuinely laughed at that.

“He looks like he was crafted by angels that specialise in the wank fantasies of scrawny struggling musicians.”

“I don't know, he looks more like some kind of escaped genetic experiment by a group of scientists trying to create the perfect man. He was a prototype. They couldn’t quite hack the personality.”

They spent the rest of the journey home trying to one-up each other in their descriptions and ended up tumbling through the door in fits of laughter over Merlin’s last one (“He’s like a box Smarties. Not looks-wise, mind, but if I had to choose something to nibble…”) and were still chortling to themselves as Gwen powered up her laptop and Merlin went to the kitchen to make tea for them. He prepared an extra mug when he heard Gwaine arriving back from the theatre. 

“Merlin, if I were not convinced that you would kill me within a month of our relationship, I would marry you, I swear it,” Gwaine said when he brought him and Gwen their tea. 

“Thanks, love,” Gwen said, not looking up from her typing.

“You're welcome, Gwen. See, Gwaine? Normal people just say ‘thank you’,” said Merlin in amusement. Gwaine pulled a face at that.

“Who the feck wants to be normal?” 

Merlin shrugged. “Fair point.”

“Oh, by the way, I know why our Princess was in such a foul mood at the restaurant earlier,” Gwaine said, taking a sip of his tea. Merlin, who was turning back to the kitchen to fetch his own tea, stopped mid-action and Gwen paused her typing to hear what Gwaine had to say. “Apparently it's been two years today since Uther Pendragon died. So it wasn't entirely the bad service he was upset about. It was actually his da. I feel kind of shite about it now. As awful as he was to that waiter, that is a tough day to have to live through.”

“Oh my god, you're right,” said Gwen, picking up her tea. “I still remember watching the news report while I was meant to be studying for finals.”

Merlin felt like the worst person on earth. While nothing excused Arthur's behaviour, in this new light, Merlin's actions were also pretty goddamn awful. As Gwen and Gwaine started discussing it further, Merlin made his way back into the kitchen.

He knew how it felt to dread that one day of the year because all the grief that you'd tried to keep at bay for the rest of the time was so close to the surface that anything could trigger it. Every year the anniversary of Will’s accident loomed in front of him like a dark cloud, reminding him that it had been years since he had last shared a joke with him or heard him laugh or got into one of their ridiculous arguments about nothing important.

How much worse must it feel if that person was a parent?

Grabbing his mug from the counter, he poured the contents down the sink and made his way to bed. 

Any love he had for tea or this day was gone.

  
  
  
  



	2. Mogue

Saturday hurtled out of nowhere and before Merlin knew it, he was standing on the stage at Mogue, bleary-eyed and hardly daring to believe that this was his life. He usually detested early mornings and would happily live fully nocturnal if he could, but this morning he had woken up before his alarm.

He would be meeting Ellie Godwyn today, and be performing at Mogue. It didn't get any bigger for a unsigned artist.

“Excited?” asked Morgana, coming to stand next to him as he gazed out at the imaginary crowd.

“Definitely,” Merlin replied, “but also shit scared.”

“Don’t be,” she said with a reassuring smile. “We only give this opportunity to the best of the best. That’s just good business sense.”

“I suppose,” Merlin said, chewing the inside of his mouth. He briefly considered telling Morgana that it wasn’t the performance that was worried about, but rather everything that might or might not happen because of it, but decided that it would sound too presumptuous and instead asked what time they would be starting with the soundcheck.

“We’re just waiting for Ellie to arrive,” Morgana informed him. “We like to give the headliner the chance to do their rehearsal and soundcheck first so that they can leave long before the morning customers start arriving. It’s a nightmare otherwise. In theory, if everything goes according to plan, you and Ellie should finish up before they arrive, but there’s every chance that your practice will overlap with opening time.”

“That’s alright,” Merlin said. Then he took a deep breath, steeling himself for what he had promised he would say. “Look, I’m sorry about Thursday. I had no idea it was the anniversary of your father’s death. If I had known, I never would have come over to your table and –”

“And that poor waiter would probably have been sacked on his second day,” Morgana said, placing a comforting hand on Merlin’s shoulder. “You have nothing to apologise for, Merlin. Uther and I were never close so you haven’t really offended me, and even though it was a difficult day for Arthur, he had no right to act the way he did. There aren’t many people who usually stand up to my brother and even though he was – and probably still is – furious with you, it was a refreshing change for him.”

“Yeah, well, just sorry anyway, yeah?” Merlin said, Morgana’s assurances doing little to loosen the knot of guilt that had grown inside of him over the past few days.

Morgana considered Merlin for a moment, before she smiled and hopped off the stage, beckoning him to follow her. He obeyed immediately.

“Instead of moping around guiltily while you wait, I thought you’d like to meet the team before they all get too busy to say hi,” said Morgana, leading him towards a door on the other side of the shop. It led to what Merlin realised must be the sound room. A large digital sound desk had pride of place, it's colourful lights both beautiful and intimidating. Merlin’s knees went a little weak remembering that he wasn't playing just any old venue.

The occupants of the room were an odd collection of people. There was a really good-looking ginger man with curly hair and a beard and an older man with cropped dirty-blonde hair. On his lap with her arms around him was a beautiful woman who looked like she could kill with just a glance and at another desk full of dials and colourful buttons sat a pretty, anxious-looking girl with dark hair.

“Good morning, you beauties,” said Morgana. “I wanted to introduce you all to the person saving all of our arses tonight. Everyone, this is Merlin, Merlin, everyone.”

All of them smiled and said a variation of ‘hello’ and Merlin waved back nervously.

“Over by the sound desk are Tristan and Isolde,” Morgana said, pointing to the older man and the woman sitting with him. “Tristan is our sound genius. He makes sure that every Mogue performance sounds as smooth as silk. Isolde is the director and creative force behind _Saturday Night Unplugged_. They met through the show and are married now with a little one on the way.”

“Oh wow, congratulations!” Merlin grinned.

“Thanks,” said Isolde, beaming back at him with a hand splayed over her small bump. The dagger-eyes had disappeared.

“Freya over here is our lighting and atmospherics expert. She makes everything look great on stage. It's a really important job, especially for SNU.”

“Pleased to meet you, Merlin,” she smiled, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“You too,” Merlin smiled back and Freya blushed.

“And this one over here,” said Morgana making her way over to the good-looking man sitting at the back of the small room, slipping her hand into his, “is my Leon. He’s the other owner of Mogue and runs things here so that I don't have to be around all the time. When he's not too busy being brilliant at that, he's also my boyfriend.”

“I tried to keep it professional,” Leon said, “but she was persistent.”

“Oi,” she replied indignantly, flicking him on the shoulder with her free hand. “Don't make me sack you.”

He laughed and kissed her hand and Merlin’s heart gave a little pang at how sweet it was. He was mostly fine with being single, but every now and then he would witness a moment that would remind him painfully that his love life was virtually non-existent.

Morgana’s phone pinged and she pulled it out of her pocket to check it.

“Merlin,” she said, looking up again, “Ellie just texted to let me know that she’s on the other side of town and running horribly late. I think we’re going to go ahead and start with your rehearsal and just interrupt it when she arrives, if that’s alright with you?”

“Sounds great,” Merlin smiled.

A few minutes later, Merlin was plugged in, mic'd-up and ready to rehearse. As he began practicing, he surrendered to the music completely, deciding that this was a mad opportunity that probably only came once in a lifetime, and if he allowed his music to do the talking, it might be enough to change everything.

He was about midway through his third song when one of the waitresses walked up to Morgana and told her that Ellie had arrived. Morgana thanked her and stood up.

“Play the rest of the song, Merlin!” she called as she made her way to the front door, and Merlin obeyed, a huge nervous knot now settling in the pit of his stomach. Ellie Godwyn was about to walk in and he would be playing when she did. She was about to hear him perform.

Forcing himself not to pass out, Merlin pushed the thought out of his mind. As his fingers plucked and his voice carried the melody of “Lights”, a song he had written at university about finding the nerve to chase his dreams, he realised how close those dreams actually were now. All he had to do was not fuck up this gig. He could do that.

_“Should I chase you…?”_

The last words of the song rang out into the mostly empty coffee shop and Merlin’s return to the real world was greeted with small, but warm applause and even a whistle from Leon. He grinned and looked over at the small crowd near the tech room, his legs almost giving way when he saw Ellie Godwyn still enthusiastically applauding.

And _gods,_ Ellie Godwyn had just heard him sing. That was at least three of his university dreams crossed off right there.

“Okay, Merlin, we're going to start setting up for Ellie now. We'll carry on your practice in a bit,” Morgana said. “You're sounding incredible, by the way.”

“Aw, can he maybe do one last song before he takes a break and is forced to listen to me warbling away?” Ellie asked, much to Merlin's delight and disbelief. “I only got to hear the very last bit of that song and I'd love to hear the full thing.”

“Er, sure,” said Morgana uncertain, clearly not accustomed to guests changing the order of things. “Merlin, one more song and then you can take a break.”

Merlin smiled at Ellie and she beamed back at him and it made getting up before the sun so worth it.

* * *

“Want to do something a bit boring until tonight?”

Merlin jumped a mile and it was by sheer luck that he didn't drop the guitar he was attempting to put back in its case.

“Oh my god, it's you,” Merlin said, lifting his free hand to rub his chest where his heart was hammering at the speed of light. Ellie Godwyn was standing next to the stage, her face a mixture of amusement and apology.

“Sorry, Merlin, I didn't mean to startle you,” she said, fiddling with a latch on her own case. “I just… I was wondering if you wanted to maybe spend the day with me? I always get quite jittery before performing and having someone around helps distract me. Actually, don't worry. I'm sure you already have other plans and it really is going to be a dull affair. I was just going to run through my songs again and then maybe read or watch telly for a bit.”

“No, that sounds brilliant,” Merlin grinned. “To be honest I wasn't sure what I was going to do for the rest of the day. Probably just hang around here or something.”

“Okay great!” she exclaimed, way more enthusiastically than Merlin believed was warranted by the likes of him. “I don't live far from here. Do you have a car or bike or…?”

“Nah, took the tube,” Merlin replied.

“Ah, okay then I'll drive,” Ellie said.

She waited for Merlin to finish latching up his guitar case and they both made their way from the back entrance of the shop to what Merlin was surprised to discover was a really nicely done up Mini Cooper from the Sixties and not the swishy car he would be expecting a celebrity to drive. It had been painted a soft lemon yellow and he could see the seats inside were a pale lavender.

“Her name is Grunhilda,” she said, amused at Merlin's surprise. She opened the back door to place her and Merlin's guitars carefully on the backseat before climbing into the car. Merlin followed suit. “She's the first and only car I've ever bought and she's my pride and joy. I saw her at a pre-owned dealership and saved up all the money from my uni job until I could afford her. My dad kept offering to buy me something better, but I was in love. Still am. I mean now I could probably afford to buy something brand new, but instead I keep throwing my money at her: getting her engine done up nicely, reupholstering, a nice new paint job. I hope to be driving her well into my eighties.”

She started up Grunhilda and pulled away from her parking spot almost maniacally. Merlin reached for the seat-belt he usually forgot to wear. Ellie was clearly a bit of a mental driver.

Merlin had to take a moment to compose himself because holy shit on a cloud he was driving in Ellie Godwyn’s tiny adorable car to where she lived to spend the day hanging out with her before being her opening act later that night.

 _To think that a week ago you were debating whether or not to do the gig at the pub where someone once poured beer into your guitar case as a tip,_ he thought happily to himself as Ellie swerved violently around a corner.

“You were at my last Mogue gig, weren’t you?” Ellie said after a few moments of comfortable silence and Merlin gawked at her. Of all the things he imagined she might say to him that day, this was probably the last he expected. When it became apparent to Ellie that all he was capable of doing was gaping like a fish out of water, she continued. “You were with that really funny bloke. The good-looking one. Wayne, I think he said his name was?”

“Oh my god, you'll have made his life at that,” Merlin chuckled. “It's Gwaine and he’s pretty convinced you're the perfect woman. He’s going to die when I tell him about this tomorrow.”

“Is he not going to be there tonight?” she asked, sounding disappointed and Merlin's suspicions about the success of Gwaine's flirting were confirmed.

“Unfortunately not,” Merlin replied. “He's starring in his first proper play at the moment, so he's got a matinee in a little while and then another performance tonight slap-bang in the middle of my set.”

“Oh, that's a pity,” she said sadly, and realising what she'd just said, she hastily added, “I mean, that he won't get to hear your set. Especially when you sound so amazing.”

“Yeah,” Merlin grinned. “A pity. Thank you, by the way. You really didn’t have to do any of this.”

“Nonsense, it’s my pleasure,” Ellie said with a grin. “Besides, any chance I get to brag about Grunhilda is a chance I take. But to be honest, what I wanted to ask you – and I didn’t want to ask back at Mogue in case you said no – is would you like to do a duet with me during the live set? You can choose the song and we’ll work out how we're going to do it now before we get back to Mogue. You really don’t have to, though. I realise that live telly is quite a daunting thing. I just thought –”

“Are you kidding me? I’d love to!” Merlin exclaimed, perhaps a little too loudly in the tiny car. Colour flooded his face as he realised what a prat he’d just made of himself. “I mean, uh, you’re one of my favourite artists so it would be kind of amazing. A dream come true even.”

“Good,” Ellie beamed. “We’ll decide once we reach the flat. We’re nearly there.”

She wasn’t kidding. They screamed around two more corners and narrowly avoided hitting an expensive-looking Porsche before Ellie reached an almightily abrupt halt and pushed a button on the remote control attached to a set of keys. A garage door swung open.

“Er, you might want to hop out now.” Ellie said. “It’s a bit of a tight squeeze once she’s parked.”

“Right,” said Merlin, climbing out of the car which took a fair bit of effort as the car was clearly not designed with tall people in mind. “I’ll grab the guitars too in that case, so don’t pull forward yet.”

“You’re a darling,” said Ellie with a smile as Merlin opened the back door and carefully pulled out their guitars.

As Ellie pulled into the garage, a man got out of the Porsche parked opposite her flat. He was looking straight at Merlin with a look that told him that he was probably about to be murdered, or at least beaten to within an inch of his life. He wasn’t sure which thought was more terrifying at this point.

It was only when he got close enough for Merlin to really start panicking that he realised it was the bassist for the band Knights of Albion and Ellie’s boyfriend.

“You’re Valiant Wright,” Merlin said, his voice higher than he meant it to be.

 _Way to intimidate, Merlin,_ he chided.

“Yeah, and who the fuck are you?” said Valiant, standing dangerously close to Merlin. They were about the same height, but his broad shoulders and the murderous glare on his face made Merlin feel tiny in comparison. He tried to speak, but his voice seemed to have abandoned him. This scenario had never played out in any of his daydreams about meeting celebrities.

“Val! I thought... this is Merlin,” Ellie said, practically sprinting from the garage to join them. Valiant turned around to look at her, but his expression didn’t soften. “He’s the opening act at Mogue tonight and he’s –”

“Gay,” Merlin said. He wasn’t sure what Ellie had been about to say, but he was pretty sure he knew what Valiant’s rage was about. “And I have a boyfriend.”

_Because why not start digging that enormous hole?_

“You…” Valiant began, but stopped mid-thought. He still looked furious, but something in his demeanor relaxed and Merlin had to bite his tongue not to let out a sigh of relief. “Why is he here?”

“Morgana told me he stays on the other side of town so he couldn’t really pop home for the day and I felt bad about him spending the entire day at Mogue so I invited him over,” Ellie said, rubbing placating circles on Valiant’s arm. “Anyway, I thought you said I was only going to see you at the gig later because you were having that lunch with Agravaine.”

“It’s only at half twelve and I wanted to see you,” he said, turning to face her. Ellie smiled and wove her arms around his waist. Valiant did the same, but from Merlin’s angle his smile looked more like a smirk. “I reckon I have time to pop in for a cuppa.”

To say that the situation was awkward was an understatement of vast proportions. Valiant picked up Ellie’s guitar case, glaring at Merlin as he did, before taking Ellie’s hand and allowing her to lead him into the flat. Suddenly aware that he was very much a third wheel, unwanted by at least one of the other two wheels, Merlin tried not to focus too much on the two of them being couple-y and instead busied himself with taking in the wonder that was Ellie’s flat.

Although it was by no means a small place, he was surprised to find that it wasn’t much bigger than his own. Or perhaps it was bigger but the fact that each room seemed to be painted a different colour made it seem cozy. He settled himself on a sky-blue couch in the living room that was painted a deep purple. From his position he could see into the small dining room (a vivid red), and the open-plan kitchen (a sunny yellow), where Valiant and Ellie were all but making-out.

 _Ew,_ thought Merlin ungraciously.

The sound of the kettle switching off seemed to pull Ellie back to reality and she looked over to where Merlin was sitting, toying awkwardly with the cuffs of his hoodie.

“Would you like some tea, Merlin?” Ellie asked with a giggle. Valiant was still kissing her neck and Merlin fought the urge to run back to Mogue to escape the bizarre world into which he appeared to have stumbled.

“Uh, Earl Grey if you have,” Merlin said, smiling in an attempt to mask how uncomfortable he felt.

“Of course,” Ellie replied, seeming almost offended that he suspected she might not have Earl Grey. “Sugar and milk?”

“No thanks, just black.”

As Ellie busied herself making tea, which looked like quite a feat with Valiant “Knight-of-Albion” Wright still curled around her, kissing her anywhere he could reach. Merlin grabbed one of the books off of the coffee table and determinedly tried to commit each page of _The Beatles: On the Road 1961-1966_ to memory. He became so engrossed in the process that he jumped when Valiant put his tea down on the table in front of him with a vicious-looking smirk.

“Thanks,” Merlin said, his voice still frustratingly high-pitched.

“No problem,” Valiant replied, settling down next to Ellie who was sitting on the couch opposite Merlin’s. He briefly wondered how someone so mean-spirited had ended up with someone as lovely and charming as her, before he turned his attention to his tea instead.

“So, Merlin, this boyfriend of yours, will he be there tonight?” Valiant asked, almost making Merlin choke on his first mouthful. “Me and the Knights are going and I’d like to meet him.”

“Val,” Ellie said, warningly.

“What?” Valiant asked. “Any mates of yours are mates of mine, love.”

“H-he’ll be there,” said Merlin.

_Shitshitshit._

What had possessed him to make up a boyfriend when he was pretty chronically single? His brain screamed through possible ways to say ‘actually just kidding – I’m still gay, but my love life doesn’t exist’ without getting punched or killed, but he couldn’t find any.

_Shit._

“Aw, what’s his name?” asked Ellie, looking genuinely happy for him. Bless her.

He felt awful.

“Elyan,” he said, thinking of the only other close male friend he had. Suddenly it all clicked into place. Elyan, Gwen’s older brother, was gay so he wouldn’t get caught checking out women while they were together, and if he checked out other men people would assume he was just a bit of a cheating prick. It wasn’t a perfect solution, but it could save his arse tonight at any rate.

“Another Ellie! I approve,” she replied with a warm smile. Merlin felt his stomach plummet. He was the worst person on the planet.

Thankfully this seemed enough to satisfy Valiant, who went back to his earlier sport of making out with Ellie and making Merlin feel physically ill. With tea and a good enough view of Ellie’s DVD collection to occupy him, it wasn’t long before the horrible sounds of their kissing ended and Valiant exclaimed that he was running late and had to go.

“It was a _pleasure_ meeting you, Merlin,” he said coldly, holding out a hand for Merlin to shake. Merlin reluctantly took it and found himself the unwitting participant in a game of “Let’s See Whose Hand Breaks First”. Thankfully, Ellie intervened before any lasting damage was done.

The goodbye kiss was as nauseating as the rest had been, but infinitely more bearable knowing that when it was over, Valiant would leave. He’d always laughed or rolled his eyes when Gwaine called him a prick because he knew that it was just because Valiant was with Ellie and Gwaine was jealous. It was nice to know that he could now confirm Valiant's prickishness for Gwaine with eye-witness evidence.

“Sorry about that,” Ellie said after Merlin heard the front door close. “He surprises me like that every now and again. I don’t normally have men round though, and he’s always been a bit... _weird_ about other guys. He even gets like that around Arthur – you know – Pendragon, even though he’s technically our boss and he’s also gay and–”

“Arthur Pendragon is _gay?”_ Merlin asked, a sudden bizarre and completely out of place happiness flaring up in his chest. It was ridiculous because for all that Merlin felt sorry for the way he had treated him at the restaurant, he still hated the prick.

“Oh shit!” Ellie said, clapping a hand over her mouth. “Oh shit, Merlin, please don’t say anything? It’s not supposed to be common knowledge. He came out to all of us recently, but he hasn’t come out publicly. Oh god, Elena Marie Godwyn, when will you learn to shut your fucking gob?”

“I won’t breathe a word, I swear,” Merlin said, earnestly. He felt a little breathless all of a sudden. Arthur Pendragon, gorgeous multi-millionaire, owner of Excalibur Records and all-round prat was _gay._ The thought shouldn’t excite him as much as it did. He was, after all, still a massive arse. However, Merlin couldn’t seem to stop the sudden furious beating of his heart.

“Thanks, Merlin,” Ellie said, breathing a little sigh of relief. “While we’re on the subject, tell me more about this boyfriend of yours? How did you two meet?”

_Shit._

* * *

Ellie was as lovely as he had always imagined she would be. By the time they had to think about leaving for Mogue again, Merlin had had at least four cups of tea and a pretty decent lunch, had invented a whole backstory to his fake relationship because of her genuine interest in his life and had spent an afternoon singing and laughing with her as if they were old friends and not new acquaintances. Despite the slight anxiety he felt at the enormity of his Elyan lie, it was like he had accidentally wandered into a strange alternate universe where everything in his life was going really well for a change.

“Now for some damage control,” Merlin muttered to himself as Ellie practically bounced off to her room to get ready for Mogue. He pulled out his mobile, nerves and guilt writhing in his stomach, and began texting Elyan.

_SENT [16:03]: So I have some good news and some bad news for you._

 

_RECEIVED [16:05]: Shit Merl what have u done now?_

_RECEIVED [16:05]: Give me the good news first. I need time to prepare for the bad_

 

_SENT [16:07]: The good news is that Knights of Albion are going to be at the gig at Mogue tonight._

 

_RECEIVED [16:08]: OMG ARE U SHITTING ME? PERCY MOTHERDUCKING BYLAND AND HIS GLORIOUS SEX BICEPS ARE GOING TO BE IN THE SAME ROOM AS ME???_

_RECEIVED [16:08]: motherfucking* damn autocorrect_

_RECEIVED [16:09]: Now officially terrified of ur bad news_

 

_SENT [16:11]: Well, okay, get this: Ellie Godwyn invites me to her place to hang out until we have to go back to Mogue (!!!! I’m texting you from her living room right now, by the way – it’s *really* purple) and just as we pull up, Valiant fucking Wright shows up and starts looming over me asking who the fuck I am like I’m about to start snogging Ellie right there in the driveway. So I blurt out that I’m gay and that I have a boyfriend._

 

_RECEIVED [16:12]: Shit Merl u don’t have a boyfriend._

_RECEIVED [16:12]: I hate the end of this story already_

 

_SENT [16:13]: Thankfully Ellie manages to steer him into the house where he starts making out with her like it’s going to be made illegal tomorrow (which after being forced to be in the same room as it, I wouldn’t be totally against). So after he stops being fascinated by the taste of her neck (mate, it was really gross, I can’t emphasise it enough), they sit down in the living room with me and Valiant starts interrogating me about this boyfriend. Who still doesn’t exist._

 

_RECEIVED [16:14]: Oh god_

 

_SENT [16:16]: So Ellie asks what his name is. I really start panicking now. In hindsight, I know I should have said it was Gwaine, he’d be happy to play along, but she remembers him from that other time at Mogue and he likes her so much and I just couldn’t… and well, I guess what I’m saying is… congratulations! You get to be my boyfriend tonight!_

_SENT [16:21]: Oh my god, please reply, El. Even if it’s just to tell me I’m a tosser._

 

_RECEIVED [16:22]: I could fucking throttle u sometimes, u know that? The one night I get to see Percy Byland in glorious 3D and I have to spend the whole night making googly eyes at u and pretending ur not an ENORMOUS FUCKING DICKWAD_

 

_SENT [16:23]: I acknowledge my status as Enormous Fucking Dickwad, but omg please, El? Tonight is huge for me and if Ellie knows I’ve lied I’m going to look like shit in front of her and Morgana and the Knights. And Valiant will deck me for sure._

_SENT [16:23]: Please? I’ll give you my XBox. And you can tell everyone that you broke up with me._

 

_RECEIVED [16:26]: Of course I’m going to u twat. But now that uv offered ur xbox, I’ll have that, thanx. How did we get together, so I don’t expose ur stupid fcuking secret?_

 

_SENT [16:27]: ELYAN! I love you, you know that?_

 

_RECEIVED [16:28]: It’s a bit early in our relationship for that. Let’s just see how the first date goes, yeah?_

 

Merlin chuckled to himself, the knot of anxiety loosening as he began typing out his and Elyan’s (mostly) bullshit love story: that Gwen had introduced them at a meeting of the university's live music society (true), that they'd become friends (true), that the two of them had started a band called Two And A Half Gays with Gwaine and had spent a lot of time together (true), that they had been flirting for years (not quite true) and that recently they'd gotten drunk, kissed each other and decided to give it a go (definitely not true).

Feeling a bit better about his lie now that Elyan was on board, Merlin put his phone away, settled back and waited for Ellie to finish getting ready.

Hopefully this would be as stressful as things got that night.

* * *

 

“I don’t _believe_ you, Merlin,” Gwen hissed crossly as she straightened the lapels of his jacket in the Mogue green room. Ellie had stepped out for a moment to have a word with Morgana. “I leave you alone for _one day_ because I have a _massive presentation_ to finish for work and you _solicit_ my brother to cover up a really _stupid_ lie that could have been avoided completely if you had just _thought_ before opening your mouth for _once_ in your bloody life.”

She emphasised every few words with a violent tug and Merlin was afraid she was going to rip something. She certainly seemed angry enough to. Nervous as he was, it hadn’t escaped Merlin that Gwen had just sworn.

Gwen _never_ swore.

“Okay, firstly, I didn’t _solicit_ your brother,” he said quietly, grabbing her hands so she would stop tugging. “His name very unfortunately got dragged into a situation that got the better of me. He’s very kindly agreed to help me tonight by pretending to be my boyfriend so that I don’t get killed by Ellie Godwyn’s boyfriend who, by the way, is even more miserable and aggressive in real life than he looks in _Hello_. Secondly, if you carry on being mad at me I’m not going to be able to get through tonight. I need you on my side, Gwen.”

Gwen glared up at him for a moment longer before her expression softened.

“Of course I’m on your side, Merlin,” she said, pulling him into a hug. “I’m still fuming, don’t get me wrong, and you’re a complete idiot, but I love you and I _know_ that this is what you were born to do. Now, go out there and make your fake sister-in-law proud.”

Merlin grinned and kissed the top of her head.

“Love you too,” he said. He had just turned to sit down when there was a knock on the door and Leon poked his head in.

“You’re up, Merlin,” he said, and Merlin’s pulse tripled in speed.

“Break some hearts,” said Gwen with a smile which Merlin tried to reciprocate. He had a feeling his had looked more like a grimace.

He followed Leon to the door that led to the stage, his legs feeling heavier with every step he took. This was it. This was the half an hour that could change his life forever. Whatever happened after that door opened would determine his future.

He was terrified.

“Okay, I’m going to announce you and then you’re going to go out there and blow everyone away with your incredible talent,” Leon said, placing a comforting hand on Merlin’s shoulder. “Ellie let me know that she’s invited you to sing one of her songs with her, so when your set is finished, please head back to the green room and we’ll flick on the little green light in there so you’ll know when it’s time to head back here and wait for her to welcome you back to stage. There’s a monitor in there, so you should be able to watch the show as it happens.”

Merlin nodded, taking a deep shuddering breath.

“Hey, relax,” Leon smiled. “Morgana hasn’t been able to shut up about you all day. There have maybe been five opening acts that have performed here that she’s felt that way about. Ellie Godwyn was one of them. You’re going to be amazing.”

Merlin was surprised to find that he believed him.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me,” Leon said, making his way through the door and onto the stage. Merlin took a deep breath as he heard his name announced. “Ladies and Gentlemen, Mogue Coffee is proud to present your opening act for this week’s _Saturday Night Unplugged_ : Merlin Emrys!”

A cheer went up through the small crowd. Merlin fought not to grin at the sound and then decided to throw all fucks to the wind because he was the bloody opening act at _Saturday Night Unplugged_ and there was no good reason he shouldn’t be grinning. He made his way across the stage to the microphone, picked up his guitar from the stand and got the strap over his shoulder without incident. This was going to go well. This was going to change his life.

“Good evening, Mogue!” Merlin said into the mic and the crowd cheered louder. He glanced down and was relieved to see Gwen and Elyan sitting at a table really close to the stage. Also at the table were Morgana, the members of Knights of Albion (with Valiant and the lead guitarist, Cenred King, noticeably missing), and, to his horror,  Arthur Pendragon who was looking up at him with a face full of surprise and disdain. Swallowing down his sudden terror at the sight, Merlin determinedly looked at the rest of the audience. “My name is Merlin Emrys and that might be the first time I’ve made it across a stage without tripping over a cable.”

The audience laughed appreciatively and Merlin couldn’t help but chuckle with them. It was the most beautiful and surreal feeling in the world.

“This first song is about a relationship with someone who’s completely disinterested in you your entire life and suddenly wants to be a part of it again when things start looking up. It’s mostly about how you should tell those people to bugger off. This is ‘Synthetic’.”

He noticed Arthur roll his eyes as he lounged back in his chair, looking completely disinterested.

 _Alright then, Arthur Pendragon, time to prove you wrong,_ Merlin smirked.

As he began the song, the familiar feeling of pure satisfaction washed over him. Gwen was right, this is what he was born to do. Nothing else in the world gave him the freedom and rush that sharing his music with others did. Nothing felt more perfect than the quiet hush when one part of his song was softer than another, or the way every eye in the room was trained on him, ears fixed on his music. Nothing was as amazing, except for maybe the look of bewildered disbelief on Arthur’s face that told Merlin Arthur knew he had been wrong.

_Merlin: 1, Prat: 0_

* * *

As the set went on, Merlin was reeling off of the energy the audience was giving him. Everything was going perfectly. Gwen and Elyan were beaming proudly up at him, the Knights were cheering louder than anyone, Morgana looked like the cat who had got the cream and Arthur’s face had become impossible to read, although Merlin could see for certain it was no longer disinterested.

As he finished “Lights” and was about to launch into “One of You”, a nagging voice at the back of his head interrupted him.

 _Do Will’s song,_ it said and Merlin desperately tried to smother the sudden terror that accompanied that thought. It was the most personal song he had ever written. So personal, he hadn’t even played it for Gwen. He even didn’t know if it was any good, really. But the voice was persistent, and so, heart hammering in his chest, Merlin cleared his throat.

“I, er,” he started, and the crowd looked back at him expectantly. “You guys have been such an amazing audience so far that I’m going to play you guys a song now that I’ve never played for anyone.” He looked down at Gwen and Elyan who were giving him identical looks of horrified ‘what the hell are you doing, Merlin?’. He shrugged it off. “It’s about a friend of mine who passed away just after we finished high school. H-he loved to write and he was on his way to a prizegiving for an essay competition he had entered. His… the last phone call we ever had was me telling him he was definitely going to win and him telling me he didn’t give a damn about winning, he just wanted honourable mention. A drunk driver collided with his car five minutes later and he died instantly. He didn’t even win the competition in the end.”

Merlin’s voice shook dangerously and he took a moment to compose himself. He wanted to do this justice.

“I wrote this song because even though he never got the chance to reach his dreams and none of you will ever get the chance to know him, you have to know that he was one of the most amazing and wonderful people I have ever met and the reason I am who I am today. This song is called ‘Honorable Mention’.”

He began picking the intro to the song, begging himself to stay in control. This was the closest he would come to sharing this evening with Will and he wanted the first and last time he ever sang it in public to be perfect.

As he sang, he allowed his mind to flood with memories of the best friend who had been more like a brother than anything.

He was five again and he and Will had just lost the three-legged race because their heights were so unevenly matched that they couldn’t find a rhythm and had ended up toppling over in a heap after just four steps, laughing at their misfortune.

He was seven and they both waited on the pavement outside Merlin’s house for his dad to come home even though it had been four months since he left and no one had heard from him since.

He was ten and Will’s mum had just passed away and there was nothing he could do for Will except cry with him and hold him tight while he sobbed into Merlin's shoulder.

He was thirteen again and Will had asked which girl he fancied at school, which led to Merlin whispering into his hands that he felt about boys the way Will felt about girls, terrified of what his friend's reaction might be, only to have Will grab his hands and grinning ask him which _boy_ he fancied at school then.

He was fifteen and standing against the wall at the school disco, watching all the other kids dance to the slow song that the DJ had just put on, wishing desperately to be a part of it, when Will spotted him, apologised to the girl he'd been dancing with, walked up to Merlin, grabbed his hand and dragged him onto the dance floor.

He was seventeen and sleeping when his mum came into his room in tears to tell him that Will was gone forever.

He was twenty four and standing in front of an audience at a world-famous music venue, surprising everyone, including himself, by keeping the quiet promise he had made Will when he had written that song all those years ago.

The last notes of the song rang out and there was a brief moment of silence where Merlin panicked that he'd fucked up, but then they were cheering and Gwen was wiping her eyes on her sleeve. Merlin saw Lance Du Lac, lead singer of Knights of Albion, chivalrously hand her a tissue. Morgana was smiling encouragingly up at him and _Arthur_ …

Arthur was the only person in the audience not applauding. He was staring at Merlin with a stunned look that told him that while other people knew what the song was about, Arthur had _felt_ it. Suddenly it was as though the crowd had melted away and it was just him and Arthur standing across from one another, silently sharing this emotion that Merlin could only seem to get across through song. More to stop himself from succumbing to the feelings that were threatening to overwhelm him than anything, Merlin offered Arthur a small smile which was only barely returned before Arthur looked down at the wooden floor in front of him. The crowd faded back into existence and the sound returned to the world. They were still cheering.

He got the signal from Leon that there was time for him to do one more song, so he briefly introduced “One of You”, trying not to think about Arthur's stunned eyes and the fact that he knew that they were once again trained on him. He could almost _feel_ them. The thought sent a small shiver down his spine.

The song passed by in a blur and before he knew it, he was thanking the audience for being amazing amid cheers and a standing ovation before making his way back to the green room feeling more elated and confused and emotionally clueless than he had ever felt.

Ellie caught him about midway down the corridor and pulled him into a tight hug.

“You're so brave,” she said into his ear. “Well done on trusting your instincts. You were amazing.”

He didn't trust himself to speak for all the emotions that were welling inside of him, so he nodded and hoped she hadn't seen the tears that were threatening to spill at any moment. He sped down the rest of the corridor, made his way into the green room, straight through the door to the small bathroom on the far side of the room and locked himself inside. He leaned against the sink allowing himself a brief moment to let out everything that had been just under the surface since the day he had met Arthur.

And then, remembering what he had just done, how he had just aced a gig at Mogue, he looked up at the mirror with puffy red eyes and grinned at his reflection. He washed his face, knowing that the terrifying makeup lady would most likely want to strangle him for messing up her good work, took a deep breath and got ready for the rest of the evening.

* * *

By the time it came to his song with Ellie, Merlin was calm again. Ellie’s music had that effect on him. There had still been a pang of nerves when the green light above the door had switched on, but it was far less intense than it had been before his set. He knew what to expect now. He knew that the crowd liked him, and this time he’d be singing Ellie’s music so some of the pressure was off.

“Please welcome back to the stage my good friend, Merlin Emrys!” he heard Ellie say. This time as he made his way across the stage he did stumble over a cable and the audience laughed at the callback to his earlier joke. He tried not to think about the fact that it had happened on live television. Picking up his guitar and grinning at Ellie, he sat on the stool opposite her and waited for her to begin.

‘Dragons’ was the quintessential Ellie Godwyn song: gentle, dream-like and almost like a four-minute fairytale. It was Merlin’s absolute favourite and the fact that he was getting to sing it with Ellie was just the cherry on top of what had already been the perfect day.

Figuring that this would be the kind of song one would sing to a significant other, Merlin made a conscious effort to look at Elyan a few times through the song. Elyan, true to his word, put on a good show of looking completely in love. He knew it must have taken some real effort and sacrifice. Percy Byland was sitting right next to him, their arms almost touching.

He determinedly did not look at Arthur.

When the song ended, the audience was on their feet again and Merlin couldn’t help but laugh incredulously. He had dreamed of this for a long time but didn’t think it would all happen so suddenly. Ellie and Merlin took off their guitars and hugged, before Ellie stepped back to the mic.

“Merlin Emrys, everyone!” she said excitedly and the audience cheered louder. Merlin was overcome with the desire to bottle this moment so he could live in it forever.

* * *

“YOU ARE AMAZING!” Gwen yelled, loud even over the sound of everyone in the crowded coffee shop, pulling him into a bone-crushing hug and clumsily kissing his cheek. “I mean, I always knew you were – I wouldn’t be your manager otherwise – but that was something else!”

“Thanks, Gwen,” Merlin grinned, rubbing his ribs a little when she let go of him. He was sure he was going to bruise. Behind Gwen he could see Ellie on the phone looking furious and he reckoned he knew who was on the other end; Valiant and Cenred were still missing. His eyes traitorously flicked over to the bar where Arthur was having what looked like a rather heated discussion with Morgana and he stared at him for a moment before he wrenched his eyes away. Further down the bar he noticed Elyan talking animatedly with Percy Byland and another person who Merlin recognised as Kay Green, the rhythm guitarist for Knights of Albion. “I take it everyone’s been introduced?”

“Yeah,” said Gwen turning around to see what he was looking at. “Elyan’s been a brilliant boyfriend, by the way. He’s been singing your praises all evening, even to Percy which I know must be killing him. You owe him big time.”

“Trust me, I know,” said Merlin. He saw the way Elyan smiled stupidly after something Percy said, caught himself and smoothed his features into something a little more aloof. “I suppose I should get over there. Care to join?”

They made their way over to Eylan and the Knights and to his slight amusement and shame, Elyan’s reaction was perfect. His face lit up when he saw Merlin and he pulled him into a brief and awkward kiss. Merlin hoped it didn’t look as weird as it felt. He certainly tried to make it look as real as possible, snaking his arms around Elyan’s neck. When they broke apart, Elyan pulled him into a ferocious hug to rival his sister’s.

“Percy is the perfect man, he’s gay and he’s single,” he muttered into Merlin’s ear. “I’m so mad at you.” Merlin gave him a sheepish look as Elyan let go of him to grab his hand. “But really, well done for tonight. I’m so proud of you.”

From the look on Elyan’s face, Merlin could tell that that part had been genuine. He gave Elyan’s hand a small grateful squeeze.

“This is Kay,” he said gesturing to the tall, sandy-haired man who Merlin already recognised. Merlin shook his hand with a smile. “And Percy.”

Merlin found himself the victim of an over-zealous handshake for the second time that day, although by the friendly smile on Percy’s face, he was sure that this time it wasn’t intentional.

“You’re brilliant, mate,” said Kay, raising his beer to Merlin. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Perce that close to tears.”

“Says the one who was actually in tears,” Percy countered and they all laughed.

Lance then joined the group. He handed Gwen a bottle of water, smiling at her as if he couldn’t quite believe she was real. Merlin caught Gwen’s eye and she blushed furiously at his raised eyebrows, accepting the bottle of water from Lance with a breathless “thanks”.

“I’ll go get us some drinks then?” Merlin asked Elyan.

“Thanks, love,” Elyan replied with a look that told Merlin that this was the first of many rounds that would be on him. Merlin fixed his face into what he hoped looked like a love-struck grin and made his way to the barkeep where he ordered a pint for Elyan and a Mojito for himself.

“You _would_ be drinking a cocktail,” came the sound of a posh drawl from next to him. Merlin nearly upended both drinks. _Arthur._ Clearly he and his sister had finished arguing.

Not wanting to reveal the strange array of emotions the prat had made him feel that night, Merlin took a moment to compose himself before turning to face him.

“How do you know the cocktail is for me?” he asked, raising an eyebrow in challenge.

“Can you honestly tell me it isn’t?” Arthur smirked. Merlin scowled.

“No,” he sighed. The triumphant laugh that followed should have irked Merlin but not for the first time that day, he found his emotions betraying him as he laughed along with Arthur. Once the hilarity had subsided, Merlin felt Thursday’s guilt tugging at him again. “Look, Arthur, about the other day… I didn’t know that it was… I mean that your…” He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”

Arthur opened his mouth as if to reply, but apparently thought better of it. Instead he nodded, and Merlin took it that his apology was accepted. An awkward silence followed and Merlin understood that as a cue to leave. He picked up the drinks, and turned to head back to the group.

“I wouldn’t have come tonight if I knew it was you,” Arthur said, grabbing Merlin’s arm to stop him from walking away. Merlin tried desperately not to think about the electricity that seemed to be emanating from that spot or how how badly he seemed to want to lean into the warmth of it. “Morgana didn’t tell me. I didn’t know until I saw you on the stage.”

Merlin turned to look at him. He wasn’t sure where this was going and was too scared to speak in case he read the situation incorrectly.

“As interfering and self-righteous as you are,” (Merlin bristled slightly at that), “you’re a bloody talented musician and I’d love to offer you the chance to record a demo at Excalibur Records. We can make further plans afterwards if it goes well.”

“I…” Merlin said, his head swimming with thoughts because beautiful, infuriating record executive prat, Arthur Pendragon, who Merlin had accidentally learned was into men and was _still_ holding his arm after a pretty charged moment during his set, had all but offered him his dream on a silver platter. “I… t-thank you. It’s…”

Merlin was distracted by the realisation that where Arthur’s hand was still wrapped around Merlin’s forearm, his thumb was stroking small circles on the bare skin there. He swallowed, wondering if Arthur knew he was doing it. Wondering if he was doing it on _purpose_. He searched Arthur’s face for a clue, sure that his own was advertising everything he felt, but he wasn’t sure what to make of the serious and determined look in his eyes.

“Am I interrupting something?” Elyan asked. Merlin whipped his head around as Arthur’s hand retracted as though Merlin had burnt him. Elyan tried to look suspicious and irked but Merlin could see by the twitch of his lips that he was deeply amused. “You’ve been gone a while, I was just checking to see you hadn’t got lost.”

“That was my doing, sorry,” said Arthur. “I was just telling Merlin that he should come and record a demo at Excalibur Records.”

“Really?” asked Elyan, his expression changing from secretly amused to genuine pride. “Actually, I’m not even surprised. Merlin is amazing.”

He didn’t know if it was possible to blush deeper, but he was sure he did.

“I’ll be in contact soon,” Arthur said, giving Merlin one final inscrutable look, before striding off into the crowd, leaving his almost full pint of beer behind.

“What did you do to him?” Elyan chuckled as the two of them watched his retreating back.

“I wish I knew, mate,” Merlin said.

 _God_ did he wish he knew.

 


	3. Excalibur Records

Merlin found himself continually surprised at how much things could change while also staying exactly the same.

Almost a month had passed since his performance at Mogue and Merlin’s online popularity had spiked dramatically. Even though he’d managed to build up a pretty decent following in the two years he’d been a full-time musician, it was nothing compared to what he had now. He now had websites and fan blogs and a number of twitter followers that became significantly higher every time he checked it.

Yet for all of the new interest in him, life hadn’t changed that much. He was still living his usual routine: wake up, shower, breakfast, respond to social media notifications, practice, lunch, practice, free time and gig (if there was one on the night). Sure, his social media took up a bit more of his time now and Gwen had been able to negotiate better pay for his gigs since he was now drawing so many people, but for the most part any dreams he had had about how his life would dramatically change post-Mogue were rapidly vanishing.

Apart from the sudden spike in fans, there were only three things that told Merlin that Mogue hadn't just been an incredibly vivid dream. The first was that Gwen’s mobile went off pretty much non-stop as she texted back and forth with Lance du Lac. Merlin took great joy in the silly grin she got on her face every time she saw his name pop up on her phone, and even greater joy in the “shut up, Merlin” she muttered every time she caught him smirking. The second thing was that Arthur Pendragon had texted him once or twice to apologise for the delay in getting back to him, that things had been a bit crazy at work and that he would definitely still be calling him to schedule a time for the demo. The texts were short, business-like and frustratingly gave him absolutely no explanation for what had happened between them that night at Mogue.

The third happened in the form of Ellie showing up on his doorstep one Wednesday morning.

He was in the middle of replying to a few of his followers on Twitter when he heard the knock on his door. Gwen was at work and Gwaine was still asleep, so he assumed it must be Elyan. Not many other people visited at ten-thirty on a weekday. He was so sure of his assumption that his heart almost stopped when he opened the door and saw Ellie standing there instead.

“Ellie!” he said, suddenly horribly aware that he was in frayed pajama bottoms and ratty old T-shirt that proclaimed ‘The Sound of Music: Ealdor Secondary School 2008’ (he was still proud of his performance as Friedrich).

“Sorry to intrude like this,” she said, fiddling with the strap of her handbag. It was only then Merlin noted the dried tear-tracks on her face and Merlin wondered with a horrible jolt if something had happened between her and Valiant. “I just need someone who isn't so… _involved,_ you know?”

Merlin didn't know, but invited her in just the same.

“What's happened?” he asked a few minutes later as he sat next to her in the living room and handed her a cup of tea. It occurred to him that, having only known him a few weeks, she might not readily want to discuss it with him, but he decided that asking showed concern and if she didn't want to talk he wouldn't press her. To Merlin’s surprise she immediately opened up.

“I don't know if you've seen – honestly it feels like everyone has – but there have been some… difficulties between Val and me,” Ellie said, taking a deep breath.

Merlin nodded. Headlines like _‘Wild Knight Out’_ and _‘Val and Ced Paint the Town Red’_ had been constantly splashed over tabloids and websites for the past two weeks, carefully documenting Valiant and Cenred’s sudden unexplainable string of benders. A number of articles also sported headlines that strongly suggested that Ellie and Valiant were on the verge of a breakup. He'd been forbidden from reading these by Gwaine who, in an uncharacteristic display of maturity, insisted that they violated Ellie’s privacy (“I mean, I know the man is a prick of epic proportions – especially after what you told me, Merlin – and if Ellie broke up with him it would no doubt do her the world of good, but imagine how shite it must feel to have your personal life splashed over the cover of a magazine.”). Merlin had to say he agreed with him, so he only knew the basics of her situation: that she and Valiant weren't happy.

“Er,” said Merlin, “I'd heard something to that effect, yeah.”

“Don’t tell anyone, but I'm honestly considering breaking up with him,” Ellie said, seriously. “He's never there when it’s important, he treats the people I care about like they're worthless and now he's in the papers every other day drinking his liver into a state and getting arrested and I just don't know what else to do. What should I do, Merlin?”

“Why are you asking me?” said Merlin, hoping the question didn't sound as rude as he thought it did.

“You're the most impartial person I can talk to,” Ellie replied, earnestly. “Everyone else either hates him or they'll want me stay with him for the sake of the Knights or the label and I can't base my decision on any of those things. Despite everything I do still love him and I don't want to end things if there's a chance we can sort this stuff out.”

“Well, to me it sounds like you’ve kind of already made up your mind,” Merlin said, taking a deep breath and wondering what tiny choice made in the past had caused the butterfly effect of him to giving relationship advice to a celebrity. “Look, I’m not going to pretend that I’m a huge fan of Valiant, but you know him better than I do. If there’s a reason you don’t want to say goodbye yet, maybe you should give him a second chance. That said, I would also make sure to think about why you want to give him that second chance. If so many of your friends dislike him, there may be something to that.”

Ellie nodded staring at the hallway on the other side of the living room as she ran her thumb absentmindedly across the ear of her mug.

“I just sometimes wish I could just have something _normal_ with someone,” she said. “I know it’s probably impossible especially now that everyone seems to have such an interest in my life, but I want something just... completely ordinary. I want to be with the guy who had to work up the nerve to ask me out over months and months of shy conversations or the guy who sees the book I’m reading and buys the same one just so he’ll have something to talk to me about. I want to be with the guy who flirts with me at the coffee shop or…”

Ellie trailed off, her eyes widening in shock. Merlin followed her gaze to see what had caused it and was amused and horrified to find Gwaine standing in the entrance of the hallway in just a pair of black boxer-briefs. He was staring back at Ellie with an equally horrified expression.

“Oh, er, Ellie, you remember Gwaine,” Merlin said, trying to catch Gwaine’s eye to convey that putting on clothes would probably be the best course of action at this point. He may as well have been looking at the bookshelf next to him for all the good it was doing. Gwaine’s eyes were firmly locked on Ellie’s

“I… yeah,” Ellie said, her face impossibly red. “We’ve met.”

“Ellie Godwyn,” said Gwaine, shaking himself out of his shock and pulling his face into its usual flirtatious grin. The feigned nonchalance he was aiming for was blemished by the slight crack in his voice as he said her name and the pink tinge to his cheeks. Merlin filed the image away to use at a time when it became funny and no longer made him want to melt with second-hand embarrassment. “I’ll just… clothes then, yeah?”

And without another word, he turned around and went back to his room.

There was a beat of silence in which Merlin determinedly looked anywhere but Ellie to give her a moment to process what had just happened and when he turned around to her, he found that while her cheeks were still pretty red, her eyes were no longer the size of saucers.

“A-anyway, I… what was I saying?” she asked, taking a sip of tea.

“You were talking about wanting a normal relationship,” Merlin helpfully supplied.

“Oh! Right, yeah normal,” Ellie said. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m so grateful for where I am and for the job I have and for the people I get to meet through it. I just… I kind of want something like what you have with Elyan.”

“Well actually, about that…” Merlin said, guilt twisting inside of him again at the lie. “Elyan and I broke up last week.”

“WHAT?” Ellie said, looking devastated. “And here I’ve been nattering away about my problems all morning. You poor thing! What happened? Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” said Merlin, feeling like the worst person in the world. Ellie’s problems actually _existed_. “We… he said something about me not being supportive enough of his interests. That he had some really big dreams and mine had gotten in the way.”

That part hadn’t been a lie. Percy Byland’s (admittedly magnificent) biceps, what Elyan described as “the most amazing smile in the world”, and Merlin’s subsequent sabotage of his chances with either of them had been the topic of choice between them since Mogue.

“Oh, Merlin,” said Ellie, placing a comforting hand on his forearm. “I'm so sorry he feels that way.”

“Thanks, Ellie,” said Merlin with a small smile, “but he's actually right. I’ve been a bit of a selfish prick. We were friends before though, and we're still friends now, so it's not the end of the world.”

If Elyan had had the kindness and decency to be the perfect fake boyfriend, he would have the kindness and decency to be the perfect fake ex.

“Well if you and Elyan couldn’t work it out, maybe that adorable down-to-earth love doesn’t actually exist,” said Ellie sadly. “Or maybe it does but only a few people get to find it. Like Leon and Morgana.”

“You could hardly call their lives normal,” said Merlin. “Morgana’s still in the spotlight all the time.”

“Yeah, but it’s not about that,” Ellie replied. “You can still be famous and have a normal healthy relationship. When you look at Leon and Morgana you can see that they do adorable things like make breakfast for each other, or leave each other cute sticky notes on the fridge. Val… Valiant does stuff like that when he remembers, but he makes it always seem like it’s a duty, something he’s just checking off his list.”

Merlin took Ellie’s hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

“Whatever you decide to do in the end, just don’t forget that you’re amazing, yeah?” he said. “You deserve that down-to-earth love with the breakfasts and cute sticky notes. Don’t settle for good enough.”

Ellie smiled, set down her mug and pulled Merlin into a warm hug.

“You’re a good friend, Merlin,” she said, rubbing his back comfortingly. “I hope you find that love too.”

“Oh no, _I_ don’t want a normal down-to-earth relationship,” Merlin replied as he pulled away to grin at her. “I want a crazy whirlwind media storm with paparazzi and a tabloid-dubbed nickname. You don’t perhaps happen to have Tom Hiddleston’s number, do you? I’m thinking ‘Merlom Hiddlerys’ might be a cute one.”

Ellie laughed so hard she ended up in hysterical tears and Merlin felt a faint sense of accomplishment at the sight. Once she had calmed down, he offered her more tea but she declined, saying that she was actually supposed to have been at the studio an hour ago.

“Arthur’s probably annoyed enough with me as it is,” she said, picking up her handbag and standing up. Merlin ignored the small backflip his stomach did when he heard Arthur’s name. “Better not give him more to be grumpy about.”

Merlin walked her to the door. They stood in the hallway outside the flat for a moment before Merlin cleared his throat.

“Listen,” he said, placing a hand on Ellie’s arm. “Whatever you decide to do with Valiant, whether you break up or give him another chance, just make sure that it’s _your_ decision and that you’re making it for _you_ and _your_ happiness, okay?”

“I will, Merlin,” she said, giving him one last hug. As she pulled away, Merlin noticed she was blushing again. “Um, tell Gwaine I said it was... nice seeing him again.”

“Will do,” Merlin grinned. Ellie smiled shyly and disappeared down the staircase.

“Did she say something about me?” Gwaine ambushed Merlin as soon as he walked back into the flat.

“She just said that it was nice seeing you again,” Merlin said, finding it impossible to keep a straight face at the look of bewildered happiness that spread over Gwaine’s.

“So I wasn’t imagining all that, right?” he asked. “She was definitely staring at me and blushing and all that?”

“No you weren’t imagining it, but I think most of her reaction had to do with the fact that you were stood there in naught but your pants. At _least_ pajama bottoms, mate, that was the agreement.”

“No, that’s the agreement when Gwen’s around,” said Gwaine, cheekily. “She’s at work and I hardly expected Ellie Godwyn to show up in our living room, did I?”

“Pajama bottoms!” Merlin repeated, turning to get himself more tea and chuckling at Gwaine’s huff of indignation.

* * *

 

Merlin was not prepared for Arthur’s call the next day.

Thursday nights were always quiet for Merlin. Gwen insisted that Merlin needed a consistent night off in the week, where she wouldn’t book any gigs and had decided Thursday would be that night.

This Thursday found him cuddled with Gwen on the couch watching a Nicholas Sparks monstrosity. Even though the movie was definitely more Gwen’s thing, Merlin kept having to explain what was happening with the plot because Gwen had missed half of it texting Lance. Merlin had accidentally glimpsed more wink emojis than he had ever thought was possible to use in a conversation and wondering if they were using them in place of ‘O’s proved a lot more entertaining than wondering whether Richard Gere and Diane Lane were going to survive the hurricane and fall in love.

Diane Lane was crying on a beach when Merlin felt his mobile buzz in his pocket. His heart raced when he saw Arthur’s name flash across the screen.

“Sorry, Gwen,” Merlin said, getting up. “Arthur’s calling, so I’m just going to go take it in my room.”

“Oh my god!” said Gwen excitedly. “Would you like me to pause the movie?”

“Nah, don’t worry about it,” Merlin said, silently thanking the gods of boredom for the chance to escape the beige hell for a while. “I won’t be long.”

He waited until his door was closed before pressing the ‘accept call’ button.

“Merlin, hello?” he said, heart hammering.

 _“So kind of you to answer,”_ said the posh voice on the other end. Merlin grinned despite himself.

“Well as difficult as it may be for you to believe, _Sire_ , not everyone sits around all day waiting for you to call.”

There was a strange sound from Arthur’s end and Merlin wasn’t sure if it had been a huff of annoyance or a laugh. He didn’t mind either way. Both reactions were delightful.

_“Look, sorry it’s taken so long to get back to you. Things at the office have been a bit… strained to say the least.”_

He had no doubt that they were. Between Valiant and Cenred’s antics and all the media craziness around Ellie and Valiant’s relationship, he was sure that the damage control had Arthur on his toes. He sounded completely exhausted. Merlin felt a little pang of tenderness for him.

“Hey, no worries,” Merlin replied, gentler than before. “You’re the one offering me this amazing opportunity. I’d wait for you forever.”

His face scrunched up in embarrassment as the words left his mouth and he strongly resisted the urge to throw himself onto his bed and bury himself under his pillows. The silence on the other end was deafening.

After what felt like a century, Arthur cleared his throat and replied.

_“Yes. Well. How about we shorten that time to a few hours? Can you get to Excalibur Records by noon tomorrow?”_

“Yeah, I reckon I can,” said Merlin, still cringing. _Gods_ how was he going to face him now?

“Good,” said Arthur. “I’ll… I guess I’ll see you then.”

“Yeah,” said Merlin, not sure what else to say.

_“Well, er, goodbye then.”_

“Goodbye, Arthur.”

He waited for Arthur to hang up, but the line was still active. After a moment or two, Merlin cleared his throat.

“Um, hello?”

_“Yes?”_

Merlin couldn’t help but chuckle a little.

“Night, Arthur.”

 _“Goodnight,”_ Arthur replied and this time he did hang up.

Ecstatic but frustrated, Merlin flopped down onto his bed. He hated that there was something about Arthur that made him act like a complete idiot, but more than that he hated that he didn’t know enough about Arthur to tell if the unexplainable things he did were because Merlin affected him in the same way or not. It was possible that all the weird stares and awkward silences were just completely normal behaviour for him.

Staring up at the ceiling, he pulled his fingers through his hair, took a deep breath and decided that tomorrow he would start over with Arthur – maybe get him coffee or something. Arthur had sounded like he needed it. Merlin was, above all else, trying to get his foot in the door in the music industry and impressions were important (even if they weren’t the first).

 _Yeah, that’s exactly why you’re trying to impress him,_ his mind supplied sarcastically. He didn’t appreciate it.

Eventually wrenching himself from his bed, he went back to the living room where Gwen was crying at the movie.

“Which one of them died?” Merlin sighed plonking down next to her again and giving her the least sympathetic smile of sympathy he had ever given anyone.

“Richard Gere,” Gwen said sadly, cuddling up next to him again. He rolled his eyes in amusement.

Noon couldn’t come soon enough.

* * *

 

“So does the fact that you bought Arthur coffee _specially_ mean that I don’t have to pretend to be in love with you today?” whispered Elyan with a cheeky grin as they walked through the front door and into the reception area of Excalibur Records. “Or are you planning to use me for some elaborate hard-to-get plot?”

“Listen, Smith. You offered me a lift here so that if you got the chance you could accidentally-on-purpose bump into Percy and I _graciously_ accepted that offer,” muttered Merlin, elbowing Elyan lightly. “Don’t make me send you home without so much as a hello.”

“You wouldn’t,” said Elyan, gasping dramatically. “How would you get home?”

“Same way I always do when my best mate’s annoying older brother doesn’t practically kidnap me for the chance to see his celebrity crush,” Merlin smirked. “The tube.”

Elyan chuckled and the two of them walked up to the reception desk. The receptionist was a pretty woman with light brown hair pulled into a professional ponytail. A scarlet name tag attached to her black blouse told them her name was Sophia Timor. She wore pearl earrings, a headset and an expression of thorough boredom.

As she stared into the distance, tapping her long french manicured nails on the desk in front of her, Merlin wasn’t sure if she had seen them or not so he rang the little bell that stood on the desk. This earned him a scathing look as she pointed at the headset, indicating that she was on a call. Merlin gulped. Elyan sniggered.

“Yes I am,” Sophia said, glaring at Merlin for a moment longer before staring off into the distance again. “Yes. No, it’s only been the last week or so... No, I’m definitely not suffering from any allergies.. Yes, I’m sure.. Yes, two of them… Yes… _Yes_ ... No… No, look, I appreciate that it’s your job to ask all these questions, but can I book an appointment for later today or not? That way both of us will know for sure, not so?... Alright then… Fifteen-thirty is perfect… A _pleasure_ doing business with you.”

Merlin thought her face looked the furthest thing from pleasure imaginable.

“Can I help you?” Sophia asked coldly and Merlin realised how dry his throat was.

“I… my name is Merlin Emrys? I have an appointment with Mr Pendragon at twelve?”

Sophia began clacking away at her keyboard.

“Emrys, you say?” she said. Merlin nodded. She wrote his name down on a piece of printed card, slipping it into a reusable name tag that she slammed onto the counter in front of him. “You can make your way up to the seventh floor.”

Merlin suddenly realised that Elyan probably wouldn't be able to go up with him and began to panic.

“Relax, Merl,” said Elyan, who had evidently come to the same conclusion. “You’ll be fine, I swear. I’ll just wait here until you’re done.”

Merlin was about to protest that he wasn’t about to let Elyan sit around and wait for him all day, when he was saved the bother by a vaguely familiar voice near the lifts.

“Elyan? Merlin?” it asked and the two of them turned to see Percy Byland striding towards them, beaming. Merlin was sure Elyan’s knees had gone a little weak. “What are you doing here?”

“Merlin’s recording a demo for Arthur,” Elyan said, recovering well from the initial shock of seeing Percy so suddenly, in Merlin’s opinion.

“Ah, brilliant!” said Percy, clapping a friendly hand on Merlin’s back and almost knocking the air out of him. “Arthur’s on the seventh floor. I’ll walk you two there.”

“Percy, the appointment was for Merlin Emrys _only_ ,” said Sophia, glaring at the two visitors as if she suspected them of planning an assassination.

“Relax, Soph,” said Percy. “I’m sure Arthur won’t mind if Merlin brings his boyfriend along for moral support.”

The sour look on Sophia’s face as they followed Percy to the lifts was hilarious, but also slightly terrifying. They waited until the doors of the lift closed before they burst into peals of laughter.

“Elyan isn’t my boyfriend, though, Percy,” Merlin said, once the laughter had subsided to small chuckles. “We broke up last week.”

“Oh no, really?” Percy said, whipping around to look at Elyan. “But you’re here with him and –”

“We were good mates before we got together and we’re still good mates now,” said Elyan with a shrug. “We just didn’t work as more than that. I offered him a lift here today so he’d have a friendly face around. He gets really stuck inside his own head when he’s nervous.”

“Ah, okay,” Percy replied, his eyebrows knitting together in thought.

“Thanks for getting me in, by the way,” said Elyan with a shy smile. “I would have waited out there for Merlin, but thank god I don’t have to sit there with Sophia all afternoon while she wonders if I’m about to blow the place up or something.”

“It was a pleasure,” said Percy with a chuckle. It was difficult to tell for sure, because Merlin didn’t know him very well, but there was something incredibly fond in the way Percy looked at Elyan.

Perhaps he hadn’t fucked anything up after all.

By the time they reached the seventh floor, Merlin’s heart was frantically trying to escape his chest again. He briefly wondered if it was too late to run, but he knew he would never forgive himself if he did. Instead he took a deep breath and followed Percy and Elyan down the corridor.

Merlin instantly loved Excalibur Records. Everything from the dark laminated wood flooring to the comfy-looking red sofas that dotted the hallway gave it a comfortable, homey feel, where Merlin had been expecting sleek, shiny and modern. He decided he could happily spend hours and hours here.

 _If this goes well, I might get to,_ he thought with a small smile.

“Arthur’s office is that one at the end of the hallway,” said Percy to Merlin.

“Thanks, Percy,” he replied, gripping the coffee cup in his hand a little tighter. He turned to Elyan. “Are you going to be okay to wait for me? You can go and come back later if you want. I’ll let you know when I’m done.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep him entertained,” Percy smiled, throwing an enormous arm around Elyan’s shoulders. Merlin could only speculate, but by the look on his face he was sure that Elyan had died a little at that. “I was about to head home for the day, but I think I’ll hang around now. I can show Elyan around the place and we’ll grab some lunch in the break room after. Sound like a plan?” he asked Elyan who nodded up at him eagerly.

“Okay then,” said Merlin, genuinely pleased for his friend. Elyan looked amazingly calm for someone he was sure felt like they were going to explode. “Have fun. I’ll catch up with you later.”

“Good luck, Merl. Gwen told me to tell you to ‘break some hearts’,” Elyan winked and Merlin smiled back gratefully. He watched the two of them walk down the corridor (Percy’s arm still over Elyan’s shoulders) before turning around and heading towards Arthur’s office door.

Nerves bubbled up inside of him as he knocked. There was no answer. He could hear what sounded like an argument coming from the office. It didn’t seem like a particularly heated argument, but it was definitely the same snippy tone Arthur had used that day at the French restaurant, now over a month ago.

Taking a deep breath, he knocked again (slightly louder this time) and the arguing stopped. He heard footsteps moving towards the door before it opened to reveal a tall man in a boxy grey suit. His dark hair was short and unattractively parted down the middle and there was a smugness to his demeanor that immediately set Merlin’s teeth on edge.

“Arthur, did you order a coffee?” he asked and Merlin was completely unsurprised to find that his voice was as annoying as his face.

“Not that I know of,” said Arthur. Merlin couldn’t see him because of the smarmy grey man, but he could hear him making his way to the office door. When he came into view, Merlin saw that he looked worse than exhausted – he looked _finished_ – and yet when he saw that it was Merlin standing there, his face lit up with a warm smile.

“Ah, Uncle Agravaine, I see my twelve o’clock has arrived,” he said. “Could we maybe continue this meeting later this afternoon?”

“As long as it’s before three,” said Arthur’s uncle. “I have an appointment at three-thirty.”

“I’ll make sure of it,” Arthur replied in a tone that made it clear that it was time for his uncle to leave. Merlin silently wondered if being serious and intimidating was a genetic trait in Arthur’s family. It certainly seemed that way.

His uncle directed a final superior look at Merlin before brushing past him to an office a few doors down. Merlin stared at the closed door for a few moments, thinking about how some people managed to be such arseholes all day and still function, when Arthur interrupted.

“Well are you going to come in or not?” Arthur asked with a smirk. “Honestly, _Mer_ lin, you're like a bloody cat.”

“I was just being polite, _Sire_ ,” Merlin countered, enjoying the vaguely annoyed way Arthur said his name. “I wouldn't want to intrude on His Majesty’s throne room or anything.”

“You're really strange, you know that?” Arthur asked as if he was concerned that Merlin genuinely didn’t know.

“Believe it or not, that's not the first time I've been told,” Merlin grinned sheepishly. Then remembering the coffee, he handed it to Arthur.

“I got this for you,” he said, a little amused at the confusion that suddenly flit across Arthur’s face. “Americano, one sugar. It might be a little on the lukewarm side now though, sorry. I got a little held up at the reception desk.”

“You got me a coffee?” Arthur asked with another of his inscrutable looks that Merlin was beginning to think were his trademark. “Why?”

“You sounded really tired on the phone last night,” Merlin explained, “and it's not surprising with everything going on with the Knights and Ellie, so I thought you might appreciate the pick-me-up. I… my friend Gwen – you know, Gwen, right? – she and Lance have been texting so I got her to find out your coffee order from him so I could bring it along. It’s kind of meant to be a peace offering. You know, start off fresh and all that.”

He seemed to have rendered Arthur speechless. Or perhaps Arthur wasn’t speechless, but was preparing the perfect string of words to tell him that buying someone coffee when you hardly knew them was weird. Maybe he’d made a huge mistake. Surely Arthur thought that this was trying too hard?

“I haven’t poisoned it or anything,” said Merlin, toying with the cuffs of his shirt.

“Well that’s exactly what someone who had poisoned my drink would say,” Arthur smirked. Then, after tipping the cup slightly to Merlin in gratitude, he took a sip. As Arthur’s eyes fluttered closed in pleasure, Merlin found he had to look away for a moment. He definitely didn’t need those confusing feelings showing up on his face. Arthur’s eyes opened again and this time he flashed Merlin the first proper smile he had ever seen him give – all crinkled eyes and slightly crooked teeth. The sight was breathtaking and Merlin realised with a jolt that he was _beyond_ fucked. “This is amazing. Thank you.”

“Y-you’re welcome,” said Merlin, trying to reign his heart in, but Arthur was taking another sip of coffee and the sight of his adam's apple bobbing up and down was incredibly lovely and distracting. The prat had somehow become The Adonis again in his mind and he wasn’t sure when that had happened. He just knew that it was a _very bad thing_.

“Although, you have sort of set a precedent now,” said Arthur, smirking. “If we sign you, I’m going to be expecting this every morning.”

“Are you always this demanding?” asked Merlin who, despite the sudden attack of confusing feelings, was unable to hide his grin at the thought that Arthur was already thinking about what would happen if he signed him. Merlin knew that the demo would be the deciding factor, but he was beginning to feel hopeful that the scales were tipped in his favour.

“Only always, Merlin,” he grinned, grabbing Merlin’s shoulder. “Now, let’s get you to Gaius so we can decide if we want you annoying us here all day everyday or not.”

Merlin let out a huff that he thought covered up the sigh that was threatening to escape him pretty nicely.

It was ridiculous. He was ridiculous and as soon as this day was over, he was going to get to the bottom of what was causing the ridiculousness.

Because he sure as hell did _not_ have a crush on Arthur Pendragon. No matter how gorgeous he was.

* * *

Arthur spent the short trip to the floor below telling him stories of how stubborn and intimidating the world-famous producer, Gaius Mason, was.

“He’s actually way too good to be exclusively on staff here,” Arthur explained as Merlin followed him out of the office. “He joined us about eight years ago, when Excalibur Records was just my pet project. Back then, I was still working for Avalon Records – that’s the label my mum started before she died. Excalibur had about five artists signed at the time and our producer, Cedric Crowe, oversaw most of everything because I was so busy with my other job. Gaius has always been a quick judge of talent and soon pointed out that Cedric wasn’t a particularly good producer, but no one else was willing to do the amount of work he did for the pay he got. To make up for the lack of skill, Gaius did a lot of work for us for a fraction of what he normally gets paid, and we managed to get by with our skeleton staff for a long while. When we signed Knights of Albion, Gaius told me that Excalibur was about to stop being a pet project and become the real thing and I that I would have to do two things: get rid of Cedric and make a choice between Excalibur and Avalon.”

“That couldn’t have been an easy decision,” said Merlin, as Arthur pressed the lift button.

“It wasn’t,” Arthur replied, stepping into the lift. Merlin followed. “It took me ages to make up my mind. In the end, it was Gaius that swayed me. He offered to work exclusively for Excalibur if I devoted myself to it and got rid of Cedric. I fought him on it for a while because my father and I disagreed about Excalibur records and I couldn’t offer Gaius what he was worth, but I realised that my father was never going to warm up to the idea of me having my own company and Gaius insisted that he’d made more than enough money in his lifetime, that what he really wanted was a new challenge. I still resisted for a while, but you’ll soon learn that Gaius is a stubborn old bastard and I eventually caved.”

“It’s a comfort to know that there’s at least one person who doesn’t let you have your way all the time,” grinned Merlin as the two of them made their way down a hallway on the sixth floor.

“Three,” Arthur said, pausing for a moment to look seriously at Merlin. There was a tense moment where it felt like the air had left his body, but then Arthur smiled again and carried on walking as if nothing had happened. Merlin paused to take a deep breath before following Arthur again. He began privately speculating as to who the other two people could be. He guessed Morgana was more than likely one of them. Agravaine was probably the other. “In any case, Gaius is certainly the person I owe the most to. Without him, Excalibur Records wouldn’t be what it is today, so he’s the only person I trust to do justice to your music.”

Merlin shuddered slightly as he remembered the way Arthur had looked at him during his Mogue set. Had his music really affected him that much?

Arthur stopped next to a door and by the brushed gold lettering beside it, he knew they had reached the studio. A red light above the door indicated that they were recording.

“We might have to wait a little while,” Arthur said, seating himself on one of the comfortable-looking red sofas and indicating for Merlin to join him. Merlin instantly obeyed, settling himself as close to the armrest as possible. He thought that he saw a smirk pass over Arthur’s face before he pulled his mobile out of his pocket, glared at it and collapsed back onto the couch, eyes closed. He pinched the bridge of his nose as if he had a headache coming on.

“Are you alright there?” Merlin asked, genuinely concerned.

“Better with a bit of coffee in my system, thanks.” He didn’t open his eyes, but he gave a small smile. It disappeared quickly and was replaced by creased eyebrows again. “It’s just… _things_.”

“Valiant Wright is a dick,” Merlin said, not even feeling ashamed about it. All the problems with Ellie and Arthur were Valiant’s fault one way or another.

“Strictly speaking, I shouldn’t be agreeing with you,” said Arthur, opening an eye to look at him, “but, Merlin, you don’t even know the half of it.”

Merlin wasn’t sure what to say to that. Instead he looked up at the red light wondering when it would switch off.

There was silence for a few minutes until Arthur spoke again.

“Are you seriously telling me that you’re not even a little bit curious about who’s recording in there?” he asked, sitting up to look at Merlin.

“Did I say I wasn’t?” Merlin replied, defensively.

“Well, you haven’t asked yet,” said Arthur. “Normally when greenies get here they can’t wait to find out who else might be here.”

“I now feel obligated _not_ to ask just to be contrary.”

Arthur laughed at that and Merlin found that he loved the sound. He definitely wanted to make that happen again.

After a few more moments of Arthur looking at him expectantly, Merlin gave in.

“Okay, why don’t you go ahead and tell me who it is since you’re apparently clearly so desperate for me to know?” he said.

“Nope, can’t tell you now,” Arthur smirked. “Your window of opportunity has passed.”

“You’re such a prat, you know that?” said Merlin, rolling his eyes.

“Well, you’re the idiot who fell for it,” Arthur countered.

“Arsehole”

“Bastard.”

“Twozzle.”

“You called me that at the restaurant,” said Arthur. He didn’t sound angry or accusatory, just curious.

“I… yeah I reckon I did,” Merlin said. “Gwaine and I often have friendly sniping matches that usually end in some pretty creative use of the English language. I keep my favourites. ‘Twozzle’ is one of them.”

“Gwaine’s the one from the restaurant, right?” asked Arthur. “Not your boyfriend from Mogue?”

“Right,” said Merlin. “Although, Elyan isn’t my boyfriend anymore. We, er… we broke up.”

“Oh. Sorry,” said Arthur, looking taken aback. There was a beat of silence before Arthur spoke again. “It wasn’t because of… at the bar I…did he think–?”

“Nah, Elyan’s not like that,” interrupted Merlin. “We just realised we’re better off as mates.”

“Oh, okay then,” Arthur said. The easy banter between them seemed to have evaporated with the mention of Elyan and they once again sat in silence. After a while, Arthur sighed and began replying to messages on his mobile, while Merlin’s stomach began broiling with nerves again. Their conversation had been keeping them at bay, but now there was nothing to distract him.

Thankfully, it wasn’t long after that that the studio door opened. Arthur put away his phone.

In the doorway stood an old man with longish white hair, the most amazing tattoo sleeves Merlin had ever seen and a raised eyebrow that looked like it could kill if aimed in the right direction. He realised that this must be the producer, Gaius Mason.

“Arthur, instead of lazing about, why don’t you bring your friend inside and get some work done for a change,” he said, eyebrow raised dangerously in the blond’s direction.

Merlin instantly liked him.

“Gaius, if you insist on being this insubordinate I’m going to have to let you go,” Arthur said. His tone was serious, but Merlin could see the corners of his mouth twitching upwards.

“You say that like it wouldn’t be a relief at this point,” Gaius said, rubbing his temple. He dropped his hand to look at Arthur again. “You look like you could do with being sacked yourself.”

“Don’t tempt me,” Arthur smiled, then beckoning Merlin to stand next to him, he introduced them. “Merlin Emrys, Gaius Mason; Gaius Mason, Merlin Emrys.”

“Pleased to meet you,” Merlin said, shaking his hand.

“And you,” Gaius replied, his face softening into a friendly smile. “You’re the one who sang with Ellie on Snoo, not so?”

“‘Snoo’ is Excalibur Records speak for _Saturday Night Unplugged_ ,” Arthur explained. “Kay started it and it’s just sort of stuck.”

“I see,” Merlin chuckled. “Yeah, that’s me.” Gaius nodded approvingly, before clapping his hands together.

“Well as lovely as this hallway is, Mithian and Helios have just finished, so you’d better start getting ready.”

Merlin thrilled inside. Princess Mithian, a pop singer, was at the absolute top of his list of guilty pleasure music. Gwen and Merlin had even invented a dance routine to her song “Marry for Money” one drunken night at university. He wasn’t as familiar with the rapper, Helios, but he didn’t mind it when his songs played on the radio every now and then. The fact that he was about to record a song in the same studio they had just recorded in was completely bizarre and wonderful.

He caught Arthur’s eye and grinned cheekily.

“If that’s your ‘I Win’ face because you found out who’s in the studio without me having to tell you,” said Arthur, trying to sound annoyed but not quite masking the smile in his voice, “I’ll have you know that you were always going to end up seeing who it was and that makes it a hollow victory.”

“I’m just smiling,” said Merlin, throwing up his hands defensively. “But now that you mention it, is it Princess Mithian featuring Helios or Helios featuring Princess Mithian?”

“Shut up, _Mer_ lin,” came the amused reply.

* * *

It had been a tough few hours, but Merlin cried when he heard the finished product a few hours later.

He was sure most of it had to do with his shot nerves and the other part was a combination of the amount of information he had just absorbed and the intensity of the work he’d done over the past few hours. Gaius had Merlin sing both songs almost a dozen times, re-record certain parts, record harmonies over other parts and record harmonies for his guitar. It was the most intense two and a half hours of music Merlin had ever experienced and he'd had to face most of it alone as Arthur had left to reconvene his meeting with Agravaine halfway through.

Whatever the reason, the minute Alator, the sound engineer, had switched on the finished version of ‘Synthetic’, Merlin had been unable to stop the lump in his throat or the proud tears that stung his eyes. He wiped them away embarrassedly when he realised Gaius was watching his reaction with a fond smile.

“There's nothing to be ashamed of, Merlin,” he said. “Most artists get emotional when they hear their songs put together for the first time. At least you've saved it for now. We've had people sob inconsolably in the middle of recording before. Remember Catrina, Al? What a nightmare.”

“She didn’t last long,” Alator added seriously.

Merlin smiled and wiped his eyes on his sleeve. Gaius had a strange way of being incredibly intimidating while at the same time being completely kind and reassuring and Merlin loved that about him. He was looking forward to working with him in the future.

If he got signed, that is.

He pulled his hands down his face, taking a deep breath as he did. When he looked up again, he found Gaius considering him with a raised eyebrow.

“You’re going to have to stop doubting yourself if we’re to have any hope of working together properly,” he said, and Merlin wondered briefly if that eyebrow gave him the power to read minds.

“Well, that all depends on Arthur, doesn’t it?” Merlin replied.

“It does,” said Gaius, sternly, “but if that young man knows what’s good for him, he’ll sign you without a second thought.” Merlin couldn’t stop his smile at that and Gaius grinned back. “Now, Al is about to hand you a disc and a flash drive. The disc is for you and the flash drive is to take up to Arthur. You’re going to have to go quickly because he’s been texting me for the last twenty minutes to send you back so you can save him from his meeting with Agravaine.”

“Duly noted,” Merlin chuckled. He collected the objects from Alator, thanking him as he did and Gaius walked him towards the studio door.

“Thanks for today, Gaius,” said Merlin, pausing to look at him. “It means a lot to me to be working with someone of your talent and skill.”

“I could say the same about you,” Gaius replied with a smile, clapping Merlin on the back. “Now go tell that little shit upstairs that I say he has to sign you or I quit.”

“Will do,” Merlin grinned and practically jogged to the elevator. He passed Lance on the seventh floor and responded to his polite “Hi, Merlin” with a shy wave.

By the time he reached Arthur’s office again, he was slightly out of breath from speed-walking most of the way. The door was open this time and Merlin could see that whatever he and Agravaine were discussing had Arthur quietly fuming. Just as he was about to knock, Arthur looked up and caught his eye with a look of relief.

“Merlin,” he smiled, cutting Agravaine’s sentence short. “Please come in, my uncle was just leaving.”

“ _Arthur,_ ” Agravaine practically growled. “We haven’t finished talking about what we’re going to do about Valiant yet.”

“I trust the recording went well?” Arthur said, pointedly ignoring his uncle and gesturing for Merlin to take a seat opposite him. Merlin obeyed, trying not to laugh at the way Agravaine spluttered indignantly. “Gaius didn’t give you too hard a time did he?”

“It went really well thanks,” said Merlin, handing Arthur the flash drive. “He’s tough, but he gets his results.”

“So you’re telling me that when I listen to this you’re actually going to sound halfway decent?” Merlin rolled his eyes and Arthur smirked, slipping the flash drive into a port in his keyboard. He clicked around a bit and Merlin guessed that he was loading the files.

“Wait, was this boy here to record a _demo_?” said Agravaine, incredulously. Arthur paused his clicking to look at him.

“Yes, Uncle,” Arthur replied, his expression thoroughly unimpressed. “ _Merlin_ opened for Ellie at Mogue a few weeks back and I asked him to come and record for us so I could see if there was potential. Last time I checked, that’s what this company did.”

“Arthur do you really think that’s wise with things as they are at the moment?” asked Agravaine quietly, taking a step closer to Arthur’s desk. “You know as well as I do the state this label is in. Signing new people when things are so rocky is completely reckless.”

“That may be,” said Arthur, just as quiet, “but at the end of the day, this is my company, you are my employee and right now you’re interrupting my very important business meeting.”

In Merlin’s opinion, if there was ever a moment that warranted unironic applause, this was it. Arthur’s face was set with steely determination that wouldn’t have been out of place on the face of a king about to lead his knights into battle.

Agravaine huffed a derisive laugh and made his way to the door.

“It’s just about time for me to leave for my appointment anyway,” he said as he reached for the handle. Then, after fixing Merlin with a stare that made his insides curdle, he turned his eyes to Arthur again. “He’s a pretty one, Arthur, there’s no doubt about it, but I thought you’d learned your lesson about making decisions with your eyes. Remember what happened with Mordred Jones.”

With a final smirk at the slight crack in Arthur’s cold gaze, Agravaine stepped out of the office, slamming the door behind him.

There was silence as the two of them stared at the closed door. The air was thick with things Merlin could say, but he still didn’t know Arthur well enough to tell which would diffuse the tension or add to it.

“Agravaine is my uncle and I respect him, but he can be a proper dick sometimes,” Arthur eventually said, and the break in the silence was a relief to Merlin. “Look, I’ve told everyone here and I guess you know too now. I’m gay, but it’s not public knowledge so keep it to yourself, alright?”

Merlin wanted to ask why the fuck Arthur would respect anyone who would purposefully out him in front of a relative stranger like that, family or not, but fought against it. Instead, he looked seriously at Arthur.

“I won’t breathe a word,” he said and Arthur inclined his head before returning to the computer.

“I’m going to be listening to this with my headphones for a moment, if that’s alright with you?” Arthur asked and Merlin nodded. He took out his mobile to let Elyan know that he had finished recording, but mostly to avoid looking at Arthur. He didn’t think he could handle seeing his reaction, even if it was positive.

After what felt like an eternity, Merlin saw Arthur remove the headphones and slide a folder across the desk towards him.

“This is your contract,” he said, and Merlin’s heart beat so fast it felt like it was trying to escape his body. “Take it home with you, go over it with Gwen and bring it back as soon as possible so we can negotiate terms if necessary. I think you have a lot to offer Excalibur Records and I’m keen to get started as soon as possible. And for god’s sake don’t _cry_ about it.”

“I'm not crying,” Merlin said, indignantly, struggling to see Arthur through the haze of his joyful tears. “It’s an allergic reaction to being around such a massive prat for an extended period of time.”

Arthur threw his head back in laughter and Merlin’s heart clenched painfully at how beautiful it was. Realising he needed to leave before he said anything really stupid, Merlin stood and held out a hand for Arthur to shake, thanking him again for the opportunity.

“You’re welcome,” said Arthur, shaking Merlin’s hand. His grip was firm and assured and Merlin tried not to think too much about how rough his knuckles felt or how the tips of his fingers were a little bit cold. “I’m looking forward to working with you.”

“You too,” Merlin said, sure from the heat in his cheeks that he was blushing. Arthur let go of his hand and Merlin made his way to the door, hoping the ground would swallow him before he got there.

“Oh, Merlin? One more thing,” Arthur said, just as Merlin reached for the handle. He turned to look at Arthur whose eyes were glinting in amusement. “I wasn’t joking about the coffee.”

“We’ll see,” Merlin replied, and in a sudden rush of daring, he winked at Arthur, closing the door before he could see his reaction.

_What has gotten into you, Emrys?_

Following Elyan’s instructions, Merlin managed to find the break room where Elyan and Percival were deep in conversation. Merlin allowed himself a moment to enjoy how happy Elyan looked before interrupting them.

“So did he sign you or what?” Elyan asked, standing up as soon as he spotted Merlin.

“No,” Merlin replied sadly, feigning disappointment before grinning again, “but I have a contract that I have to go over with Gwen at home and _then_ I’ll be signed.”

“I knew it!” Elyan yelled, pulling Merlin into a hug like only the Smith siblings could give. “God, I’m so proud of you, you absolute arse.”

“Cheers, mate,” Merlin laughed.

“Welcome to the Ex Rex family,” Percy grinned, and this time Merlin was prepared as he gave Merlin another almighty clap on the back. “C’mon then. I’ll see the two of you to your car.”

Merlin felt like he was walking on air as they made their way down to the reception area again. His dreams were actually coming true. He was actually clutching a contract to record albums for a real record label; no more shady pubs, no more bar-fights in the middle of his set, no more beer instead of tips in his guitar case.

He was in such a good mood that he was even a little bit annoyed to see that Sophia had left for her appointment already. He would have loved the chance to gloat.

When they reached Elyans red, beat-up old Toyota, Percy gave Merlin an awkward hug and gave Elyan a hug that was only slightly less awkward, but did last a fraction longer than most normal hugs did. Merlin grinned. He loved it when things worked out.

The minute Elyan drove around the corner after Percy waved them off, he leaned over and planted a kiss on Merlin’s cheek. The car swerved a little as he did.

“Oh my god, El, eyes on the road!” Merlin said, reaching for his seatbelt.

“I have never loved you more for being a talented sod than I do right now,” Elyan said, beaming. “I just spent three glorious hours with Percy Byland, he put his arm around me and we swapped numbers. Consider all your debts cancelled.”

“What, I get to keep my Xbox?” laughed Merlin.

“I prefer PlayStation anyway,” Elyan grinned back.

Merlin was sure that if it was possible to die from happiness, Gwen would be planning his funeral already. Never, in all his life, had so many things gone right in such a short span of time.

Which is why it shouldn’t have been all that surprising when everything started to go wrong.


	4. Damage Control

The morning after Merlin’s demo at Excalibur Records started with him walking into the kitchen to see Gwaine miserably slumped at the breakfast bar, staring at his phone as if it had betrayed him in someway.

“You alright there, mate?” Merlin asked, stretching to get a box of cornflakes from the cupboard. He was still in an obnoxiously good mood because of the events of the day before.

“I guess,” said Gwaine miserably. “My director texted us all this morning. They’ve cancelled performances until further notice.”

“What?” Merlin said, almost dropping the cereal. “Why would they do that? I thought it was going really well.”

“So did I,” said Gwaine. “Apparently it has something to do with Vivian, but I haven’t been brave enough to face the Internet.”

“Do you mind if I do?” asked Merlin, all thoughts of breakfast abandoned. Gwaine made a ‘be-my-guest’ gesture and a few moments later, Merlin had powered up his laptop and was scouring the news for any sign of Vivian’s name. He didn’t have to look for long.

“Holy shit on a cloud,” Merlin said, eyes wide as he stared at the picture that accompanied the article. Although it had been blurred in parts, he was looking at a photo of what was very clearly Vivian Olafsson, Valiant Wright and Cenred King, naked and pretzeled together in the back of a large black Range Rover in the middle of a car park. The headline above the picture said _‘Rapunzelle And The Knights Get Tangled Up’._

“What is it? Is it bad?” Gwaine asked, sitting up.

“It’s probably about as bad as it gets,” said Merlin with a grimace, “especially considering she’s starring in a play aimed primarily at children.”

Gwaine jumped off his stool and scrambled to stand behind Merlin to see what he was talking about. It was the first time Merlin had ever seen him go pale.

“It’s over,” he said. “She’s killed the show. There’s no way we’re coming back from this.”

“Hey, you don’t know that,” Merlin said, pretty sure he was bullshitting himself. “They may just fire her and get on with it again.”

“She’s starkers in public with two men wrapped around her, Merlin!” said Gwaine, pulling his fingers through his hair. “When was the last time you saw that happen? Oh yeah, that’s right, NEVER because usually celebrities aren’t this fucking stupid! This is going to be talked about for ages! Everyone is going to associate the show with her name! There’s no way they’re not going to pull the show.”

He sat down heavily on a stool looking uncharacteristically defeated. Merlin didn't know what to say so he sat down on the stool next to his and placed a comforting hand on his back. A second later, Gwen shuffled into the kitchen. She blearily yawned as she tied her hair into a haphazard bun.

“I hope the two of you have a good reason for making so much noise on my Saturday morning?” she said, folding her arms across the Knights of Albion t-shirt she used as a night shirt.

“Sorry, Gwen,” said Merlin, throwing a concerned look at Gwaine who now had his face planted on the breakfast bar. “Gwaine’s just heard that _Rapunzelle_ has been cancelled until further notice.”

“What? No way!” said Gwen, uncrossing her arms. “How did that happen?”

Merlin pointed at the laptop and Gwen pulled it towards her. There was a horrified gasp when she realised what she was looking at.

“Oh my god,” she said as she looked up at Merlin, “but that's –”

“Vivian Olafsson, Valiant Wright and Cenred King making the beast with three backs?” Merlin supplied. Gwaine groaned pitifully, voice muffled against the bar counter.

“That's…” said Gwen, looking at Gwaine with concern to match Merlin's, “that's… ice-cream...”

“Ice-cream?” asked Merlin as Gwen began rummaging in the freezer. She pulled out a box of gluten-free waffles and opened it to reveal a carton of Ben and Jerry’s.

“I realise that I’ve just given away my emergency ice-cream hiding spot,” she said, grabbing a spoon from the cutlery drawer and placing it next to the carton in front of Gwaine, “but, you know, desperate times and all that. I know it doesn’t fix everything, but at least ice-cream for breakfast is one thing you can say went right for you today.”

This is why Merlin loved his best friend. Merlin never knew what to do in these situations, but Gwen was always prepared with a plan. Merlin didn’t know many people who kept emergency ice-cream in the freezer on the off-chance that one of her friends hit a rough patch and he was grateful that he had one in his life.

Gwaine picked up the spoon and opened the carton. After a few spoonfuls he was smiling again.

“I’m convinced you were a witch in another life,” said Merlin.

“How do you know I’m not a witch in this life?” she asked with a grin and a quirk of her eyebrows. “I’ve been taking a Hogwarts correspondence course. Go Hufflepuff.”

“Okay, looking on the bright side, I’m having my first Saturday off in nearly three months,” said Gwaine after swallowing a spoonful of ice-cream so large that Merlin wasn’t sure how he didn’t have brain freeze. “What do you free people usually get up to and can I join you?”

“I don’t really have anything in mind for today, so whatever you want to get up to, mate,” shrugged Merlin.

“Coffee at Mogue?” Gwaine asked. “What do you think, Gwen? Do you have other ideas?”

“I… I’m already going for coffee with Lance,” she said, blushing furiously and going quieter with each word so that they could only just make out what she was saying.

“WHAT?!” both Merlin and Gwaine exclaimed. Gwaine’s spoon dropped out of his hand and into his ice-cream with a soft splat.

“Lance asked me to go for coffee with him,” she said, fiddling with the hem of her t-shirt. “It’s not a date or anything though. He just thinks there’s only so much you can get to know about someone over text.”

“Yeah, like the taste of her lip balm,” Gwaine grinned, crossing over to Gwen and throwing an arm around her. “Oh Gwenny my lass, this is definitely a date.”

“It’s not though,” she said looking up at Merlin for an answer, “is it?”

“Judging by the number of wink emojis you exchanged the other night I’m going to have to side with Gwaine on this one,” Merlin replied, seriously, before his face broke into a massive grin. “Look at you seducing the lead singer of one of the biggest bands in the world.”

“I didn’t seduce him,” she said, without much of a fight. She was grinning as wide as the other two. A moment later, however, her face fell.

“What’s wrong?” asked Gwaine.

“This… the photo. It’s his bandmates; they’re probably going to be so busy trying to fix everything,” she said. “I don’t think we’ll be going out after all.”

Without a word, Gwaine grabbed another spoon, handed it to Gwen, sat down and slid the Ben and Jerry’s carton closer to the open stool next to him. Gwen sat down and began tucking into the ice-cream, looking disappointed.

“If it doesn’t happen now, it’ll happen another time, Gwen” said Merlin, getting up to make tea for the three of them. “I saw how he looked at you that night. He definitely fancies you. And if worse comes to worst, the invitation to celebrate Gwaine’s first Saturday off in ages with us still stands.”

Gwen smiled softly, sliding the ice-cream closer to Gwaine so he could have another spoonful.

He was just adding milk to the tea when his phone buzzed on the counter where he had left it. Quickly stirring Gwen and Gwaine’s mugs and setting them in front of the two of them on the breakfast bar, he grabbed his mobile to check who it was. It was Ellie.

“Hey Ellie,” he said, screwing the cap back onto the milk one handed and putting it back in the fridge. Gwaine sat up a little straighter on his stool.

 _“I broke up with Valiant,”_ came the sniffly voice from the other end of the phone.

“I want to say ‘oh no’ and ‘that’s a shock’, but I saw the photo,” said Merlin. “Did you go see him?”

 _“No, I did it over the phone,”_ she said shakily. _“Look, I’ll tell you everything in a bit, just.. can you perhaps come over? It’s alright if you have plans. It’s just... Vivian was supposed to be my friend and I don’t actually know who I can trust at the moment. I do trust you though.”_

“I’ll be there in a little bit,” said Merlin, pouring his tea down the sink as he said it. “I won’t be able to stay for too long though. Gwaine’s life’s also been shaken up a little and I promised him we’d go for coffee at Mogue today.”

 _“Oh no! No please don’t change your plans for me,”_ said Ellie, sounding horrified. _“No seriously go have coffee. I’m fine.”_

“Ellie, I can hear you’re not fine,” said Merlin. “I’m going to come over now with two huge slices of that amazing Mogue cheesecake, I’m going to make you a good cup of tea and we’re going to have a great time talking about what a prick Valiant is, alright? I even have a dartboard if you want to throw darts at photos of him.”

Ellie huffed a laugh through her tears.

“I’ll be there in about half an hour,” he assured her.

When the call ended Merlin glanced at Gwaine who was looking at him expectantly, spoonful of ice-cream paused halfway to his mouth.

“Ellie broke up with Valiant,” Merlin explained. “I had no idea, but apparently she and Vivian are friends and she doesn’t know who to trust right now. I’m going to go over to hers for a while, but she’s just around the corner from Mogue, so I’ll meet you there around lunchtime alright?”

“Yeah, that's fine,” said Gwaine, nodding. “I'll catch up with you then. It sounds serious.”

Merlin nodded and looked at Gwen.

“Let me know what happens with you and Lance, yeah?” he said with a small smile. “If things are too crazy for him to hang out today, the Mogue offer still stands.”

“Thanks, Merlin,” Gwen smiled back. “I’m about to message him to ask him if the rest of the band is alright, so I'll know in a bit.”

Merlin ducked out of the kitchen to get dressed at breakneck speed. After practically running out the door, literally running to the train station, hopping off near Mogue, doing the hastiest pastry purchase of all time and sprinting all the way to Ellie’s flat, Merlin stood at her front door only three minutes later than he said he'd be.

He had barely knocked before he was nearly thrown backwards off the doorstep by the sheer force of Ellie’s hug. She was sobbing into his shoulder and all Merlin could do was hold her, stroking her back comfortingly. Then, vaguely aware that standing in the front door was pretty public and that there were bound to be paparazzi around after the crazy car park story, Merlin pulled away.

“How about I get you that tea now?” he said and Ellie nodded. He put an arm around her and the two of them made their way inside.

As Merlin closed the door behind them, he hoped he’d just imagined what looked like someone ducking behind a parked car on the other side of the street. The last thing he wanted to do was make this worse for Ellie than it already was and he had the sinking feeling that it was already too late.

* * *

“You should come with us to Mogue,” said Merlin an hour or two later, as he gathered his things to leave. “It’ll be good for you to get out for a while and I’m sure Morgana would make sure that no one bothered you.”

Ellie, who was by no means alright, was slightly better after a few cups of tea and the best cheesecake that Merlin had certainly ever tasted. Merlin didn’t want to leave her alone with her thoughts just yet and she and Gwaine would distract each other for a while.

“I… actually yeah, that sounds fun,” she said with a small smile. “You’re sure I won’t be intruding?”

“Nah, Gwaine will be over the moon,” said Merlin, smiling back at her. “He’s still upset that he had to miss out on that _Saturday Night Unplugged_.”

“Okay, well only if you’re sure,” said Ellie and Merlin sighed in feigned exasperation. Ellie laughed at that. “I won’t be a minute.”

She didn’t take long to get ready and as Ellie reversed Grunhilda out of the garage a few minutes later, Merlin glanced across the road again. This time he very clearly caught the bright reflection off of a camera lens.

“ _Shit,_ ” he muttered to himself, heart racing. He climbed into the Mini as calmly as possible, fighting the urge to yell at them all to leave Ellie the fuck alone. It would only make matters worse. He turned to Ellie as he fastened his seat belt. “Ellie, don’t look now, but there are photographers across the road behind the cars there. I’m pretty sure they got one of me standing in the driveway waiting for you and I have a feeling they got one of us hugging earlier too.”

“Oh shit,” said Ellie, eyes widening. “I mean, I guess I should have realised, but still. Shit.”

“You’ve got that right,” said Merlin, chancing a glance at the cars again. The photographer wasn’t even bothering to hide anymore, standing as he snapped pictures of Ellie’s car as she sped down the street.

“Oh god, sorry, Merlin,” said Ellie, a guilty look crossing her features. “I shouldn’t have asked you to come over. Now you’re all caught up in this craziness.”

“Hey, don’t worry about it,” said Merlin, giving her a reassuring smile when she glanced his way. “It’s a bit… concerning, I’m not going to lie, but at the end of the day you’re my friend and you needed me. It was an easy choice to make.”

Merlin was briefly concerned that Ellie was going to cry again (he had no idea how to comfort her in the tiny car) but she just worried her bottom lip between her teeth, eyes determinedly fixed on the road. They were in silence for the rest of the short trip.

“I’m going to apologise in advance for Gwaine,” said Merlin as Ellie parked at the back of the building like she had the day of Saturday Night Unplugged. “He’s usually pretty unpredictable and he was more upset this morning than I’ve ever seen him. So there’s no telling what could happen.”

“I’m sure I’ll survive it,” Ellie smiled. “Nothing could be as awkward as the last time I saw him, right?”

Merlin was about to argue that it was _Gwaine_ and he seemed to have a talent for creating awkward situations, but Ellie was already walking into Mogue and he decided that it wasn’t his fault if things were uncomfortable for Ellie later. He had enough problems to take care of that day.

* * *

Merlin been anticipating awkward silences. He’d been anticipating uncomfortable conversation.

What he hadn’t anticipated was the near immediate venting session that started when Gwaine and Ellie realised that their days had been ruined by the same thing.

“Wait a minute, you’re the prince in _Rapunzelle_?” Ellie asked when Gwaine mentioned the play being put on hold because of the scandal. “I took my little cousin to see it recently but I didn’t see you. I would have remembered.”

She ended the sentence quietly, a faint blush to her cheeks. Gwaine looked at her curiously for a moment before shaking his head.

“It might have been one of the nights I lost my voice and my understudy had to fill in,” he said, “but yeah, I’m the prince. Or was the prince. I don’t know, Vivian’s kind of cocked everything up.”

And that had been that. For the next hour or so Merlin was a simply a spectator to Gwaine and Ellie’s cathartic stream of complaints. They ranted about everything from The Car Park Incident through to Vivian’s ridiculous hippie diets, both resolutely ignoring the stares they were getting from the tables around them.

Merlin couldn’t help but catalogue every little glance their way. Even though he’d been getting noticed more since Ellie’s _Saturday Night Unplugged_ , he wasn’t yet used to being in the public eye. Being stared at by complete strangers was a weird and foreign phenomenon and Merlin wasn’t sure how he felt about it.

He was so lost in his thoughts that it took him a moment or two to realise that one of the people looking at their table was Arthur. He was standing at the bar with Leon looking (if it were possible) more tired than the day before, clutching the cup of coffee in his hand like it was a lifeline and staring right at Merlin. Realising that he’d caught Merlin’s eye, he jerked his head slightly and Merlin took that to mean ‘come here’.

“I’ll be back in a bit,” he said to the other two who were so engrossed in their venting session that they didn’t even hear him.

“Thanks, Leon, I’ll keep that in mind,” Merlin heard Arthur say to Leon who, upon noticing Merlin, nodded and walked off to check on the people at the table nearest them.

Arthur took a sip of coffee, looking at Merlin seriously as he did.

“You’re very talented at making life difficult for yourself, you know that?” he said after a while.

“How so?” Merlin asked.

“It’s the morning after this huge scandal and you come to one the most famous coffee shops in the world with Valiant Wright’s girlfriend and the male lead from Vivian Olafsson’s show.” Arthur took another sip of his coffee. “You’re either really brave or incredibly stupid.”

“Okay firstly, Gwaine and I have been mates since uni so of course I’m out with him trying to cheer him up,” said Merlin, feeling strangely defensive. “Secondly, Ellie called me this morning because she broke up with Valiant and she needed a friend, so here we are.”

“Morgana said that you and Ellie arrived together,” Arthur said. It wasn’t a question, but it felt like one.

“I went to her place this morning to cheer her up,” Merlin explained.

“ _Jesus_ ,” said Arthur, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Did you at least have the good sense to not get caught by the paparazzi?”

“Er…”

“Like I said: an extraordinary talent for making life difficult for yourself.” Arthur took another sip of his coffee and Merlin wondered if it was even touching sides.

“You didn’t say it was ‘extraordinary’ before,” he replied with a cheeky grin and to his immense satisfaction Arthur smiled back.

“I’m actually glad I bumped into you, Merlin,” he said, taking a deep breath as if steeling himself to say something big. Merlin’s heart leapt into his throat. “I know on Friday I said... but I mean things have changed and it’s too much now and I…”

“What are you saying?” Merlin asked, not liking the turn the conversation was taking.

“I can’t sign you after all,” Arthur said, suddenly unable to meet Merlin’s eye. “With all of this happening we’re going to have to void Valiant and Cenred’s contracts and we’re halfway through recording an album that I don’t even know is going to happen now because of this. I won’t have time to focus on yours. I’m not going to let you fall through the cracks, though. First thing tomorrow morning I’m going to send your demo to Bayard McKenzie at Mercia Records. If he has any taste he’ll sign you in a heartbeat.”

“I don’t want to be signed with Mercia though,” said Merlin, embarrassed even as he said it. Being signed anywhere in this industry was a blessing and he shouldn’t be turning up his nose at it. It was just difficult to not feel a sinking disappointment when he realised that he wouldn’t be working with Gaius or Alator or Arthur. Mostly Arthur.

He forced that thought to the back of his mind.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Merlin,” said Arthur, draining the last of his coffee, still not looking at him. “If anything you’d be better off there. Mercia is a massive company with almost unlimited funding. It could do way more for you than I ever could.”

Merlin knew he couldn’t and shouldn’t argue, but his daydreams of smiling spitefully at Sulky Sophia every morning on his way up to the studios and of hanging out with Ellie during his breaks and setting a cup of coffee on Arthur’s desk every morning were rapidly vanishing.

He was just silently lamenting the loss of not being able to spy on Percy Byland for Elyan when it hit him.

“Arthur, what if I could fix the Knights for you?” He said and Arthur’s eyes locked with his again.

“Merlin, I don’t think you realise how beyond reason Valiant and Cenred are at this point,” he replied with a frown. “If you think they’re going to listen to you then I –”

“Not them, you dollophead,” Merlin interrupted. “Look, I have a potential solution and even though I know it’s ridiculous to ask you to trust me, I’m sure it will work.”

“I do trust you,” said Arthur earnestly. Merlin was temporarily disarmed again, gaping stupidly at Arthur, who shook his empty cup. “Look, why don’t I let you buy me another one of these and you can talk me through this plan of yours. I will have no issues pointing out if it’s a stupid idea, I assure you.”

“I… alright then,” Merlin said, glancing over to where Elena was laughing at whatever Gwaine had just told her. He selfishly hoped that Vivian had actually managed to sink _Rapunzelle_. It was the only way his plan was going to work.

* * *

 

“You didn’t tell me your brilliant musician friends were your ex and Captain ‘My-Face-Is-My-Career’,” said Arthur annoyedly on Monday afternoon as Merlin stood in his office with Elyan and Gwaine in tow.

“Didn’t I?” Merlin asked innocently, knowing full well that he had carefully avoided mentioning them by name by referring to them as ‘a few of his mates from uni’. He technically hadn’t lied.

Arthur scowled.

“Okay yes,” Merlin admitted, “I didn’t use their names because I didn’t think you’d go along with the plan if you knew it was them, but I wasn’t exaggerating when I told you that they’re two of the most talented musicians I know. Gwaine can flawlessly play any major guitar solo from nearly any song ever written and Elyan is a high school music teacher and he’s amazingly talented and so wasted where he is.”

There was silence in the office as Arthur considered the three of them.

“Just, please give them a chance Arthur,” said Merlin. “You won’t regret it.”

“Oh I’m already regretting it,” said Arthur and Merlin recognised the small quirk of amusement at the corners of his mouth. “I’m taking it you told them why they’re here?”

“Merlin said that you were looking for new session musicians,” Elyan said, glancing over at Merlin.

“That’s half the story,” said Arthur with a smirk. “The truth is we’re halfway through recording an album and we’re a bass and lead guitar short.”

“Whose album?” asked Gwaine testily, arms folded over his chest. “You know, if my face is allowed to ask?”

It had been worth keeping it a secret from Elyan and Gwaine to see the look on their face as Arthur told them that they were going to be filling the open Knights of Albion slots. Gwaine’s face split into a massive grin while and Elyan’s eyes widened in silent amazement. Arthur glanced at Merlin and smiled before addressing the other two again.

“I should clarify that for now you are basically just session musicians,” he said. “But if you work well with the others, I might consider making it permanent. Basically, treat this as an extended job interview.”

“I… wow. Thank you, Arthur,” said Elyan, “I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything,” Arthur smiled. “Now let’s go see if we can salvage this trainwreck.”

The three of them followed Arthur to the break room where Percy and Kay were using plastic spoons to launch M&Ms at each other. Lance, who was reading what looked suspiciously like a Nicholas Sparks novel (Merlin took this as a sign that his and Gwen’s date had gone well after all), glanced up at them in amusement and then, noticing that Arthur, Elyan and Gwaine were in the room, walloped Kay on the arm with the book to stop him.

“Ah. Hi, Wart,” Kay said, rubbing his arm where Lance had hit him. With a nod to the other three, he added, “And friends.”

“You wanted to speak to us?” Lance asked, setting his book down.

“Yes,” said Arthur. “I know some of you have met already, but Knights, this is Elyan Smith and Gwaine Orkney. They’re going to be helping us finish the album now that Val and Cen–”

“Brilliant!” said Percy before Arthur could finish the sentence. If he’d been smiling before when he noticed them, it was nothing compared to the grin plastered across his face now. He seemed to realise a second too late that that might have been a bit over-enthusiastic and his face flushed with colour.

“Is this going to be a permanent arrangement?” asked Kay looking at Gwaine and Elyan suspiciously.

“That remains to be seen,” said Arthur. After a moment of awkward silence, Arthur cleared his throat. “Well, I’ll just leave you all to get to know each other. Merlin and I will go to check if Gaius is almost done with Mithian for today.”

When the two of them left the room, Lance was introducing himself to Gwaine and Percy had pulled Elyan into a massive hug.

“Percy seems to have taken quite a shine to Elyan already,” Arthur remarked as they made their way to the lifts.

“I don’t think Elyan’ll mind too much,” grinned Merlin. “He’s had a massive crush on Percy for years.”

“And that doesn’t bother you?” asked Arthur, a small frown creasing his brow.

“Why would it bother me?” Arthur’s confused frown deepened and it took Merlin a few seconds to work out why. “Oh! Yes. My ex. Shit.”

“Do you forget all your relationships this quickly?” Arthur asked, midway between confusion and amusement.

“Yes,” said Merlin. “I mean no. No wait, I mean…”

He took a deep breath.

“Are you okay?” asked Arthur. He stopped and turned to look at Merlin, his face now concerned. “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

“No, it’s not…” Merlin started, taking another steadying breath. “The day I played at Mogue, Ellie invited me round to hers and while I was waiting for her to park her car, Valiant caught me in the driveway and began interrogating me about why I was there so I told him that I was gay and had a boyfriend.”

“Even though you didn’t?” asked Arthur, raising an eyebrow.

“Right,” Merlin continued. “And then Ellie was asking me questions and by the time we got to Mogue I didn’t want to lose face so I convinced Elyan to go along with it.”

“God you are such an idiot,” Arthur laughed and began heading towards the lifts again. “You’re the only person I know who could get himself into that kind of a situation, you know that?”

“It’s not as difficult as it seems,” Merlin muttered and this only made Arthur laugh louder.

They walked the rest of the way to the studio in comfortable silence and Merlin was pleased to see that Arthur was still smirking in amusement as they collapsed onto the comfortable red couch where they had waited the last time.

“When the media gets wind that you and Ellie have been hanging out,” said Arthur after few more minutes of silence, “you might want to consider asking Elyan to be your boyfriend again for a while. At least until the initial wave dies down.”

“Nah, I couldn’t do that to him again,” said Merlin, fiddling with the stray threads in his ripped jeans. “Not now that it looks like Percy might be just as into him. If it came to that, I’d probably ask Gwaine, but I’d hate to do that because he likes… Never mind. I think you know way too much about my friends’ love lives now.”

Arthur looked like he was about to reply but at that moment the studio door opened and Princess Mithian stepped out.

“Oh hi, Arthur,” she said, leaning over to hug him before turning to Merlin.

“Shit, is it Mervin or Merlin?” she asked, apologetically. “I’m horrible with names.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he chuckled. “It’s Merlin, but I’ve been called Mervin so many times that I’ll respond to either.”

Arthur began asking her a few questions about the recording session and Merlin tuned them out as he began thinking about Arthur’s warning. He couldn’t imagine that _that_ many people would buy that him and Ellie were an item, but maybe it was worth having Gwaine on board just in case things blew up. Merlin was worried that it might compromise his and Ellie’s chances later though. It was clear that Ellie was attracted to Gwaine and he would hate to be the reason it got too awkward for them when she was ready to date again.

“Oi, I asked you if you’re ready,” said Arthur, cuffing Merlin on the shoulder. Mithian was gone. Merlin looked at him confusedly and Arthur rolled his eyes. “To get Gaius? Honestly, I wonder why I bother.”

Merlin gave him a sheepish grin before following him into the studio. Any fake relationship he embarked on was going to be made extremely difficult by the fact that Merlin was pretty sure he wasn’t going to be able to deny that he had a crush on Arthur for much longer.

But damn if he wasn’t going to try.

* * *

 

Merlin was scrolling through Facebook while listening to Gwaine, Elyan and the Knights play in one of the rehearsal rooms, when he stumbled upon the fist article. Terrified of what it would say but unable to ignore it, Merlin clicked the link. A horribly neon pink celebrity gossip site greeted him.

**_It’s Official: Vallie Call It Quits! (But The Real Reason Will Shock You!)_ **

_After almost a year and a half of dating, music power-couple, Valiant Wright and Ellie Godwyn, have officially split according to sources close to the (former) couple._

_Rumours of the imminent breakup began a few weeks back when the Knights of Albion bassist and his bandmate, Cenred King, were arrested for driving under the influence after a near full week of partying. Sources report that the 26-year-old singer/songwriter was less than thrilled with her boyfriend’s new wild antics, but initially tried to hold onto him._

_“She wanted it to work,” a friend of the two told_ CelebriTea _, “she even went out partying with him a few times, but I think the ‘Car Park Incident’ was a step too far.”_

 _As_ CelebriTea _reported on Saturday, Valiant and Cenred caused huge scandal when they were snapped in a very compromising position with_ Rapunzelle _actress, Vivian Olafsson, in the car park of a popular London nightclub. This seems to have been the last straw for Ellie who, according to our source, called Valiant the next day to tell him that they were through._

 _However, the breakup doesn’t seem to be entirely motivated by Ellie’s frustration with Valiant. The “Stars” singer has recently been spotted out and about on several occasions with Merlin Emrys, the handsome 24-year-old folk musician she recently invited to sing with her on_ Saturday Night Unplugged _. Sources tell us that the two are incredibly close and that it may actually be something a bit deeper than friendship._

_“When she’s not with him, she’s texting him. When she’s not texting him, she’s talking about him. It’s adorable.”_

_Though neither Ellie nor Valiant have spoken publicly about –_

Merlin didn't get to finish the article because his phone was being tugged out of his hands. He was about to protest when he glanced up to see Arthur looking at him with a concerned expression.

“Don’t do it to yourself,” he muttered, closing the article and handing back Merlin’s phone. “Gossip websites are poison.”

Merlin nodded gratefully and Arthur gave his shoulder an encouraging squeeze before turning to Gaius. Gwaine, Elyan and the Knights had just finished playing and were all grinning and clapping each other on the back excitedly.

“So? What’s the verdict?” Arthur asked anxiously.

Gaius stared Arthur and Merlin down, eyebrow at full-mast and Merlin felt the hope that had been bubbling inside of him die out a little bit. In Merlin’s opinion, they’d been amazing.

“I think it’ll work,” Gaius said with a grin and both Merlin and Arthur let out a sigh of relief. “Obviously they’re going to need a bit of work catching up with the others, but they’re incredibly talented.”

“And beyond the recording?” Arthur looked over into the recording booth where the five of them were laughing at Kay who was attempting to balance one of Percy’s drumsticks on his chin.

“Well, they’re talented, they’re easy on the eyes and the other Knights seem to have taken to them quite nicely,” said Gaius. “I think it would be foolish to spend more money trying to find what you’ve already got right under your nose, not so?”

“Right,” said Arthur, nodding seriously before picking up his mobile and car keys. “In that case, I trust you to put them through their paces this afternoon.”

“And where are you going?” Gaius asked.

“Out with Merlin of course,” Arthur said, grabbing Merlin’s arm and yanking him to his feet, a grin lighting his features. “To thank him for his rare stroke of genius.”

And before Merlin could protest they were racing down the corridors of Excalibur Records towards the car park. Merlin was about to follow Arthur out of the revolving door in the reception area, when Arthur turned around and made his way to the desk. Merlin, still not quite sure what was happening, followed.

“Sophia, I’m going to need you to cancel all of my appointments for this afternoon,” said Arthur. “I’m going to be in a business meeting until quite late.”

“But, Mr Pendragon, your two o’clock with Agra... with Mr Du Bois,” Sophia protested. Merlin noted that she was looking pretty green. Her appointment on Friday obviously hadn’t been much help.

“ _All_ of my appointments, Sophia, thanks,” Arthur repeated, turning back towards the car park. If looks could kill, the expression on Sophia’s face when she turned to look at Merlin would have him six feet under in a heartbeat. He could almost imagine her blue eyes glowing red and before she had a chance to throw a stapler or any other office supplies at him, Merlin sprinted after Arthur.

When Merlin found him he was standing next to a luxurious black car, looking at Merlin expectantly like he was waiting for him to give his opinion on it. Merlin gulped. He didn’t even know enough to recognise the badge on the front of it.

“Well?” Arthur asked.

“It’s…pretty?” he offered and Arthur rolled his eyes before turning around to unlock it.

“I should have known that you wouldn’t know anything about cars,” he said amusedly, sliding into the driver’s seat and fastening his seat belt. As Arthur turned the key in the ignition, the radio blared to life.

 _“... and Ellie should have split up with him ages ago if you ask me,”_ said a female voice.

 _“We all knew it was coming,”_ replied a really camp male voice. _“It’s just a shame how it happened, poor thing. Although it is nice to know that Valiant isn’t as straight as he looks. Maybe now that he’s single…”_

 _“Ew,”_ said the female host, laughing, _“you’re the only person I know who could still find him attractive after that trainwreck. Honestly I’m more interested in this new bloke she’s been snapped with recently.”_

 _“Ah, the cute one from her_ Saturday Night Unplugged _set a few weeks back?”_ the male host asked and the female voice agreed. _“Yeah, he’s a pretty one. I wonder wh–”_

“And that’s quite enough of that for today, don’t you think?” Arthur said as he switched off the radio and reversed the car out of the parking bay.

Merlin stared morosely out of the window as Arthur drove them to wherever they were going for lunch. All Ellie wanted was something normal and all he had managed to do was make her already fucked up situation even worse by not thinking about what he was doing before he did it. He was furious with himself.

“So, not that I mind the silence, but are you okay?” asked Arthur, glancing at him when they came to a red light. Merlin didn’t respond. “Look, I wouldn’t listen to those airheads. They’re paid to spread rumours and talk shit. We’ll soon work out what to do with the Ellie situation. In fact, that’s what I pay Agravaine for and even though he’s a shitty person a lot of the time, he’s a pretty decent publicist. He’ll have a strategy in mind, I’m sure of it. For now, you’ve saved my top act and your offer to sign with Excalibur Records still stands, so let’s just enjoy this afternoon. It’s the first time I’ve blown off all my meetings like this in years.”

“No wonder you’re so exhausted all the time,” said Merlin and Arthur smiled. “Where are we going anyway?”

“You’ll see,” said Arthur, his smile morphing into a mischievous grin. Merlin had a funny feeling that he knew where they were headed and was proved right when a few minutes later, having parked the car a block or two away, he followed Arthur to the front door of _Le Dragon_ , the French restaurant where they’d first met.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” said Merlin, not amused in the least.

“What?” said Arthur innocently. “I said I wanted to thank you and this is one of the best restaurants in the city. Their food, service, everything is top-notch.”

“You didn’t seem to think so last time,” said Merlin, a little more coldly than he’d meant to.

“Or maybe I want the chance to prove to you that I’m not the insensitive prick you met that day,” said Arthur said earnestly with another of his inscrutable looks. Merlin tried to stay annoyed, but he felt his resolve crumbling the more Arthur’s words played in his mind.

“Fine,” he eventually said with a sigh, “but if you yell at another waiter I swear to god I will punch you this time, recording contract be damned.”

“Duly noted,” Arthur nodded and followed Merlin into the sleek interior of the restaurant. He was suddenly acutely aware that he was woefully underdressed.

“Ah, Mr Pendragon,” said the host. “Always a pleasure to have the honour of your patronage.”

“Thank you, George,” Arthur replied. “Table for two please.”

“Of course, right this way,” said George, grabbing two menus and walking towards one of the tables next to the window. Merlin’s heart skittered when Arthur placed a hand on the small of his back to nudge him forwards and remained there until they reached their seats. George handed them each a menu and informed them that a waiter would be there shortly to take their order. Merlin barely heard any of this. The small area of his back where Arthur’s hand had been moments ago was still tingling.

Being at the restaurant with Arthur was so different to being at the restaurant with Gwaine. With Gwaine, both of them knew that it was ridiculous to be spending so much on a meal, no matter how good it was, and the whole experience had been a bit of an awkward laugh.

With Arthur, Merlin felt constantly on guard, not because Arthur made him uncomfortable or uneasy, but because of how attractive Merlin found the ease with which he ordered his meal, the ease with which he sat at the table and the ease with which he smiled at Merlin. Merlin, in comparison, couldn’t bring himself to look at Arthur for fear of saying something stupid and hopelessly stumbled his way through his order.

The thing that made Merlin most tense, however, was that no matter how much he told himself that this was just Arthur thanking him for his quick-thinking, it felt like a date and Arthur wasn't doing anything to help change that. He supplied Merlin with a near-constant stream of questions about his hometown, about his school career, the band he had started with Elyan and Gwaine, what it was like living with flatmates and his favourite movies. Conversation between the two of them flowed easily and naturally and by the time dessert came around Merlin had learned that when Arthur was a kid he had wanted to be a fireman, that he and Leon had been best friends since before they could walk and that he was secretly jealous of anyone who could sing because he’d never been able to carry a tune.

“You’re very easy to talk to, you know that?” Arthur remarked, pointing a spoon at Merlin over his raspberry and white chocolate mousse. “It makes a nice change.”

“How so?” Merlin asked, aware that his face was so red it could probably be used as a beacon.

“Well, you see most people I deal with in a day are just business acquaintances and work colleagues,” explained Arthur. “I don’t really have anyone I can just _talk_ to. There’s always a purpose to the conversation. It’s very rare that I can chat to someone just... for fun. The only person I have who I can talk to about everything and nothing is Leon but he’s been so busy with Mogue and Morgana lately that we have to schedule time to hang out weeks in advance. It’s just… this has been nice.”

Merlin realised with a pang that Arthur, in a roundabout way, had just admitted he was lonely. It was surprising to Merlin who had always assumed that a life full of amazing people and a dream career meant that things like friends (and more than friends) simply fell into place.

“Well, if you’re ever in need of mindless conversation, you know where to find me.” Merlin smiled and Arthur smiled back warmly. The sight only increased the intense throbbing of his heart. Suddenly the airy restaurant felt incredibly stuffy and Merlin took a shaky sip of water to cool himself down, spilling most of it down his front.

“You really are hopeless,” Arthur chuckled, handing Merlin a napkin so that he could dab it up. Merlin was sure he was just imagining the note of fondness in his voice, but it was lovely all the same.

With their dessert plates scraped as clean as they could get them, Arthur got up to go settle the bill. Merlin tried not to stare after him but it was difficult when he was rapidly running out of reasons not to fancy the prat.

He was so lost in this new confusing branch of thoughts that he almost didn’t notice Gilli, the waiter from his last visit, walk through the door of the restaurant.

“Gilli!” Merlin grinned excitedly as the waiter passed his table. “You’re still here!”

“Oh hey!” said Gilli grinning back at him. “Merlin, right? Yeah I’ve been here just over a month now. And you’re…   _with_ Mr Pendragon now?”

“No no, this was just a business lunch!” said Merlin hastily, cursing the blush he could feel creeping into his cheeks. “Just friends.”

“Ah, I see,” said Gilli, not looking entirely convinced. “Well he’s a pretty decent bloke, I think I just caught him on the wrong day. He’s been back a few times since. Actually, he came back the day after to apologise.”

“He apologised?” Merlin said.

“Yeah, and gave me a tip to the tune of £500,” said Gilli. “If it was anyone else I would have said it was just hush-money, but he seemed really sincere about it. He told my boss, Mr Kilgharrah, that if he ever comes to eat here while it’s my shift he wants me to wait his table.”

“That’s…” Merlin looked over to where Arthur was waiting for the chip-and-pin machine to process his payment and accidentally caught his eye. Instead of looking away, Arthur smiled. “I’m really glad for you, mate. Hopefully your dreams of chef school aren’t too far away.”

Gilli thanked him with a smile and excused himself to prepare for his shift just as Arthur reappeared at the table.

“Ready to go?” he asked and Merlin nodded, not sure what to do with all the new thoughts running through his mind.

As he followed Arthur to the car, Merlin realised that without a doubt, any aversion he had towards having feelings for Arthur had vanished. He realised it would still probably never work. Arthur was a multi-millionaire who seemed to only have time for work and the occasional coffee and Merlin was a rookie in an industry that was rapidly beginning to feel like the biggest, most terrifying thing he had ever faced, but Merlin could no longer deny that the frantic drum of his heart or his damp palms or the heat in his cheeks had everything to do with the blond prat two paces in front of him.

The rare London sun was low in the sky as they drove back to Excalibur Records. Merlin silently watched the white lines in the road race towards them as he tried not to think about how much more relaxed Arthur looked now. He was still clearly exhausted but there was something happy and rested about his face.

“You’re awfully quiet all of a sudden,” Arthur said nudging Merlin’s knee between changing gears, pulling him from his daze. “Penny for your thoughts?”

Merlin didn’t quite know how to phrase his thoughts without giving away the fact that Arthur was taking up most of them, so he settled for the easiest.

“Gilli said you went back the next day to apologise,” Merlin said.

“Er, yeah,” said Arthur, awkwardly. “I’ve said it before but I really wasn’t proud of my behaviour that day, and I was always taught to own up to my mistakes, so I went back to make it right.”

Merlin nodded and went back to staring at the road in front of them.

“If it helps,” he said after a while, “you’ve been upgraded from ‘prick’ to ‘clotpole’.”

“Mission accomplished then,” Arthur chuckled.

Merlin’s mobile rang just then and when he went to answer it, it was from a number he didn’t recognise.

“Hello?” he answered, aware that with all the rumours about him out there, it might not be someone friendly on the other end.

 _“Merlin, it’s Morgana,”_ said the voice on the other end and the tension left Merlin’s shoulders. _“I’m at Mogue with Ellie. Someone's vandalised her car and she's in a pretty bad state. Leon and I are trying, but you seem to best know how to calm her down. Is there any way you can get here? I'll send Leon to fetch you if transport is the problem.”_

“Let me just check quickly,” said Merlin, his heart sinking. _Poor Ellie._ He covered the receiver as he turned to Arthur. “It's Morgana. Someone's done something to Ellie’s car and she's sitting at Mogue in a state. Can you please drop me off there?”

“Merlin, that's really risky,” said Arthur, who had paled at the news. “With all the rumours around you and Ellie and at _Mogue_ of all places… I just don't think it's the best idea.”

“ _Please,_ Arthur,” said Merlin, realising that he sounded close to begging. “I’ll get a fake boyfriend or whatever as soon as possible but for now things sound serious and Ellie needs all the friends she can get.”

“I've said it before and I'll say it again: you do know how to make life bloody difficult for yourself,” said Arthur, shaking his head as he switched from his left indicator to his right. Merlin's heart swelled.

“Thank you, Arthur,” he said gratefully before pressing his mobile back to his ear. “Morgana? We're on our way. Tell Ellie we’ll be there soon.”

The drive to Mogue was a short one and not even five minutes later Arthur was reversing into a space behind the shop and Merlin was staring at Ellie’s parked car in horror.

 _“Shit,”_ said Merlin as he scrambled out of Arthur's car to get a closer look. Every single one of her windows were smashed. There were ugly silver scratches on the doors and across the top of the car in bright red spray paint were the words: ‘SLUT IN TRANSIT’.

“Probably fans of Valiant,” Arthur grimaced. Then, gently gripping Merlin's elbow, he led him towards the entrance of the shop.

As they turned the corner they were met with a swarm of shouting people and flashing bulbs and Arthur's grip on Merlin's arm tightened. Almost blinded by the flashing, Merlin heard faceless questions coming from the crowd.

_“Oi, Merlin! Off on another date with Ellie, are you?”_

_“Hey, Emrys, how long have you and Ellie been together now?”_

_“What do you think about what happened to your girlfriend’s car?”_

“Alright, listen up!” Arthur yelled over the cacophony. “I’m only going to say this once so if you miss it, have fun reading about it in your rival’s paper!”

Merlin was amazed at how quiet it went all of a sudden. The sound of camera shutters still filled the air but there was no longer a need to shout.

“Merlin Emrys is not going out with Ellie Godwyn,” Arthur said and the crowd began shouting again.

_“Are you just saying that to protect your artists, Arthur?”_

_“Let Emrys speak for himself!”_

_“You expect us all to take your word for it?”_

Merlin expected Arthur to shout at them again, to raise his hand to silence them or to simply refuse to talk until they quieted down.

What he didn't expect was for Arthur to turn to him, a look of grim determination on his face, before closing the small distance between them and pressing a kiss to Merlin's lips.

Suddenly the world around them had disappeared and the only thing that mattered was the feeling of Arthur's shirt as he gripped it to keep his knees from giving way. The only thing he could see behind his closed eyes were the bright spots of colour left behind by the camera flashes. The only sound he could hear was the blood rushing in his ears. The only thought in his mind was ‘ _How the fuck is this happening?’_

And as soon as it began, it was over and Arthur turned back to the crowd of paparazzi, his eyes blazing with something intense that Merlin couldn't define.

“Merlin isn't going out with Ellie,” Arthur said, threading his fingers through Merlin's, “because he's going out with me.”


	5. The Aftermath

Merlin had never experienced so many emotions at once. In a daze, he allowed Arthur to lead him by the hand through the front door of Mogue, but the minute they were inside he shook his hand free.

“What the hell was that, Arthur?” he asked quietly, confused and elated and furious all at the same time.

“Exactly what it looked like,” said Arthur with a sheepish grin. “You needed a fake boyfriend, I needed to come out publicly. This is what you call killing two birds with one stone.”

So then that absolutely perfect kiss, the ghost of which Merlin could still feel on his lips, had just been a massive publicity stunt and Merlin had been the unwitting accomplice, too stupidly arse-over-tits to realise that _of course_ that’s all it was. Rage like Merlin had never felt coiled inside of him and all he wanted to do in that moment was knock the stupid smile off of the blond prat’s face.

“You’re angry,” said Arthur, his smile fading when he realised that Merlin wasn’t smiling back.

“Damn right I’m fucking angry,” said Merlin, attempting to keep his voice down. The coffee shop was full of people looking at them curiously and the sight only fuelled Merlin’s fury. He glared at Arthur before dragging him into the hallway behind the stage, all but slamming the door behind them. As soon as the door was closed, he dropped Arthur’s arm like it was poisonous. “At what point was I going to be informed of this new brilliant plan of yours? After our engagement? Just before the lavish country wedding?”

“Merlin –” Arthur began but Merlin interrupted him.

“No, Arthur, you listen to me now and you listen well,” said Merlin, trying to keep his voice as steady as he could. “I don’t care if you’re a famous CEO or business-tycoon or even if you’re the king of bloody England. _Nothing_ gives you the right to pull what you just pulled out there. I have never felt more used and humiliated than I do right now.”

“You’re one to talk,” said Arthur, his eyes narrowing. “How is this any different to what you pulled with Elyan?”

“Elyan is one of my best mates! Not some bloke I’ve only known for a month!” yelled Merlin. “And I had the decency to _ask_ him before I dragged him into anything public. God, Arthur, if you had just _asked_ me first.”

“I was going to,” said Arthur. “At the restaurant. But then we were having such a good time that I didn’t want to ruin it with talk about work, so I decided to put it off until tomorrow. And then _you_ had to be all bloody noble and race to Ellie’s aid like some gangly knight in shining armour and I knew that those paparazzi were going to tear you apart so I saved you from yourself because someone has to.”

“Oh no, no way,” said Merlin, prodding Arthur in the chest. He was only dimly aware that Leon had stepped into the hallway from the green room. “You do not get to make this my fault. _You_ were the one who decided to go full PDA in front of all those cameras. This is one hundred percent your fault, Arthur Pendragon.”

“Er, Merlin, Ellie’s in the green room,” Leon interjected before Arthur could reply. Throwing Arthur the filthiest look he could muster, Merlin strode off to find Ellie, forcing down the angry tears that were threatening to spill from his eyes. About midway down the corridor Merlin passed Morgana who was storming towards Arthur looking absolutely furious. Leon, apparently keen to avoid the impending sibling dispute, followed Merlin to the green room. He took a deep breath before he entered. It wouldn’t help Ellie to see him as angry as he was.

The only good thing he could see about his current situation was that if they could convince the press that he had been Arthur’s secret boyfriend this whole time, some of the media pressure would be off her. It didn’t fill him with much comfort.

* * *

It had taken several hours of gentle consoling from Merlin, Morgana, Leon and Arthur, but eventually Ellie was smiling again. Between the five of them, they decided that it was probably best if Morgana took Ellie to stay with her father in the country for a while. After an intricate plan to smuggle her out (which involved Sefa, one of the waitresses, driving Grunhilda back to Ellie’s place while one of the bouncers held off the paparazzi so that Morgana could sneak Ellie out to her car), the two of them were off to Ellie’s father’s country estate. At last it seemed that the worst of it was over.

“Well, come on then,” said Merlin to Arthur. “You have to give me a lift home.”

“I thought you were mad at me,” said Arthur sulkily.

“Oh, I’m still furious,” said Merlin, his anger only barely contained below the surface, “but I realise that this farce of a relationship is the only thing that’s going to keep the media from hounding Ellie. We arrived together, so it’ll look strange if we leave separately.”

Arthur considered Merlin’s words for a moment before nodding, picking up his mobile and car keys as he did.

After a quick goodbye to Leon who was discussing something with the barkeep, Merlin grabbed Arthur’s hand and head out into the night. It didn’t take long for the swarm of paparazzi to sense their prey, but this time Merlin was prepared for it, tuning them out as they shouted invasive questions to Merlin and Arthur all the way to the car.

The silence between them on drive home from Mogue was icy and the journey seemed to take twice the time it usually did. After a while, Arthur turned on the radio. The loud pop song that filled the car made their lack of conversation less awkward, but it was still an immense relief when Arthur pulled up in front of Merlin’s block of flats half an hour later.

“Merlin,” said Arthur as Merlin made to get out of the car, reaching out and taking his hand. “Merlin, I’m sorry, I didn’t… I wasn’t…”

“Arthur, right now I honestly don’t care.” Merlin wrenched his hand away and climbed angrily out of the car. “Thanks for the lift,” he said, before forcefully closing the door.

Arthur didn’t leave straight away, and Merlin could feel his eyes on him all the way up the short walk to the front door of the building. He determinedly stared at the approaching door, refusing to give Arthur the satisfaction of him looking back.

He practically sprinted up the five flights of stairs to his flat and was confused when he heard what sounded like music and a group of people chatting. Worried that he’d forgotten a birthday (which was unlikely as Gwen’s was in March and he was pretty sure it was still a few weeks until Gwaine’s), Merlin hurriedly unlocked the door and couldn’t quite believe what he was seeing.

There were empty bottles strewn everywhere. The sound system in the living room was blasting one of Gwaine’s weird Celtic rock albums and he and Kay were discussing it loudly, their speech so slurred that it was impossible to make out what they were saying. Lance and Gwen were cuddling in a corner having what looked like and incredibly deep and meaningful conversation. In the kitchen, Percival had Elyan pinned against the fridge and was kissing him like his life depended on it.

Overwhelmed at suddenly having people in his flat and not in the mood for conversation with any of them, Merlin bolted for his room, throwing himself onto his bed as soon as the door was closed. He lay there in the dark for hours, focussing on the sounds of the impromptu party, refusing to let himself think about the day’s events.

The music stopped at around ten o’clock, but it was only two hours later that he heard Percy assuring Gwen that he would get Elyan home safely and the sound of bottles being put into a rubbish bag. It was another half an hour later that Merlin heard Lance trying to say goodnight to Gwen over the sound of Kay and Gwaine loudly singing “My Heart Will Go On”.

When the door of the flat closed, Merlin heard Gwen order Gwaine to bed before walking down the small hallway to Merlin’s room. When she knocked, he buried his face deeper into his pillow. He knew talking to Gwen would probably make him feel better, but he still wasn’t ready to face anyone. Gwen tried knocking twice more before she gave up and went to bed.

He lay awake for hours after the other two fell asleep, cataloguing the sounds of the quiet flat: the fridge as it gurgled on and off, Gwaine’s digital watch as it beeped when the hour changed, the clock in Gwen’s room as it ticked on the other side of his wall.

He finally fell asleep to the sound of birdsong as the first tinges of purple appeared in the sky. and was woken up what felt like five minutes later by a very bossy Gwen.

“Alright, out of bed,” she said as she pulled his curtains open, causing bright sunlight to spill across his bed directly onto his face. “We have a lot to do today so we need to get going as soon as possible.”

“Shourran yoo beh ahwohk oh soomfhi?” Merlin asked through a massive stretching yawn. “Ich Shoosdae.”

“Pardon?” Gwen asked.

“It’s Tuesday; aren’t you supposed to be at work?” he asked, sliding up into a sitting position. He was still in his clothes from the day before and the rips in his jeans had left red marks across his knees.

“We have to go to Excalibur Records to sign your contract,” she smiled. “So I took the day off.”

Merlin groaned and flopped back down onto his pillow.

“What’s wrong?” she asked. “You don’t look particularly excited about it. Does it have something to do with whatever had you so upset last night? Did the lunch with Arthur not go well?”

“You clearly haven’t read the news this morning,” said Merlin grumpily, wrenching himself from his bed to switch on the kettle for tea. Gwaine was already sitting in the kitchen cradling his mug like it was the most precious thing in the world, his hangover almost as painful to witness as it it probably was to experience.

“Shh,” said Gwaine, as Merlin placed down his mug heavily on the counter. “Not so loud.”

Merlin spitefully pulled open the cutlery drawer so that the silverware rattled noisily. Gwaine moaned pitifully and Merlin immediately felt terrible. There was no reason to take out his awful mood on Gwaine.

“Sorry,” said Merlin, “yesterday was a bit crap.”

“Merlin, what do you mean I clearly haven't seen the _news_?” Gwen asked as she walked into the kitchen. “What happened last night?”

Gwen’s laptop was sitting on the breakfast bar. He opened Google, searched Arthur's name and instantly found what he was looking for.

“Come have a look,” he said and Gwen crossed the kitchen to join him. Gwaine shuffled over a moment or two later and the three of them read the article together in joint horror.

Merlin was temporarily distracted by the picture of the kiss above the article and how Merlin's hands were clutching tightly to the front of Arthur's shirt. One of Arthur's arms was curled around Merlin, as if to hold him in place and there was a hand on Merlin's cheek. He didn't even remember that. He had been so blissfully unaware of everything other than that Arthur Pendragon, the man he had just admitted to himself that he actually had feelings for, was kissing him. The fact that it had just been Arthur's plan to stop the media chasing Ellie still stung.

The headline underneath the photo read _‘Plot Twist: Arthur Is Gay And Merlin’s His Bae’._

He fought not to throw up.

 _Amidst rumours that budding folk star, Merlin Emrys, was part of the reason for the Vallie split this past Saturday, some juicy new information has come to light in the form of a_ very _public kiss between him and none other than Excalibur Records CEO, Arthur Pendragon._

 _The two were snapped on their way into Mogue Coffee late Monday afternoon, presumably to meet with Ellie Godwyn who had arrived not long before in her severely vandalised car. Seemingly agitated by the small crowd of paparazzi outside the shop, Arthur assured everyone that Merlin and Ellie were definitely not going out because he and Merlin_ are _and proved it by kissing Merlin for everyone to see. Though rumours that the 31-year-old businessman might be gay have been around for years, this is the first time Arthur has ever been public about his sexuality._

_While many right-wing religious groups have voiced their disapproval of the couple and have called for a boycott of any artists signed with Excalibur Records, many celebrities and public figures have taken to social media to voice their support._

The rest of the article consisted of a number of tweets from various famous people congratulating Arthur on his bravery and commenting how cute Merlin and Arthur looked together. Merlin couldn’t read any more of it and he stood up sharply to make the tea he had come to the kitchen to make in the first place.

“Oh god,” said Gwen, looking up from the article. “He didn't ask you beforehand, did he?”

Merlin shook his head, feeling angry tears prick his eyes again. He refused to let them fall. He wasn't going to cry about this. He busied himself with the tin of tea bags instead.

“And you have real feelings for him, don't you?” Gwen asked, getting up to stand beside him. Merlin nodded and at the pitying look on her face he couldn't keep it together anymore. Hot tears began spilling from his eyes and before he knew it, he was being pulled into a tight hug by Gwaine and Gwen.

“If you want me to kick his arse for you, you know I have no issues doing that, right?” said Gwaine into his back. “I've come very close in the past.”

Merlin chuckled wetly at that and the three of them stood there huddled in the kitchen until Merlin’s sobbing stopped.

“Thanks, you two,” said Merlin with a small smile as they let go of him. He was still furious, but the crying had helped relieve some of the tension of the past few days.

“If you don’t want to see Arthur today, we don’t have to,” said Gwen, who had begun to rummage around in the freezer. “We could stay here and have a movie day if you’d like.”

“No, I have to go,” said Merlin determinedly. “I’m not going to throw away this chance just because Arthur’s a prick.”

Gwen smiled as she pushed a carton of Ben and Jerry’s towards Merlin.

“That’s the spirit,” she said, placing a spoon on top of it.

“Oh god no,” said Gwaine, sitting down on the stool next to Merlin’s and resting his head on the table. “No talk of spirits in my current state.”

Merlin laughed and opened the carton, determined that today was going to be good even if all that he could say went right for him was ice-cream for breakfast.

* * *

There was stony silence in Arthur’s office as Gwen and Merlin sat opposite him later that morning. Merlin was still fuming and after the initial greetings, it was clear that Gwen was furious with Arthur too. Despite his best efforts to make small talk with the two of them, he was met with one-word replies or only the bare minimum of what he had asked.

“Merlin, can I talk to you outside for a moment?” asked Arthur who seemed to have reached the limit of how much awkward silence he could take.

“Anything you have to say to Merlin you can say in front of me,” said Gwen, her eyes blazing. “I’m his manager.”

“It’s alright, Gwen,” said Merlin, following Arthur out of the office. Gwen’s glare was the stuff of nightmares.

Arthur closed the door and turned to Merlin.

“Are you okay?” Arthur asked. “You look exhausted.”

“What do you want, Arthur?” Merlin asked, not wanting Arthur to know that it was his fault he looked like he did. Arthur ran a hand through his hair, leaving it an adorable disorganised mess. The fact that he was still attracted to the prat only annoyed Merlin more.

“Merlin, I don’t want you to feel like you’re… obligated to sign with me now,” he said uncomfortably. “I realise that I’ve fucked up so my offer to send your demo to Mercia still stands.”

“I’m not going to Mercia,” said Merlin seriously. “I’m signing here. Today. As soon as we go back into your office.”

“Merlin,” said Arthur in a hushed voice, taking a step closer to him so that they wouldn’t be overheard. “You know what it’s going to look like now that I… I mean with the kiss and everything, it’s going to look like you…”

“Like I slept my way to a record deal?” whispered Merlin, taking a small amount of satisfaction in the colour that flooded Arthur’s cheeks. “I realise that. I also don’t care. My friends are here and this is where I want to work. Once all this stuff with Ellie and Valiant blows over, we can stage a breakup and when I stay signed people will realise that it wasn’t because I’m a good fuck.”

Arthur gaped at Merlin, but was saved from replying when a door opened further down the corridor. Agravaine stepped out into the hallway.

“Ah, Arthur, Mervin,” he said in an oily tone that made Merlin’s skin crawl. “Just the two people I was hoping to bump into. I must say, your little stunt at Mogue yesterday was _inspired_. I couldn’t have planned it better myself.”

Arthur looked as though he was about to reply, but Merlin stopped him by grabbing his hand and intertwining their fingers.

“What stunt?” Merlin asked innocently, and was pleased to see that Agravaine looked taken aback. Every instinct he possessed told Merlin that Agravaine was someone who couldn’t be trusted and as much as he hated Arthur in that moment, a strange urge to protect him had kicked in. He nudged Arthur’s side with his elbow, hoping that the prat would catch on. “Babe, what stunt?”

“I think he’s talking about our kiss,” said Arthur, giving Merlin’s hand a squeeze that told him that he had understood. “I admit it was a bit risky, but I was just so sick of it all. You know, hiding who I am, keeping my relationship with Merlin a secret, all of the ridiculous rumours about him and Ellie. It was the easiest way to sort out all of those things in one go.”

“I see,” said Agravaine, looking suspiciously between to the two of them. “Myror said you looked upset when you stopped by at the offices afterwards, though.”

“That might have been my doing,” said Merlin, sheepishly. “We had a bit of a fight, you see. I wasn’t expecting the kiss because we hadn’t discussed taking anything public yet and Arthur caught me off-guard. I was understandably annoyed.”

“Understandably,” Agravaine repeated, staring straight into Merlin’s eyes as if waiting for Merlin to crack and confess that is had all been a lie, but Merlin held his ground. He was not about to be intimidated into giving anything away.

Seemingly satisfied for the moment, Agravaine smiled his greasiest smile.

“Well don't let me keep you from whatever you two were up to. I'll be back from my meeting with Aredian at two and then we can get cracking on this Knights relaunch you seem so excited about all of a sudden.”

Merlin and Arthur watched Agravaine's retreating back until they were sure he had entered the lift.

“Okay, _babe_ ,” said Arthur, letting go of Merlin's hand, “do you want to tell me why we're lying to my uncle – my _publicist_ , I'll remind you – about this?”

“I know you haven't been reading the gossip articles,” Merlin hissed, “but I have. And I can tell you that they keep quoting a source who seems eerily accurate. It has to be someone you know and since there’s no way to tell who that source is, for now it's safest to treat everyone like a potential suspect.”

“Okay, but _Agravaine_?” Arthur asked doubtfully.

“Arthur, the first time I met him he outed you even though I was a complete stranger to him and you hadn’t taken anything public yet,” said Merlin. “I trust him about as far as I can throw him.”

Arthur nodded at this, but Merlin could see from the crease of his brow that he still wasn’t entirely convinced.

“Look, I don’t know for sure if it’s Agravaine, but it’s someone. If this act is going to work, we’re not going to be able to let our guard down for a second. We’re going to have to be adorable and in-love every moment we’re not alone. Think you can handle that?”

“Well, it _was_ my idea,” said Arthur. He took a deep breath and nodded. “Alright then. Adorable and in-love. At least for a while before we stage a breakup. Got it. Now as lovely as this corridor is, you said something about wanting to sign with Excalibur Records?”

Merlin nodded and made his way back into the office. Gwen was sitting in one of the chairs in front of the desk with her arms crossed. She looked livid. Merlin took a seat next to her and placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder and he felt her unwind a bit.

There was very little in the contract that needed negotiating. Going through the contract with Gwen on Friday night, Merlin had thought that Arthur’s terms were fair and well thought-out. Gwen had agreed with him. They anticipated the process going really quickly with relatively no surprises.

Both Gwen and Merlin were alarmed, therefore, when Arthur pulled out a second brown envelope and handed it to Gwen.

“What’s this?” she asked, picking it up gingerly as if it was about to explode.

“I’d like to offer you a marketing position at Excalibur Records,” said Arthur. “Obviously I’d want you to think about it before you make a decision, but I really would appreciate having you on my staff. You come highly recommended.”

Arthur inclined his head towards Merlin and Gwen glanced over at him, a faint pink tinge to her cheeks.

“But why?” she began. “I mean, not that I’m complaining, please don’t get me wrong. It sounds like an amazing opportunity. I just… why are you offering it to me?”

“I realise that being Merlin’s manager will probably take up a large portion of your time now,” Arthur explained, “but in the beginning I don’t think it’s going to take up all of your time, so you’ll probably still want to keep a regular job. I don’t know how accommodating the company you currently work for will be, but I can assure you that your job as Merlin’s manager will always take priority over your work for the marketing department at Excalibur Records.”

Gwen was quiet for a long time as she considered Arthur’s words. Merlin was gaping at Arthur in amazement and when Arthur caught his eye, his cheeks flushed and he gave Merlin an awkward half-smile.

The most frustrating thing about Arthur, as Merlin was quickly beginning to realise, was that while he made stupidly reckless decisions and had little-to-no regard for things like safety and privacy, he was incredibly kind and thoughtful and impossible to stay mad at. For all that Merlin was still annoyed that Arthur had dragged him into this new situation without asking him, he couldn’t help but smile at the incredible gesture.

“I… I’ll give it some thought,” said Gwen after a while, smiling up at Arthur, anger forgotten. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Arthur smiled, and handing each of them a sleek branded pen, he pointed at Merlin’s contract. “So, shall we?”

Merlin was amazed at how simple and drama-free a moment as significant as becoming signed artist actually was. The process of initialing each page and signing at the bottom was so quick, Merlin wondered if he was just dreaming up the whole experience and it wasn’t even five minutes later that Arthur was collecting the signed contract with a pleased smile.

“Merlin Emrys,” he said, holding out a hand for Merlin to shake. “Welcome to Excalibur Records.”

  
  



	6. The Scandal

Despite the invasiveness of the media now that they had got wind that Merlin was recording an album with his “boyfriend’s” label, life quickly settled into an almost normal routine.

Gwen and Merlin would leave at eight every morning to get Gwen to her new job at Excalibur Records long before nine, when her work started for the day. After smiling sweetly at Sophia (who never failed to throw him a murderous glare for his efforts), Merlin would take a coffee to Arthur (who insisted that despite the lingering tension between them, it was an easy way to act coupley in front of the rest of Excalibur) and then he would head to the break room to spend the few hours before it was his turn in the studio replying to his social media messages or chatting to and getting to know whatever artists were in the room at the time.  At around half past ten Merlin would make his way to the studio and he would spend several blissful and intense hours turning his songs into what he certainly hoped would become hits.

Merlin began to live for his between-session chats with Gaius, who was full of hilarious celebrity anecdotes, studio gossip and good advice. The two of them quickly became great friends. Merlin’s mum was an only child and he had never met any of his father’s side of the family, but Merlin decided that Gaius was exactly what he imagined an eccentric old uncle to be.

What Merlin appreciated the most about Gaius was that he had a way of saying exactly what Merlin needed to hear, even if it wasn’t what Merlin wanted to hear, and no time had this come into play more than the day Merlin made his peace with Arthur again.

“You’re not putting enough of yourself into this one,” Gaius told him sternly after a particularly tough session. Merlin had been struggling to make “One Of You” sound good all morning, but the more he sang it the more flat and lacklustre it seemed to become. “You can’t be afraid to let yourself feel what the song makes you feel.”

The issue was that “One Of You”, which was already a song about waiting for the right person to show up at the right time, was now inextricably linked to Arthur thanks to his gig at Mogue. And while he wasn’t as angry with Arthur as he had been, he was still the reason that Merlin had to think twice about where he went, what he did and who he was seen with in public. He was the source of all the main inconveniences in Merlin’s life and he found it difficult not to be annoyed with him about it.

The main problem, however, was that Merlin was still hopelessly attracted to the prick, despite how much he wanted to punch him. All these things together made singing the song a completely uncomfortable experience.

“Merlin, I know I’ve pretended to go along with your ridiculous relationship with Arthur, but you can’t let it affect your music,” said Gaius, quietly, looking to see if Alator had overheard. To Merlin’s relief (and slight guilt), the sound engineer was wearing headphones and frowning as he tweaked various sliders and dials. “I don’t know what’s going on between the two of you, nor do I particularly care to find out, but I need you to get it sorted out with him before you come back to the studio.”

Merlin recognised that as a sign that he was dismissed for the day and he thanked Gaius and Alator before he left the studio, more convinced than ever that the old man could read minds.

Gaius’ words played on Merlin’s thoughts as he wandered through the corridors and up the stairs and before he realised where he was going, he was standing in front of Arthur’s office.

 _Okay, Emrys,_ he thought to himself, _you know that Gaius is right. Time to sort all this out._

His knock was met with an “it’s open”, and Merlin stepped into Arthur’s office.

“Merlin,” said Arthur with a surprised smile. Merlin’s heart did a small somersault. “Can I help you with something?”

“Er…” said Merlin, not sure what to say. It had been a spur-of-the-moment decision and he hadn’t really planned further than entering the room. He took a steadying breath. “Right, okay, here’s the thing: you fucked up that night in front of Mogue and you know it. I don’t have to convince you of that.”

“No,” said Arthur, looking guilty. “I know I was a prick.”

“Okay good,” said Merlin nodding. He crossed the room to plonk down in one of the seats opposite Arthur’s desk. “The thing is, as annoyed as I still am about it, I know you were actually convinced you were doing the right thing. And I think I agree with you. Even though the media is still talking about Valiant, Cenred and Vivian, thanks to your plan they’ve mostly left Ellie alone.”

Arthur was staring at Merlin with a mixture of confusion and relief and Merlin felt the last of the tension melt away at the sight.

“I’m hoping that the lunch before the Mogue thing wasn’t just some elaborate plot to soften me up? You know, that it was actually a ‘thank you and let’s get to know each other’ thing?” Merlin asked.

“It was a little bit to soften you up,” Arthur admitted, “and I chose the restaurant and the seat near the window because there was always the chance that the paparazzi might make their own assumptions. I did tell you that I was going to ask you then about the fake relationship, but we ended up having such a good time that I flaked out. I swear everything we spoke about was true though. There really is video footage of two-year-old Leon me dancing to Bowie with a nappies on our heads and I really do find you easy to talk to.”

Arthur took a deep breath that by now Merlin had learned meant he was about to make a big statement.

“I’m sorry for that night at Mogue,” he said, looking Merlin right in the eye. He felt his heart stutter. “I shouldn’t have kissed you and I should have made sure that you were comfortable with the idea of us fake-dating before I just ran recklessly with it the way I did. I just… I’m sorry.”

“Apology accepted,” said Merlin with a small smile. Arthur’s smile in return almost blinded him and he was reminded again that the most difficult part of this fake relationship stuff would be remembering that he and Arthur were just friends. “I, in turn, would like to apologise for being so… I mean, you came out to the public – that’s huge! And I didn’t even… So, sorry.”

“At the risk of ruining this already way too soppy moment,” said Arthur. “Why don’t I let you go grab us coffees from the break room while I wrap up with what I was busy with here. I fancy a walk, if you don’t mind that there might be cameras in our face for part of it?”

“I think I can handle it now,” said Merlin, grinning. “I’ll meet you at the reception desk in five.”

He made his way to the break room, briefly popping into Gwen’s office on the way to let her know that he was heading out for a while so she didn’t look for him during her lunch break, before heading down to the reception area feeling happier than he had in weeks. He even found himself almost annoyed that there was someone filling in for Sophia that afternoon. One of her sour looks would probably have sobered him up a bit.

Arthur joined him almost exactly five minutes later. Merlin handed him his coffee and Arthur thanked him with a smile.

“Hey Mary, where's Sophia?” Arthur asked, turning to the lady at the reception desk.

“She’s been ill lately, so she took the afternoon off,” Mary explained. “Is there anything I can help you with instead, Mr Pendragon?”

“Yes, can you please cancel my one o’clock appointment with Mr de Bois?” Arthur said.

“Sure thing, Mr Pendragon,” Mary said, pencilling down Arthur’s request on a notepad near her keyboard. She stopped halfway. “Oh, sorry, Sir, there’s a note here from Sophia to cancel that appointment anyway. My apologies.”

“No problem, Mary. Thanks for your help,” said Arthur, grabbing Merlin’s hand as he turned for the door. The spike in Merlin’s pulse had little to do with the walking as they made their way out of the reception area and everything to do with the the warm fingers intertwined with his.

“I have a question for you,” Merlin said as they walked down the busy street a few minutes later, still holding Arthur’s hand. He had to strongly resist the urge to stroke Arthur’s thumb with his own. It briefly occurred to him that he could probably drop Arthur’s hand altogether seeing as there weren’t really any photographers around, but he reasoned that there was always the possibility that they might show up so it was better to be prepared, right?

Arthur looked at him curiously as he waited for what Merlin wanted to ask.

“Does Agravaine ever actually work in his own office?” Merlin blurted out before he could convince himself not to. “I mean, he seems to always be out and when he is at Excalibur, he’s in your office so I was just wondering why you've even bothered giving him one.”

“I see you’re still not a fan of my uncle,” Arthur chuckled and Merlin made a face to confirm it. “He’s a publicist, _Mer_ lin. He needs to be out in the public networking and making us look good. And when he’s not doing that, we’re normally strategising. It’s nothing nefarious, I promise.”

He was about rebut, when Arthur leaned closer to whisper in Merlin’s ear.

“Don't look now but there’s a group of photographers across the street,” he said, pointing subtly with the hand holding his coffee. “If you want, we can go back, get my car and just grab lunch somewhere else instead.”

Merlin paused to consider what he wanted to do, when he spotted a small takeaway joint just a little bit farther down the street. He turned to grin at Arthur.

“Or…”

* * *

 

“This is the most disgusting thing I’ve ever eaten in my entire life,” said Arthur through his mouthful of chip butty a few minutes later. “I love it.”

“The joys of dating a commoner,” said Merlin with a cheeky grin, stealing a stray chip from Arthur’s takeaway container with his plastic fork. Arthur gasped indignantly and stole one of Merlin’s in retaliation, popping it into his mouth with a smug laugh. Outside, he thought he caught the flash of a camera bulb.

Despite their best efforts to make it into the tiny café without being seen, they hadn’t quite been quick enough and the small group of paparazzi had set up shop across the street.

“They’re still taking photos, you know,” said Arthur, stealing another of Merlin’s chips when realised that there hadn’t been any retribution for the last one he’d taken.

“I’d noticed,” said Merlin, swooping in for another of Arthur’s. “I don't blame them. We're young, gay, adorable and giving them quite a show right now.”

He turned his head away from the window towards the interior of the shop. An old lady at the table nearby was staring at Merlin and Arthur as if trying to work out who they were. She'd clearly made the link between them and the cameras. Arthur, who had followed Merlin's gaze to the old dear at the next table, waved, flashing his most charming smile and she blushed as she waved back.

“You're a ridiculous flirt, you know that?” Merlin laughed. “You could give Gwaine a run for his money.”

“You flatter me,” Arthur chuckled. “I don't think it’s physically possible for anyone to flirt as much and as successfully as Gwaine. Even Kay is tempted and he's one of the straightest straight blokes I know.”

Arthur tucked into his butty again and Merlin allowed himself a moment just to sit back and watch him. Much of the stress around the Knights and Ellie was now over and it looked like Arthur had been sleeping better as a result. This was the most relaxed and at ease Merlin had ever seen him. He suddenly looked years younger and Merlin was reminded with a pang just how much he fancied the git.

“Ground control to Major Tom?” Arthur said, waving a hand in front of Merlin's face and Merlin snapped back to reality, cheeks flushing as he realised he'd been staring. Arthur chuckled. “You know, someday you'll have to tell me what goes on between those ears of yours.”

“Wouldn't you like to know?” Merlin grinned, waggling his eyebrows and hoping that it covered up what had been him staring at Arthur like a lovestruck schoolkid.

“I would actually,” Arthur replied and in surprise, Merlin paused the chip that had been halfway to his mouth. Arthur leaned closer and dropped his voice. They were sitting so close that Merlin could smell the clean minty smell of his no doubt ridiculously expensive shampoo and he gulped. “For instance, based on your experiences thus far, am I a better or a worse boyfriend than Elyan?”

“Well, Elyan and I never went out on a date,” said Merlin softly, his heart hammering at the question, “so that's a point in your favour. _But,_ Elyan never used me as part of his plan to come out to the world, so that's a point to him. _But_ you gave Gwen and Gwaine and Elyan amazing jobs, so that makes it two-one to you… shall I go on?”

“Look do I win or not?” Arthur asked in mock impatience, sitting back as a he popped a chip into his mouth.

“Which answer helps me keep my really cushy job as a professional recording artist?” Merlin asked with a cheeky grin.

Arthur laughed, kicked Merlin under the table and used this momentary distraction to swipe another of Merlin's chips. Outside, the paparazzi seemed to be carefully documenting every second of it, but he hardly cared anymore. As Merlin watched the usually highly strung Arthur slowly unwind before his eyes, it didn't matter that he was the prat who had dragged Merlin into this media shitstorm –

Arthur was winning by a landslide.

* * *

 

The return of Ellie the next week was what made Merlin realise that Excalibur, in the short time he had been there, had become home. It seemed, to Merlin anyway, that things were about as back to normal as they were ever going to be. Ellie, who had used the few weeks she had spent at her father’s house as a productive song writing time, eagerly explained her ideas for her new album to Arthur and Merlin over lunch in the break room one day.

“And the thing is, even though these are all songs inspired by my breakup with Valiant, I don’t actually want them to be _about_ the breakup,” she said through a bulging mouthful of tuna mayo. “Because I don’t want to give him any more attention than he’s already got. I want the songs to be about me getting better after it. And maybe moving on… eventually.”

Merlin followed Ellie’s wistful eyes over to the table next to theirs where Gwaine and Kay were arm-wrestling, faces turning purple in the effort to win. Elyan and Percy sat at opposite ends of the same table each on their phones, still not talking to each other after all the weeks that had passed since the party. Merlin was beginning to believe that the kissing he had seen them do at the flat was all in his imagination. While they were still perfectly friendly with one another when they did interact, there was a sudden distance between them that made him think that Percy might not have fancied Elyan as much as Merlin thought he did. Merlin’s heart gave a little pang of pity every time he saw Elyan glance longingly at the drummer.

“And of course Merlin is going to record a track with me,” Ellie explained and Merlin pulled himself back from his thoughts into their conversation.

“Of course,” said Arthur, nudging Merlin’s thigh with his knee under the table. Merlin’s heart skipped a beat or two. “On his album too.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Merlin asked confusedly. “Mind you, I’m not complaining; I’d sing with Ellie on anything anyday, but which song did you have in mind? I was under the impression that after I recorded my last two songs after our meeting later we’d be about ready to wrap things up.”

“Well that’s what our meeting later was going to be about,” said Arthur. “Gaius and I have been talking and we want to make a few changes. But we’ll discuss it then.”

“You can discuss it now, if you’d like,” said Ellie, swallowing down another massive mouthful of sandwich as she stood up from the table.

“Oh no, Ellie, don’t worry,” said Merlin, not wanting to chase her away. “We really do have a meeting scheduled for later.”

“No, it’s okay,” said Ellie with a smile. “I was going to excuse myself to sit with the Knights in a moment anyway and meetings are always more enjoyable over lunch, don’t you think?” She waved to them both, pulled out a seat next to Percy and began cheering on Gwaine who looked like he was about to pass out from the strain of attempting not to lose to Kay. Merlin briefly wondered if she was leaving them alone on purpose, but decided she wouldn’t do that. Ellie was one of the few people who knew that Arthur and Merlin’s relationship was fake, so she knew how awkward it might be.

“Well, we can talk about it now if you think cheese, lettuce and tomato sandwiches are going to have a big impact on the discussion,” said Arthur.

“I really don’t mind either way,” said Merlin. “I’m just curious to hear what the two of you were thinking.”

“Well, I think you already know that ‘Faster’ and ‘Last Week’ aren’t really working,” said Arthur and Merlin nodded. They really weren’t. It didn’t matter how many times he and Gaius changed the arrangement or tweaked the lyrics, they just didn’t fit. “So we were hoping that you’d be alright with writing two new songs. I’d really like it if you wrote one of them with Ellie because I would love to see what the two of you could come up with together.”

“Yeah sure,” smiled Merlin. “I can definitely do that.”

“There’s one other thing,” said Arthur and Merlin took a bite of his sandwich as he waited for what Arthur had to say. “I think, and Gaius agrees with me by the way, that the other one should be that song you wrote for your friend.”

“No,” said Merlin outright after swallowing his mouthful of food. “Absolutely not.”

“Okay look,” said Arthur, taking Merlin’s hand (something that the two of them had become increasingly comfortable with over the past few days and something that nearly stopped Merlin’s heart every time), “I know that that song is really precious to you and that you want to do right by your friend’s memory, but that song… I mean I love all of your music, you know that, but that one in particular just… I _feel_ it. Really deep down where not much reaches and it helped me work through a lot of things I’ve been trying for ages to work through. It would really mean a lot to me if you considered having it out there for other people. I’d never force you to, but just… think about it, alright?”

Merlin gave Arthur’s hand a squeeze and smiled a little when Arthur didn’t release his after that. They sat holding hands until Gwaine’s arm finally gave way and Kay won their  match. Everyone in the break room applauded as the two of them stood to take a bow and Arthur pulled his hand back to join in with them.

He tried not to give in to the small hope that Arthur might take his hand again after that, but failed miserably when he found himself disappointed that Arthur’s hands sat on the table in front of him for the rest of lunch.

* * *

 

“You’ve been in an awfully good mood the last while,” Gwen smiled as they got off of their last bus to walk the last few blocks to Excalibur Records the next morning. “I thought sulky Merlin was going to become a permanent part of our lives for a while there.”

“I’ve been having a surprisingly good time with Arthur this past week,” Merlin explained as they approached the small coffee shop where Merlin always bought Arthur's morning coffee. “We both made a few awkward apologies and then it was as if Arthur was a new person. He’s been so relaxed and charming and funny. I’m just… I’m actually enjoying being around him now.”

“That's great,” said Gwen, following Merlin into the tiny shop. “Lance reckons you've been a good influence on him.”

“Hey, Zee,” said Merlin to Zebeth, the barista, as soon as he walked up to the counter. The short girl smiled up at him. “His Majesty's usual.”

Merlin waited until Zebeth busied herself with the coffee before turning to Gwen again.

“What does Lance mean by ‘good influence’?” he asked as he skimmed over the headlines of the magazines and papers on the newsstand.  

“Apparently he's been a lot more pleasant to be around since you showed up,” explained Gwen. “Not that he was horrible to be around before, but he was just really serious. He didn't really talk to anyone outside of work-related reasons, but nowadays he's really making an effort to get to know all of the people working for him.”

“I don’t see how that’s my influence thou–”

He stopped mid-sentence when a photo caught his eye and it took him a moment to convince himself that he was actually seeing what he thought he was seeing. Sophia Timor was looking at him from the front of a magazine cover, sad and simpering next to a headline that read _“EXCLUSIVE: ‘I’m having Arthur Pendragon’s baby!’ – One Excalibur Employee’s Shocking Story”_.

 _What the actual fuck?_ Merlin thought to himself as he picked up the magazine, which was frustratingly covered in plastic. He added it to his coffee purchase, hastily handing Zebeth a handful of notes before telling her to keep the change as he rushed to the nearest table and ripped open the wrapping to skim the article.

The more he read the more furious he became at the blatant lies. He could definitely believe that she was pregnant. It would explain why she had been so sick lately and the appointment he had heard her book on his first visit to Excalibur suddenly made a lot of sense. He just couldn’t see how she could say it was _Arthur’s_ child. Of all the ridiculous, sensationalist, money-grabbing rumours, this had to be the most unbelievable. Arthur was _gay_. He’d just come out to the world. Surely no one would believe that this story was true.

“You’d better get to him quickly,” said Gwen, placing a hand on Merlin’s arm. She’d clearly been reading over his shoulder. “It sounds like he’s going to need friends around him right now.”

It was a testament to how concerned he was about Arthur that not even ten minutes later, with a painful stitch in his side, he was knocking on the closed door of Arthur’s office. There was no reply. Peaking through the small window, he saw that Arthur was alone, sitting with his fingers threaded through his hair, looking paler, younger and more afraid than Merlin had ever seen him.

“Arthur, I’m coming in,” Merlin said, opening the door to the office. He placed Arthur’s coffee down in front of him before taking a seat in one of the chairs opposite Arthur.

Arthur didn’t even look up.

“Arthur, I saw the article and it’s bollocks,” said Merlin. “No one is going to buy it. You’ve just come out as gay. No one is going to believe that you got your female receptionist pregnant. Sure, the media is probably going to suck for a while, but when there’s no evidence to back up her claims, people are going to realise that she’s just a money-grabbing twit and –”

“I _did_ though,” said Arthur, finally looking up at Merlin. He could see that his eyes were bloodshot and he was so pale that Merlin feared he would pass out at any moment.

“You did what?” Merlin asked.

 _“I slept with her,”_ Arthur replied in a choked whisper.

It took Merlin a moment or two to process this.

“You slept with her?” he eventually asked. “When?”

“The night after I met you at Le Dragon,” said Arthur, voice dull and shaking. “It’s … It was a difficult day for me and so much had gone wrong and was going wrong and I'd argued with my uncle about Mordred again that morning and then the thing happened at the restaurant and… I... I just wanted to forget everything for a while. So I went to a club. I didn't know anyone there and I just kept drinking and drinking until I eventually bumped into Sophia. She was the only person I'd seen there that I knew so we chatted and she flirted and at that stage I wasn't really out to anyone. So when she invited me back to her place, I… We used protection but I guess it doesn't always work and now…”

“Hey, I know this seems huge right now,” said Merlin, taking hold of one of the hands Arthur  had let flop to the desk in defeat and feeling a faint sense of relief when he felt it curl around his, “but let's take a step back and think about this. It was a one-night stand. You don't know who else she might have been sleeping with around that time. For now, don't make any big, rash decisions because you don't actually know if this is your child or not.”

“And if it _is_ my child?” Arthur asked, heavily.

“Wait until you _know_ , Arthur,” said Merlin.

They were silent for a long time and Merlin stroked Arthur’s knuckles with his thumb wondering how on earth he was supposed to fix this or if he even could.

“She didn’t even talk to me about it first,” said Arthur eventually, toying with the corner of a notepad on his desk. “I found out from the Internet this morning. I mean, if it’s money she was after I would have helped her. Of _course_ I would have helped her.”

“Maybe it was about more than just the money,” said Merlin, sitting up straighter in his seat. Arthur looked up at him. “Arthur, everything that’s happened over the past few months has had to do with this label: Valiant and Cenred’s sudden unexplainable drinking sprees, the Car Park Incident, breaking up the Knights, Valiant and Ellie breaking up, the rumours about Ellie and me and now this? Tell me that doesn’t sound like someone has it in for Excalibur Records.”

“You think _Sophia_ is trying to bring down Excalibur Records?” asked Arthur, looking completely unconvinced.

“Not Sophia,” said Merlin, shaking his head. “I think she’s just a pawn, but I mean, come on. No one goes through so much drama in such a short space of time without it being orchestrated that way.”

“Merlin,” Arthur said, slowly releasing Merlin’s hand, “I know that this industry is new and exciting, and I can see how you’d be tempted to think that we’re in some kind of thrilling crime novel, but the real world doesn’t work like that. Sometimes shitty things happen. Sometimes shitty things happen because you _make_ them happen.”

Merlin was about to remind Arthur again to not assume the worst, when there was a knock on the door. A worried-looking Gaius entered a moment later.

“Arthur, I just saw the news,” he said. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” Arthur said and by the height Gaius’ eyebrow reached, it seemed he didn’t believe a word of it. If he didn’t, he decided to let it slide as he crossed over to the desk.

“I don’t see how they expect people to believe it though,” said Gaius, taking the seat next to Merlin’s. “Not now that you’ve come out and you and Merlin are… you know, whatever you are.”

“Gaius –”

Arthur was about to explain, but was interrupted when Agravaine suddenly burst into the office without knocking.

“I came as quickly as I could,” he said, crossing the room to stand next to Arthur. With an awkward hand on Arthur’s shoulder, he turned to Gaius and Merlin and gave them both a sickly-sweet smile. “Would you mind terribly giving me a moment alone to talk to my nephew?”

Merlin looked to Arthur for his answer. He wouldn’t leave him unless Arthur told him to. Arthur seemed to realise this and nodded once to show that he’d be alright. Reluctantly Merlin followed Gaius out of the office, just as he heard Agravaine ask, “Is it true? Is it even _possible_?”

“You know, Merlin, I have patience for a great many people in this world,” said Gaius as they strode down the corridor. “It’s a point of pride for me to treat everyone I meet with respect and dignity, regardless of how they treat me. Agravaine is the one exception.”

“So you also think he’s a bit of a slimeball then?” Merlin asked.

“Oh he’s a massive slimeball,” Gaius replied. “Slick as you like and absolutely horrible to be around. He’s the reason I rarely venture out of the studio. However, he’s unfortunately Arthur’s uncle and I have to remember that apart from Morgana, he’s the last family member Arthur has and his last link to his mother. He’s important to Arthur.”

“He outed Arthur to me on purpose that day I recorded my demo,” said Merlin, unable to keep the disgust from his voice. “Compared me to Mordred Jones and said that Arthur was being nice to me because he’s attracted to me. I mean, I already knew he was gay because Ellie was babbling and she blurted it out, but Arthur didn’t _know_ that I knew. I can’t imagine how anxious he must have been that I’d tell someone. I mean, I barely knew him at the time.”

“It does sound like an incredibly Agravaine thing to do,” said Gaius, tightening his lips as if trying to hold back what he really wanted to say. Then, taking a step closer to Merlin he spoke under his breath so they wouldn’t be overheard. “I know that this relationship between you and Arthur is just to divert attention from Ellie, because Arthur would never rush headfirst into anything where his heart was on the line, but I like to believe that at least your friendship is real. So, with that in mind, can I ask a favour of you, Merlin?”

“Anything,” Merlin said, not quite sure what he was agreeing to.

“Keep an eye out for Arthur,” he said, placing a hand on Merlin’s shoulder. “Everything that’s been happening over the past few years or so… someone is trying to ruin him and even though we’re not related by blood, he’s like a son to me. If something happened to hurt Arthur…”

“I’ll look out for him,” said Merlin with a reassuring smile. “You have my word.”

“Thank you,” Gaius smiled back. “Now, let’s see if this fabled ‘break room’ can make a halfway decent cup of tea.”

* * *

 

After tea with Gaius, Merlin made his way back to Arthur’s office.

“Arthur, I’m coming in again,” he said as he knocked. Arthur’s back was towards the door as he leaned against his desk staring out at the view from his window. He didn’t turn around as Merlin walked toward him and didn’t move when Merlin stood next to him and put a hand on his shoulder. They stood like that in silence for a while, Arthur processing everything that had happened that morning and Merlin silently giving him the opportunity to do so.

“I’m going home,” said Arthur eventually. “It’s not like I’ve managed to do any work today anyway.”

“That’s probably a good idea,” said Merlin, rubbing a comforting circle into Arthur’s back before letting his hand drop to the desk behind him. “I’ll guess I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“No, you’re coming with me,” said Arthur, looking up at Merlin. Then, seeming to realise that he’d just demanded that Merlin come home with him, he grimaced. “I mean, only if you want to. I completely understand if you don’t. I’d be miserable company at the moment.”

“I’ll go with you,” Merlin nodded. “Even if it’s just to make you tea and to stop you from smashing your mug when you start to hate Sophia as much as I do right now.”

Arthur gave him the ghost of a smile and allowed Merlin to take his hand and lead him down to the reception area. Before they reached the doors, Arthur stopped him.

“Merlin, wait,” he said and Merlin turned to look at him. “The media out there is going to be crazy. Probably nearly unbearable. You really don’t have to do this. Stay here a while longer and wait for the worst of it to die down.”

“I don’t care,” said Merlin. “Right now the only thing that’s giving anyone any doubts about the validity of Sophia’s claims is that you’re gay and you have a boyfriend. Right now, fake as our relationship is, I plan to be the best, most supportive boyfriend I can be. That means that I walk out of here with you to show them that I don’t believe a word of Sophia’s story so neither should they, that we’re still hopelessly in love and more than a little pissed off about all of this.”

Arthur just nodded and Merlin flashed him an encouraging smile. At that moment Merlin knew that it didn’t matter if it was from the media, or his crazy receptionist, or his creepy uncle, or a zombie hoard or a pack of fucking wyverns – it was his job to protect Arthur. Not just because Gaius had asked him to, but because the thought of anything happening to Arthur, the sight of him upset, filled him with such fear and rage that he realised there wasn’t anything else he could do.

He wondered, as the two of them walked headfirst into the sea of screaming people and flashing bulbs, if this was what it meant to be in love with someone.


	7. The Results

“Truth, I guess.” Gwen said as she toyed with the zipper of a bright green throw cushion.

When the Knights had announced that they were going out to ‘seal their brotherly ties over a few pints’ (as Gwaine put it), Ellie had immediately invited Merlin and Gwen round to her place for a movie night. Now after three hours, two bottles of wine, one game of tipsy karaoke and not a single movie watched, an impromptu game of Truth or Dare had popped up. So far, Merlin had been dared to tweet something cute about Arthur ( _‘His laugh though <3’ _), Ellie had confessed to having a huge crush on Kay when they first met (“It was the accent, alright! Scotland is a real problem for me!”) and Gwen was about to answer her ‘truth’ question.

“Here’s my question to you, my dear Gwen: is Lance as good in bed as the fanfiction makes him out to be?” asked Merlin without hesitation, chuckling delightedly at the shade Gwen’s cheeks flushed. “And you can’t deny that you’ve read any. We shared a laptop for a while at uni, remember?”

Gwen smiled bashfully and buried her face into the cushion on her lap while Ellie grinned and poured more wine into her almost-finished glass.

“He’s better,” said the muffled voice eventually. “Much better.”

“I knew it!” grinned Merlin. Next to him, Ellie had dissolved into a pile of giggles.

“Yes yes, alright, he’s the best I’ve ever had,” Gwen said, sitting up to point severely at Merlin. “It’s _your_ turn now.”

“Truth,” he said, once Ellie had calmed down enough to rejoin the game.

“Ooh I have one,” Ellie said sitting up quickly and nearly spilling her wine everywhere. “Okay, so do you and Arthur really fancy each other or are you both just really good actors?”

“Ellie, that’s a bit of a sore subject,” Gwen warned.

“Nah, it’s alright, Gwen,” said Merlin, taking an enormous sip of his wine. “It’s… So I know that _I_ fancy him like crazy but I have no idea if he feels the same way. I suppose I must be a good actor though because if actually being in love with him does anything, it makes _acting_ in love with him a million times more difficult than it should be.”

“You poor thing,” said Ellie, slipping a hand into Merlin’s, looking incredibly apologetic. “I didn’t realise that you were in _love_ with him or I wouldn’t have asked. You two just always look like you’re having such fun together, I guess I never really thought about how difficult something like the two of you have would be if there were real feelings involved.”

“Hey, it’s alright,” said Merlin, giving Ellie’s hand a squeeze. “It’s just one of those things. I fancied him before we started the whole fake dating lark and I just didn’t realise how difficult it was going to be. I mean when Elyan and I…”

He stopped himself, remembering that he still hadn’t told Ellie that his and Elyan’s relationship had been fake, but then decided he couldn’t keep it from Ellie forever.

“Elyan and I fake-dated,” he explained and Ellie frowned in confusion. “That day I went to your house with you and Valiant showed up, I was terrified that he was going to knock me out or something so I told him that I was gay and had a boyfriend even though it had been months since my last relationship. Then when you were asking me questions about it, I blurted out Elyan’s name and he kindly agreed to go along with it. I couldn’t tell you while you were still with Valiant just incase it made things worse with the two of you and then recently... it just hasn’t really come up in conversation. Sorry, I didn’t mean to lie to you. I just panicked and it spiralled out of control.”

“Hey, don’t worry about it,” said Ellie with a small smile. “I totally understand. Valiant would very likely have fucked you up that day if he thought you were interested in me. He was still really weird about you for weeks after that. _Prick_. God, I was such an idiot to stay with him as long as I did.”

She downed the rest of her glass of wine and poured herself more.

“When does it become appropriate after leaving a year-and-a-half-long relationship to develop a crush on someone else?” she asked after a mouthful of her new glass.

“About two weeks for some celebrities,” said Merlin cynically, “as I discovered recently when the Merlom Hiddlerys dream died.”

“I think you’re allowed even less time than that if your last boyfriend was a psycho though,” said Gwen reasonably. “Why? Do you fancy someone, El?”

“No!” she replied far too quickly. “Well, yes. Maybe. Definitely. I don’t know, it’s all really confusing.”

“Okay, I’m going to take a guess,” said Merlin with a grin. “Tell me if I’m wrong, blush like crazy if I’m right. It’s Gwaine, isn’t it?”

Ellie’s cheeks were so red Merlin was sure he and Gwen could toast marshmallows if they held them near enough.

“OH MY GOD!” squealed Gwen. “Since when?”

“Since I met him really,” said Ellie miserably. “It was just after Valiant and I started dating and I saw him at a _Saturday Night Unplugged_ gig. He was so close to the stage and so good-looking and he kept looking up at me with these adoring brown eyes and I just couldn’t stop glancing at him.”

Gwaine had been so right about everything that Merlin almost felt the need to apologise to him. But only almost.

“And then he came up to me afterwards and started flirting with me and I was so _so_ tempted,” she continued, pausing to take a sip of wine. “But then I remembered Valiant and at that stage I was still so in love with the prick that I turned Gwaine down. Imagine if I hadn’t.”

Gwen shuffled up to Ellie and pulled her into a hug.

“Going out with Gwaine then would have been a mistake,” said Gwen comfortingly as she stroked Ellie’s back. “You won’t believe how much he’s matured in the past year or so. We’ve even trained him to wear clothes to bed now.”

“Yeah and if it helps you any, I know he’s still just as crazy about you now,” said Merlin, with an encouraging smile.

“That’s the thing though,” said Ellie, pulling out of the hug. “I know he fancies me and I know that we’d be really really good together...”

“But?” Gwen asked.

“But the media would hound us,” said Ellie. “Not just because it’s so soon after Valiant and I broke up but also because he’s filling one of the slots in the Knights that opened up when they fired Valiant for getting caught in a sex scandal with my ex-best friend who just so happens to also have been Gwaine’s leading lady in _Rapunzelle_. With all those stories to sell papers and magazines, they’d never leave us alone. And also… I just don’t know if I’m ready to put my heart on the line again. Valiant was also an amazing boyfriend in the beginning.”

“El, I can’t make many promises about Gwaine,” said Merlin, taking Ellie’s hand again. “He’s a bit of a wild card, to be honest. But I can promise with all certainty that he’s nothing like Valiant.”

“Give it time,” said Gwen gently. “If you’re sure he fancies you then there’s no need to rush. Get to know each other as friends first.”

“But what if he gets sick of waiting?” Ellie asked.

“If he likes you as much as I think he does, he won’t,” said Merlin.

The three of them sat in silence for a little while before Ellie’s head snapped up to look at Merlin.

“Shit! Merlin, have you told Perce that your relationship with Elyan was fake?” she asked.

“Er, no,” said Merlin, pulling his hand from Ellie’s to pick up a block of chocolate from the coffee table. “Why?”

“Well you know how Percy couldn’t shut up about Elyan a while back?” she said and both Gwen and Merlin shook their heads. It was only recently that they’d started getting to really know Percy. “Okay, well for a while Elyan was all Percy could talk about. It was ‘Elyan said this’ or ‘Elyan and I’ or ‘Elyan would love this’ and now all of a sudden they hardly say two words to each other.”

“Elyan was saying the other day that Percy’s become weirdly distant all of a sudden,” said Gwen with a frown.

“Well, I asked Percy what happened and he told me that apparently that the night Gwaine and Elyan joined the Knights you guys were having some kind of party at your flat while Merlin was out with Arthur? Anyway Elyan was talking about something to do with his teaching and Percy apparently just found him so adorable that couldn’t take it anymore and just kissed him. And then Elyan kissed back. There was apparently a lot of kissing.”

“There was,” Merlin said. “I saw them at it when I got home that night.”

“That’s the thing though,” said Ellie. “Apparently you saw them, stormed straight to your room and didn’t come out again for the rest of the night.”

“Yeah because I was upset about Arthur kissing me and signing me up for a highly publicised fake relationship without asking me first,” said Merlin. “Not because… Oh my god, that’s why Perce has been so weird, isn’t it? He thinks that I’m upset about him and Elyan.”

“He’s really worried about damaging the friendship you two have by getting in the way,” Ellie explained. “He’s a bit of a self-sacrificing prat like that.”

“It seems to be a required trait to work at Excalibur,” said Merlin with a sigh. “I’ll talk to him when I see him again. Tell him he’s being a daft git and that I wouldn’t have minded even if it hadn’t been a fake relationship.”

The three of them were silent for a while as they drank their wine and ate their snacks, until Gwen cleared her throat.

“So Chuck, Fuck, Marry: Chris Hemsworth, Chris Evans, Chris Pratt.”

“Definitely chuck Evans,” said Ellie and Gwen gasped in offense and immediately leapt to his defense. Merlin listened in amusement as they argued about which Chris merited which fate and why they did until he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. It was an email informing him that Arthur had responded to his tweet. Heart racing, he opened Twitter to see what it said. Above a retweet of his dare from earlier, he read: _‘His laugh’s got nothing on yours though <3 <3 #ThisWasAboutMeRight?’ _

Merlin knew it was fake and all for the public eye, but it was difficult not to grin like an idiot at the words. As he tried to join the argument he couldn’t help but feel that his opinion that all of them could be chucked because they weren’t Arthur might be a little bit biased.

* * *

The pregnancy still loomed over Excalibur like a dark cloud and walking into the reception area every morning to see Mary now smiling brightly from where Sophia used to scowl brought Merlin a constant reminding pang that things weren’t alright. Even so, Arthur seemed to have made as much peace as he could with the situation. He had managed to make contact with Sophia and between them they’d scheduled a date for the paternity test. Even though he still looked drawn and tired, the fact that Sophia had complied so easily seemed to set something in Arthur’s mind at ease.

It did the complete opposite for Merlin.

The fact that Sophia had been so quick to agree to the test without any hesitation told Merlin that she was certain about what the results would be. He didn’t believe her to be above sabotaging whatever protection they had used that night and the fact that she was so sure that it was Arthur’s baby was all the confirmation Merlin needed that that’s exactly what she had done.

Still, it didn’t help panicking about it until the test happened, and Merlin instead devoted himself to getting the last of his album done. Ellie, who was already deep in conversations with Gaius about her new album, had agreed to write a song with him and they’d scheduled a day to put something together. In the meantime, Merlin got to work on the other song he would need for the album and tried to give as little thought as possible to Arthur’s suggestion of including ‘Honourable Mention’. It was an avenue of thought he couldn’t let himself explore. Not with everything else that was going on.

Merlin found, however, that with the anniversary of Will’s accident rapidly hurtling towards him, he couldn’t think about much else. Would it honour or cheapen Will’s memory? Had it affected Arthur as much as he said it had? Would it affect other people as much as Arthur thought it might? What if everyone hated it and he made Will look bad? The various thoughts tumbled through his mind and every time Merlin thought he had come to a decision, something new would occur to him.

The only real break in his worries and anxieties came in the form of Gwaine’s birthday party.

When Gwaine had not-so-subtly complained that their flat would probably be too small for what he was planning, Arthur had immediately offered him the use of his. A week after that Arthur’s stylish flat was packed full of people, lasers, strobe lights and smoke machines, with heavy-bass dance music making the furniture rattle, and was barely recognisable as the echoey grey-red-and-white penthouse that Merlin had come to know well over the past few weeks.

“Never thought I’d see your poor couch put through so much abuse,” Merlin said into Arthur’s ear as they stood watching the partygoers. He pointed to the living room where a couple Merlin had never met were all but having sex on the sofa.

“To be fair, you’ve only been round a few times – you have no idea what it could have been through in the past,” said Arthur with a cheeky grin as he threw his arm around Merlin’s shoulders. Merlin’s heart lurched and he forced himself to stop thinking the wildly inappropriate thoughts that had popped into his head at Arthur’s words, instead concentrating on the drink in Arthur’s hand. It was his fifth of the night (not that Merlin had been counting) and it seemed that Arthur was reaching the point where his inhibitions were rapidly beginning to fade. Keeping in mind what had happened the last time Arthur had let his guard down while drinking, Merlin assigned himself the task of making sure nothing more exciting than dancing happened to Arthur that night.

He wasn't sure what to say in response to Arthur’s suggestive banter, but Arthur didn't seem to mind the lack of conversation. Extracting his arm from where it was pinned uncomfortably to his side, Merlin curled it around Arthur's waist instead, pleased when Arthur leaned into the touch. They stood like that watching from the outskirts as the rest of the guests danced and shouted to each other over a sped-up dance version of a song Merlin kept hearing on the radio.

“This isn't really your thing, is it?” asked Arthur after a while.

“Not really, no,” said Merlin, “but Gwaine is one of my best friends and I couldn't miss his birthday party. Especially not when it’s the biggest one he’s ever been able to throw.”

“No, I don’t reckon you could,” said Arthur with a smile. They went quiet for a while again.

“Are you having fun though?” Merlin asked.

“I always have fun with you,” beamed Arthur. Merlin’s heart raced as he smiled back, unsure of what to say. He was thankfully spared the necessity by Percy who had abandoned Gwen and Lance to join them.

“It’s just too cozy over there,” he explained when Merlin and Arthur looked at him in confusion.

Merlin knew that feeling. There were times when watching Gwen and Lance and how well they worked together was lovely. Other times it was just a painful reminder of how different his circumstances were.

“Where's Elyan?” Arthur asked Percy. “I thought you two were hitting it off.”

“We were,” said Percy, his eyes flickering guiltily over to Merlin, “but things got… I don’t know. Just complicated, I guess.”

“Listen, mate,” said Merlin to Percy, “I should have told you this a while ago but Elyan and I were never actually really together.”

“No, you were,” said Percy, frowning. “You kissed at Mogue and everything remember?”

“No, Perce, I made up that relationship with Elyan because I was scared of being murdered by Valiant,” Merlin explained. “That night was just an act. Elyan and I have only ever been and _will_ only ever be really good friends.”

“Wait, so you and Elyan never…?” Percy asked.

“Never,” Merlin replied.

“And you don’t plan to…?”

“Definitely not.”

“So you don’t mind if I…?”

“Perce, if you don’t do us all a favour and ask Elyan out right now, I will commandeer the DJ’s mic and do it on your behalf,” said Merlin severely and Percy’s face split into a massive grin.

“Thanks, Merls,” he said, clapping Merlin on the shoulder and leaving what he was sure would be a fairly sizeable bruise. “You’re a proper mate.”

He disappeared to look for Elyan and it didn’t seem to take him long to find him. Barely two minutes after their conversation, Arthur and Merlin watched as Percy tapped Elyan on the shoulder, interrupting his dance with a tall, dark and handsome man Merlin had never seen before. Percy and Elyan then had a brief conversation where Percy seemed to be pleading and Elyan glared, apparently annoyed at being pulled away from the hot stranger. Eventually, Elyan followed Percy out onto the mostly deserted balcony and Merlin let out a small sigh of relief.

“Think they’re going to be okay?” Arthur asked.

“I think so, yeah,” Merlin smiled. “I can’t believe Elyan didn’t tell him our relationship was fake. It would have saved him so much drama. Noble prat.”

“I thought that was my title?” Arthur pouted. Merlin suppressed a laugh at Drunk-Arthur’s childlikeness.

“You’re all bloody noble,” said Merlin, prodding him with the hand not around Arthur’s waist. “I’m pretty sure it’s in the company policy somewhere.”

“Lance calls it the ‘Knight’s Code’,” admitted Arthur with a lopsided grin.

“Of course he does,” laughed Merlin. “I take it that’s why Valiant and Cenred weren’t too popular with the others?”

“They were at first,” said Arthur, the grin fading from his face, “but I don’t know. Something happened and they just turned… Look, do we really have to talk about them tonight? Can’t we just drink and have fun?”

“Sorry, of course we can,” said Merlin, feeling a little guilty for bringing up Excalibur drama when Arthur was clearly quite keen to forget it.

“Good, because I quite fancy a dance. Don’t you?” Arthur asked, and Merlin’s stomach coiled. As much as he hated dancing in front of other people, Arthur was looking at him with such a hopeful expression that Merlin realised the prat could probably ask anything of him at that point and get it.

“Very well then,” said Merlin, taking the drink out of Arthur’s hand and setting it on the nearest surface. “Let’s dance.”

To Merlin’s delight, Arthur turned out to be an even worse dancer than he was. He wondered if Arthur knew this about himself and just didn’t care or if dancing was only an idea Drunk-Arthur could come up with. Either way, despite Merlin’s awkwardness at being surrounded by a sea of beautiful people who seemed far more graceful than him, watching Arthur wave his hands around in a vague approximation of the beat proved a rather endearing experience.

He was just starting to loosen up and forget about the rest of the people on the dance floor when the tall, handsome man who had been dancing with Elyan earlier started dancing up against him from behind. Merlin was so taken aback by it that he stopped dancing altogether and turned to look at him. The man also paused, looking at Merlin with a confused frown. Completely mortified, Merlin prepared to run as far from the dance floor as he could get, but was prevented from doing so when Arthur stepped forward, snaked his arms around Merlin’s hips and glared at the man until he rolled his eyes and found another group to dance with.

“What was all that about?” Merlin shouted over the thump of the bass.

“We’re supposed to be a couple,” Arthur replied loudly, “It would be a little weird if I just handed you off to another bloke. Plus I’ve heard that jealousy is usually the emotion expressed in these situations.”

“I suppose,” said Merlin, trying not to think about how his shirt had lifted a bit and a couple of Arthur’s fingers were touching the bare skin there.

“Now let’s give these people something to talk about,” said Arthur, moving closer to say the words directly into Merlin’s ear, suddenly swinging his hips in time with the music. Spacious as Arthur’s flat was, all the air seemed to have been pulled out of it in the instant Arthur’s knees brushed roughly against the back of his legs. The last scrap of logic in Merlin’s brain told him that Arthur was only acting like this because of all the alcohol he’d consumed, but it was quickly dissolved at the feeling of being pressed up against Arthur while slowly moving against him to match his rhythm.

Merlin decided there were definitely worse ways to distract yourself from your problems.

* * *

A few hours and several drinks later, with most of the partygoers burnt out and heading for home, Merlin decided it would probably be a good idea to get Arthur to bed.

“Come on, up you get,” said Merlin to Arthur, who was sitting on the edge of a dining room chair looking very much like he needed a year’s supply of sleep. He looked up at Merlin with a dopey grin and Merlin felt an impossible rush of fondness for the drunk prat. Even intoxicated, he seemed to know exactly how to set Merlin’s heart racing.

“Issa party over?” Arthur asked, his speech slurred.

“For you? Yes,” said Merlin, offering Arthur a hand. Merlin helped him up, throwing one of Arthur’s arms around his shoulders so that he could support him as he walked. “You need to sleep this off. But first, coffee.”

Merlin sat Arthur at one of the small chairs around the round breakfast table in the kitchen and began making Arthur a pot of strong coffee. Thankfully, being the posh prat he was, he seemed to have the kind of coffee that could probably cure anything if consumed in large enough amounts.

“Why’rrr you being so nice to me?” Arthur asked when Merlin sat down on the chair next to his, handing Arthur the biggest mug he could find. “I mean, I’m.. thank you. But I’m confused. I ruined your life.”

“No you didn’t,” said Merlin with a small frown. “What makes you say that?”

“You had a normal life before I kissed you,” said Arthur, taking a sloppy sip of coffee. “Well, normaler. I kissed you and now you’ve got all this other drama. Like with Sophia.”

“Hey, don’t think about that now,” said Merlin, taking Arthur’s hand and praying the prat would finish his drink quickly. He didn’t want Arthur to get stuck in his own head when he’d just spent a whole night pleasantly distracted from his thoughts. “Just drink up so we can get you into bed.”

“Father always said I ruined his life,” said Arthur, swallowing down another mouthful of coffee. “Well, he didn’t say it but it was impl… imply… he always meant to say it.” Merlin wondered briefly how he was supposed to respond to that, but before he could decide, Arthur had continued. “See, my mum died giving birth to me and I don’t think he ever really forgave me for...”

“Arthur...” Merlin began, but Arthur carried on over him.

“Then I was the gay son he never wanted. Then I turned down his offer to work for the Camelot Network so I could run Avalon instead. And then when I left that to do Excalibur, Avalon folded. My father was never the same. I broke his last link to her. He never said it out loud, but I know I ruined his life.”

Merlin looked at Arthur and his heart ached for him. With his pale face, a small drop of coffee sliding down his chin and his red-rimmed eyes threatening to spill tears at any moment, Arthur had never looked younger and more vulnerable. As Arthur drained the rest of his coffee, Merlin felt pity and anger and fierce protectiveness bubble up inside of him.

“I guess I just don’t like me very much, Merlin,” said Arthur pitifully, wiping his mouth on his sleeve and setting aside his mug.

_It’s a good thing I like you enough for the both of us then._

The words sat on Merlin’s tongue threatening to spill out, but Merlin couldn’t bring himself to say them. Instead, he hoisted Arthur up again and led him to his bedroom to get him off to sleep.

After helping Arthur out of his shoes, socks and (to Merlin’s horror and delight) his shirt, they stood looking at each other, Arthurs tear-bright eyes staring into Merlin’s while something thick and powerful like a thunderstorm crackled between them.

“Thank you, Merlin,” said Arthur, taking a step closer. “For tonight, for you, for everything.”

“Anytime,” Merlin whispered, suddenly aware of how little space there was between them now. He could see the tiny teardrops still stuck to Arthur’s eyelashes, could count the dark blue specs in his eyes and was just about to ponder the small bump on the bridge of his nose when all of a sudden the air was swept from his lungs as Arthur leaned closer and kissed him.

Merlin’s heart soared, bolstered by how much he now knew he loved Arthur, and hoping against all hope that this meant Arthur felt the same way, but came crashing down a moment later. However amazing it felt to be kissing Arthur again, the slackness of his mouth on Merlin’s, the taste of coffee mingled with beer and the way he swayed unsteadily even as he held on to Merlin reminded him that Arthur was drunk and therefore that none of it was real. With immense effort, he pushed gently on Arthur’s chest until they broke apart. Arthur was looking at him with a mixture of confusion and hurt.

“Arthur, I…” Merlin said, not entirely sure what he wanted to say. “I just… not now, okay? Not like this. I don’t want this to be a mistake.”

_Not when you might not remember it the next morning. Not when this was the state you were in when you slept with Sophia._

“I see,” said Arthur, schooling his face into its old inscrutable expression, the one that he always wore before they became friends. The sudden coldness sent a pang of hurt through Merlin’s chest. “Well, as I said. Thanks for everything, Merlin. I won’t keep you anymore. Go enjoy what’s left of the party.”

With that, he stumbled over to his bed, threw himself down, turned his back on Merlin and pulled his blankets up to his neck. Merlin sighed, heart heavy, and made his way back to the kitchen.

By the time he came back into the bedroom with a glass of water and two paracetamols, Arthur was asleep.

* * *

The Friday after Gwaine’s party found Ellie and Merlin in her living room making good on their promise to help write material for each other’s albums. Merlin, despite every intention to never speak about what had happened at the party to anyone, had found himself unable to shut up about it when Ellie mentioned how cosy the two of them had looked that night. Poor Ellie had been forced to listen to Merlin ramble on about every tiny brush of their arms, the filthy dancing, the confusing kiss and all of Merlin’s emotions surrounding those things for the better part of half an hour while they drank the tea she made for them.

“And I don’t suppose you two have talked about it since then?” asked Ellie as she put down her finished tea and began undoing the clamps on her guitar case.

“No,” said Merlin who had finished his tea a few minutes earlier and had already tuned his guitar. “But only because he doesn’t remember any of it. Either that or he’s resolutely pretending it didn’t happen. I don’t know which feels more shitty.”

“Well, at least something good’s come from it,” smiled Ellie as she tuned her guitar. Merlin looked at her questioningly. “You know what your song is going to be about.”

“Ellie, are you mental?” asked Merlin. “I can’t just write a song about Arthur. He’s going to listen to this. With me in the room, probably. I don’t think I could cope sitting across from him while the jarring sounds of ‘I’m Arse Over Tits for Arthur Pendragon’ fill the already awkward atmosphere between us.”

To his annoyance, Ellie laughed.

“Okay, firstly, you’re not going to be using his name,” she said, giving her guitar an experimental strum. It was crisp and perfectly tuned. “Although… Pendragon. Dragons…”

“I’m not just doing a cover of your song,” said Merlin, with a frown. “No offence, though. You know how much I love it.”

“None taken,” said Ellie. “That’s not what I’m getting at in any case. He’s got ‘dragon’ right there in his name.”

“I’m aware,” said Merlin, not sure what Ellie was trying to explain.

“Okay so answer me this... what’s cool about dragons?”

“I don’t know,” said Merlin, now extremely confused. “They’re giant flying lizard treasure hoarders that blow fire out of their face. I don’t see how this is going to help me write a song for my album. It’s not aimed at eight-year-olds.”

“Sooo… what I’m saying is what if we just very vaguely compared him to a dragon?” said Ellie.

“You’re really going to have to slowly talk me through this one, El.”

“Okay, let me try this.”

She began strumming a few simple chords on the guitar, humming to herself as she did. Merlin was fascinated. For all that he was a part of the industry now, he had never seen a professional songwriter at work. Merlin’s method was completely different to Ellie’s. He would experiment with words and phrases as he played until he’d locked down something he was happy with. Ellie’s eyes were closed, her eyebrows creased, and she seemed to be trying to conceptualise the whole song in her head before she uttered a word. Merlin wondered if that was how she always worked or if she was just not used to writing in front of people.

After a few minutes, she opened her eyes and smiled at Merlin.

“Alright. Want to hear what I had in mind?” she asked and Merlin nodded eagerly. She picked up the rhythm again and began to sing. “ _I have fallen in love, with your onyx laugh and your ruby smile. And I, I’m starting to think I’m never escaping those sapphire eyes._ ”

A pleasant shiver ran down Merlin’s spine. It was perfect.

“So, you see, it’s not speaking about a dragon specifically, but more implying the lore around them,” Ellie explained. “And in a subtle and adorable way, you’re kind of saying that he’s your treasure.”

“I love it,” Merlin said, beaming. “It’s amazing, El.”

“You can thank me once we have the rest of the song down,” said Ellie, looking pleased.

Writing a song with Ellie was a remarkably quick process. What usually took Merlin hours and the help of a rhyming dictionary, she could do in a matter of minutes. Between the two of them, Merlin’s ineloquent babble about how his feelings for Arthur were always simmering just below the surface and how he always felt blazingly warm with embarrassment around the prat, somehow became coherent thoughts that somehow also touched on Ellie’s genius dragon theme.

It wasn't long before they were recording a rough version of ‘Sapphires’, Ellie effortlessly adding harmonies as if it were as easy as breathing. Once they were happy with the finished product, they began working on Ellie's song.

“Any thoughts on what you want yours to be about?” Merlin asked over his between-song tea.

“A few,” said Ellie with a shy smile. “I kind of want a song about someone jumping headfirst into a relationship with someone even though they know it's going to be a little bit mental and incredibly terrifying.

“This wouldn't be autobiographical at all?” Merlin asked cheekily.

“Of course not,” said Ellie innocently, betrayed by the sudden rush of colour to her cheeks. Merlin decided not to tease her about it too much. At least now that he knew the song was about Gwaine it would be easier to conceptualise it.

It didn't take long for them to bash the next song out either. Ellie seemed to have been thinking about it for a while and ‘Down The Rabbit Hole’ flowed easily from their minds and onto the page.

“It's still missing something though,” said Ellie. “I can't put my finger on it, but it's definitely lacking… Well I don't actually know what.”

“I haven't locked down a harmony yet,” said Merlin. “Mind if I try something different?”

“Not at all,” Ellie smiled and the next time they ran through the song, Merlin tried his experiment. While Ellie sang the slightly faster main chorus, Merlin sang an improvised counterpoint chorus below it, his words overlapping with Ellie's at certain points and creating harmony that sent chills down Merlin's spine.

“Wow, Merls! That was exactly what the song needed!” beamed Ellie. “I knew you were a genius.”

“I have my moments,” smiled Merlin. “Now, let's get this all recorded to fulfill our obligation to our gorgeous overlord and I'll stick you to a coffee and cheesecake at Mogue after.”

“Aw, Merlin, I had no idea you felt that way about Gaius,” said Ellie and the two of them burst into a fit of giggles that, because of their creativity high, took almost a full five minutes to subside.

About fifteen minutes later, as Ellie and Merlin were thinking about getting ready to leave for Mogue, Merlin noticed that he had a string of texts from Arthur.

 _RECEIVED [13:03]: Hi Merlin_  
_RECEIVED [13:04]: I know I’ve been in a strange mood since the party. Sorry about that._  
_RECEIVED [13:04]: I am, as you say, a bit of a twozzle._  
_RECEIVED [13:05]: And, selfishly, the only reason I’m admitting this now and apologising for it is that I just got the results of the test back and I don’t want to be alone when I open them._  
_RECEIVED [13:05]: I was going to ask Morgana but she’s either going to be furious or pitying and I can’t handle either right now._  
_RECEIVED [13:25]: Obviously if you have other plans I don’t expect you to change them.  
RECEIVED [13:25]: Just let me know._

Merlin checked the time and realised that the last message had been sent almost an hour ago.

“Sorry, El, I have to call Arthur quick,” he said. “I won’t be long.”

“No, go for it,” Ellie smiled. “I still have to do something with this mane of mine anyway.”

As Ellie went off to do her hair, Merlin pulled up Arthur’s number, thumb hovering over the call button for a moment before he tapped it and held it to his ear.

“Hey Arthur, sorry I’m only getting back to you now, Ellie and I were songwriting. Have you already opened it?” Merlin blurted out when Arthur answered on the second ring.

“Not yet,” said Arthur sounding vaguely relieved. “I was hoping you would get back to me at some point. I’m serious though. If you have plans with Ellie, please don’t feel obligated to –”

“I’ll be there soon,” said Merlin firmly.

“A-alright,” said Arthur. “Thank you, Merlin.”

“You’re welcome,” said Merlin, ending the call.

“Ellie?” said Merlin outside her bedroom door. “I’m going to need to postpone our Mogue plans. Arthur needs me for something.”

“Sure,” said Ellie cheerfully through the door. “Tell him I say hi.”

He made it to Arthur’s apartment in less than ten minutes. Arthur was sheet-white with dark purple rings under his eyes when he answered the door.

“Gods, have you slept at _all_ this week?” asked Merlin as he walked into Arthur’s flat. It was back to its usual pristine condition after the chaos of the week before and Merlin wondered if Arthur had hired a team of miracle workers to fix it up.

“Well hello to you too.” Arthur rolled his eyes as he closed the door behind Merlin. “As a matter of fact, I have. Just not very much.”

“I see so,” said Merlin. They dissolved into awkward silence.

Now that he was here he wasn’t sure what to do. Merlin could see the oddly-frayed envelope sitting on the kitchen table. Did Arthur want to delay opening it just in case the envelope bore bad news? Did he want to open it as soon as possible and just get it over with?

“Before we do anything,” said Merlin after a while, “I think… tea.”

The mystery of the envelopes condition was solved when, while Merlin busied himself with the cups and kettle, Arthur sat at the kitchen table toying with the corners of the letter. The events of the week before and their lack of contact through the week meant that the tension between them was still thick enough to cut with a knife. While Merlin threw the tea bags into the mugs (adding to Arthur’s two small packets of the weird all-natural coconut palm sugar Arthur swore by and that Merlin hadn’t been brave enough to try yet), he silently tried out ways he could bring it up to get everything out into the open, but each sounded more ridiculous than the last.

He was saved from settling on one by Arthur who cleared his throat as if he was about to say something.

“Merlin, about the other night…” he began. Merlin turned to face him and shook his head.

“No, look, I know you apologised but you didn’t need to. I’m the one who should be sorry. You were drunk and I shouldn’t have encouraged it,” he said. Arthur nodded and they fell back into silence while Merlin finished up the tea.

“Look, can we maybe just try to pretend that it didn’t happen?” asked Arthur. “Write it off as a big mistake and never talk about it again?”

Merlin’s heart sank a little at that. If Arthur felt like it had been a ‘big mistake’ then that’s obviously what it had been.

“Sure,” said Merlin, plastering what he hoped looked like a genuine smile to his face. “That would be… I mean that’s great.”

“Great,” said Arthur, mirroring Merlin’s smile. It didn’t reach his eyes. Merlin put that down to the small rectangle of paper in front of him.

Merlin sat down next to Arthur, setting their tea down on the table in front of him as he did, Arthur mumbling a brief ‘thanks’ as he now fixed his eyes on the dog-eared envelope. Merlin slid his hand across the table, slipping it into Arthur’s.

“Arthur,” he said, and Arthur pulled his eyes away from the envelope to look at him, “no matter what that piece of paper says, you’re my friend and I’m with you in this, okay?”

“Thanks, Merlin,” said Arthur softly.

They sat quietly for a few more minutes before Arthur spoke again.

“I hate this,” said Arthur heavily. “I’m like Schrödinger’s bloody dad at this point.”

“You can fix that by opening the letter,” Merlin replied gently.

“I know but…” Arthur stopped, taking a deep breath. “If it turns out I am the father, what then? I don’t know the first thing about being a dad. I didn’t exactly have a sterling example growing up.”

“Me neither actually,” said Merlin. “I’m probably not going to be the best person to come to for advice in that department.”

“You’re not the person I would go to for advice in many departments, Merlin,” quipped Arthur, and for a moment, Merlin caught a glimpse of Arthur’s usual self. He realised then that no matter what happened, tough as it would get, Arthur would be okay.

They sat in silence for a moment or two before Arthur spoke again.

“You know, you talk about your mum a lot, but you’ve never mentioned your dad. Did you not know him? Of course, you don’t have to tell me if it’s too personal.”

Merlin knew that Arthur was just delaying the opening of the envelope, like a tense prolonged drumroll at the worst award show in history, but as Merlin couldn’t imagine what he would do if their situations were reversed, he decided to humour him.

“I knew him,” said Merlin. “Up until I was seven my childhood was pretty normal. I had my mum and dad, a house with a decently sized garden and even an imaginary dog called Spot – don’t laugh, he was my best friend. And then, for whatever reason, my dad just up and left one night. It was the middle of winter, soon after Christmas. I still remember running after his car in the freezing cold, begging to go with him.”

“Shit, Merlin, I’m so sorry,” said Arthur softly, giving his hand a squeeze.

“It’s okay, it was years ago,” said Merlin, squeezing back. “I’ve lived most of my life without him. In the beginning I kept hoping everyday that he’d come home, but sometime around my twelfth birthday I realised it was never going to happen. My mum and I got by just fine on our own. By the time I was an adult, I assumed, for some reason, that he had died and that the news had just never made its way back to us, but then he showed up about a year ago wanting to ‘reconnect’ and ‘make things right’.”

“Holy shit. And how did you react?” asked Arthur.

“I told him to go fuck himself, went home and wrote ‘Synthetic’,” grinned Merlin and Arthur let out a small huff of laughter which was swallowed once more by a look of dread when he glanced at the envelope. Merlin covered their intertwined hands with his other hand and Arthur looked up at him again. “Okay, so we both had pretty crap dads. Just don’t do what they did and you’ll be fine.”

“If the baby is mine at all,” said Arthur.

“That’s the spirit,” smiled Merlin. He let go of Arthur’s hands to pick up the letter, holding it out for Arthur to take. “I think it’s time.”

Arthur nodded and reached for the envelope with a trembling hand before letting it drop to his lap.

“I can’t. You read it and tell me.”

“Are you sure?” Merlin asked and Arthur nodded, eyes screwed shut. Merlin’s hands also shook a little as he slowly ran a finger under the flap, breaking the adhesive. Smoothing out the piece of paper inside it, Merlin scanned the page of numbers and jargon that meant nothing to him. When his eyes caught the words _‘probability of paternity’_ his heart stopped. He almost sighed with relief when next to it, it only said _‘26.7%’_. He actually did sigh with relief when beneath that, he read the words _‘test results show that alleged father cannot be biological father’_.

“What does it say?” Arthur asked. His voice sounded small and far away.

“You’re not the dad,” said Merlin unable to keep the smile from his face. “Sophia’s baby isn’t yours.”

“What?” said Arthur, grabbing the page from Merlin and scanning it himself. Merlin could pinpoint the exact moment Arthur saw the words. His usually rigid posture slipped into something that looked like a mixture of exhaustion and relief.

“Arthur?” Merlin asked when Arthur didn’t move from that position for a few moments.

“I’m not the dad,” he said in a bewildered whisper. He looked up at Merlin who could see the tears that were threatening to spill at any moment. “Merlin…”

Without a word, Merlin shuffled his chair closer to Arthur’s and put his arms around him. The minute Arthur buried his face into his shoulder, violent sobs began to shake his body. Knowing there wasn’t much else he could do for him, Merlin rubbed comforting circles into his back, whispering things like “it’s okay’ and ‘it’ll be alright now, you’ll see” and for the first time in a few weeks, he actually believed it.

As relieved as he was though, he knew he couldn’t celebrate too much. Whoever had put Sophia up to it was still out there and judging by previous experience, they didn’t have long until the next scandal reared its ugly head.

This time, Merlin would be ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this far and for all the comments! You've really made this such a joy to write :)
> 
> Just wanted to remind you that you can find most of the [songs from the story](https://soundcloud.com/aislynnprice/sets/in-my-cardboard-walls-songs) on my SoundCloud account. "Sapphires" (Merlin's new song), "Down The Rabbit Hole" (Ellie's new song) and "Synthetic" (Merlin's song that's been mentioned before) are all there :)
> 
> I love and appreciate you all! xx


	8. Mordred

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you read any further, please go look at the [amazing fanart](http://komadoree.tumblr.com/post/150483371950/folk-musician-merlin-emrys-feels-like-hes) for this fic done by the wonderful [komadoree](http://komadoree.tumblr.com/) and go check out her other art while you're at it! It's all so so stunning.
> 
> Now, back to the drama :D
> 
> ADDITIONAL WARNING: There's a bit of MPREG and incesty vibes at the beginning here, but it's all part of a nightmare, it's not explicit and it's over really quickly. If that kind of thing really squicks you out anyway, you might want to skim over the first few paragraphs.

The world was spinning - colours were blurring into browns and sound filtered through only enough for Merlin to hear snippets of what was being said. He was confused and lost. Faces of people he didn’t recognize flashed out at him as he desperately tried to orientate himself.

Just when Merlin was about to give up trying to make sense of what was happening, a familiar voice rose above the others.

“Merlin,” said Arthur, stepping out of the people swirling around him. “Merlin, I have something to tell you.”

“What is it?” asked Merlin, hardly daring to hope that it might be the words he’d been hoping to hear Arthur say.

“I’m pregnant,” said Arthur, splaying a hand over his belly and smiling at it fondly. A second later, his eyes locked with Merlin’s again, cold and distant. “It’s not yours though.”

“Whose is it then?” asked Merlin, reeling back in hurt.

“It’s mine,” came the oily voice of Agravaine as he too stepped out of the swirling crowd. He put an arm on Arthur’s shoulder and Arthur smiled at him simperingly.

“N-no but you can’t… I mean, you would have told me before, Arthur,” said Merlin, stammering in confusion. “It should have been mine. You should have told me.”

“I don’t have to tell you anything,” said Arthur imperiously. “Besides, why would I trust some poor, skinny musician to raise my child over my uncle who helped raise me?”

“No, this is wrong,” said Merlin, clutching his head as the swirling around him grew faster and the world made less and less sense.

“Poor Merlin,” said Agravaine with an evil snigger. “You’re not going to cry are you? Hey, look at that, everyone. Merlin is crying.”

“I’m not,” said Merlin, as every face in the swirling mass turned towards him, each fixed with a sneer that turned his insides to ice.

 _“Merlin, Merlin, Merlin,”_ the crowd chanted, their voices loud and malevolent.

“Please, just leave me alone,” he moaned as his head throbbed.

_Merlin, Merlin, Merlin…_

“Just go away!” he yelled.

“I’m not going anywhere” said Arthur’s voice, but not from the Arthur he had been speaking to. There was a pause before Not-Arthur continued. “Merlin, I swear to god if you don’t wake up right now I’m not above tipping this glass of orange juice over your head.”

Merlin’s eyes snapped open and were met with the unusual sight of Arthur hovering over his bed, looking a mixture of amused and concerned.

“What the ever bear-loving fuck?!” said Merlin with a start, scrambling into a sitting position. “Jesus Christ, Arthur, what the hell are you doing in my room? Did I miss a meeting or something?”

“Gwaine let me in,” Arthur said, handing Merlin a glass of juice. “Were you having a nightmare?”

“I… fuck. Yeah, I guess,” said Merlin, accepting the juice and taking a few deep gulps.

“Pretty bad?” asked Arthur.

“More... unsettling than anything,” said Merlin, rubbing his eyes with his free hand. The headache from his dream was still there.

“What was it about?”

“Are you always this nosy first thing in the morning?” Merlin retorted and Arthur laughed.

“Fine, we’ll leave it a mystery then,” he said. “Now get up, we have a shitload to do today.”

“Hang on, you still haven’t told me what you’re doing here,” said Merlin indignantly as Arthur began making his way to the door.

“All in good time, Merlin,” he grinned. “All in good time.”

Merlin scowled as the door closed behind him. He was still in the weird stage between sleep and being awake and some of the elements of his dream still felt like reality. He shook his head and took another sip of his orange juice. While it was clear that there were definitely some underlying issues his subconscious seemed to think it was important for him to address at some point, his head was far too sore and he was far too confused to assess them now.

Getting ready would probably help.

“Arthur, since I have no idea what you have planned, what am I wearing today?” he shouted through the door.

“Something comfortable because we’re going to be out and about all day but something you wouldn’t mind being photographed in because, well, _we’re_ going to be out and about all day,” replied Arthur. “My personal suggestion? Those black jeans with the rips and your dark blue button-up with the light grey cardigan.”

Merlin tried not to read too much into the fact that Arthur had clearly paid enough attention to what he wore to be able to make suggestions, and proceeded to scan his wardrobe for the items. Thankfully all were clean and within reach and Merlin pulled them on.

Merlin was thrumming with anticipation and excitement and briefly told himself to get a grip because if they were going to be ‘out and about’ as Arthur said, it was probably all just for publicity. Unfortunately he'd never been much good at obeying instructions, especially those issued by himself, and Merlin couldn’t help but feel a slight tremor of possibility.

Even if it was all fake, it was still a day out with Arthur.

A few minutes later, after brushing his teeth and trying to make the most of his mussed-up sleep hair, he made his way to the kitchen where Gwaine was complaining to Arthur about his and Elyan’s interview for the magazine _Sorceress_ the day before.

“Mate, you’re telling me!” he said in reply to whatever Arthur had just said. “So then Kara’s asking us about our previous romantic relationships, but it’s more like an interrogation. Elyan briefly talks about his and Merlin’s thing – because she wouldn’t shut up about it – and then proceeds to ask poor El which of the Knights he’d go out with if he could, which is mortifying for him because he's a shy little starfish and you know that Perce and him don’t want to make anything public until after the tour. Then she starts on about you and Merls and stays there for the longest fecking time.”

“What did she ask?” said Arthur, his brow creasing and Merlin felt a brief pang of annoyance at Gwaine for putting that expression on his face.

“She’s apparently heard rumours that you and Merlin aren’t actually together and just kept asking us over and over again if it was just a publicity stunt, if you’re both actually gay or you’re just pretending to be to appeal to your queer audience. We did our best to convince her that you’re the two happiest heart-eyed rainbow cakes in the world but she still seemed to think she knew something we don’t know.”

After grabbing a glass of water and two paracetamols, Merlin sat down on the stool next to Arthur who threw him a quick smile before frowning thoughtfully into the cup of coffee in front of him again.

“Look, Arthur, I really don’t mind the interviews,” said Gwaine, “I understand that they’re a necessary evil in our profession. I’m just not comfortable fielding such personal questions. I don’t have anything to hide, but for your sake and for Merlin and Elyan’s sake, I don’t want to have to lie when I don’t need to.”

“Of course,” said Arthur with a serious nod. “I’ll have a chat to my uncle about what can be done to fix that in the future.”

“Thanks, mate,” said Gwaine with a grin. “Sorry for loading it onto you first thing in the morning.”

“No, don’t worry. I appreciate you bringing it to my attention,” Arthur replied. He turned to Merlin. “Ready to go?”

“As ready as I can be with no idea what’s going on,” said Merlin with a smile, getting up and leading the way to the front door. Gwaine followed behind Arthur.

“Have fun, lads,” he said, waggling his eyebrows at them when they turned to say goodbye. “Don’t do anyone I wouldn’t do.”

“That leaves us with a pretty sizable demographic,” Merlin muttered to Arthur as they closed the door, “since Gwaine would do just about anyone.”

“I heard that!” Gwaine shouted and the two of them burst into fits of laughter as they made their way out of the building.

* * *

 “So being honest straight off the bat, this is partly a little bit of PR because there _are_ rumours flying around that we’re faking this,” said Arthur, gesturing between them as they pulled away from Merlin’s block of flats. “Kara Jones – that journalist that Gwaine is so upset about – she’s not the first person I’ve heard talk about it. So, if you’re still keen to continue with this charade, we need to be seen looking all cosy together again.”

Merlin nodded, feeling the familiar disappointment that came with every reminder that this was all just pretend and could end at any time, after which Arthur would go back to being his boss and Merlin would just be another one of his talented artists.

“You _are_ still keen for it to continue, right?” said Arthur when Merlin didn’t reply. “You know that you just have to say the word and we’ll call it off, right? I don’t want you to ever feel like you’re... stuck in this situation or anything.”

He looked out at the sunny scenery rushing by as he considered Arthur’s words. Most of him knew that the smart thing to do would be to just keep his mouth shut and play along until Arthur decided to stage the breakup, but there was a small, stupid part of him that was begging to just tell Arthur the truth. It flared up every time Merlin caught Arthur looking at him with that oddly fond look, every time Arthur did something thoughtful (like sending him home because he looked ‘too tired’ or ordering him a slice of Mogue cheesecake when he was having a bad day), and every time Arthur laughed at something he said, in that carefree, head-back way that did the strangest things to Merlin’s heart, it was all he could do not to declare his love for the prat right on the spot.

But then he would imagine the possible outcomes of his honesty and that would keep the stupid part of him quiet.

“Merlin?” Arthur asked, looking concerned.

“Sorry, I was away with the fairies for a bit there,” he said. “I’m still happy to play along. We can, you know, later, but for now this is fine.”

“Okay,” said Arthur, not looking any less concerned than he had a moment ago. “And you’re absolutely sure?”

“Absolutely,” Merlin replied with what he hoped looked like a genuine smile. Arthur smiled back at him.

“Alright then,” said Arthur, settling slightly in his seat. “In any case, that’s not entirely what today is about. Gwen informs me that you’ve been living here for almost two years and you’ve seen more pubs than landmarks.”

“Gwen talks too much,” said Merlin, though he couldn’t help the real smile that spread across his face. Gwen had been bugging him for years to go do all the touristy things around the city and Merlin had been dodging actually doing it for years. He should have known that Gwen would one day conspire to make sure it actually happened.

“Well, that’s what we’re going to do today,” said Arthur, “and around half-three we’re doing the photo shoot for your album art, but that’s the only real work we have planned. Today is first and foremost about fun.”

“Then why am I already dreading it?” said Merlin.

“O ye of little faith,” chuckled Arthur. “I’ll prove to you that I’m not just another boring suit or I'll die trying.”

“Promises, promises,” Merlin smirked and Arthur threw his head back, his barking laugh filling the car. Merlin swallowed down his negativity and decided then and there that he was going to have the time of his life, even if the day turned out to be an unmitigated disaster.

* * *

The day turned out to be an unmitigated disaster.

The tiny café where Merlin suggested they grab breakfast had been full of people gawking at them and not-so-subtly taking photos with their phones and it had been impossible (mostly due to the minuscule size of the coffee shop) to have anything close to a normal conversation for fear of being overheard. Instead, they played up for the cameras – stealing from each other’s plates, holding hands and trying to look as absolutely besotted as they could while cringing at the whispered conversations about them at the nearby tables.

By the time they left the café, the beautiful sunshine from earlier that morning had disappeared and was instead replaced by ominous dark clouds and icy wind. Since Arthur’s grand plan had been to walk everywhere and since the prat hadn’t thought to bring an umbrella, the two of them were absolutely drenched by the time they reached the ferry pier.

It stopped raining while they were on the ferry (Merlin thanked the gods for small mercies) but the paparazzi along the bank caught them as they floated down the Thames and Arthur gave him that look that Merlin now understood as ‘time to PR the shit out of this’. Merlin tugged him closer in response. Unfortunately, Merlin tugged a little too roughly, causing Arthur to skid on the slick deck and lose balance, sending the two of them toppling over.

“Well now, Merlin” Arthur said, laughing as he lay on top of him but making absolutely  no effort to get up, “I think we can safely say now that _Heat_ is going to have a field day.”

“Are you implying that this is my fault?” he retorted. “Because I’m pretty convinced that this is entirely your doing. My plans for the day were to stay in bed, you know, where it’s dry and warm and I don't have blond prats falling for me left, right and centre.”

Arthur chuckled as he pushed himself up on one arm and reached up with his free hand to brush away a strand of hair plastered damply to Merlin’s forehead.

“I’m going to kiss you now,” said Arthur and Merlin was sure he was imagining the slight breathiness in his voice. He wondered if Arthur could feel how his heart rate had just escalated to a worrying tempo. It was becoming increasingly difficult to remember how to speak and something of Arthur’s confidence faltered at Merlin’s silence. “I won’t if you don’t want me to, though. I just thought while we’re here and the cameras are taking photos of us anyway… it might help with the rumours.”

Merlin pulled himself up slightly and kissed Arthur, vaguely distressed at how unhelpfully used to the sensation he was becoming. As he parted his lips to deepen the kiss, he was completely taken aback when Arthur beat him to it. Merlin felt Arthur smile at his small gasp of surprise and for a moment he allowed himself the luxury of forgetting that this wasn’t real. He let the world narrow down to the faint taste of coffee on Arthur’s lips and the sound of blood rushing in his ears. Merlin could have happily lived in that moment forever.

Sadly, the universe had never been that kind.

“Oi, loverboys,” said one of the ferry crew at the door of the cabin and Merlin and Arthur instantly pulled apart, “it’s great that you’ve found each other and all, but for the love of Christ keep it PG. There are little’ns on this boat.”

They waited until the man went back into the cabin muttering something that sounded like ‘bloody teenagers’, before dissolving into an unstoppable fit of giggles. It didn’t take long for Merlin’s sides to feel like they were splitting. Thankfully Arthur eventually managed to calm down enough to scramble to his feet and help Merlin up, but after one glance at each other they burst out laughing again.

 _Things between you two could have been so different, you know,_ said a nasty voice in Merlin’s head, sobering him up a little while Arthur giggled away next to him, _if you had just been honest with yourself sooner._

He shook his head slightly, trying to rid himself of the thought. Today was about pretending to be completely besotted with Arthur and since that was all he was allowed, he was going to make sure he had a damn good time doing it.

“Are you alright?” asked Arthur, his brows creasing in concern. “You’re going vague on me again.”

“I’m great,” said Merlin, smiling back at Arthur and actually meaning it. He threaded his fingers through Arthur’s and leaned his head on his shoulder.

 _Better than great,_ he told his doubts stubbornly.

* * *

“No, no more tourism,” Merlin said as they stood shivering in the pouring rain on a busy pavement, desperately trying to flag down a cab. Every time Merlin thought that one of them was bound to stop, they’d take one look at the dripping-wet state of the two of them and speed past and it was really beginning to grate. “Anyway, _Arthur_ , I’m pretty sure the only reason you want to take me to Madame Tussaud's anyway is because I know for a _fact_ you’re one of the waxworks there.”

“Gwen told me you hadn’t been there before!” said Arthur with what looked like an honest-to-god pout and Merlin couldn’t help but smile at how adorable it was.

“I haven’t,” said Merlin. “I saw an article about it earlier this year.”

“And the press strike again,” said Arthur, rolling his eyes. “Truthfully? The reason I want to take you there is because I don’t think the sculpture looks that much like me; I was hoping for a second opinion.”

“Gods, please shoot me if I ever become as vain as you,” Merlin chuckled and Arthur scowled good-naturedly, nudging Merlin's shoulder with his.

A brief ray of hope appeared just then in the form of a slowing cab, but it sped up again as soon as the cabbie caught sight of them.

Merlin snapped.

“YEAH? WELL FUCK YOU TOO!” he shouted after the retreating tail lights before whipping around to look at Arthur. “This isn’t working. Come, we’re going to McGillin's. It’s not far from here.” And without even checking to see if Arthur was following him, Merlin began marching to where he knew the pub was, determined to get out of the bloody rain.

He was pleased when, upon opening the door, he was hit with a rush of warm air and the smell of coffee.

“This is much more like it,” he smiled to Arthur as he wiped his damp shoes on the welcome mat.

“Madame Tussaud's probably would have been just as warm,” muttered Arthur.

“Yeah, but does it have that?” Merlin said, gesturing to a table at the far end of the room behind which stood a roaring fireplace. “I’m thinking it’s unlikely seeing as wax and fire are not the happiest of bedfellows.

“You’re bloody annoying when you’re right,” said Arthur following Merlin to the table, his expression half irritated, half amused.

“I’m told I'm always annoying,” Merlin chuckled, taking off his thin cardigan and throwing it over the back of his seat before sitting down. “I suggest you do the same. It’ll dry faster that way.”

Arthur grumbled grumpily to himself as he complied, though Merlin could tell he didn’t mean it – the corners of his mouth were turned up.

A waitress came to their table to take their order and after taking a glance at the menu and deciding on steak and chips with the hottest coffee they could legally bring him, Merlin scanned the mostly empty pub. It was still meticulously trendy – the traditional done up in the chic vintage style that so many coffee shops and restaurants used these days – and still made Merlin feel vaguely uncomfortable (though he told himself not to be too ungrateful because the roaring fire next to him was already beginning to bring the feeling back to his frozen fingertips).

A few people from the surrounding tables threw curious glances their way, though Merlin couldn’t tell if this was because they were somewhat famous or simply because there were small puddles forming around their ankles from their dripping jeans. Either way, Merlin could feel the creeping heat of embarrassment climbing up the back of his neck. It accelerated when, at one of the tables behind Arthur, he caught a piercing set of icy blue eyes staring at him. He was about to break his gaze, uncomfortable with the intensity with which the man was looking at him, when the man smiled warmly and Merlin realised he recognised him from somewhere.

The next moment, much to Merlin’s surprise, the man muttered something to the girl he was with and began making his way over his and Arthur’s table. It was only when he was a step or two away that Merlin realised who it was and he braced himself for the awkwardness that would surely follow.

“Merlin Emrys,” the man said, warm smile still firmly in place. “I thought it might be you. We haven’t had the pleasure of meeting yet – I’m Mordred Jones.”

He held out a hand and Merlin shook it, his own hand trembling with a combination of being slightly starstruck, and nerves at how Arthur was going to react to all this. He had only ever heard Mordred’s name mentioned around Excalibur in hushed voices and once, memorably, in a snide tone as Agravaine outed Arthur to Merlin. He wasn’t sure what to expect from this exchange.

“I know,” said Merlin stupidly, “I mean, I know who you are. Your music. I’m a big… I like it.”

To his relief, Mordred laughed at his awkward stammering.

“I'm a big, I like yours too,” he said, beaming at Merlin. “I’ve been hoping to bump into you for ages now.”

On the other side of the table, Arthur coughed in a less-than-subtle way and Mordred’s head snapped round to look at him.

“Oh hello, Arthur,” he said, his smile rearranging itself into something more forced. “I didn’t see you there. A pleasure to see you again, of course.”

“Sure,” Arthur deadpanned and Merlin feared that the already delicate situation had just become dangerously fragile. The last thing he wanted right now was to be caught in the middle of another celebrity feud.

There was stony silence between them all for a few moments before Mordred turned back to Merlin.

“Well, Merlin, I’d love nothing more than to stay and chat, but I was actually just on my way to my next appointment,” he said before grabbing a napkin from the table. He scribbled something down on it before sliding it back over to him. “Let’s meet up again sometime when I don’t have a million and one people demanding my attention, alright?”

“I… okay?” said Merlin, staring between Mordred and the napkin on which Merlin realised that he had written his number.

“See you around, Emrys,” he smiled and in a much colder tone added, “Arthur.”

“See you,” Merlin replied, slightly bewildered by the events of the past two minutes. Arthur offered a low grunt by way of greeting and Merlin considered the napkin again.

_Here’s my number. I’d love to get to know you, if you’d like? ;) M x_

“Tasteful,” said Arthur shortly, and Merlin raised a questioning eyebrow at him. Arthur rolled his eyes. “Giving you his number while you’re on a date with another man, Merlin, I shouldn’t have to spell it out for you.”

“This isn’t a _real_ date, Arthur,” said Merlin, feeling a familiar anger simmering somewhere inside of him again, coupled with an odd new bubble of hope.

_If you think this should be a real date, it would be really nice of you to let me in on that fact at some point._

“ _I_ know that,” said Arthur and Merlin felt the hopeful bubble burst, “but _he_ doesn’t. I just think it’s really… I mean it’s not good flirting with other people’s dates, is it?”

Merlin hardly thought that Mordred was _flirting_ with him, but as he glanced at the little winking smiley face and the ‘x’ on the note, he had to concede that it probably wasn’t intended entirely platonically. Which made him think that… Wait, was Arthur _jealous?_ The faint bubble of hope started up in Merlin again despite himself. He was beginning to get whiplash from the back-and-forth of his emotions.

“Why are you so worried about this?” asked Merlin. “What happened between the two of you?”

“I…” said Arthur. “I signed him to Excalibur records when it was all new and he was just starting out, before the Knights, before anything big. He was a client of Agravaine’s and I was just… I wasn’t very wise back then and he’s… I mean, you know, he’s good-looking and talented. Anyway, long story short, I misread some things, we kissed a few times and then he got really weird about it, Mercia bought him out of his contract and he’s been there ever since. This is pretty much the second time we’ve said anything to each other since it happened.”

Ah. So then Arthur wasn’t jealous of Mordred, he was jealous of Merlin.

Biting back disappointment, Merlin crumpled up the napkin.

“Well, you don’t have to worry about anything because I’m not going to call him,” said Merlin and Arthur beamed at him. Merlin tried not to feel Arthur’s relief like a stab in the gut and failed miserably.

Thankfully their lunch arrived just then and Merlin took the opportunity to slip the napkin into the drying pocket of his jeans, telling himself that there was no sense in throwing away industry contacts and even almost believing his own bullshit.

* * *

“Okay, Merlin, honey, I love you and you’re seven, no, _eight_ different kinds of beautiful,” said Sven Svensson, Merlin’s extremely camp photographer a few hours and several changes of clothes later, “but you have _got_ to give me something to work with here. You’re so dead behind the eyes, darling! I need you to show me gold. Show me _magic_.”

Merlin was feeling anything but _gold_ and _magic_ at that point. He was on a high rooftop somewhere in the city centre (the rain had stopped again, thank god), the cold wind was swishing through his (now dry and expertly styled) hair, he was wearing a set of clothes that were brand new but didn’t belong to him, being told to do _something_ with his eyes with no real clue as to what that _something_ was supposed to be and, worst of all, Arthur was there, smiling at him encouragingly, seemingly blissfully unaware of how confusing the events at lunch had been for him.

“Okay, you know what, this isn’t working,” said Sven eventually after a few more tries. “Everybody take a five minute break. Hopefully when we come back we can finish this up.”

After a quick make-up retouch, Merlin sat on a small foldable chair near one of the walls, wishing more than anything to just be back home in bed where it was warm and no one demanded anything from him.

Arthur joined him a moment or two later.

“Are you okay?” he asked as he sat down next to Merlin. “You’re all, how did Sven put it, ‘dead behind the eyes, darling’.”

Merlin smiled at Arthur’s terrible impersonation of the photographer.

“I’m taking it ‘Swedish Accent’ is another of those skills you don’t have,” he said wryly and Arthur grinned.

“Not really, no,” he said. “Seriously though, are you okay? It’s just that… I mean, I don’t want to pressure you or anything, but we need these photos as soon as possible for your album. I’ll reschedule it if you really need me to, but it would help me a lot if we could get them done now.”

And there was the problem. He was so in love with the prat, he’d do absolutely anything to help him. Including pretending to enjoy himself when he'd probably rather thrust a makeup brush into his eye socket.

“I’ll… I’ll try my best,” Merlin offered and Arthur beamed at him.

A few minutes later, Merlin was back in front of the camera, trying to follow Sven’s strange instructions while pouring as much positive emotion into it as he could. He thought of Ellie, his musical hero and quirky new friend who had recently come to mean the world to him. He thought of Gwaine, Gwen and Elyan and how happy he was that all of their dreams were starting to come true. He thought of how he loved them more than life itself and how grateful he was that they had each brought him through the darkest few years of his life relatively unscathed. Which, of course, led to Merlin thinking about Will and how much he missed him, right up until he was struck with a sudden horrific realisation: today was the anniversary of his death and he hadn’t remembered until now.

“Yes, there it is, _yes!_ ” exclaimed Sven, suddenly excitedly clicking away as Merlin tried to blink back tears. All of a sudden, so much of today made sense: Gwen and Arthur conspiring behind his back, all the ‘fun’ activities, this photo shoot – it was all to distract him. He wasn’t sure whether to be angry or grateful. He was a tsunami of emotions, only a few shutter clicks away from exploding.

“And that’s it,” Sven smiled. “That’s all we needed. I _knew_ you had it in you, Merlin Honey. Thank you.”

He didn’t respond to Sven, instead marching straight over to Arthur.

“Will,” whispered Merlin. “This was all to distract me from Will.”

For a second, Arthur looked as though he was going to deny it. Instead, he took a deep breath.

“Yes,” he sighed, “but before you get angry, as you have every right to be, just know that it was all from a place of concern and caring. Gwen told me that you normally spend this day on your own dwelling on it and working yourself up into a state and she wanted to make sure that that didn’t happen again this year. I wanted to help because somehow over the past few months you and your goofy smile and your happiness have become incredibly important to me. It was my idea to organise the ‘Big Fun Day Out’, you know, to give you happy memories of today to look back at instead, but it’s gone a bit… tits-up. It’s not your fault, mind, it’s my god-awful planning, but still I…”

Merlin didn’t give Arthur a chance to finish, throwing his arms around him and feeling horribly embarrassed at the hot tears that were now spilling onto Arthur’s hoodie.

“I’m not angry,” said Merlin, voice muffled into Arthur’s neck. “This was all really kind of you. I’m just… can we please go home now?”

“Sure,” said Arthur gently, rubbing gentle circles into Merlin’s back. “Of course we can.”

Merlin was in a bit of a daze after that. He only vaguely remembered getting back into his own clothes, leaving the photoshoot building and climbing into the cab, but remembered in detail hesitantly accepting Arthur’s hoodie when it was offered to him ( _“I’m fine, Arthur, honestly.” - “Just take the damn hoodie, Merlin. If you shivered any harder the cab would shake apart.”_ ) and forced himself not to read anything into it, as much as he wanted to.

“Er,” said Arthur awkwardly as they hopped out of the cab and walked towards Arthur’s car parked a little way down the street, “You’re welcome to say no, but I just thought... I know that the Knights and Leon are having a gaming night at your place and you don’t seem like you’re up for crowds right now, so, er, would you like to come back to mine for a while instead? We could maybe watch a movie or something? Or if you want to be alone or take a nap or whatever I can make myself scarce. I still have a shit-ton of work to get through anyway.”

“I… yeah,” said Merlin with a small smile. “Sounds good.”

* * *

Merlin ended up taking a nap, though it wasn’t planned and happened about midway through the superhero movie he had been so excited to watch when he saw it among Arthur’s DVDs earlier.

He woke up to the muted loop of the main menu, slightly embarrassed to discover that it was dark (how long had he been asleep?) and that he was lying on Arthur’s chest. He glanced up, half expecting to see the prat rolling his eyes at him, but Arthur was fast asleep. It was with an excited jolt that he realised Arthur had an arm curled around him and Merlin allowed himself a moment to just revel in the sound of Arthur’s deep inhale-exhale and the rhythm of Arthur’s heartbeat against his cheek.

He then did something he only allowed himself to do this one day every year.

“I think you would have liked him, Will,” he whispered into the night. “I mean, once you get past his initial upper-class arrogance, he’s really kind and really sweet.”

He took a deep breath, feeling tears sting his eyes.

“God I wish you were here to tell me what to do,” he continued. “It’s just, he means so much to me now, he’s honestly one of my best friends and I just… the way we are now… I can’t do it anymore. It’s not fair to me and it’s not fair to him. I... just need to work out how to be honest with him.”

Arthur stirred and Merlin froze for a second, terrified that Arthur was awake, but when he looked up his eyes were still closed and he let out the breath he was holding.

“I miss that about you, you know,” he said. “Your honesty. People always knew where they stood with you. There were never any mind-games or mysteries. I could do with some of that right about now.”

He sighed and reached for his phone on the coffee table, trying his hardest not to disturb Arthur while he checked the time on its inconsiderately bright screen. It was exactly quarter-past-eight. If he slipped out now, he could still catch the tube home.

As gently as possible, he tried to untangle himself from Arthur, not wanting to wake him when he seemed so peaceful (god knows the man could use all the sleep he could get), and failed miserably when he lost his balance and accidentally elbowed him in the face.

“Merlin, you really are the most graceless of graceless giraffes,” mumbled Arthur sleepily, rubbing his injured face with the hand that wasn’t on Merlin’s waist.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry,” said Merlin, feeling absolutely awful. “I didn’t want to wake you.”

“Oh well, mission accomplished then,” Arthur chuckled. His voice was sleep-rough and Merlin decided it should be illegal for anyone to sound that good. “I’m guessing you’d like to head home then?”

“Yeah, but it’s fine, I’ll just take the tube.”

“Don’t be stupid, I’ll drop you,” said Arthur. “I mean provided you haven’t concussed me or something.”

“Fuck off,” scoffed Merlin and Arthur chuckled again, the vibrations of it doing funny things to Merlin’s heart. “I really don’t mind taking the train, you know.”

“I know,” said Arthur. “But I’m pretty sure it’s nicer to drive home in a sleek Aston Martin than a foul-smelling train carriage.”

“You’ve got me there,” Merlin grinned. He wondered if Arthur knew that he was making small circles on Merlin’s waist with his thumb and was reminded sharply of that night at Mogue all those months ago. Maybe it was just something he always did without thinking?

It was almost as if just thinking about it broke the spell. The place where Arthur’s hand had rested a second before felt suddenly felt icy as Arthur stretched his arms over his head, yawning loudly.

“I demand coffee as reparation for my poor bruised cheek by the way,” said Arthur. “You know, provided you can get up now without me having to turn the other one.”

“Ha bloody ha,” said Merlin, rolling his eyes. “So that’s milk with two salts?”

“You wouldn’t,” said Arthur, scandalised.

“Wouldn’t I?” said Merlin mischievously, managing to pull himself up from the couch without incident. He made his way to the kitchen, graciously making Arthur’s coffee with his coconut palm sugar instead of the two fat spoonfuls of salt he’d threatened.

“Is it safe?” Arthur asked when Merlin handed it to him. He took a tentative sip and smiled when he found it no different to any other cup of coffee Merlin had made him in the past.

“O ye of little faith,” Merlin sighed and Arthur chucked a cushion at him. Merlin suddenly found himself wishing that he didn’t have to leave, but before he knew it, the coffees were finished, Arthur’s apartment locked and they were both buckled into Arthur’s car on the way to Merlin’s flat. Not for the first time, there was silence in the car, but it wasn’t cold or uncomfortable this time. Instead, it was the calm quiet that came after an eventful day that really hadn’t been such a disaster after all.

Much to Merlin’s dismay, the short trip took little-to-no time and before he knew it, he found himself unbuckling his seat belt as Arthur idled in front of his block of flats.

“I… thanks for today, Arthur,” said Merlin softly. “I actually had an amazing time despite everything. I won't forget this.”

“I’m glad,” said Arthur. He bit his lip as if considering saying more, but seemed to decide against it because the next words out of his mouth were, “Goodnight, Merlin.”

“Goodnight, Arthur,” he replied with a small smile, climbing out of the passenger’s seat. He was about to close the door, when he remembered that he was still wearing Arthur’s hoodie.

“Keep it,” Arthur smiled, when Merlin started taking it off to give it back to him. “It suits you.”

He pulled away before Merlin could argue and Merlin stared down the street long after the car had turned the corner, his mind reeling with the day’s events.

He practically floated up to his flat, briefly stopping to say hello to his friends before disappearing into his room. All the heartbreak that this day usually was had been made lovely by the ridiculous prat who (by no fault of his own) had come to mean everything to him.

As Merlin flopped down onto his bed, he allowed himself a moment to enjoy the novelty of the hoodie, how warm and soft it was and how it still smelled clean and comforting like Arthur’s minty shampoo.

 _You know you have to tell him now, right?_ echoed a voice in Merlin's head that sounded oddly like Will’s. _Because if you don't, I will._

“You're always Will, you tosser” Merlin mumbled sleepily into his pillow. “It's not a conditional thing.”

 _Fuck off, Emrys,_ came head-Will's amused reply.

Head-Will was right of course, Merlin had to tell Arthur the truth no matter what the outcome might be, but that was tomorrow's problem. For now he would enjoy the last few minutes of what, for the first time in nine years, had been a pretty great day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading this far! I really appreciate each and every comment and all the kudos you've left ^_^
> 
> Life has been a bit crazy the last while what with work and just general life stuff, so updates might slow down a little bit. I won't leave you hanging for too long though, just maybe expect three weeks between chapters instead of two. 
> 
> Stay awesome!  
> A xx


	9. The Premiere

It shouldn’t have been difficult for Merlin to find five minutes alone with Arthur, but he was beginning to not be surprised when things didn’t go the way he imagined them.

Excalibur was frantic. Between gearing up to launch Merlin’s debut single and preparing the Knights for their European tour, no one was quite sure whether they were coming or going. Days rushed by in a blur of rehearsals, interviews, photoshoots and press meetings, and Arthur was so involved in it all that by the time Merlin got to his office at the end of a day, it was often either to find him deep in discussions with Agravaine or else passed out on his desk, too overcome with exhaustion to even venture to the comfortable sofa in the corner.

Merlin was seriously wondering if kidnapping might not be the answer.

He was annoyed and emotionally on edge and though he tried his best to keep it to himself, it was only a matter of time before someone would notice. As it turned out, Elyan was the first to see something was off. The two of them had been summoned by Gwaine to the break room for what he described as ‘big news’. Both intrigued and slightly afraid at what it could be, Merlin had arrived at the break room a few minutes before the time and was poking around at a chicken mayo sandwich that he had absolutely no appetite for.

“What’s got you so wound up today?” Elyan chuckled as he plonked down next to him on one of the couches, startling Merlin out of his thoughts. “You’re staring at that sarnie like it’s insulted your mum or something.”

“It’s nothing,” Merlin said, trying to school his features into something a little less obviously grumpy.

“This wouldn’t be about a certain blond CEO, now would it?” Elyan said with a sly grin and Merlin’s face immediately flushed with colour.

“No,” he said slightly too quickly, which only served to make Elyan grin wider. He rolled his eyes. “Just leave it, El, please?”

Elyan was quiet for a moment before looking at Merlin more seriously.

“Okay, Merl, here’s the thing,” he said. “This past month or so has been the absolute best of my life. And I know this sounds cliché and I apologise, but I honestly didn’t know it was possible to be this happy.”

“I’m glad for you and all,” said Merlin with a weak smile, “but is there a point to this? Because as adorable as you and Percy are, it’s not really making me feel better about my situation.”

“My point is,” continued Elyan, “none of that would have happened if Perce and I hadn’t faced the situation like grownups and used actual words and sentences to tell each other where we’re at. We wasted so much time dancing awkwardly around each other over something that actually only took about five minutes to talk out once we’d worked up the nerve to speak up.”

Merlin knew where Elyan was steering the conversation now and he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear it. It was alright when it was his own thoughts egging him on, but hearing it spoken out loud by a good friend made it feel so much more real and pressing. And seeing as the prat didn’t have a spare moment nowadays, just as impossible.

“I honestly don’t know what’s going on between you and Arthur,” said Elyan. “I’m not even sure I want to know. But I know you, Merls. I _know_ that you’re in love and that the pretending is making you miserable. For both of your sakes, just be honest with him.”

Merlin nodded, unsure of how to begin telling Elyan that that’s all he’d been planning to do for the past week.

“And, worst comes to worst, if he doesn’t feel the same way, we’ll gather the lads and have a great time calling him a wanker over a couple of pints, okay?”

“Who are we calling a wanker?” asked Arthur, materialising out of nowhere. Merlin’s heart jumped to his throat.

How much had he overheard?

“You, obviously,” smirked Elyan. To Merlin’s relief, Arthur seemed to think Elyan was just taking the mickey and flipped him off in retort.

“Classy,” said Merlin and Arthur chuckled as he ruffled Merlin’s hair, letting his hand rest there for a moment before pulling it back. Merlin’s heart did somersaults and he cleared his throat to give himself a moment to clear his head. “In any case, what brings you to the land of the officeless when you quite literally have the best one in the building?”

“I was actually hoping you’d follow me back there?” said Arthur. “I’d like to chat to you about some of the interviews you have coming up.”

 _It’s about sodding time,_ thought Merlin.

Elyan gave Merlin an annoyingly pointed look here. Resolutely ignoring him, he turned to Arthur.

“Can it wait five minutes or so?” asked Merlin. “Gwaine says he has some big news.”

“Er, sure,” said Arthur, settling into a nearby armchair.

“He found his first grey hair yesterday,” sniggered Elyan. “He’s probably just gathering us so that he can have another weep about it.”

“I heard that!” said Gwaine’s voice from the doorway. He bounded over to them clutching a glossy fashion magazine and waved it in front of their faces with great enthusiasm. “And it’s not my hair – which, while apparently peppery, is still glorious thank you. Look what just arrived.”

“ _‘10 Proven Cellulite Killers’_ ?” read Merlin, looking anywhere but the small photo and headline on the front of _Sorceress_ that told him that the infamous Kara Jones Interview had been published. “Wow, Gwaine, I didn’t realise that was another thing you were so concerned about. I personally think your arse looks great.”

Elyan and Arthur snorted while Gwaine rolled his eyes.

“Don’t be a cock, Merl”, said Gwaine, opening the magazine to a large photo-splash of him and Elyan looking polished and airbrushed to within an inch of their lives, but nonetheless breathtakingly handsome. He had to remind himself for a moment that these were the same tossers he had seen drunk and ungracefully passed out in their pants after many a student party.

He took the magazine from Gwaine and began skimming through it.

“Can you read it aloud, Merlin?” asked Arthur. He was suddenly deadly serious and Merlin  immediately obeyed, hoping for all of their sakes that the article didn’t contain anything too incriminating.

 **_Sir Elyan and Sir Gwaine: An Exclusive Interview with the Dashing New Knights of Albion_ ** _– Kara Jones_

 _When it was announced a few months ago that Valiant Wright and Cenred King were no longer members of Knights of Albion, the hearts of fans around the world broke. However, this has been somewhat remedied by the announcement of their replacement by two equally as talented and equally (if not_ more _) handsome new musicians. Though already widely popular online with fans of the band, much about Gwaine Orkney and Elyan Smith is still a mystery. To remedy this,_ Sorceress _sent me on a quest to learn more about Albion’s hottest new Knights._

_It’s a rainy Thursday afternoon as I wait for the Knights in a cosy booth at Mogue Coffee. As a rather dedicated fan of the band, I’m nervous in a way that I’m not usually at these interviews  and spend an embarrassing amount of time making sure the notebook in front of me is perfectly aligned to the edge of the table (as if this might affect their first impression of me). When I look up a few minutes later and see them entering the shop, my heart jumps to my throat and I have to take a moment to compose myself before standing up to greet them._

_As it turns out, I have nothing to worry about. It’s clear within mere seconds of knowing them that these are two of the most down-to-earth men I will ever have the pleasure of interviewing. While Elyan politely introduces himself and shakes my hand, Gwaine pulls me into an enormous hug, laughing apologetically when he remembers that his hair is sopping wet from the awful London weather._

_Too nervous to make small-talk, I instead launch straight into the first question: What’s it like to suddenly be a Knight?_

_“It’s a bit surreal, you know?” says Elyan immediately. “A few months ago I was a teacher and my biggest dream was to get a full night’s sleep and to not have to mark any test papers, but now we’re about a month and a half away from kicking off a European tour. That doesn’t just happen to ordinary people.”_

_“Yeah, I mean it’s something you fantasise about when you’re a teenager, you know, being part of a famous rock-band,” Gwaine adds, “but you don’t really take those dreams too seriously. Especially not once you've lived in the real world for a while.”_

_There’s a pause while they order their drinks (a flat-white for Elyan and a mocha for Gwaine) and I try to not read too much into their orders (Elyan: warm, friendly, traditional; Gwaine: sweet, fun-loving, irreverent.)_

Merlin snorted at this and Arthur impatiently told him to keep on reading.

_Deciding to start with the easy questions first, I ask them about their musical histories._

_“I’ve always known I wanted to do music for a living,” answers Elyan. “My poor old dad bought me every musical instrument he could get his hands on when I was younger because I just wanted to play it all. And I stayed dedicated to it. I played in the school orchestra all through high school, went on to study music at college and uni and then became a music teacher after graduating. It wasn’t quite what I dreamed but it was better than not doing any music at all. I could never have imagined that one day this would be the result of all that.”_

_Gwaine’s history is slightly different._

_“If we’re being honest, Kara,” he says with a mischievous glint in his eye, “I only started doing music in high school because it’s a scientific fact that all guitarists are sex gods. All the singing and acting came afterwards.”_

_Laughing, I ask them if there's anything they've found difficult about making the transition from their day jobs to becoming full-time musicians and the question is met with another toothy grin from Gwaine._

_“Yeah, it's been_ really _tough going from being the male lead in a glorified pantomime to becoming part of one of the most popular bands in the world,” he says sarcastically. “The hours are unbearable and my co-workers bully me.”_

_“Telling you to shut up when you're being a tosser isn't bullying, G; it's a public service,” Elyan chuckles and I take a moment to read the easy banter between them. It's clear they've been friends for years (since university, Elyan informs me, where the pair of them were in a band called Two And A Half Gays with Merlin Emrys – who we’ll get to in a moment) and their friendship is reflected in every playful wallop Elyan gives Gwaine or the way Gwaine effortlessly finishes Elyan’s sentences. It would be so easy to read further into it, but they quickly shut me down._

_“No, we're definitely just mates,” says Gwaine, seemingly not in the least bit phased by my asking. “I mean, not that I didn't give it a good go when we first met, but once El here got the full brunt of my spectacular gastrotechnics after a party one night, it's safe to say that any chance we had at romance was gone.”_

_“As much as I love Gwaine,” says Elyan as he accepts his coffee from the waitress with a charming smile, “and I do – he's my best mate – there are definitely reasons I’m not sharing a flat with him.”_

_This answer skates around the edge of a question I've been dying to ask since the beginning of the interview but wasn't sure how to broach: if there's any truth to the rumours that he and Merlin Emrys (Arthur Pendragon’s mysterious folk-singer boyfriend and Gwaine’s flatmate) were romantically involved before the rumours about Merlin and Ellie Godwyn began. After a brief debate with myself whether to even ask it at all, I risk it._

_And it pays off._

_“Yeah, Merlin and I briefly dated,” says Elyan, slightly uncomfortably, “but it was more an experiment than anything. We very quickly realised we were much better as friends.”_

_“So there are no hard feelings where Arthur is concerned?” I ask. Gwaine snorts into his coffee at my accidental_ double entendre _. Elyan glares at him._

_“To be honest, Arthur’s given me my dream job,” says Elyan, turning back to me with a small smile. “Even if I was in love with Merlin, I'd probably just forgive the guy.”_

_I ask Gwaine about his thoughts on the infamous ‘Car Park Incident’ but, open as he’s been for most of the interview, he suddenly closes off and responds with only one-word answers. The atmosphere becomes tense, so instead I ask them how the Knights took the news that Elyan and Gwaine were joining the band amidst all the rumours and scandals that were flying around Excalibur at the time._

_“I'd actually met them a few times before through Merlin,” Elyan starts “and they've always been incredibly friendly. They're really just the nicest, most down-to-earth blokes you could ever imagine hanging around with. I can't imagine wanting to be in a band with anyone else."_

_“Honestly? Kay didn’t seem too fond of the idea in the beginning,” says Gwaine, “but we soon got chatting and we found that we have a lot in common. He's one of my closest mates now. And I can't imagine Percy or Lance not getting along with anyone. It’s like they were born to be friends with the world."_

_When I ask if they're worried about backlash from existing fans of the Knights, they both shrug._

_“I think we've come to the decision to just give this our best shot,” says Elyan. “It's a scary thing for fans when the band’s dynamic changes, but we're hoping that if we just do our best and have fun with it, people will have fun along with us.”_

_“Yeah, it's no use worrying about those people who've already decided that we're going to be s**te,” says Gwaine, “because at the end of the day we’re not making music for them. We'll play for all the amazing fans who have already given us the benefit of the doubt and have shown us so much love and support and hopefully in time we’ll prove to the others that we're not the evil band-destroyers they think we are.”_

_Only time will tell how the fans really feel about the newest Knights, but given that the tickets for their first UK performance sold out the same day they went on sale, it's safe to say that they needn't worry too much._

_I'll give the last word to Elyan:_

_“The funny thing about an opportunity like this is that since it only comes once in a lifetime, you risk putting so much pressure on yourself that you mess it up anyway. The Knights will be the first to tell you that they've taken themselves too seriously in the past, a lot of which probably led to what happened with Valiant and Cenred. When we hit that stage in a few weeks, it won't just be Gwaine and me bringing a new edge to the band. The Knights are coming back stronger than ever and I will be forever grateful and humbled to be a part of that.” –_ S.

There was silence for a moment or two as they all processed the article, but it was broken quickly by Gwaine’s sigh of relief.

“Well she tamed that down a hell of a lot,” said Elyan, exchanging a look with Gwaine.

“Yeah, that doesn’t sound at all like the Spanish Inquisition we were put through,” Gwaine replied, the tension in his shoulders visibly easing.

“Surely that’s a relief though, right?” asked Merlin.

“Oh definitely,” said Elyan. “The less nonsense there is about me out there, the better. I’m just wondering why she bothered asking the questions at all if she wasn’t going to use them.”

“It could be because I had a word with Agravaine about it,” said Arthur. “Explained to him why certain... things couldn’t be included the article. I assume he intervened.”

He glanced at Merlin and Merlin’s stomach plummeted. Had he told Agravaine the truth about their relationship?

“Cheers, mate,” said Gwaine with a smile. “We owe you one.”

“Shit!” said Elyan suddenly after glancing at his watch. “We’re late for tour rehearsal.”

“Dammit,” said Gwaine, jumping up from the couch. “And that’s after I bet Helen a tenner that I’d show up on time for this one.”

“Bye, you two,” said Elyan with a smirk. “Try not to cause a scandal while we leave you here unsupervised.”

“You’re hilarious, El,” said Merlin rolling his eyes theatrically. “Enjoy your practice.”

“Bye,” said Arthur with a small smile.

Once they’d left, Merlin turned to Arthur, barely containing his fear that the worst had happened.

“So you told Agravaine?” he said, hoping that he had jumped to the wrong conclusion.

“I did,” said Arthur, looking a strange mixture of guilty and stubborn.

“Well that’s just wonderful, isn’t it?” said Merlin, sarcastically. “Anyone else you want to tell while you’re at it? _CelebriTea_ ? _The Sun_?”

“For fuck’s sake Merlin, he’s my publicist,” Arthur said as he leaned closer to Merlin, looking around to make sure they weren’t being overheard. “That’s what I pay him for. And while I’ve gone along with your ridiculous theory that it’s safer to keep it a secret from him, in this case it wasn’t. Who knows what ridiculous story Kara Jones would have run with?”

Fighting the urge to call Arthur any number of synonyms of ‘idiot’, he took a steadying breath before responding.

“And what did your _publicist_ have to say about it?” he asked in his most level voice.

“He reckons we should stage the breakup before the end of the month.”

Merlin’s insides felt as though they had been doused in ice, which was strange because he knew that this would happen at some point, and it was what he wanted, wasn’t it? After the breakup it would be so much easier to tell Arthur how he really felt. If anything, he should be pleased at this new turn of events.

The fact that the suggestion had come from Agravaine, though, made Merlin feel decidedly ill.

“To which you replied…?” Merlin asked, afraid of the answer.

“I… I think we should, Merlin,” said Arthur. “Look, I wanted to tell you all of this after the movie premiere on Friday, but here we are. The media have mostly lost interest in us. There are far more interesting things happening with other celebrities at the moment and if we keep plodding on with this, it’s only a matter of time before they start digging for a story and work out that we’ve been faking it this whole time. It’s far better for both of us to bow out now, gracefully, before we have to deal with the disaster of the truth.”

The words ‘the truth’ echoed strangely in Merlin’s mind. _Tell him how you feel,_ they urged him, _tell him now_.

He opened his mouth to make his courageous declaration, but it was like something was lodged in his throat and as he cleared it, his resolve crumbled.

“When do you want to do it?” he asked instead.

“I was thinking sometime next week,” Arthur replied, “you know, before the Knights head off, but if you’d like to do it sooner, we can.”

“I think sooner is better, don’t you?” said Merlin. “There’s no point in dragging out the inevitable.”

“Definitely,” Arthur agreed. “Like ripping off a plaster, I suppose.”

Now infinitely grateful he hadn’t foolishly spilled his guts after that painful comparison, Merlin forced a laugh.

“Exactly,” he said. “In any case it’s not like it’s a real breakup. We’ll still talk.”

“For sure,” Arthur nodded and Merlin was aware of how thick and awkward the atmosphere between them had suddenly become.

 _You should have spoken up sooner_ , said the unhelpful voice in his head and he forced it quiet. It didn’t help beating himself up about things that might not have been a good idea in the first place.

“To be honest, it’s going to be a relief not having to jump your bones every time we see a camera,” said Merlin to which Arthur burst into that laughter that took up a significant portion of Merlin’s thoughts and he laughed along with him, because it was easier than succumbing to his disappointment.

* * *

Merlin thought he had been in awkward situations before, but nothing had ever been as awkward as Lance showing up at their flat early to take Gwen out while Gwen was still stuck at work. Merlin was in his loose tracksuit trousers and Arthur’s hoodie (which he hoped with all his heart Lance didn’t recognise), preparing himself for an uneventful night in, and compared to Lance’s effortless, clean-cut good looks (even when he was just wearing jeans and a t-shirt – the bastard), Merlin felt like a swamp creature.

“I usually try to arrive a little before the time because Gwen’s always so punctual,” said Lance with an uncomfortable laugh as he settled down on one of the armchairs in the living room. “I guess it doesn’t always pay off.”

“I guess so,” said Merlin with an equally uncomfortable smile. Their situation was ridiculous because he had known Lance for months now, but in all that time the two of them had never really had a conversation. The fact that they generally only spent time together when Gwen was around didn’t help things. Merlin was pretty convinced that Gwen was Lance’s whole world at this point and it really wasn’t surprising that with her around their conversations had never made it past small-talk. There had never really been an opportunity for it to progress to anything deeper.

At close to a quarter of an hour of awkward attempts to initiate conversation on both sides and painfully-polite chuckled replies, Merlin regretted every chance he had ever had to have a back-and-forth with Lance that went further than the weather. The hesitant stop-start dialogue around things that couldn’t even be justified as topics of conversation made Merlin wish the sofa cushions would just claim him as one of their own.

“Tea?” he eventually offered, unable to take another second of the awkward silence filled only with the sound of the large wall clock ticking away.

“Please,” said Lance, who looked also sounded vaguely relieved at the change of pace. “I mean, I might as well. Gwen says she’s probably going to be stuck in her meeting for another forty minutes.”

_Kill. Me. Now._

“Yeah, you might as well then,” smiled Merlin, hoping it didn't look as fake as it felt. “How do you take it?”

“Milk, no sugar,” Lance replied. Merlin nodded and made his way to the kitchen, immensely grateful to have escaped the stifling living room.

As he flipped the kettle’s switch, Merlin felt his phone buzz in his pocket and forced himself to ignore it. It was probably just Gwen letting him know that she was running late anyway. Merlin knew that the breakup statement was going out that evening and the last thing he needed was the temptation to spend his entire night reading article after article analysing what had happened between them. It would be far better for him to spend the evening watching panel show reruns on _Dave_ whilst gorging himself on Gwen’s emergency ice-cream stash. He probably wouldn’t feel great afterwards, but he’d feel a lot better than he would knowing _Buzzfeed’s ‘10 Reasons Penrys Was Always Doomed’_.

It was with a feeling of dread that he reentered the living room with the two steaming cups of tea, but to his surprise, Lance was standing over by their photo wall and was smiling at him.

“I’ve never had the chance to actually look at these photos properly,” he said with a smile. “Did you go to Ealdor Primary?” he asked.

“And Ealdor Secondary,” said Merlin with a confused frown, wondering why Lance would have any interest in where he went to school at all. “Why?”

“I was in Ealdor primary for a few years when I was younger,” grinned Lance,

“What? No way! I would have remembered you,” said Merlin, setting the tea down on the coffee table.

“I swear to you I was,” said Lance with a grin. “My father was the chief constable in Ealdor for a while.”

“Wait, no way!” said Merlin, unable to believe what he was hearing. “I can’t believe I’ve never made the connection before! Your dad is Chief Constable Du Lac?”

“Was,” said Lance with a small smile. “He passed away a few years ago.”

“Oh no, I’m sorry,” said Merlin with a small pang. “He was amazing, though. My friend Will and I both wanted to be him when we grew up. You probably won’t remember, but he saved Will from the river one time after all six years of him decided to jump in to rescue a cat, only to discover that he couldn’t swim. We were sort of obsessed with him after that – Will was convinced he had to be some kind of superhero.”

“He certainly was to me,” smiled Lance. “I think I remember something about him rescuing a boy from a river. I was pretty young at the time.”

Merlin smiled and looked at the photo of tiny him, clutching a schoolbag that dwarfed him and with a grin so wide he was surprised it hadn’t caused lasting damage.

“Will was your friend that you wrote the song for, right?” asked Lance gently.

“Yeah,” said Merlin, wondering why it was suddenly so easy to tell Lance all of this. “He was stupidly brave sometimes.”

“Dad too,” said Lance, crossing over to the coffee table to grab his tea before settling back down into his seat. “Mum used to hold his lunch hostage until he promised that he’d be careful and only be a hero if he had to.”

Merlin chuckled, grateful that the ice had finally been broken. As Lance and Merlin chatted, they discovered that they had actually attended the school at the same time (though neither could remember the other) and spent a good few minutes reminiscing about their old teachers.

“Remember how Mr Garrison used to always tell everyone off for climbing the frame of the swings?” said Merlin with a grin.

“Yeah, he always used to say ‘those swings are _not_ toys’ when, in fact, that’s exactly what they were.” Lance chuckled. “Oh my god and compulsory singalongs with Mrs Paolera! I still don’t know what they were hoping to achieve by forcing a whole school to sing songs from _Annie_ when it’s the absolute last thing they’d want to be doing on a Wednesday morning.”

“Probably some kind of stab at world peace,” said Merlin. “That said, did you ever have her for private music lessons? She was amazing.”

“I did,” smiled Lance. “I’m convinced that she’s most of the reason I fell in love with music so young.”

“Me too,” Merlin replied, amazed at how much he and the lead singer of one of the biggest bands in the world actually had in common.

Then again, it had been a pretty strange year so far, and these things were starting to surprise him less.

Lance’s phone rang just then, interrupting their conversation.

“Oh, it’s Gwen,” said Lance. “Mind if I take it quick?”

“Not at all,” said Merlin, resisting again the urge to take a peek at his own phone. Instead he listened to Lance and Gwen’s conversation, smiling at how much Lance’s face lit up when he spoke to her. He decided, until he sorted his own life out, that he would just live vicariously through their adorable relationship.

“No we’re fine,” said Lance. “We’ve actually just discovered that we were at school together for a while… I know, crazy right?... yeah, I’ll tell you about it when you get home... I miss you too. Can’t wait to see that beautiful smile of yours again… Yes, Merlin is rolling his eyes at us... Haha, I’ll let you tell him that… See you soon, Love.”

Merlin couldn’t help but beam at Lance when he ended the call and looked up at him.

“You know, I haven’t told you this,” said Merlin, “but thank you. You’ve made Gwen happier than I’ve ever seen her.”

“That’s... “ said Lance, suddenly bashful. “I mean, she’s pretty much the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I wouldn’t have met her if not for you, so I should probably actually be thanking you.”

“If we’re playing this game, Gwen’s the only reason I got that gig in the first place,” Merlin laughed. “So if you want to thank anyone it should be her.”

“I’ll be sure to as soon as she gets back,” chuckled Lance. “She said it won’t be long now. She’s just trying to flag down a cab at the moment.”

They were quiet after that as they finished their tea, but it wasn’t the uncomfortable silence of earlier. Merlin knew he had just gained another good friend. He honestly couldn’t believe that he hadn’t made the connection between Lance, lead singer of Knights of Albion, and the kind policeman who had given him eleven more years with his best friend than he would have had.

Merlin decided that as cruel as the universe seemed to be sometimes, it was probably just trying its best and he should start being kinder to it.

“Merlin,” said Lance after a while, shaking Merlin from his thoughts. “Look, I know that we’re not… I mean this is the first time we’ve actually properly spoken to each other… but, I talk to Gwen a lot and I just… basically, are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” said Merlin with a shrug and Lance’s concerned frown deepened. Merlin sighed. “Okay I’m not spectacular, but I’ll manage. I’m assuming you’re talking about the breakup? Well, I’ve been through worse and survived. Besides, it was always going to end like this. That was the whole plan. It just… took me by surprise, I guess.”

“He cares about you deeply, you know,” said Lance. “You don’t see it because you didn’t know him before, but he’s changed so much since he met you. He’s never been a horrible person, don’t get me wrong, but before you he was always strictly professional. He’d stop to chat to you about how your recording was going or how a particular interview or gig went, but he had so many walls up and he never let anyone relate to him on a personal level, except maybe Gaius, Leon and his sister. You fixed something in him and I know beyond any doubt that you’re incredibly special to him.”

Merlin nodded and drained the last dregs of his tea mostly so he didn't have to answer. He wasn't even sure what he was meant to answer. If Arthur cared about Merlin as much as Lance was implying he did, surely it would be the easiest thing in the world for the prat to tell him that?

“I don't know what's happening between the two of you and I really don't expect you to tell me,” said Lance. “I just thought that you should know.”

“Thanks,” said Merlin with a small smile.

“No problem,” Lance replied. “Er, Gwen and I aren't going on a proper date tonight. We were just going to go see that new Disney film. Want to join us? It might help take your mind off of things.”

Merlin knew that Lance’s heart was in the right place but the thought of spending the evening out in the public where there were cameras and people, as a third wheel to Gwen and Lance who, while undeniably adorable, were sometimes too sweet to enjoy in large doses, was the absolute last way Merlin wanted to spend his evening.

“I don't think it's a good idea for me to go out right now,” said Merlin. “The media is going to be a bit of a nightmare for a while. Best to stay out of the spotlight for now, you know?”

“Of course,” said Lance with a friendly smile. “I didn't think of that. Just know that if you don't want to be alone, you don't have to be.”

“I… Thanks,” said Merlin, oddly touched by the sentiment. He was filled with a rush of gratitude to whatever it was that had brought Gwen and Lance together. The world needed their brand of unstoppable kindness.

“Anytime,” smiled Lance.

There was the sound of a key sliding into the door's lock just then and both Lance and Merlin were surprised when, instead of Gwen, it was Gwaine who came through the door with about half a grocery store’s worth of shopping.

“God, Gwaine,” said Merlin looking over all the bags he had hauled up. “Is there a natural disaster headed our way that I haven't been informed of?”

“Hey Lance,” he said, slightly out of breath as he dropped the bags just outside the living room door. “For your information, Merls, we were running low on a few things so I decided to get them on my way home.”

“But what you actually did was come back with a small town’s branch of Tesco’s,” said Merlin. Gwaine elected to ignore him, instead hauling all of the shopping bags to the kitchen.

It wasn't long after that that Gwen showed up looking absolutely frazzled and full of apologies.

“Agravaine had us in this completely useless meeting where he just kept saying over and over again that Excalibur is in serious financial trouble and that we all need to be doing our part to change that,” she said, perching on the armrest of Lance’s chair. “It was a nightmare. There was no proposed strategy or potential solutions to the problem. Heck, I'm not even sure what the actual problem is since Princess Mithian and Helios’ new song is top of the charts and Knights pre-orders have broken several UK records. And with Merlin and Ellie's albums on the way, there’s no reason Arthur shouldn’t be diving into a giant pile of gold. Instead, I had to endure a full afternoon of Agravaine angrily pointing at charts and glaring at us all as if we personally caused the problem.” Gwen paused to rummage in her work folder, pulling out a stack of bound pages. “And he gave us this ridiculous contract to sign which, as soon as I get the chance, I intend to go through with a fine-toothed comb.”

“But not tonight,” said Lance, gently tugging the pages out of Gwen’s hand and setting them down on the coffee table.

“Not tonight,” Gwen agreed, giving Lance a quick peck before excusing herself to get ready. Gwaine returned from packing away the groceries with three beers, handing one to Merlin and offering another to Lance who politely declined it. Shrugging, Gwaine set the bottle down on the table and settled himself on the sofa next to Merlin.

“I thought you were going out with Kay,” said Merlin, who had fully expected to have the flat to himself that night.

“I was,” Gwaine replied, “but I fancied a night in instead, especially with the tour starting next week. I think I’m going to miss my own four walls.”

“You probably will,” Lance nodded. “As fun as touring is, there’s something to be said about getting home and not having to worry about what city you’re playing next.”

“Which gig are you guys most excited for?” asked Merlin.

“Paris,” said Lance without hesitation.

“Wembley,” Gwaine replied.

“That’s our last gig,” Lance chuckled. “That keen for it to be over already?”

“Nah, I just have a feeling it’s going to be a good one,” said Gwaine mysteriously, taking a swig of his beer. Merlin, who had never known Gwaine to be anything that remotely resembled mysterious before, was absolutely intrigued, but was interrupted from probing further when Gwen came through from her bedroom carrying her overnight bag.

“I’ll be staying over at Lance’s again tonight,” she said to Gwaine and Merlin, blushing furiously as she did, “so, you know, don’t wait up or anything.”

“We won’t,” grinned Merlin, taking immense delight at the shade of Gwen’s cheeks.

“See you both tomorrow,” Lance said, taking Gwen’s bag from her as they made their way to the door. Merlin and Gwaine followed.

“Don’t stay up too late, you two,” said Gwaine loudly as Gwen and Lance made their way to the stairs at the end of the corridor. “It’s a school night, after all.”

Lance paused at the top of the stairs to flip Gwaine off and Gwaine chuckled.

“What a polite young man,” he said, wiping away a faux-tear. “I don’t think we could have asked for anyone better for our Gwen.”

“You’re so full of shit,” Merlin laughed and made his way back to the living room. Gwaine followed him after locking the door, plonking back down into his seat and taking a deep swig of his beer.

Merlin was still not entirely sure why Gwaine was home. Unlike Merlin and Gwen, the words ‘quiet night in’ didn’t usually exist in Gwaine’s vocabulary.

“Is there any particular reason that you, Gwaine Padraig Orkney: extrovert of all extroverts, wants to spend a night in with me instead of going out and getting shit-faced with your actual brain twin, Kay Green?”

“Firstly, I have no idea who told you my middle name, but I have a special set of skills and I will find them and I will kill them,” said Gwaine in a spot-on impression of Liam Neeson. “Secondly, maybe I just wanted to hang out with you. I mean, can you honestly tell me the last time we spent time together, just us lads?”

“It’s been awhile hasn’t it?” Merlin replied with a smile. He missed their strange adventures. He was about to mention this to Gwaine when something else occurred to him. “Wait a minute, Gwen didn’t put you up to this because of the breakup, did she?”

“No,” said Gwaine, a little guiltily. Merlin raised an eyebrow. “Okay fine. _Jaysus_ , you’re worse than Gaius. Gwen didn’t put me up to it, but this _is_ mostly because I’m worried about you. I know you had a lot invested in your thing with the princess, so I cancelled my plans with Kay and went past the shop for supplies. There were maybe three things in those bags that could count as groceries. The rest is all junk food and alcohol.

“That’s… thanks, G,” said Merlin, genuinely touched. “I really appreciate it. I mean I know it wasn’t a real breakup or anything but…”

“It was real to you,” Gwaine said seriously, and then with a small smile, he added “That’s why we’re going to spend the night eating crisps and pizza while getting arse-faced.”

They ended up doing exactly what Merlin had been planning to do, but it didn’t seem as pathetic with company. The two of them ate unholy amounts of junk food and downed pint after pint while watching reruns Merlin had seen a thousand times, but it was infinitely more enjoyable with Gwaine there trying to catch peanuts in his mouth and making hilariously inappropriate comments at the shows they were watching.

“Maybe we should just elope,” said Gwaine who, after several hours and a heroic number of drinks, was curled up with Merlin on the couch. Merlin giggled at the thought of how long it would take before the first murder attempt. Probably a month at best. “No don’t laugh, Merls, I’m bearing my soul here. Imagine it: you, me, a big house in the country with a dog called Shep and a duck called Sergeant Quackers.”

“Sounds perfect,” said Merlin, pulling Gwaine closer. “Except for the part where we’re both hopelessly in love with other people.”

“Ah, yes,” said Gwaine. “There is that.”

“It _is_ love for you, then?” asked Merlin.

“I think so, yeah,” Gwaine said quietly. “Ellie and I had a friendly argument over lunch the other day about who would win in a fight between minestrone and chicken noodle soup and she was defending her chicken noodle so passionately that I just remember thinking that I’m never going to find anyone else as perfect as her.”

“I don’t understand why you haven’t just told her,” said Merlin. “You two are obviously perfect for each other and she definitely feels the same way about you.”

“She’s not ready for anything yet,” said Gwaine with a sigh. “I can tell and I don’t want to push her. Hell, I don’t know how long it takes to get over something as shitty as what Valiant did. But if she’s ever ready to give it ago, my feelings won’t change.”

Merlin nodded and rested his head comfortingly on top of Gwaine’s.

“In any case,” said Gwaine through a massive yawn. “I have a plan.”

“Oh?” said Merlin curiously. “And what would that be?”

Merlin wasn’t sure whether Gwaine chose to ignore the question or whether he had just fallen asleep, but there was no reply.

 _Stupid mysterious prick,_ Merlin thought amusedly.

Somewhere nearby, Merlin’s phone buzzed insistently, but he found it much easier now to resist the urge to pick it up. Why ruin the good mood he was in when it had taken almost all night to achieve?

With a deep, settling breath, he shifted into a more comfortable position and fell asleep almost instantly.

* * *

“That’s the worst of it over,” whispered Ellie as they settled into their seats at the movie premiere later that week. Merlin certainly hoped so. Since Arthur didn’t think it would be a good idea for the two of them to show up together, even just as friends, he had invited Ellie to be his plus-one for the night (rumours be damned – having Ellie there was likely the only way he was going to make it through the entire thing). Much to their shared distaste, the two of them had spent the entire walk up the red carpet fielding questions about their personal lives and trying to remember to smile seeing as there was likely a camera on them at every moment.

On their walk up the seemingly never-ending red carpet, he had even been lucky enough to meet the infamous Kara Jones.

“It’s so good to finally have the chance to talk to you!” she said to Merlin with a smile that looked like it was trying to be friendly. He was deeply unsettled by how cold and calculating her deep-blue eyes were in contrast. “I wasn’t expecting you to be here after hearing about the news about you and Arthur. I see he didn’t make it. Was the breakup not as clean-cut and amicable as the official statement would have us believe?”

Merlin hadn’t really known what to say to that and could suddenly see why his friends disliked her so much. She gave off an air of innocent curiosity while at the same time asking questions that knocked the air out of your lungs. Thankfully he was spared the necessity of coming up with an answer by Ellie who immediately jumped to his defense.

“It’s been a tough week for both Merlin and Arthur,” she said, in a severe voice he would have never expected her capable of. “You can hardly blame Merlin for wanting a fun night out and you can’t blame Arthur for wanting to avoid _vultures_ like you. Now, if you’ll excuse us, I think we’re holding up the procession.”

Ellie had grabbed his arm then and dragged him over to the next interviewer who, thankfully, was far more interested in what they were wearing than their love lives. He glanced briefly back at Kara Jones who was watching him like a shrewd and calculating vulture, just waiting for him to give something away. He suppressed a shudder and turned back to his current interviewer, trying his best to remember who it was that had designed his suit.

Now, sitting in the dark of the cinema, Merlin felt himself wishing to be absolutely anywhere else. He had known that he probably wasn’t going to enjoy the red carpet, and was absolutely dreading the after party, but he had hoped that he’d at least find some enjoyment in the movie itself.

No such luck.

The movie was a joyless conglomeration of big-budget robots and space creatures with rampant sexism, a forced hetrosexual love story and little-to-no real plot. He’d been to see movies like it before, of course, but then he, Gwen, Elyan and Gwaine would usually get through them by hissing snarky remarks to each other under their breath, throwing popcorn at each other as quietly as they could and trying their best to suppress the resulting giggles. Stuck in his uncomfortable red carpet outfit, too afraid to make a sound and with absolutely no popcorn anywhere in the building, Merlin could feel several irredeemable hours of his life slowly ticking away.

It was with a sigh of relief that Merlin recognised the opening strains of the Knight’s song ‘Written In Stone’ as the screen went black and the credits rolled. The audience applauded as the director, producers and cast took a bow, but Merlin was sure that it was only out of politeness. He, certainly, was only applauding out of gratitude that it was over.

It did mean, of course, that it was time for the after party and surprisingly, it was there Merlin found the first good thing about that evening: the open bar.

He told himself that he would be responsible about it and so far he had stuck to his word. He had his first two drinks relatively slowly and tried to enjoy the atmosphere in the room, reminding himself that it wasn’t every day he got to mingle with a room full of movie stars. For a while, he, Ellie and the Knights stood chatting amongst themselves, but soon Ellie was flitting off to meet new people, Percy and Kay were excitedly introducing people to Elyan and Gwaine and Lance and Gwen were mingling with a group of people that Merlin was certain contained at least three of her favourite actors. Merlin watched them all from the bar, unbelievably happy for them all, but feeling an unwelcome pang of loneliness nonetheless. His next two drinks disappeared fairly quickly.

 _This would have been so much more fun with Arthur,_ he thought bitterly to himself as he set his empty glass down on the counter.

Merlin was just about to force himself to go off, find Ellie and possibly actually interact with people when someone slid up next to him. Merlin glanced around and saw, to his shock, that it was Cenred King.

“Well, well, well,” said Cenred with an infuriatingly smug smile, “I was wondering when I’d get the pleasure of meeting you. Merlin Emrys: the singer who finally made an honest gay man of Arthur Pendragon.”

“Cenred King,” said Merlin flatly, “one of the dickheads who tried to tank my friends’ careers. Tell me, does it sting that they’ve all come back even stronger than before? I bet it does, doesn't it?”

“Not really,” shrugged Cenred nonchalantly. “I’ll tell you what does sting, though: I only came over here to get to know you and to tell you how _sinfully_ good you look in that suit and not even ten seconds into our lovely chat, you’re hurling accusations my way. I'm just trying to be friendly.”

“Yeah well, it needs work,” said Merlin, turning to order another drink from the barkeep. Cenred took the opportunity to slide closer, leaving practically no space between them. Merlin suddenly felt extremely claustrophobic.

“Let’s start again. I hear you’re back on the market, so why don’t you and I get better acquainted?” asked Cenred leaning in to whisper in Merlin’s ear and snaking an arm around his waist as he did. He smelled strongly of cigarettes and aftershave and Merlin’s skin crawled as he tried to extract himself from his grasp. “I personally think Pendragon is an idiot, letting a hot bit of arse like you slip through his fingers.”

Merlin was not usually a violent person, but he about two seconds away from punching Cenred’s stupid smirk into the back of his arrogant head when he was spared the necessity by a nearby voice.

“I’d duck if I were you, Ced. Emrys looks like he’s about to rearrange your face.”

Merlin turned round to see Mordred Jones lean in to order a drink from the bar. Merlin took the opportunity to pull away from Cenred and went to stand next to Mordred who, while still a complete stranger, was definitely preferable to the other man.

“Merlin here couldn’t hurt a fly,” Cenred smirked.

“And you’d like to be the brave fly that tests that?” said Merlin, oddly pleased when Mordred sniggered next to him.

“Fine,” shrugged Cenred. “Clearly our young Merlin here only has a taste for dick that boosts his status. It shouldn’t be a surprise – it’s how so many careers start these days.”

“Yours included, I’m sure,” said Mordred coolly. “Now please, kindly fuck off.”

Cenred gave the two of them one last smirk before walking off to join a small group of actresses. Merlin took a deep gulp of his drink, his mood rapidly plummeting to rock bottom.

“You alright?” Mordred asked and Merlin shrugged. Mordred smiled encouragingly. “Cenred’s a twat. You’re not the first person he’s harassed tonight and you probably won’t be the last.”

“Why is he even here?” asked Merlin. “It’s not like he’s in the Knights anymore.”

“I think he helped write the song before he got kicked out,” said Mordred with a slight grimace. “They couldn’t not invite him. Valiant, thankfully, doesn’t have a creative bone in his body and didn’t merit an invite.”

“Small mercies,” said Merlin, taking another swig from his glass. The two of them stood in silence for a while, Merlin only vaguely watching the people mingling and dancing.

“I was kind of hoping you’d have called by now,” he said with a smile as he turned to face Merlin. Merlin felt slightly guilty as he remembered pulling bits of washed and dried napkin out of his pocket a few days after their meeting at McGillin's. “Although, I suppose I don’t think I was really expecting you to. You and Arthur looked extremely cozy back at the pub.”

Merlin didn’t know what to say to that, and glanced over at the dance floor again where he noticed that Ellie had somehow managed to rope Gwaine into dancing with her.

“Sorry to hear you two didn’t work out,” added Mordred sympathetically.

“Thanks,” replied Merlin, wishing more than anything that they could talk about absolutely anything else.

“I probably wouldn’t have put it in terms quite as vulgar as Cenred’s,” said Mordred with a suddenly shy smile, “but... I do kind of think that Arthur is a bit of an idiot.”

 _I tend to agree with you most days_ , Merlin was tempted to say, but instead, he smiled back at Mordred.

“You barely know me,” he said. “How do you know Arthur didn’t break up with me because of my weird third nipple or something?”

“Do you have a weird third nipple?” asked Mordred amusedly and Merlin winked back at him causing Mordred to burst out laughing. Merlin was intrigued by the sound. While it had nothing on Arthur’s graceless bark, it was surprisingly nice.

Bolstered by the alcohol and the fact that he was an almost-celebrity having a conversation with a real celebrity at a celebrity-filled after party, Merlin suddenly felt something bold and reckless take over.

“To be honest,” he said, once Mordred had calmed down, “even though this is going to sound like such a lame excuse, the real reason I never called you was that I forgot the napkin in my pocket and it went through the wash.”

“Ooh, you’re right,” chuckled Mordred before taking a sip of his drink, “that does sound like a lame excuse. I’m willing to give you the benefit of the doubt, though, since it looked like you had a lot going on that day and, while we’re being perfectly honest, I can’t help but trust that smile.”

Merlin actually felt himself blush at this, told himself off for being ridiculous and forced himself to keep it together, reminding himself that for all intents and purposes he had just come out of a very public relationship only days before and that the ravenous press would absolutely love a fresh story to sink their teeth into.

Flirting with Mordred, however, had been the most fun he’d had all evening, and he reasoned that there probably wasn’t any harm in letting himself take a few calculated risks. It wasn’t like he actually _fancied_ Mordred or anything.

With a chuckle of his own, he took a step closer to Mordred.

“Do those lines usually work for you?”

“Not really,” Mordred replied, “but I’m willing to try until I find one that does.”

Merlin laughed and finished the last of his drink, now well past the point of common sense, and leaned over Mordred to put his glass down on the counter, slipping a hand into Mordred’s pocket as he did and pulling out his mobile, which he then handed to him.

“I figure we should have each other’s numbers on something a little more reliable than tissue paper, don’t you?” winked Merlin and Mordred grinned.

“Ah, so you’re not as angelic as you look,” Mordred grinned, unlocking his phone and handing it over to Merlin as Merlin did the same. “Saves me using the line about falling from heaven.”

“No one could accuse you of not being persistent,” Merlin chuckled.

“Never,” Mordred smiled as they swapped phones again. Merlin watched as he opened up the camera app and switched it to the front camera. “Want to take a selfie? You know, to celebrate all the fun we’re having at this god-awful party?”

“The party’s not that bad,” grinned Merlin, stepping closer so that they both fit into the screen.

“No, it’s not,” Mordred replied with a fond look that made Merlin feel oddly fluttery and he forced himself to focus on the photo instead. Mordred took one picture of them both smiling at the camera and another where he pecked Merlin on the cheek (which Merlin told himself off for enjoying as much as he did). Merlin wasn’t even sure which one Mordred posted in the end because he took the few moments Mordred took uploading it to get a grip on his emotions. He’d had a good few drinks now and realised that he probably wasn’t making the wisest choices, but Merlin reasoned that he had spent the past few months just going along with everyone else’s plans and decisions and it was about time it became his turn to dictate events again.

“Want to dance?” he asked, instantly regretting the words the moment they left his mouth and wondering what had possessed him to even suggest it in the first place.

“Always,” grinned Mordred grabbing Merlin’s hand and pulling him to the dance floor. He tried to ignore the confused looks he got from his friends as they passed them, reminding himself that he was allowed to hang out with whomever he damn-well pleased, and instead pretended, at least for a while, that no one else in the world existed.

For the most part it worked, and the rest of the evening turned out to be a lot more enjoyable.

The Knights, Ellie and Gwen, who had all looked a mixture of suspicious and concerned when Merlin had walked up to them a half hour later with Mordred in tow, were soon set at ease by Mordred’s easy manner and unapologetically cheesy jokes. By the end of the night, Mordred, Gwaine, Elyan and Kay were all ripping off Merlin for being such a lightweight (he couldn’t even argue – he was slurring and giggling too much to give any evidence to the contrary) and Ellie and Mordred were swapping industry horror stories.

It had to end at some point. When Merlin slipped off of a chair while trying to sit down, Gwen declared it time to go home and, though Merlin protested, they all began gathering their things to leave.

“See you around sometime, Emrys?” Mordred asked.

“I’ll call you,” grinned Merlin.

“Yeah, yeah,” said Mordred rolling his eyes. “I’ve heard that before.”

Merlin didn’t reply and instead pulled him into a hug, which turned into Merlin using him as support because his balance was not what it had been a few hours ago. Chuckling, Mordred passed Merlin to Gwaine and Percy and waved as they left the club.

Merlin didn’t remember much of the rest of the night, but remembered Percy hoisting him onto his bed while Gwaine took off his shoes and remembered his phone buzzing just as he was about to drift off to sleep. It was Arthur.

_RECEIVED [22:13]: Just caught some of the early reviews of that movie you went to see. Sorry you had to go through that. I hope you’ll find a way to forgive me. x_

_RECEIVED [23:49]: Though it seems like you had a pretty great time all the same. Glad to see you’re “making new friends”._

Merlin had no idea what Arthur meant by that, but he was too tired, too drunk and generally just too annoyed with the prat to care. After taking a messy gulp of water from the glass Ellie had left him, he settled back into his pillows and was out within seconds.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're starting to kick off into the really exciting stuff now and I can't wait for you to see what's in store :D
> 
> Again, just a reminder that life is mental and I'll try as hard as possible to stick to my update schedule, but it might not always be possible.
> 
> AND ALSO there's a new song up on my SoundCloud! I went way out of my comfort zone and wrote [Written In Stone](https://soundcloud.com/aislynnprice/written-in-stone) which I hope sounds kind of like a rock song? I don't have a rock voice at all though, so you might have to use your imagination. ;)
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading this and for your kudos and comments. You're all so amazing <3 
> 
> \- Ash x


	10. The Maybe-Date

Merlin’s hangovers involved a vast array of emotions.

There was the usual general feeling of ‘ugh’ coupled with the fond memories of the epic night before, as well as disappointment in himself for drinking so much and a deep craving for the strongest coffee he could get his hands on.

This morning’s hangover surprised him with a fun new addition: frustratedly deciphering what Arthur had meant by his ridiculous text the night before.

Though he had read and dismissed them in his drunk state, in the light of day, the words _‘making new friends’_ and the infuriatingly petty quotation marks around them rolled around his mind and became increasingly irritating the more he thought about them. Arthur had no right to be annoyed with him. Merlin wasn’t going to avoid getting to know people just because Arthur had a history with them. It wasn’t even like they were fake-dating anymore and Arthur could say Merlin was putting the ruse at risk. The prat had no say now in who Merlin was allowed to hang out with and he should learn to mind his own business.

The hangover from hell wasn’t helping his mood, so Merlin told himself to deal with one problem at a time.

Upon discovering that the only caffeine in the flat was Gwaine’s weak instant coffee, Merlin threw himself into a shower, pulled on some clean clothes and left for Mogue. He called a cab instead of taking the tube because just the thought of being around people was enough to worsen his nausea, and was thankfully blessed with a cabbie that wasn’t too chatty.

Merlin spent the drive to Mogue checking his social media and was once again blown away by the ability of people to make a big deal out of what was actually nothing. As he scrolled through headline after headline with titles that were all a variation of “ _Mordred and Merlin hit it off at the_ Mortal Labyrinth _premiere_ ” or _“Jonerys is the new Penrys”_ , he seriously considered just chucking his mobile out the window. He knew that this was the life he had signed up for, but sometimes people could be beyond ridiculous. What had happened between Mordred and him had just been two people in the same crazy industry having a rare bit of fun. It was barely a friendship, never mind a relationship. They had just been two blokes hanging out at a party. There was nothing that could possibly be construed as _‘hitting it off’_ or _‘Jonerys’_.

That is, until he opened Instagram.

Stomach sinking, Merlin stared at the little square black-and-white photograph on his screen. He had forgotten about the selfie. There he was, grinning into the camera, hair slightly disheveled and his bow tie slightly askew. Mordred's hand gripped his shoulder and his eyes were closed as he pressed his grinning lips against Merlin’s cheek.

Shit.

As harmless as Merlin knew it was, he could see how people had come to certain conclusions. Especially because underneath it, the caption read “Making new friends” with a wink emoji.

He closed Instagram before he could read any of the comments underneath the post. The last thing he needed was strangers’ opinions on his personal life.

His already foul mood reached new lows when he walked into the coffee shop and found Arthur sitting at one of the tables, reading something on his tablet with a sour expression as he slowly sipped his coffee. Merlin cursed under his breath and was about to turn to leave the shop when Leon came out of the sound room, noticed him and waved.

_Buggering shitfuck._

Resigning himself to his fate, Merlin tried to find a table as far away from Arthur as he could while also attempting to ignore the whispers that followed him, reminding himself again that he had done absolutely nothing wrong.

“Rough night?” Leon asked with a chuckle once Merlin had settled into a booth. Merlin propped up the large menu in front of his face, partly to skim through the band-themed names of the dishes, but mostly to hide from the rest of the café.

“Pretty decent night – absolutely shit morning,” Merlin replied as his eyes fell on a breakfast option called _‘The Cure’_. He pointed to it. “Is this all it promises to be?”

“Oh yeah,” Leon nodded, pulling a notepad from the apron he was wearing. “Fixes you right up. Throw in a cup of our nocturnal blend and you should be back to normal in no time.”

“Sounds great, thanks,” said Merlin with a weak smile. When Leon tried to take the menu, Merlin gripped it a little tighter. “Sorry, I might just… peruse for a while longer,” he said, hoping that Leon would understand. Leon glanced over to where Arthur was sitting before nodding and walking off to put his order through.

Merlin stared at the menu without reading it for a while, but eventually realised that he might draw more attention to himself if he didn’t put it down. He immediately replaced it with staring down at his phone. As long as he and Arthur didn’t make eye-contact, Merlin could pretend that he hadn’t noticed he was here.

He, of course, hadn’t factored Morgana into all of this.

About mid-way through his (absolutely heavenly) breakfast, he caught his name coming from the other side of the coffee shop and made the fatal error of looking up. Arthur, in the midst of his heated argument with Morgana, was looking right at him, his face a mixture of vexed and mortified. There was no way Merlin could pretend he wasn’t there now, so he stared right back, determined not to be the first to break eye-contact, and was rewarded for his persistence when Arthur turned to glare at his sister instead.

Merlin’s breakfast tasted like sawdust after that, and he tried his best not to overhear snippets of Morgana and Arthur’s hissed out conversation. He was pretty sure that they had no idea how loud they were actually talking. Phrases like _‘since you obviously can’t grow a pair, I’ll just go have a little chat with him on your behalf’_ and _‘even if I did tell him, Morgana, it wouldn’t change anything’_ made Merlin’s heart rate triple, and it was nearly impossible to tell himself that they probably weren’t talking about him.

Merlin really just wanted to finish his breakfast and get out of there.

He was prevented from doing so when out of nowhere, his plate was snatched from the table. Merlin looked up to see Morgana storming away between the tables clutching his stolen breakfast and what looked like Arthur’s stolen coffee.

“I think she means for you to follow her,” said Leon apologetically and Merlin shot up after her, furious that he was being dragged into whatever ridiculous spat the two of them were having and wondering, as Arthur huffed after her, if being over-dramatic was a genetic trait.

“Right,” she said as she set their food and drink down on the small coffee table in the green room. She pointed a dangerous finger at Arthur. “ _You,_ need to grow the fuck up and stop expecting people to go along with your stupid noble decisions.” She turned to Merlin and continued. “And _you_ need to not be moping around about easily solvable problems in my café. It’s bad for business. Now, I’m going to leave and I expect the two of you to put on your big boy pants and have an adult conversation with actual words. And if you don’t, so help me I will –”

She was interrupted by Leon’s gentle hand on her shoulder.

“I think what Morgana is trying to say is that it’s about time you two had a few minutes alone to talk some things through,” he said reasonably. Morgana nodded in agreement, eyes blazing. Leon took a step back out of the door. “We’ll be out the front. Let us know if you need anything.”

“I apologise for the inconvenience. Your breakfast is on the house,” she added to Merlin before following Leon down the hallway, leaving him alone with Arthur in a room that felt like it had gotten smaller since the last time he’d been in it.

They stood awkwardly avoiding each other’s gaze for a few moments before Merlin cleared his throat.

“So I really appreciated your text last night,” he said sarcastically. “It really set the tone for what is turning out to be an absolutely _fantastic_ day.” Arthur huffed in response and Merlin felt his anger flare. “Look, I’m way too hungover to deal with your bullshit right now. Let me know when you’re ready to actually use human methods of communication.”

He sat down on the nearby couch and pulled his unfinished plate of food closer to him, hoping that the bacon hadn’t gone cold. To his surprise, Arthur picked up his half-empty cup of coffee and sat down next to him.

“Do you fancy him?” Arthur asked as he toyed with the lid of his cup, causing Merlin to pause a forkful of food on the way to his mouth.

“What?” he asked.

“Mordred,” Arthur started again. “Do you fancy him?”

“Arthur, I’ve known him a grand total of five hours,” said Merlin. “When in the history of the universe has that ever been enough time to discover you have feelings for someone?”

“It took me less than an hour with you,” said Arthur so quietly that it took Merlin a second to realise what he was saying. When he did, his fork clattered noisily to the plate.

_What._

_The._

_Fuck._

He wasn’t sure whether he wanted to kiss or punch the stupid git, and took a second to compose himself by setting his plate back down on the table, realising that either way he wouldn’t want food flying everywhere.

“God. This is _not_ happening right now,” he said burying his face in his hands once his breakfast was a safe distance away. God, Arthur had actual _feelings_ for him. Suddenly the events at McGillin’s and Arthur’s text were thrown into a whole new light. The prat fancied _him_ and he _was_ jealous of Mordred after all.

Merlin looked up again at Arthur who was now wearing the kind of grim and determined expression you’d find on someone who was about to wrestle a lion. “You… fuck. You honestly couldn’t have told me this at any point before now?”

“You didn’t answer my question,” said Arthur and Merlin definitely felt himself leaning more towards punching the prick.

“I did answer it, you complete and utter prat,” glared Merlin. “I asked you who in their right mind would fall for someone that quickly and discovered, to my surprise, that you would. _You_ would fall in love that quickly.”

“So you _don’t_ fancy Mordred?” asked Arthur.

“No, I don’t,” Merlin snapped, “and can we please focus on what you’re telling me right now? You’ve honestly had feelings for me for that long and you never _once_ thought to mention it?”

“I didn’t even want to mention it now!” said Arthur, colour rising in his neck as his voice rose. “Fuck, Merlin, I could have honestly gone my whole life without ever having this conversation with you. The only reason it’s happening is because I was afraid Morgana might… embellish details if she made good on her threat to tell you and I didn’t want you getting the idea… This is just pathetic, lonely, inexperienced-gay me developing a stupid crush on another of my artists and in time I’ll get over it.”

“And if I don’t want you get over it?” Merlin asked determinedly. There was a brief glimmer of hope behind Arthur’s eyes, but it was quickly overshadowed by a frown.

“I have to,” he said.

“No, you really don’t,” said Merlin determinedly, slipping his hand into Arthur’s. “Fuck, Arthur, if I had just _known_ … I would have told you that I did too. I still do.”

Arthur smiled and his fingers squeezed around Merlin’s hand for a brief moment before something shifted behind his eyes and he pulled it roughly away.

“I can’t,” he said, his voice full of rigid determination. “Excalibur is a hair’s breadth away from having all its investors pull out and I can’t afford any… For Ellie’s sake and for the Knights’ sake and for your sake, I just need to not be... distracted or anything right now, alright?”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Arthur!” said Merlin, so angry that he jumped out of his seat. “When are you going to realise that you’re also allowed to be happy? That you’ve more than earned the right to think about yourself for once?”

“Merlin, if Excalibur goes…”

“Then you’ll just do something else!” shouted Merlin, realising that it was easy enough to say when it wasn’t his own company. With that in mind, he stopped the tirade that was threatening to pour from his mouth.

Just as he was taking a deep, steadying breath to bring his speeding heart rate down again, a horrible and completely plausible thought occurred to him. “Arthur, this isn’t you acting on more of Agravaine’s bullshit advice, is it?”

“Oh please don’t start on him again,” said Arthur, now also on his feet. “How many times do I have to tell you that I care about what he has to say, not just because he’s my publicist but because he’s the closest thing I have to a parent to talk to about these things?”

“ _Gaius_ is the closest thing you have to a parent!” yelled Merlin. “And not just because he actually generally gives a shit about you, but because he’s not a manipulative twat and his advice to you isn’t complete horsewank.”

“You know what? Fuck this,” said Arthur, draining the last of his coffee and throwing his cup roughly into the wastebin in the corner. “Fuck all of this. As far as I’m concerned I’ve said everything I needed to say. Have a nice fucking day.”

“I’ll say hi to Mordred for you, then?” said Merlin, realising too late that it was a completely shitty thing to say. Arthur glared at him from the door and then slammed it behind him so hard that it caused Merlin’s cutlery to rattle on his abandoned plate.

_Fuck._

For a brief second, he had had everything he had been dreaming about for the past few months, only to have it snatched away a moment later by Arthur’s stupid self-sacrificing shtick.

Though Merlin had to admit, he definitely hadn’t helped with his insane and reckless need to always have the last word.

Unable to quell his nausea any longer, Merlin ran to the small attached bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

* * *

 

“So let me get this straight – you and Arthur both admitted you have feelings for each other but you’re not together?” said Gwen seriously in the waiting room of the radio station where he was promoting his album. It was a few days after his and Arthur’s shouting match at Mogue and Merlin’s drama had managed to mostly fly under the radar in all the busyness of the Knights leaving for their tour and Merlin’s suddenly full publicity schedule. He should have known though that Gwen would eventually realise that something was off. She had an extraordinary sixth sense about these things.

“Look, it’s complicated, Gwen, alright?” said Merlin, snippily. He was not in the mood to have Gwen tell him how to fix everything. He wanted to stew in his irritation and misery for at least a few more days.

“It’s really not that complicated at all, actually,” she said, folding her arms. “You fancy him, he fancies you. I don’t see what in the world could be easier.”

“He’s got it into his thick head that he can’t be ‘distracted’ while he tries to save Excalibur.” Merlin knew he sounded bitter. He was bitter. It was very difficult not to be bitter. “I personally think it’s more of Agravaine’s bullshit and I told Arthur he was stupid for believing it. He stormed off in a huff and that was the end of it.”

“You told Arthur that?”

“Well, yeah,” said Merlin and Gwen rolled her eyes. “I mean, can you honestly say that you don’t think Agravaine was involved?”

“Of course not, Merlin,” said Gwen with a sigh, “but you know how sensitive he is about his uncle. You’re both just so… _argh!_ ”

Merlin didn’t know what to say to that, mostly because it was completely accurate.

“Thankfully I think whatever went wrong in that conversation could be fixed easily enough if you just sat down, apologised and talked things through,” said Gwen, the eternal optimist.

“That _was_ us sitting down and talking things through,” said Merlin, pulling his fingers through his hair in frustration. “In any case, I’m about ninety nine percent sure he doesn’t want to talk to me right now.”

“Why?” said Gwen. “I mean the stuff with Agravaine, sure, but it’s not like you haven’t said anything like that to him before.”

“I may have…” Merlin hesitated, knowing how angry Gwen would be when he told her what he’d said. “Well I may have implied that I’d be spending more time with Mordred from now on.”

“Merlin!”

“I know, I know,” said Merlin sheepishly. “I felt bad as soon as it came out of my mouth. I was just so angry and hungover and my breakfast was cold.”

“Your breakfast was cold,” Gwen repeated as if she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Please, one day when you write the book on how to say stupid things at stupid times, let that be the title of the first chapter.”

Merlin didn’t respond to that and was spared the necessity when a photographer showed up to take a photo of him for the radio station’s website. He smiled politely feeling about as far from cheerful as it was possible to be and hoping he wouldn’t cringe too much when he saw the picture later. After that, they were free to go and Gwen insisted on getting take-out on the way home because she really didn’t want to cook.

Later, over their cartons of beef chow mein and glasses of cabernet, Gwen brought up the subject that Merlin had hoped she would let slide.

“So what _is_ happening between you and Mordred? I know it’s not anything… well you don’t talk about him that much so I don’t think you fancy him – I mean you usually can’t shut up about Arthur – but the two of you _did_ look really cozy at the afterparty so I might be wrong.”

“I was drunk, Gwen,” said Merlin. “You know I’m a flirty drunk.”

“So you’re saying there aren’t any feelings?”

“Not really,” said Merlin. “I mean, I’d like to get to know him just because I think it’d be nice to have more friends in the industry, but I’m definitely not losing any sleep over him.”

“Alright,” said Gwen. “Just be careful there.”

“What do you mean?” asked Merlin.

“I mean that while Mordred is nice enough, I think he’s hiding something and I don’t want you to get hurt,” said Gwen, taking a sip of her wine.

“I don’t have feelings for him, Gwen,” said Merlin dismissively.

“I didn’t say that you did,” she replied. “It’s just that something feels off about him and I really don’t want you to get caught up in whatever it is. And before you argue with me, please choose a movie for us to watch. I don’t think I could handle you sarcastically narrating another one of my favourite films.”

“I don’t do that!” said Merlin, offended.

“ _‘Oh wow, I wonder if Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling will fall in love. Oh look, they fell in love. Truly this is cinema at its finest.’_ ” Gwen said in a mocking voice and it sounded exactly like something Merlin would say.

“Okay maybe I do,” said Merlin, chuckling. “Does _Ocean's Eleven_ work for Her Majesty?”

“It’ll do,” she said, and got up to pop it into the DVD player.

Since neither of them had seen the movie in a while, they sat cuddled on the couch watching in comfortable silence as George Clooney and Brad Pitt planned their heist. It didn’t take long for Merlin’s thoughts to begin wandering and soon he was considering the possibility that he should perhaps actually apologise to Arthur. It wasn’t likely to change Arthur’s mind about them being together, but Merlin would feel better and they might be able to strike up some form of awkward friendship. Annoyed as Merlin was with him, he missed the prat. ‘Just friends’ was better than no Arthur at all, right?

He dismissed the idea pretty quickly. Arthur had been just as much of a dick that morning as Merlin had been. If Arthur was making no attempt to apologise, why should he?

Merlin’s thoughts were interrupted by his pocket buzzing. Figuring it was Ellie texting him since the Knights were probably on stage and it was unlikely to be Arthur, Merlin pulled out his mobile and was pleasantly surprised to see it was from Mordred.

_RECEIVED [20:21]: I’m just assuming you forgot that you’d said you would call (you were pretty fucking drunk haha) and I’m taking the responsibility off of your hands. Text back, don’t text back, either way I’d love to hang out sometime without schedules or alcohol getting in the way. Let me know ;) – M xx  
RECEIVED [20:22] P.S. Heard your song on the radio! It’s amazing! X _

Merlin grinned as he typed back his reply.

_SENT [20:25]: Wow, thanks so much! It means so much coming from you. :)  
SENT [20:25]: I’m definitely keen to hang out. What does your schedule look like tomorrow? We could maybe grab coffee somewhere? Say around 10am? _

He put down his mobile and only barely concentrated on the movie as he eagerly awaited the reply. He didn’t have to wait for long.

_RECEIVED [20:27]: Sounds great. :D The Fix Café at 10. Can’t wait! X_

“Texting Ellie?” Gwen asked as Merlin typed a quick confirmation reply.

“Yeah,” Merlin lied. He felt slightly guilty about it but he didn’t want to bring up the Mordred discussion again. Instead, he forced himself to concentrate on George Clooney and his magnificent sex voice, figuring that he could worry about what Gwen would have to say about it another time.

* * *

 

A horrible thought occurred to Merlin about midway through the journey to The Fix Café the next day. After all their flirting the other night (drunk as Merlin was), would Mordred assume that this coffee was a date? He certainly hadn’t said or done anything to make Mordred think otherwise if that was the case, and Merlin was suddenly full of conflicting emotions. Part of him (the part of him that was a narcissistic prick) was thrilled at the idea that one of his favourite musicians might fancy him and he was tempted to go along with it because of the massive ego boost it would be, but the more sensible part of him quickly put a stop to that. It wouldn’t be fair to Mordred.

So how would he tell him? He could just not say anything and hope for the best, but then what if Mordred thought that Merlin had been leading him on? No, he had to tell Mordred he wasn’t interested in anything more than friendship. But how?

Merlin was no closer to a solution by the time he walked through the doors of the coffee shop which was why, when Mordred said “Hi!” cheerily and pulled Merlin into a hug, Merlin blurted out...

“I don’t fancy you.”

 _Oh god, this is how I die,_ thought Merlin to himself, actively willing himself to dissolve into the floorboards.

“Um, okay?” said Mordred, thankfully sounding more amused than anything.

“God, sorry that sounds horrible,” said Merlin, screwing up his face in embarrassment. “What I meant is that I think with our flirting at the premiere the other night I might have given you the impression that I’m… but I’m not. At least not romantically. I’d really like to get to know you though. You know, have a friend who knows what the industry is like. I’m sorry if you feel that I’ve led you on or whatever. It really wasn’t my intention. I was just so –”

“Relax, Merlin,” laughed Mordred. “I’m perfectly happy to just be friends.”

“I... okay. Cool,” said Merlin, relief flooding his body. Aware that his cheeks probably matched the red decor in the shop, he decided to change the subject. “So coffee?”

“Coffee,” Mordred agreed. Thankfully since it was a weekday there wasn’t much of a queue and it wasn’t long before they were settling down at one of the tables in the corner, laughing about how the barista had spelled his name “Murlyn”.

“That would actually make a really pretty name for a girl,” chuckled Mordred, “I’ll have to remember that for one day when my wife and I have kids. My future wife, that is. Or husband for that matter.”

“Oh so you’re not…?”

“Gay?” Mordred supplied. “No, I’m bi. I try to keep that my business though. The media can be pretty ruthless so it’s nice to have a few things that aren’t common knowledge.”

“I won’t tell,” Merlin smiled and Mordred smiled back at him.

The conversation took a dive into awkward silence after that as Merlin desperately tried to think of things to talk about that wouldn’t make him sound like a massive fanboy. Thankfully, Mordred spared him the trouble.

“Listen – your song is playing,” said Mordred with a grin. Merlin strained his ears to hear the soft background music over the chatter in the coffee shop and sure enough, he caught the faint strains of ‘Synthetic’.

“How did you even hear that?” Merlin asked.

“I have supersonic hearing,” said Mordred. “I’m surprised you don’t with those ears of yours.”

“Oi,” said Merlin covering his ears as he laughed. “They’re sensitive, alright?”

“I’ll bet they are,” chuckled Mordred. “I did tell you that this song is amazing, right?”

“You did, but it’s nice to hear it again,” said Merlin. “Especially because when your last album came out it was all I listened to for weeks.”

“I’ll be sure to return the favour when yours comes out,” Mordred replied with a somewhat bashful grin.

From then on hanging out with Mordred was the easiest thing in the world. The two of them had so much in common that they talked for hours, hopping from one topic to the next as if they had been friends for years. Mordred shared funny stories from being in the industry and of his most awkward celebrity encounters while Merlin told Mordred about his worst pre-Mogue gigs, immensely pleased with himself when he caused Mordred to laugh so hard he cried.

Coffee turned into lunch, lunch turned into a long aimless walk and since it was getting late, dinner seemed like the logical next step. Dimly at the back of his mind was Gwen’s voice telling him that this was a horrible idea, especially because despite Merlin’s confession that his feelings were strictly platonic, Mordred’s tone continued to be relentlessly flirtatious. Merlin, however, reasoned that having a meal with Mordred at a nice-ish Italian joint was hardly likely to change anything.

Merlin soon realised he was an idiot.

He quickly learned the hard way that there was something about dinner at a nice restaurant with a good-looking someone that did something strange to his brain. The conversation wasn’t that much different from what it had been for the past several hours, but after a brilliant meal in the dim light of the tiny Italian place, Mordred’s voice was low and gravelly and his eyes shone almost magically because of the candle between them. Merlin realised with a jolt that while Mordred didn’t give him the feeling that he was tumbling headfirst off of a cliff the way that Arthur did, he wasn’t opposed to the thought of a kiss at the end of the night.

“Merlin?” Mordred asked, waving a hand in front of his face causing Merlin to shake from his thoughts. “Are you okay? You left me for a bit there.”

“Yeah I’m great,” said Merlin and figuring that being on a maybe-date with one of his musical heroes was one thing that was going well for him at that point in time, he decided to give in. “I was just thinking that… well today’s been fun hasn’t it?”

“The most fun I’ve had in awhile actually,” said Mordred as the waiter brought them the bill. Merlin reached into his pocket for his wallet but Mordred stopped him. “You paid for lunch, remember? Dinner’s on me.”

“I… okay. Thanks,” said Merlin, feeling slightly guilty. Dinner was about four times the price of their cheap fast-food lunch.

“Don’t mention it,” grinned Mordred. “Consider it a thank-you for the best day I’ve had in ages.”

Merlin didn’t know what to say to that and he toyed awkwardly with the corner of the table while Mordred busied himself with the bill. After writing in his tip on the receipt, Mordred looked back up at Merlin and even in the dim light, Merlin could see that his cheeks were slightly flushed.

“Um, I know you said you’re not interested in anything… I mean, it wouldn’t be, not if you don’t want it to. I was just thinking, you at my… coffee, and you… maybe?”

“I think you dropped a few words there,” said Merlin with a nervous giggle. He knew exactly what Mordred was asking and what he needed was to buy his brain time to catch up with his suddenly very interested cock.

“I… would you like to come back to my place for coffee? Or more?” asked Mordred. “I know you don’t fancy me and that’s fine. You just got out of a relationship and all that. I just thought you might like to… like a ‘friends-with-benefits’ kind of arrangement?”

“I…” began Merlin who was now definitely delegating most of the job of thinking to his cock while his brain screamed in protest. “I… sure. Yes. Let’s go.”

Mordred’s fingers laced through his as they left the restaurant to catch a cab and Merlin did his best to focus on the rapid thudding of his heart that seemed to be racing to catch up with Mordred’s speeding pulse beating against his palm. The smell of Mordred’s cologne. How many red lights they stopped at on the way to his flat.

Anything except what his common sense was yelling at him.

* * *

 

Merlin’s first thought the next morning was that he was warm. Too warm. Swelteringly warm.

He also noted that he was completely naked underneath strange bedcovers.

Most unusually, there was a man’s arm draped across him – something that hadn’t happened in at least the last seven months. Momentarily confused, Merlin looked down to see Mordred in the glow from the street light outside, as beautiful asleep as he was awake, curled up against him breathing slowly and evenly.

Suddenly the events of the night before all came racing back to him.

He was a strange mixture of panicked and relaxed, annoyed at allowing himself to do something so stupid and irresponsible but also calm because for all that it might have been a mistake, it had been a pretty fucking amazing one. Though he was still far from feeling about Mordred the way he felt about Arthur, there was something to be said for waking up in bed with someone he’d had more than five minutes of conversation with the night before. Merlin couldn’t remember the last time that had happened.

 _God,_ but Mordred was a really famous musician signed with his label’s competition. What if the press found out? It would be everything that Merlin had gone through with Arthur on steroids, especially as Mordred had never before been successfully romantically linked with anyone and many people believed him to be asexual.

Merlin felt sick.

Extracting himself from Mordred’s embrace as gently as he could, he pulled on his discarded boxers and padded over to the en suite bathroom where he splashed his face with water, trying desperately to get a grip on his emotions. He leaned on the sink and stared at his reflection in the mirror, resisting the urge to punch the smug git looking back at him. When had he stopped listening to the reasonable part of his brain?

“Merlin?” He looked behind him in the mirror and saw Mordred reflected at the door of the bathroom. Even squinting in the bright fluorescent light, he looked concerned. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” said Merlin. “It’s just that that was the first time in a while for me and it’s just… it’s just a lot right now.”

Merlin watched as Mordred crossed the bathroom to stand behind him and felt a surge of calm as Mordred’s arms wrapped around him and he placed a gentle kiss between his shoulders.

“It doesn’t have to be anything, you know that right?” Mordred murmured against his back. “I know you don’t feel the way I do and I’d never force you to. It can be just this one time if you’d like.”

Merlin didn’t know what to say to that. Most of him said ‘don’t be an idiot, take the offer’, but the part of him that was still tingling where Mordred’s lips had been a moment ago stopped him from following through.

“You have two toothbrushes,” was what he replied instead.

“I happen to take my oral health very seriously, thank you very much. That’s why I have such a dazzling smile.”

“Okay but one of them is hot pink,” chuckled Merlin, turning around in Mordred’s arms to face him.

“There is nothing wrong with hot pink,” said Mordred defensively. “And in any case it’s four in the morning, is now really the time to be discussing the contents of my bathroom?”

“I guess not,” said Merlin with a smile. “I… look, Mordred, I don’t really know how I feel about you. If I’m being honest, I don’t know much about anything at the moment. These past six months or so have been incredibly confusing.”

“I totally understand, Merlin. I didn’t expect your feelings to suddenly change over the course of a few hours. If you’d like, I’ll make you breakfast tomorrow morning and we can pretend that none of this ever hap–”

Merlin placed a finger against his lips to shut him up.

“I don’t know how I feel about you,” he said. “But I do know now that I don’t want this to just be a one time thing.”

“Oh,” said Mordred as Merlin dropped his finger. “Well that’s…”

Merlin pressed a small kiss to his lips, marvelling for a moment in the fact that while it was one of the first ‘real’ kisses he had shared with anyone in months, it didn’t hold a candle to any of the fake kisses he’d shared with Arthur. He realised now, of course, that that was probably because none of them had really been fake after all.

Pushing that unhelpful thought to the back of his mind, he pulled away from Mordred slightly.

“Let’s go back to bed,” he said, pressing another small kiss into Mordred’s curls. “To sleep mind you.”

“Damn,” Mordred giggled. “I thought I was going to get lucky again.”

“Soon,” Merlin promised with a wink.

As the two of them curled up together in the middle of Mordred’s enormous bed, Merlin asked himself what the hell he was doing.

He wasn’t even sure that he really knew anymore.

* * *

He should have known he’d get into trouble sooner or later.

 _“My dear, sweet, lovely Merlin,”_ said Gwen’s dangerously calm voice over the phone the Saturday after the maybe-date, _“please explain to me why, on the weekend my wonderfully romantic boyfriend surprised me by whisking me away to Paris, I’m reading in a French newspaper that you were spotted on a date with Mordred Jones, who you_ expressedly _told me that you_ don’t _fancy?”_

“Well it wasn’t really a date,” Merlin replied as he paced the corridor outside the studio, waiting to talk to Gaius. He was the only person who could offer him any kind of sanity at this point.

 _“No!”_ said Gwen. _“This is the part where you say that I have it wrong and that it was all a big misunderstanding and that you weren’t out with Mordred at all. That the guy in the photos is just someone who looks eerily like you.”_

Merlin sighed.

“Okay look, Gwen, I know I said I’d be careful around him,” said Merlin, “but there’s nothing to worry about. He’s a really sweet guy. A little corny sometimes, sure, but it’s all part of his charm.”

 _“Merlin, you’re not sounding like someone who doesn’t fancy him,”_ said Gwen seriously.

“Well, I mean…” said Merlin not sure where he had been going with that sentence in the first place. “If I do fancy him a little bit, it’s nothing serious.”

 _“Merlin Emrys you’re lucky the English Channel is separating us because I would very much like to strangle you right now,”_ said Gwen dangerously. _“How could you be so_ stupid _?”_

“I honestly don’t see what the problem is,” said Merlin defensively.

 _“Oh you don’t see what the problem is?”_ said Gwen. _“I’ll tell you what the problem is. From the world’s perspective, you’ve just ended a very public relationship and now it looks like you’ve jumped immediately into another man’s arms. And not just any man: chronically-single-potentially-ace Mordred Jones. The media is going to go absolutely barmy for this, Merlin. If you thought being with Arthur was bad, you haven’t seen anything yet.”_

“I know Gwen, I know,” said Merlin, running a hand down his face. “I just… I like him, alright? I have no idea where it’s going or if it’s even going anywhere, but at the moment it’s fun and… fuck, Gwen, I’m twenty four. Isn’t life supposed to be fun at the moment?”

 _“Oh Merlin,”_ said Gwen with a disappointed sigh. _“You slept with him didn’t you?”_

“What? How did you even get that from what I said?”

_“So you did!?”_

“Yeah,” said Merlin. “Fuck, Gwen, somehow the day started with me blurting out that I don’t fancy him and ended with me in his bed. I’m still not entirely sure how it happened. I just know that, well, it wasn’t bad.”

 _“God, okay,”_ said Gwen. _“I’m going to hang up now, find my handsome rock star boyfriend and pretend I didn’t hear any of this before I develop a stress migraine on my lovely weekend away. Try not to do anything too stupid until I’m back.”_

“I’ll try,” said Merlin, not enthusiastic about the odds of actually following through on that.

 _“Love you,”_ said Gwen after a few moments of silence. _“Even though I want to kill you.”_

“Love you too,” smiled Merlin. Gwen gave one last annoyed huff and hung up the call and Merlin took a deep breath as he slipped his mobile back into his pocket. He turned around to knock on the studio door and nearly jumped out of his skin at the sight of Agravaine smirking greasily at him and Arthur beside him looking very much like he wanted to hurl the nearest heavy object through one of the large windows along the corridor.

_Shit._

“Isn’t it _interesting_ what you overhear in this building, Arthur?” said Agravaine smugly and if Merlin had any say in what heavy object went through the window, he knew what prick would have his vote. “I was just saying to Edwin in accounts the other day that the gossip in this building could probably fill up a decent number of books.”

“Uncle, could you please give us a moment?” said Arthur, ignoring Agravaine’s remark.

“Arthur, surely now that all the secrets are out there’s nothing you can’t say to him in front of me?”

“Uncle. Please,” said Arthur firmly and Agravaine relented.

“Of course. I’ll be waiting for you in your office.” He threw Merlin one last smirk before sweeping off to the lifts at the end of the corridor.

“How much did you hear?” asked Merlin, praying for lightning or a flash flood or any kind of natural disaster that would help him escape this conversation.

“Enough,” said Arthur icily. “So how many hours would you say it took for you to fancy him?”

“I don’t fancy him,” said Merlin.

“Oh, so you just sleep with people for shits and giggles?” said Arthur.

“So what if I do!” said Merlin angrily. “It’s absolutely none of your business, Arthur! I’m just a distraction, remember?”

“Merlin…” said Arthur, his anger suddenly fading into something that looked like regret. “Merlin I…”

“No, don’t bother, Arthur,” said Merlin, taking a steadying breath. “I understand. Excalibur is your life. It’s your dream and you have to make that work. And even though it sucks that we realised we have feelings for each other while your dream is in trouble, you have to concentrate on fixing it. I get it. But you can’t blame me for having a life outside of this building. For meeting new people. For trying my hardest not to distract you, alright?”

“Merlin…” Arthur said, reaching out to grab his hand. Merlin pulled it away just before he could.

“I need to talk to Gaius,” said Merlin. “If what you have to say to me involves my album or PR we can make an appointment. Otherwise, I’m not really interested.”

“Fine,” said Arthur dully. “Of course. Sorry to have bothered you.”

Without another word, Arthur stalked off towards the lifts. Merlin waited until Arthur disappeared behind the thick sheet of metal before letting his head thud against the door of the studio. He stayed like that until the door swung suddenly open and Merlin all but toppled into Gaius.

“Merlin, I don’t want to tell you how to live your life,” said Gaius, “but generally when you text someone to ask for a chat, lurking in the corridor outside the agreed meeting place is counter-productive.”

Merlin didn’t reply. He was trying his hardest to rein in the tears that were threatening to fall, telling himself he was stupid for crying about things that were mostly his own fault.

He was losing hopelessly.

“What’s wrong, my boy?” Gaius asked, pulling him into a tight hug just as Merlin couldn’t keep it together anymore.

“Fucking everything, Gaius,” said Merlin. “Fucking everything.”

As Merlin cried and Gaius offered him tissues and sage advice (“Give Arthur time, Merlin. There’s a lot at stake at the moment.”; “Mordred is a sweet boy from what I remember, but do some serious soul-searching as to why you really want to be with him. Don’t just do it because you’re angry at Arthur.”), Merlin wondered, as hard as this new adventure was at times, if the craziness wasn’t all worth it just to have someone a bit like a dad again.

To Merlin’s relief, it wasn’t only Gaius who was being reasonable about the whole thing. Ellie’s reaction to Mordred and Merlin had the added plot twist of her actually being genuinely happy for him.

“So you two are like a proper thing now, huh?” she asked over a long overdue coffee at Mogue. Between Ellie’s recording and Merlin’s relentless string of television performances, photoshoots and interviews, this was the first time in ages that they had managed to pull together enough hours to justify hanging out. Merlin had just finished telling her the full story of the maybe-date and the handful of definitely-dates that had come after it and to his delight and surprise, Ellie had been the first person to not make him feel like a terrible person.

“I think so, yeah,” said Merlin. “I mean, he doesn’t make me feel like I’m dying all the time like Arthur does – did – but it’s fun, you know?”

“I’m glad,” said Ellie with a bright smile. “This has all been such a rollercoaster for you, I’m glad you’re getting a chance to think of yourself for once.”

“I seriously love you, you know that?” said Merlin. “No one has any right to be as nice as you are.”

“Please,” said Ellie, rolling her eyes. “You had to live through me crying about Val for months even though we'd only just become friends. The least I can do is be happy for you when you’re happy.”

“If we go halfsies on a slice of cheesecake I’ll call it even,” Merlin replied.

“Fine but I get the berries,” said Ellie.

“Wow, such a diva attitude,” chuckled Merlin. “You must be a terror to work with.”

“Always,” giggled Ellie.

They were interrupted at that point by Leon who looked strangely tense.

“Something the matter, mate?” asked Merlin.

“I just thought you should know that I’ve seen Kara Jones lurking around the area,” he said. “I don’t know if she’s looking for you two specifically or if she’s just skulking around hoping for any kind of story. I mean you know we have all sorts of celebrities and business people through here, so I don’t know. Technically she’s not on our property so I can’t tell her to piss off. I just thought you two should know in case you want to slip out the back when you leave or something.”

“Grunhilda is parked out front,” said Ellie miserably. “Even if we slip out the back we’ll likely still bump into her. Ugh that’s probably how she knows we’re here in the first place.”

“Yeah you should probably look into getting a less conspicuous car,” said Merlin with an amused smile. “Thanks for letting us know, Leon. We’ll figure out what to do with her in a bit. In the meantime could you please bring us a slice of the cheesecake that haunts my dreams?”

“Right away,” Leon grinned, jotting down their order and taking it to the kitchen.

“So what do you reckon?” asked Ellie. “Make a break for it and hope for the best?”

“Nah, you know what?” Merlin replied. “I’m ready for her. I won’t cause a scene unnecessarily but if she comes at us, I’m not going to shy away. I’ll tell her anything she wants to know.”

“Merlin...” said Ellie concerned.

“Okay maybe not _anything_ ,” said Merlin, “but I’m not going to lie about things I don’t feel I need to lie about.”

“As long as you know what you’re doing,” said Ellie, just as their cheesecake and two forks arrived with Sefa. The two of them thanked her and immediately tucked in.

“So, speaking of relationships and all that, what’s happening with you and Gwaine?” asked Merlin.

“Well he’s been away, so not much,” said Ellie, eating the berries off the top of the cake like she’d threatened to.

“Oh don’t give me that,” smirked Merlin. “The two of you text each other across the break room when you’re in different conversations. There’s no way you’re not texting each other while he’s on tour.”

“Fine,” sighed Ellie with a bashful smile. “If you must know it’s really nothing that special. He mostly just calls to ask about how the album’s going and to tell me how much he can’t wait to be home.”

“ _With you_ ,” Merlin teasingly added and Ellie smacked his hand with her spoon. “Ah come on, Els. He’s on his first proper European tour as part of a world-famous rock band and he can’t wait to come home? You have everything to do with that.”

“Yeah, well…” said Ellie, as red as the raspberry she was pushing around the plate. “He’s mostly just excited about me coming to his last performance. He keeps double-checking to make sure that I’m actually going to be there. As if I’d ever miss it.”

Ah, Gwaine’s mysterious plan. Merlin was annoyed he still hadn’t worked out what it was.

“Speaking of,” said Ellie. “Since Gwen’s got that work thing that night, we have an extra ticket. You should invite Mordred.”

Merlin was grateful that Ellie had been the one to bring it up. He’d been toying with the idea since Gwen had announced that Agravaine would be holding another emergency brainstorming session the night of the concert, but now that it was Ellie’s idea, it would be so much easier to ask.

“Yeah, I think I will,” said Merlin. “And don’t think you’re going to distract me that easily, Missy. Seriously – how are things between you and Gwaine?”

“Truthfully? I almost let the ‘L-Word’ slip the other day,” she said. “I thankfully caught myself in time but it was close.”

“That serious, huh?” said Merlin. “Does this mean you’re ready to give him a chance? He’s clearly still bonkers about you.”

“I don’t know, Merls,” said Ellie miserably. “I mean on the one hand I’ve practically already told the man I love him, but on the other hand I’m still terrified. I mean I know Gwaine’s completely different, but I just… I don’t know if I’m ready or not.”

“Hey there’s no rush,” said Merlin, reaching out to take Ellie’s hand. “Your feelings aren’t going anywhere and his feelings aren’t going anywhere. Just build some more trust until you feel like you can give it a shot.”

“You’re always so wise,” Ellie grinned. “That’s why you’ve earned yourself the last blackcurrant. Don’t say I’m not a woman of honour.”

“They will sing great songs of your generosity in years to come,” chuckled Merlin.

“If you don’t personally write ‘The Ballad of the Blackcurrant’ I’ll have to reconsider this whole friendship,”

Merlin grinned mischievously and immediately burst into song.

“ _There was a lass from London Town, who upon seeing her mate’s massive frown, endeavoured to turn it upside down and offered him her blackcurrant._ ”

“It sounds so filthy when you put it like that!” giggled Ellie. Merlin tried to act mockingly offended but soon dissolved into giggles of his own.

Once the laughter had dissipated and the last crumbs of the cheesecake had disappeared from the plate, Merlin sighed.

“Suppose we have to face her sooner or later,” he said. “You ready?”

“It’s not me she’s going to be interested in, Merls,” she said. “Are you sure you’re ready?”

“No,” said Merlin with a shrug. “But fuck it, right?”

“Fuck it,” Ellie agreed. Merlin paid for their coffees and cake and offered Ellie his arm before they stepped outside.

Kara was there almost immediately with a small video camera and a somewhat evil smirk.

“Merlin, you’re rumoured to be in a relationship with Mordred Jones but here you are with Ellie Godwyn again after you very publicly attended the Mortal Labyrinth premiere together. Are the two of you ready to make your relationship official?”

“Sorry, Els, are gay best friends not a thing anymore?” said Merlin to Ellie. “Is there some reason they desperately need me to be straight?”

“Okay, well if you and Ellie are just friends, is there any truth to the rumours that you and Mordred are together? Or is that another lovely LGBT PR-stunt relationship courtesy of Excalibur Records?”

Merlin saw red.

“You want a scoop, Kara?” he said, ignoring Ellie’s warning hand on his arm. “Here’s a scoop: The rumours are true: Mordred and I are fucking, and he’s at least a nine-point-five in the bedroom. I’m an extremely lucky man. Now, publish that, don’t publish that, I honestly couldn’t give a fuck anymore.”

Merlin was surprised to find that instead of the look of satisfied glee he had expected to see on her face, she looked struck. Her camera hung loosely in her hand as it filmed Merlin’s shoes instead of his face. Good. Maybe he’d shocked her into not ambushing him for future stories.

Besides, he’d just handed her more than enough story now.

It only occurred to him as he and Ellie sped away in Grunhilda (Ellie driving over a curb or two as she did), that Merlin realised what a selfish thing he’d done. He’d essentially just outed Mordred to the world, put his career at risk and had probably undone every bit of good PR that had gone into promoting his album. He could already hear Gwen yelling at him. What would Gaius think? God, what would his mum think?

And, most horribly, what would Arthur think?

* * *

 

Merlin lived in horrible fear for the next week or so, expecting every morning to wake up to the awful news that the video of the Kara ambush had gone viral. It hadn't happened yet, and far from filling Merlin with relief, by the night of the final Knights concert, Merlin was an anxious wreck.

“Babe, I know you keep saying you’re fine, but you’re as white as a sheet,” said Mordred settling next to Merlin on one of the couches in Ellie’s flat, where the three of them were getting ready. “Whatever it is, you don’t have to be scared to tell me. I’ll understand.”

“You’re going to hate me,” said Merlin miserably.  
  
“It would take a lot to make me hate you,” said Mordred, flicking Merlin's nose affectionately.

“Okay, well you know Kara Jones, right?” said Merlin.

“We’ve met,” said Mordred, his expression somewhat guarded. Clearly he'd had first-hand experience.

“Well, she’s got it in for me for some reason. She did an interview with Gwaine and Elyan and apparently she spent about half of it just asking questions about me and Arthur. Then at the premiere she attacked Ellie and me with horrible questions while we were heading down the red carpet.”

“I’m sure it's not just you, babe,” said Mordred, rubbing comforting circles into Merlin’s back. “She’s one of the best entertainment journalists in the business. She’s ruthless no matter who she’s dealing with.”

“I suppose,” said Merlin. “I don’t know. In any case what I wanted to tell you was that the other day, while Ellie and I were hanging out at Mogue, she was lurking around outside waiting for us. We eventually realised we had to leave and she ambushed us as soon as we left the building. I don’t know why but I… I just snapped a little bit and told her that you and I are fucking. She videoed the whole thing.”

Mordred sat in silence as he processed what he’d just heard.

“I also said you’re a nine-point-five in the bedroom,” added Merlin as if he thought that that might help.

“Well obviously, as an seven at best, I’m flattered,” said Mordred with a smirk and Merlin felt relief rush through him. If Mordred knew, the rest couldn’t be that bad. “I wouldn’t stress too much though, babe. If she hasn’t posted it by now, it means that she probably won’t. She usually likes to get the story out as soon as possible before any other journalists even start sensing that there might be a story.”

“You’re right,” said Merlin. “I was just worried that I’d given one of your last few secrets away.”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got a few more that l can hold on to,” said Mordred, kissing Merlin on the forehead. “Now you tell me these friends of yours are in a band and apparently they’re quite good?”

“You’re the worst,” chuckled Merlin, feeling lighter than air after spending the past week feeling like he was sinking with guilt. “They’re all really excited to hang out with you again afterwards.”

“I’m looking forward to it too,” Mordred smiled. “Now, shall we see if Ellie’s ready? At this rate we’ll get there about midway through their encore.”

Ellie saved them the trouble of going to look for her by walking into the living room at that moment in a smart casual outfit that somehow made her look more regal than she’d looked in her fancy premiere dress.

“It’s not too much, is it?” asked Ellie. “Only, I’d like to look nice. I mean, I know it’s not about that, but we haven’t seen each other in a while and –”

“Els, relax,” said Merlin, standing up to pull her into a hug. “You’re gorgeous. Gwaine’s going to be a wreck performing in front of all that.”

“Thanks,” grinned Ellie. “Well, boys, shall we?”

The cab drive to Wembley seemed to take forever. Merlin usually got excited and antsy before a concert but it was magnified so much more knowing that two of his best friends would be on the stage. As he sat there practically writhing in anticipation with two of his musical heroes, one he now called a best friend and the other… well the other who was not-quite a boyfriend, Merlin marvelled once again at how much his life had changed in such a short amount of time.

The concert was incredible. Elyan and Gwaine came so alive on stage that Merlin forgot at times that they were his friends. He roared with the rest of the crowd when Gwaine stripped off his shirt halfway through the gig and nearly died of excitement when after one of their more romantic numbers, Elyan nonchalantly gave Percy a kiss in front of ninety thousand fans.

“They’re perfect up there, aren’t they?” said Ellie and Merlin had to agree. Being rockstars definitely suited them. Merlin turned to Mordred who grinned at him and laced his fingers through his, and Merlin allowed himself for a moment to forget that there was anything wrong with the world.

It wasn’t until towards the end of the set, when Lance announced that Gwaine was going to take the mic for a while, that Merlin remembered Gwaine’s mysterious plan.

“Ah Wembley, you’ve been the highlight of my very short career so far,” said Gwaine and the stadium erupted with screams. Gwaine chuckled as he waited for them to quieten down again. “Now, I haven’t done this at any of the other gigs, but that’s because we haven’t had an audience as special as this one.”

The stadium erupted in screams again and Merlin leaned close to Ellie.

“He’s talking about you, just so you know,” he said with a smirk and to his delight Ellie blushed deeply.

“This isn’t a Knights song but it is one that I wrote and want to sing for you, if you’d let me?” Screams again. “It was written for someone special and tonight it goes out to her and all of you lovely people who are waiting on love. It won’t be long now. This is ‘On It’s Way’.”

Merlin stood in awe as Gwaine began a beautiful heartfelt song about being patient while the person you've fallen in love with heals up from their last relationship. It was part love song, part gentle encouragement and Merlin was surprised that anything so sweet and subtle could have come from his loud and brash friend. To his right Mordred was watching with a strangely wistful expression, while to his left, Ellie was suddenly a sobbing mess. Merlin chuckled and pulled her closer, hoping for both of their sakes that Gwaine's grand gesture was working.

The rest of the concert was Mordred grinning sympathetically while Merlin tried to console a still-sobbing Ellie and Merlin wouldn't have traded a single moment of it. As the final drum crashes and guitar strums faded into the screams of thousands and thousands of delighted fans, Merlin decided he couldn't have imagined a better night.

“I have to go,” said Ellie suddenly once the lights in the house started turning on. “Fuck, Merls, I have to find him right now.”

“To tell him...?” Merlin asked, hoping she was implying what he hoped she was.

“Yep,” Ellie confirmed, pulling Mordred into a quick goodbye hug.

“What's changed?” Merlin asked as he received his hug next. “I mean, things are as risky as they were the other day.”

“I know,” said Ellie with a shrug. “But at some point you just have to go ‘fuck it, someone I love loves me back’ and realise that it might be worth risking everything for that.”

“It's about time,” Merlin grinned. “Go get your man.”

“I plan to!” she said as she sped off in the direction of the backstage area.

“It's about time the two of them sorted their issues out,” said Merlin, watching Ellie as she flashed her VIP pass and was let in. “They've been dancing around each other for months. Should we go join them? I’m not sure I want to miss the big moment.”

Mordred didn't reply and Merlin turned around to look at him. His smile from earlier had faded and instead he looked like he was about to face a dragon or some equally terrifying creature.

“Mordred?” Merlin asked, concerned.

“What?” he asked, coming out of his thoughts. “Oh right. You go ahead, I think I’ll head home. There's something I just realised I need to do.”

“I… okay,” said Merlin. “I'll call you.”

“A likely story,” said Mordred pulling Merlin into a tight hug. “Thanks for this. For tonight and… everything.”

“Anytime,” Merlin replied. “I’ll catch you soon.”

“Yeah,” said Mordred and with one last smile between them Merlin sped off towards the backstage area. After flashing his VIP badge at the bouncers guarding the door, Merlin sprinted inside and promptly realised that he probably should have asked for directions. The place was a complete labyrinth.

He was so focused on finding absolutely anyone that he recognised that he didn't see the person sprinting down the corridor towards him until it was too late to stop himself. They collided painfully and it was only when he heard her whimper slightly that he realised who it was.

“Oh my god, Ellie, I'm so sorry,” said Merlin, springing to his feet and reaching down to help her up. There was a bit of an egg over her eye where she'd bumped it, but other than that she seemed fine. He felt terrible.

“Oh god, Merlin, I have no idea where they are,” said Ellie, who didn't seem to register that she had just been knocked over at all. “You'd think that it would be logical to find a huge knot of people and assume that they’d be the centre of it, but no. Apparently the roadies are almost as popular as they are.”

“Ellie, we're being stupid,” said Merlin, pulling out his mobile and Ellie laughed slightly at the complete craziness of the situation.

 _“Merls, I’m here in the golden circle area, where the feck are you?”_ said Gwaine as soon as he answered the call.

“We're in the main corridor backstage, you twozzle,” said Merlin. “You got us backstage passes remember? Now get here as soon as you can. Ellie would like a word with you.”

He hung up the phone and Ellie giggled nervously.

“You make me sound so cross,” she said. “The poor man is probably a wreck.”

“That'll just make it all so much sweeter when you aren't cross though,” Merlin grinned. “I personally think you should keep him on tenterhooks for as long as possible.”

“I couldn't do that to him,” she said with a small smile. “Not when I've already made him wait for so long.”

“That's the whole point though, Els,” said Merlin. “He's been an absolute menace for the last six years of my life, please just give me this.”

Just at that moment Merlin caught sight of a familiar head of fabulous hair tearing down the dimly-lit corridor. Behind him four silhouettes sprinted after him.

“Too late,” sighed Merlin and Ellie spun around to see Gwaine jog to a halt in front of her.

“Too late for what?” he asked, his usual rakish grin in place but slightly impaired by what Merlin instantly recognised as nerves. The last time he had seen Gwaine this nervous was right before his fourth year finals at university.

“Merlin reckons I should keep you in suspense a bit longer,” said Ellie, her face suddenly blank and unreadable. She turned to look at Merlin who gave her a smile that he hoped conveyed ‘put the poor boy out of his misery already’.

“You’d never be that cruel though,” said Gwaine taking a step towards her. He was trying to sound self-assured, but failed when his voice wavered slightly.

“Never,” said Ellie grinning and pulling Gwaine into the kiss that everyone had been waiting for. Merlin went to stand by the Knights who were all applauding and wolf-whistling as they watched the new couple sharing what was long overdue.

“You really wrote that song for me?” asked Ellie when they pulled apart.

“Months ago,” Gwaine smiled. “I had no idea how I was going to give it to you until I asked Lancelot very nicely if I could kidnap the microphone for a few minutes at this gig. Well he’s a romantic sod so of course he agreed and well, here we are. I’m surprised it worked as well as it did, to be honest.”

“It’s the most beautiful thing anyone's ever done for me, Gwaine,” said Ellie, resting her forehead on Gwaine’s shoulder. “Thank you.”

“Oi, lovebirds, save the rest of the sentimental shite for the homecoming party at my place?” said Kay. “As nice as this corridor is, I’m absolutely gagging for a beer.”

Gwaine and Ellie reluctantly pulled apart, intertwining their fingers as they followed Kay and the Knights down the corridor. Merlin beamed at the two of them as they passed and they both beamed back at him.

“It’s about bloody time,” he said and the two of them laughed.

“Yes well now you don’t have to be on our cases all the time,” said Ellie, linking her free arm through Merlin’s.

“What a bloody fantastic end to what has been completely barmy month or so.” said Gwaine, lifting Ellie’s hand to kiss it. Ellie blushed and Merlin wasn’t sure it that was physically possible to be happier for them. Suddenly she looked around her as if she realised something was missing. Gwaine picked up on it too. “Merls, what happened to Mordred? Ellie said he was coming with you tonight in Gwen’s place because the two of you are a thing now.”

“I don’t actually know where he is, to be honest,” said Merlin. “He said he had to rush off because there was something he realised he had to do. He was acting really weird so I don't know. I hope he’s alright.”

“I’m sure he’ll explain it as soon as he can,” said Ellie. “For now, don’t worry too much. Let’s just celebrate having all our idiots back.”

“You’re right,” said Merlin, pushing his small nagging worry for Mordred to the back of his mind. It didn’t help worrying about things Mordred might not even want his help with in the first place, seeing as it probably had something to do with one of those secrets he had mentioned earlier.

Though he tried not to dwell on it, his thoughts frequently flitted back to Mordred later at the party _._ What could he have meant? Was it based on what Ellie had said? Was it just the overwhelming presence of ninety thousand people? What secrets did Mordred have?

_“...Mordred is nice enough but I think he’s hiding something and I don’t want you to get hurt.”_

Merlin shook his head and laughed off Gwen's words as he accepted another drink from Percy. People kept secrets all the time, it didn’t necessarily mean that things were going to end in tears. Why ruin a fun party with things that probably weren't even a problem?

Except that Merlin should have learned by now that Gwen was nearly always right.

Merlin was dozing off on Kay’s comfortable sofa after they’d gone through nearly all the alcohol in his flat when he heard his mobile buzz on the coffee table in front of him. Picking it up, Merlin was surprised to see that it was a series of texts from Mordred.

 _RECEIVED [04:32]: I’m sorry that I’m not doing this in person and I’m sorry it’s in the middle of the night. I swear I’ll explain why soon. For now just know that while the past few weeks have been fun, I can’t be with you anymore._  
_RECEIVED [04:33]: You haven’t done anything wrong. This is 100% because I’ve been a selfish prick. I’ll tell you the reasons why soon. I’m not sure it’ll make you any less angry with me though._  
_RECEIVED [04:33]: I’d say ‘don’t call’, but that’s never really been your strong suit anyway. Thanks for everything, Merlin. You’re one of the best people I know. Don’t let this business change that. M x_

Merlin put his mobile back down, strongly resisting the urge to throw it through the glass of the coffee table in frustration and wondering if he would ever develop feelings for someone who wasn’t a massive prick.

And, figuring that annoying texts were becoming a part of his hangover process, he rolled over on the couch and tried his best to get some sleep, telling himself he’d deal with the newest wave of bullshit when he woke up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a little bit late this week, so sorry about that. BUT I'm a chapter ahead again which means that I should be able to stick to the plan. Thanks so much for your patience! x
> 
> You can find Gwaine's song [On Its Way](https://soundcloud.com/aislynnprice/on-its-way) on my Soundcloud page.
> 
> Thanks again for reading this and for all the kudos and comments! You've definitely given me the courage and motivation to get this far ♥


	11. Ealdor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ADDITIONAL WARNING: This chapter contains minor character death as well as mentions of murder and suicide.

After almost a month of being surrounded by happy couples and of not being able to get hold of Mordred to ask him why the hell things had ended so abruptly, Merlin decided to go back to Ealdor for a few days. He got Gwen to reschedule everything she could and, in the end, he managed to free up enough time to spend a week with his mum.

He didn’t realise how much he needed it until he was on the train watching the countryside rush past him.

It wasn’t running away, Merlin told himself as he flicked absent-mindedly through the magazine he had bought for the journey; it was regrouping. Things in London had been growing steadily crazier and what Merlin needed was clean air and the sight of hills and big open fields dotted with sheep. Though spending hours on a train was hardly his idea of fun, the fact that the weak sun outside was being blocked by trees and not by buildings was already doing wonders for his soul. Merlin had always reckoned himself a city boy at heart, but he decided that there was definitely something to be said for looking into the distance and actually being able to see the horizon.

He was enjoying being in the country again so much that he decided, instead of calling his mum to come pick him up as he usually did, he would walk the mile or so from the station to his mum’s place. Proving his status as a city boy, however, he’d forgotten that October in Ealdor was always exceptionally fickle. What started off as a bracing walk in the crisp autumn air quickly turned into ice-cold raindrops drenching him completely.

By the time he reached his mum’s front door, he was soaking wet and shivering. He allowed himself a moment, though, to revel in the feeling of homecoming he got every time he visited Ealdor. Nothing ever changed here. All the cottages and gardens were exactly how Merlin remembered them, every lawn ornament and birdbath accounted for, and he filled his lungs with the nostalgic smell of coal-fires rising from almost every chimney.

Merlin didn’t have to be anyone here. He could just _be_.

He knocked on the door at the same time as he pressed the long-broken doorbell for fun and nearly jumped out of his skin when it actually rang. When was the last time that had happened?

Seconds later Hunith Emrys opened the door and her face was a mixture of delight and horror at the sight of Merlin.

“The doorbell works!” he grinned. “Since when does the doorbell work?”

“Never mind that! Look at the state of you!” she said, reaching for Merlin’s scarf which was dripping onto the welcome mat. “You’d better get into dry clothes before you spend your whole week here in bed with the flu.”

“That’s not how the flu works, Mum,” Merlin chuckled as he followed her inside.

“Stop being a clever clogs and get yourself into a warm bath,” said Hunith with her hands on her hips but an amused smile on her face.

“Alright, I’m going,” said Merlin. He paused at the foot of the stairs to kiss her on the cheek. “Missed you, Mum.”

“Not as much as I’ve missed you, _cariad_ ” she said. “Now stop dallying. I can have those clothes clean and dry for tomorrow if you go now.”

Merlin took the stairs two at a time, noting that in addition to the doorbell, his mum had also finally glued down the loose carpeting on the second-last step.

His old room was exactly as it was when Merlin was still living here and he wondered when and if Hunith was ever planning to turn it into a guest bedroom like she kept saying she would. Plonking his suitcase down on the bed he unzipped it and grabbed the first sleepwear he could find before heading to the tiny bathroom opposite his room.

More out of habit than anything, Merlin stood under the showerhead and turned on the taps, remembering, as he did, that the shower hadn’t worked in their bathroom since he was fifteen and Will had tried his hand at plumbing. To his surprise, however, instead of the faint groaning and gurgling that usually accompanied trying to turn it on, Merlin was suddenly being drizzled with ice-cold water.

So the shower was working again too. What the hell was going on? Had his mum suddenly taken up DIY? Had she finally buried her pride and gone to ask someone for help with it? She didn’t have a boyfriend, did she?

Merlin stood in the (now thankfully warm) shower with the idea of his mum being in a relationship bouncing around his mind, filling him with a million different conflicting emotions. After his dad left, Hunith had never shown any interest in romantic relationships and though at the time Merlin hadn’t thought much of it, he realised now that it must have been pretty lonely. Now that he’d moved out and was living hours away, could he really blame her for wanting some companionship?

At the same time, if she was in a relationship, why hadn’t she told him? They weren’t the kind of family that told eachother everything all the time (for instance, she still didn’t know that his relationship with Arthur had been fake), but Merlin felt like he was at least owed some sort of introduction to the man who could potentially become his stepfather.

Merlin glanced over to the sink and noticed that there were two toothbrushes in the holder.

God, she wasn’t already engaged or married was she? Merlin tried to think if he’d seen a ring on her hand, but he hadn’t been paying enough attention. Ealdor was tiny and it didn’t often get visitors so it was probably someone Merlin already knew. Unless it was someone new from the hospital she worked at? A handsome doctor perhaps?

She always did have a thing for George Clooney.

Merlin decided he was being ridiculous. After finishing his shower, he climbed into his dry clothes and gathered his wet ones into a bundle to take to the washing machine. For now, he’d pretend he didn’t have any suspicions. His mum would tell him what was going on in her own time.

He was about to open the door to the kitchen when he realised that Hunith was talking to someone behind the door. The other voice was deep and bassy and Merlin now realised that there was definitely merit to his speculations. He strained his ear to hear what they were saying, but his mum had the dishwasher on and the hum of the machine muffled their voices.

Merlin had no idea what to do. Part of him wanted to huff off to his room, spend the entire week there and never meet the man. The other part of him wanted to burst through the door, introduce himself, and spare his mum the trouble of having to explain.

His mind was made up for him when the dishwasher’s cycle paused and Merlin heard Hunith say, “We promised we’d tell him this week, Balinor. Please don’t make me do this on my own.”

Wait, _Balinor?_

Unable to stop himself, Merlin dropped the damp clothes and shoved open the kitchen door. His mum immediately jumped up.

“Merlin, love, before you say anything you’ll regret,” she said, placing a soothing hand on his arm, “let us explain.”

Merlin looked over to the small table where his father sat, not quite able to meet his eye, and Merlin seethed with anger.

“How long has this been going on?” he asked, trying to keep his voice as level as he could. He knew his mum hated shouting.

“Since the beginning of the year,” said Hunith apologetically. “I wanted to tell you, really I did, but then life happened and your career took off and we didn’t want to upset you.”

“Mum, it’s October,” said Merlin, hating the fact that there were tears stinging his eyes. “How could you let most of the year go by without telling me?”

“I know, love,” said Hunith pulling Merlin into a tight hug. “I’m so sorry.”

Merlin stayed holding onto her for a long time, using the comforting warmth and scent to gather his thoughts. This was supposed to be a good thing, so why did it feel so shitty?

“I’ll make us tea,” said Hunith, slowly releasing Merlin as if afraid if she let him go too quickly he might explode. “I’m sure you’ll have questions.”

Merlin huffed and sat down on one of the spindly wooden chairs at the table. He traced over an scorch mark that he’d caused when, at eight years old, he’d attempted to make beans on toast one afternoon while Hunith was sleeping.

It hadn’t been there the last time Balinor had lived here.

Hunith set their cups of tea in front of them and settled down in the seat between Merlin and Balinor as if she was expecting to have to intercede. It was deathly silent in the small kitchen, save for ticking of the bright green clock on the wall opposite him, and Merlin had never realised how stifling beige paint could be.

“Merlin,” said Balinor eventually, his hand shaking slightly as he reached for his tea, “Merlin, I know…”

He took a deep breath and Merlin was shaken by how fragile he seemed in that moment. When Merlin was a boy Balinor had always seemed so invincible – his own personal Superman. After he left, once Merlin had grown up a bit, he became the villain in all of Merlin’s disappointing childhood stories. To see him like this, no longer invincible but certainly nothing as calculating and cruel as the villain his imagination had twisted him to become, was deeply unsettling. It was so much easier to deal with Balinor as the vague memory of why his mother had spent so many nights in tears than Balinor who was just an ordinary imperfect human.

He took a sip of his tea more as an excuse to look away than anything.

“Last year, when I came to speak to you and tried to apologise, I knew that there was very little chance that I could mend anything,” continued Balinor. His voice was gathering confidence as he spoke. “I knew I’d fucked up, I knew that there was no way to change that, but I hoped and still do, that if I apologised... Of course it was completely naive of me and you had every right to tell me to fuck off that day.”

Merlin half expected Hunith to give him a reproachful look here for swearing at his father, but she was still looking at Balinor, thumb running nervously over the ear of her mug.

“You yelled at me for coming to apologise to you when it was your mother that I owed the real apology. And while I think you were definitely owed just as much of an apology, you’re right. I probably should have gone to her first. I was just afraid, you see. It had been fifteen years since I last saw either of you and I was sure that there would be… that Hunith… I thought I’d see how things went with you first.”

“Because you thought I’d be the softer target?” Merlin rolled his eyes. “That worked out well for you.”

“I didn’t say that it was clever,” Balinor replied calmly, “but from that conversation I learned that it had just been you and her all those years, and it filled me with so much hope. Because if she hadn’t found anyone in all that time, it might mean that there was still a chance that she might still...”

“Or it might have meant that you’d broken her heart beyond repair,” scoffed Merlin. He turned to Hunith. “And, what, you just swooned into his arms as soon as he showed up on your doorstep after all this time?”

“No,” his mum replied softly. “No, _cariad_ , it took time. Even though I did still love him, it had been a long time. There was a lot of talking things through, a lot of shouting, a lot of getting to know each other as these new people before we ever even brought up the idea of being together again. And even with that we’ve been taking it really slowly. Your dad hasn’t even moved back in yet. We were waiting to tell you before we decided what to do.”

“Well please, by all means,” said Merlin, standing up abruptly. “I mean, you two seem to have this all sorted out without me so I don’t see why you need my input now. In any case, I don’t live here anymore so do whatever the hell you want.”

He stormed off to his room, shoving his suitcase heavily to the floor and throwing himself under the covers, wondering how what was supposed to be a break away from all the drama had fallen so rapidly to shit.

He rolled over and stared at the glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling, laughing bitterly at the fact that he’d wished on them every night when he was younger for what filled him with so much anger now. His mum and his dad were in love again. His mum wouldn’t be lonely anymore. He should be happy about that at least.

Merlin was about to roll over and try to get some sleep when he heard what sounded like a tinny electronic voice coming from somewhere around his bed. He flicked on his bedside lamp, searching for the source, and was annoyed (when he eventually worked out the source of the noise was his mobile) to see that somehow he was on a call with Arthur.

Because apparently it _was_ possible for the day to get worse.

“What do you want, Arthur?” Merlin asked shortly.

 _“What do you mean what do_ I _want?”_ replied Arthur’s exasperated voice on the other end. _“_ You _called_ me _. I thought it might be an emergency or something because you never call anyone and since we’re not talking at the moment, I’d definitely be the last person you’d call. Unless, of course, there was some terrible reason that you had to.”_

“Shit,” said Merlin, pulling a frustrated hand down his face. “Must have been a pocket dial. Sorry. Nothing to worry about.”

There was silence on the other end for a moment.

 _“Are you sure, Merlin?”_ asked Arthur. _“You sound kind of… I don’t know. Not you.”_

“It’s nothing, Arthur,” said Merlin. “Thanks for the concern, but I’m just... tired. It’s been a long few months.”

 _“Merlin,”_ said Arthur and there was silence on his end for a moment or two before he continued. _“I don’t know how to go about this and I should probably actually just wait to do this in person, but… I’m sorry. About everything. Life is kind of upside-down and inside-out at the moment and I don’t really know what I’m doing. With anything. But I know I miss talking to you and you sound like you could use a friend right now.”_

Merlin was quiet as he decided what to do. He was still annoyed with the prat for building his hopes up one second and dashing them the next. On the other hand, Arthur was apologising even though Merlin had been just as much (if not more) of a prick.

And mostly, Merlin just really needed someone to talk to right now.

“My mum and dad are back together,” Merlin breathed out eventually.

 _“What, like_ together _, together?”_ asked Arthur.

“Yeah,” said Merlin. “Apparently after he spoke to me last year he went to apologise to her and they’ve officially been a ‘thing’ since the beginning of the year.”

_“Shit.”_

“Yeah.”

_“And you had no idea?”_

“None at all,” said Merlin. “I mean, I suspected she might have a boyfriend or something because we’ve never been great with DIY stuff and when I got here earlier all these little things around the house were suddenly fixed, but I had no idea that they were even in contact again let alone together.”

 _“Shit,”_ said Arthur again. _“So what now?”_

“They’re talking about my dad moving back into the house,” said Merlin. “Apparently they were waiting to tell me first though. I stormed out after that. Fuck, Arthur, I came here to have a break from all the craziness, not to add to it.”

They both went quiet for a moment or two and Merlin had to check to make sure that Arthur hadn’t hung up the phone.

 _“Do you want me to come up there?”_ asked Arthur. _“I mean, I know we’re not… but I don’t want you to feel like you’re alone.”_

There was a reason that Merlin was in love with Arthur and it was that despite the massive prat he could be at times, he was always unfailingly kind and thoughtful.

_“Unless... I mean you and Mordred are together. That might cause problems.”_

“We’re not anymore,” said Merlin immediately and felt his cheeks burning with colour at how eagerly he told Arthur this. “Er, Mordred broke up with me a few days back.”

 _“Fuck, really? That’s…”_ said Arthur trailing off. _“I’m sorry.”_

“It’s alright,” said Merlin. “It wasn’t anything serious. I’m more disappointed than heartbroken.”

 _“Still sucks though,”_ said Arthur. _“Okay, I can be in Ealdor in less than four hours if I leave now. Three if I creatively interpret a few of the speed limit signs.”_

“God, Arthur, speed limits aren’t guidelines,” said Merlin with a small chuckle. “And before you creatively tackle the M4, aren’t you snowed-under at the moment? From what Gwen’s told me, the financial situation hasn’t changed much.”

 _“I have a meeting tomorrow morning at nine,”_ said Arthur. _“But if I push that back later and cancel that other appointment I could –”_

“Arthur, I’m touched that you would consider driving out all the way to Wales for me but please don’t worry,” said Merlin. “You’re really kind, but I’ll be alright. Really. I’m just going to sleep on it and hope I’m better prepared to deal with it in the morning.”

 _“Alright if you’re sure,”_ Arthur replied. _“I’ll guess I’ll see you soon then?”_

“Yeah,” said Merlin, amazed at how easy it had been to fall back into friendship with Arthur and realising that he hadn’t actually apologised yet. “Er, Arthur? I’m sorry for being such a dick about the Mordred thing, especially knowing you… Just sorry.”

 _“There’s nothing to apologise for,”_ said Arthur gently and Merlin felt some of the tension from the last few weeks leave him. _“Now, get some sleep. We’ll talk again soon.”_

“You too,” said Merlin, knowing how prone Arthur was to depriving himself of it when he was stressed.

As the call ended and Merlin got ready to go to sleep (at the novel time of half-six in the evening), with the events of the last few hours filling him with anger and guilt at the same time, Merlin was glad that at least one part of his life seemed to have magically fixed itself. Not perfectly, but it was a start.

* * *

He was woken up again what felt like minutes later.

It took Merlin a moment or two in his sleep-addled state to realise that the bees that were buzzing angrily at him after he told them he didn’t speak ‘Stinglish’ were, in fact, a dream, and that the source of the buzzing was the mobile on his bedside table that Merlin was seriously considering shoving into a soundproof box every night.

“Hello?” asked Merlin blearily, still too asleep to have checked who was calling.

 _“Good morning, Sleeping Beauty,”_ chirped Arthur on the other end. _“I trust you had a good nap?”_

“Fuck, Arthur, what do you have against people getting a full night’s sleep?” said Merlin, sitting up a little in bed and flicking on his bedside light. “What’s the time anyway?”

 _“It’s just past ten,”_ said Arthur, chuckling as Merlin groaned in frustration. _“Now, I spoke to an old dear just up the road and she says your mum’s place is the one with the garden gnome with the shifty expression, but at this time of night all the gnomes look shifty to me so if you could give me slightly more helpful directions, I’d appreciate it.”_

“You… what?” asked Merlin, who was struggling to process what Arthur was saying.

 _“Is your house closer to the end of the street with the wonky-looking tree or to the end with that gate that has the dirt road beyond it?”_ asked Arthur.

Merlin realised that there was only one way Arthur could know what his street looked like and he hastily jumped out of bed and dashed to the window. Sure enough, two houses further down the street, Merlin saw Arthur’s sleek Aston Martin looking completely foreign among the tiny country cottages.

“Arthur, you complete and utter clotpole,” said Merlin midway between annoyed at being woken up and absolutely thrilled to see him again. “You’re about two houses away. I’m waving from my window now.”

 _“I see you,”_ said Arthur, waving back as he pulled up in front of the right house. _“Er, I know you said that you didn’t need me to come out here, but I thought that getting out of the house for a while might be a bit more enjoyable than hiding in your room. I don’t get to see the stars enough anyway. Er, so, I’ve brought blankets and sushi and I was hoping you’d be able to find us a nice patch of field somewhere?”_

“I… wow,” said Merlin, struggling to string together words. “Thanks, Arthur. I’ll be down in a bit.”

 _“Dress warmly,”_ said Arthur, ending the call. Merlin’s stomach did somersaults. He didn’t know what was going on, but he was excited. Everything had changed between them again so suddenly and that had to mean _something_ , right?

He tried not to let his thoughts run away with him just yet.

Within minutes the two of them were making their way up the dirt path at the end of Merlin’s street, Merlin carrying a bundle of blankets and Arthur carrying a cooler box that Merlin assumed contained the sushi Arthur had promised.

“Shit, I forgot to bring a torch,” said Merlin. “Once we head round the corner coming up, the lights from the village disappear and since there’s no moon tonight, there’s a very real chance we might trip and die.”

“You’re always so dramatic,” chuckled Arthur, pulling out his mobile. He tapped the screen and suddenly the path in front of them was flooded with light from the small LED on the back. “Technology, eh?”

“Technology,” Merlin laughed. The biting night air and being this close to Arthur after not speaking to him for so long made Merlin feel giddy in a way he hadn’t been since he was a teenager when he and Will would sneak out of bed in the middle of the night to the place Merlin now wanted to show Arthur.

“It’s lovely here,” said Arthur conversationally. “I mean, of course, all I’ve really seen is a dozen or so of the scariest garden ornaments I’ve ever seen in my life, but I imagine that during the day it’s kind of perfect.”

“It is,” Merlin smiled. “Especially in October. Autumn agrees with Ealdor.”

“I’ll have to come back sometime and see for myself,” smiled Arthur.

“Oh so you’re not staying here?” Merlin asked, kicking himself as he did. Of course Arthur would be going home. Where did he think Arthur would be staying? His tiny single bed?

“Nah, I unfortunately still have meetings in the early afternoon,” said Arthur. “I just pushed my schedule back a bit to give myself some time to sleep beforehand.”

“Character growth,” chuckled Merlin. “I’m glad you’re starting to realise that sleep is one of the things humans live on.”

“It’s boring,” grinned Arthur. “Nights should be reserved exclusively for these kinds of adventures.”

Merlin laughed and the two of them walked the rest of the way in companionable silence until Merlin heard the unmistakeable sounds of rippling water.

“We’re here,” said Merlin, leading Arthur down the gentle slope that ended at the edge of a small stream. He spread out one of the blankets on the damp hill and sat down, taking a moment to enjoy the sounds of the stream and the frogs that lived in it, the biting night breeze and being in one of his favourite places in the world again with his favourite person in the world. Arthur settled down next to him, throwing the other blanket over their legs as he did.

“This is exactly what I had in mind,” he said, opening the cooler box and carefully pulling out two identical trays of sushi, a bottle of wine and two glasses.

“Thanks, Arthur. This is amazing,” said Merlin, picking up a piece of salmon nigiri and grinning as Arthur poured him a glass of wine. “I’ll have to remember to pocket-dial you more often.”

“Chancer!” laughed Arthur, giving Merlin’s shoulder a playful shove. “To tell you the truth, I was going to jokingly tell you that this is a one-time thing but knowing how good we are at communicating I feel like I should point out really explicitly at this point that I was kind of hoping that this could be a date. And that I’m hoping there’ll be more of them after this one.”

Merlin had never been more grateful to be midway through a mouthful of food. It meant he couldn’t say anything stupid.

“While you’re busy, I want to make sure I explain myself properly, since the last time I confessed my feelings it ended pretty disastrously,” said Arthur. “I realised in this last month of not speaking to you and seeing you with Mordred, that you’re distracting no matter what, and that maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe I need someone completely daft and funny and creative and gorgeous to stop me getting so stuck in my own head all the time, and maybe the real reason I brushed you off last time is because that terrifies me. I’ve never had whatever this is before. I’ve always been in control and the fact that I can’t be with this scares me.”

He’d finally finished his mouthful of sushi, but had forgotten how breathing worked.

“I would want to take it slow,” continued Arthur. “Like really slow. Glacial. I don’t want to rush into anything, especially when I have no idea what I’m doing. But god, Merlin, I want this more than anything. Do you still… I mean would you also…?”

It was now, when Merlin’s only thought was _kiss him before he changes his mind,_ that he suddenly saw the flaw in his choice of location; they were on a slope and he couldn’t put his fucking wine down anywhere.

“Your silence is very reassuring,” said Arthur nervously.

“I’m trying to find somewhere to put down my wine so I can kiss you, you prick!” said Merlin.

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Merlin,” laughed Arthur, snatching Merlin’s glass from his hand, tipping the contents out over his shoulder and all but throwing the glass back into the cooler box. He turned back to Merlin and in the faint light Merlin could just catch the outline of his face.

“Thanks,” breathed Merlin, reaching out to hold Arthur’s shoulders, more to anchor himself than anything.

“Don’t mention it,” Arthur replied and a heartbeat later they were kissing.

And god, if kissing Arthur had always been good it was nothing compared to this. Knowing that as Arthur’s arms coiled around Merlin’s waist and pulled him closer, Arthur’s heart was racing just as fast as Merlin’s was. Knowing that the noise he made when Arthur experimentally nibbled on his bottom lip wasn’t going to put him off because, in Arthur’s words, he wanted this ‘more than anything.’

If it was possible to evaporate from happiness, Merlin would have already been in the fucking stratosphere.

They eventually surfaced for air and Merlin was so deliriously happy and lightheaded that he burst into a fit of giggles.

“That bad, huh?” joked Arthur and Merlin pressed their foreheads together as he laughed. It proved infectious and suddenly the two of them were sitting in a dark field canning themselves at nothing in particular, just the fact that they had finally gotten through that.

“You’re amazing, you know that?” said Arthur quietly once they’d calmed down, brushing his thumb across Merlin’s cheek. “Who would have thought that I’d fall for the gangly stranger who yelled at me for being rude to the waitstaff?”

“Who would have thought that I’d fall for the prick who was rude to the waitstaff?” grinned Merlin, running his fingers through Arthur’s soft hair. “I’m glad I did, though.”

“Me too,” agreed Arthur.

“Er, we should probably… dinner, you know?” said Merlin, who felt that if he didn’t do something else soon, he was going to explode.

“Yeah,” grinned Arthur and the two of them sat eating the sushi Arthur had brought, legs tangled under the blanket.

Merlin had forgotten it was cold.

Their late supper finished, Merlin and Arthur lay back on the blanket to look at the patches of stars they could see between the clouds. Merlin’s head was resting on Arthur’s rising and falling chest and he smiled to himself as he remembered that just a few hours ago they had both been too stubborn to talk to one another.

“Er, Merlin, I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said that day at Mogue,” said Arthur, his thumb stroking a patch of Merlin’s back just above his waistband, sending pleasant shivers down Merlin’s spine.

“Which part?” Merlin asked. “The confession of love part, the Agravaine part or the Mordred part?”

“The Agravaine part,” said Arthur. “As far as I’m concerned, the Mordred stuff is null and void now anyway.”

“Agreed,” Merlin replied, wondering why Arthur was bringing up his uncle on what had been a pretty wonderful night so far.

“Good,” said Arthur. “Anyway, I’ve been thinking a lot about most of what you’ve ever said about my uncle and I... I think you’re right. I probably can’t completely trust someone who makes me feel like shit all the time.”

 _Yes, Arthur!_ thought Merlin, strongly resisting the urge to pump his fist in the air. _It’s about time you used that gorgeous head of yours._

“So instead of another aimless meeting with Agravaine about the state of Excalibur’s finances, I went to chat to Gaius instead.”

“Oh?” said Merlin. “And what did he have to say?”

“Well, I told him that I thought it was strange that Excalibur was suffering financially when all of our artists’ sales are doing really well,” said Arthur. “To which his response was whacking me over the head with his notebook and telling me to hire a forensic accountant.”

“Sounds about right,” Merlin chuckled. He was grateful that there was at least one person who was able to make Arthur see sense. “So did you?”

“I did,” Arthur replied, “but that has to stay between us, alright? I have no idea who might have their fingers in which pies, so I don’t want people hearing about it and trying to cover their tracks.”

“I won’t say a word,” said Merlin. “Although you’re telling me this and for all you know, it might be me siphoning off the money.”

“You’re hardly a criminal mastermind, Merlin,” Arthur chuckled.

“I could be!” said Merlin defensively. “The amount of times I’ve wanted to strangle you in frustration...”

“You’re too cute to be a killer,” said Arthur, craning his neck to kiss the top of Merlin’s head. “In any case, the accountant says that it looks like the money’s been disappearing for years already, so there’s no way it could be you.”

“Ah you see, but that could all just be part of my dastardly plan,” said Merlin. “Lure you into thinking I’m just a penniless musician and then BAM it turns out I’ve had a man on the inside the entire time.”

“You’re _so_ adorable,” laughed Arthur, giving Merlin a squeeze. After a few moments of silence, he cleared his throat and, knowing what that meant all too well by now, Merlin braced himself for whatever was about to follow. “Er, changing the subject – have you decided what you’re going to do about your parents yet?”

 _Oh yes. That._ Merlin had almost completely forgotten about it in the happy haze of the past hour or so.

“Not really,” he replied. “It’s not a scenario I’ve ever imagined, really. Well, no, that’s a lie. When I was little I used to hope it would happen. But as you get older, I dunno, you kind of figure it’s an impossibility.”

“I guess,” said Arthur. “And they’re properly in love again?”

“I don’t know,” said Merlin. “They weren’t acting particularly lovey-dovey when I was with them but I think that’s because they were trying to make sure I didn’t fly off the handle or anything. I guess it must be pretty serious though if they’re talking about him moving in.”

As Merlin slid off of Arthur’s chest to lie on his back, Arthur turned to him, head propped up on one arm and began playing with the curls around Merlin’s ears.

“I know I should be happy for my mum at least,” said Merlin, reaching out to toy with one of the buttons on Arthur’s coat. “She was alone for so long. I always assumed it was because my dad was such a prick it put her off relationships forever, but maybe she just never stopped loving him.”

“It’s been known to happen,” said Arthur gently.

“I just don’t know if I can be happy for my dad,” said Merlin. “It shouldn’t be that easy to just come swanning back in acting like the last sixteen years didn’t happen.”

“Are you sure that’s what he’s doing though, or is that just how you’re seeing it because you’re upset?”

Merlin wasn’t sure what the answer to that one was. He hadn’t really given his dad much chance to explain the first time and he’d probably given him even less of a chance this time .

“Look, I know even less about what’s going on with your parents than you do,” Arthur continued, “but I don’t think that they’re doing it out of some sadistic desire to see you suffer. Your dad might have made some really terrible mistakes – I mean, I’ve seen some of the tiny-Merlin photos and anyone who could walk away from something that adorable clearly has issues – but sometimes it’s worth giving people a second chance even if you feel they don’t deserve it. Sixteen years is a long time. Who knows how much he might have changed since then?”

Merlin didn’t reply, instead shuffling closer to Arthur and burying his head in his chest, hoping that Arthur would take that as a hint to change the subject.

“Okay, point taken, we won’t talk about it anymore,” said Arthur, wrapping his arms around Merlin, pulling him closer and closing the small gap between them. “Just maybe think about it, alright?”

“Alright,” said Merlin. They lay like that for a while, Merlin enjoying the warmth that Arthur radiated. He’d never felt safer than he did lying there with him.

“Merlin?” asked Arthur and Merlin pulled his head back a bit to look at him. “I… See I don’t know if it’s too early to say this, but it's been true for a while and, frankly, nothing in our relationship so far has been normal, so I guess this shouldn’t be the exception. I mean, what I’m trying to say, and please just… I mean don’t… I mean...argh, I’m fucking this up. What I want to say is that I… that is, I think I –”

“I love you too, Arthur,” said Merlin, rescuing him. Arthur was quiet and for a horrible moment Merlin was afraid he might have completely misinterpreted what Arthur had been trying to say, but then Arthur had caught his lips in another searing kiss and Merlin’s fears dissolved.

 _I could happily stay here for the rest of my life,_ thought Merlin blissfully as Arthur parted his lips and they deepened the kiss.

Unfortunately the weather had other plans.

“Shit, that’s drizzle,” said Merlin, pulling away from Arthur as he felt the first freezing droplets of water hit his face. “We’d better move.”

“What’s wrong with a little bit of rain?” asked Arthur and Merlin chuckled.

“You’re such a city boy,” said Merlin, pressing a kiss to Arthur’s forehead. “When it rains here it rains here like it means it. Unless you want to ruin the upholstery in your fancy car, or spend the night in my tiny single bed, or on the torture rack that is the camper bed, we’d better get going.”

They packed up the blankets and glasses in record time and practically sprinted back down the lane to Merlin’s street. The real rain started just before they could make it to Arthur’s car, and by the time they were both safely in the backseat they were laughing so hard that Merlin was starting to get a stitch in his side.

“Shit, you weren’t joking about the rain,” said Arthur looking out the window to where it was falling like a heavy curtain. “It makes your shifty gnome look even more shifty.”

“Nobby isn’t shifty,” said Merlin in a highly offended tone.

“His name is _Nobby_?” chuckled Arthur. “You’re not really helping your case here, Merlin.”

“I thought he looked like Big-Ears from Noddy when I was little,” Merlin explained. “And at two years old I couldn’t say ‘Noddy’ properly. The name stuck.”

“He’s been around since you were two?” said Arthur, with an expression Merlin couldn’t quite put his finger on. It was something between amazement and envy. “That’s amazing. I think the only thing I have from when I was two are a few photos and a teddy my mum gave me before...”

Merlin squeezed Arthur’s hand. He knew how rare it was for him to talk about his mum.

“Can I play the annoying boyfriend again for a second?” asked Arthur softly and Merlin nodded. “Give your mum and dad a chance. I don’t think they handled this properly and I can understand why you’re upset, but… you’re here in the house you grew up in on this quiet little street in a tiny village in Wales with the shifty garden gnome out front that’s been there since you were at least two, and after all this time your mum and dad are in there now trying their best to patch up everything they messed up. This isn’t something that happens every day so don't take it for granted.”

“I’ll try,” Merlin promised.

“Good,” said Arthur, pulling Merlin closer.

“Are we?” asked Merlin and Arthur looked at him with a puzzled expression. “Are we boyfriends?” he clarified.

“Well that’s the generally-used term for it, right?” Arthur replied. “Unless there’s some pre-boyfriend step I’m missing or something.”

“Well, let’s see. We went from enemies, to awkward acquaintances, to awkward work acquaintances, to work friends, to friends, to fake boyfriends, back to friends, to awkward crushes, to not speaking and now, apparently, to boyfriends,” grinned Merlin and Arthur laughed. “It’s been a bit difficult to keep up.”

“Yeah we have been a bit all over the place with this, haven’t we?” laughed Arthur. “I’m hoping this is the one that will stick though.”

“Me too,” agreed Merlin. He glanced out the window to where it was lightly drizzling again. “You’d better go now before you get caught in this shitty Welsh weather again.”

“Yeah,” said Arthur, making no attempt to move.

“I don’t want you to go though,” said Merlin.

“I don’t want to go,” replied Arthur.

“Don’t go.”

“I have to,” Arthur said with a sigh. “One of the meetings tomorrow is with Geoffrey, the forensic accountant. He's going to share some more of his findings with me.”

“Already?” said Merlin. “I guess I shouldn’t keep you here then. It’s a long drive back.”

“Let me walk you to your door first at least,” said Arthur and Merlin grinned. They climbed out of the car and made the ten-step journey to the small porch.

“Thanks for tonight,” said Merlin shyly. “It was… Well it was exactly what I needed.”

“You’re welcome,” said Arthur. “I’m sure I’ve told you before but I really hate seeing you upset. And since I’ve been the cause of a lot of your misery over the past few months I figure it’s only fair that I do my best to fix it. Thanks for the second chance.”

Merlin took a step closer to Arthur and kissed him, wondering if he would ever get over how amazing it was that he could do that whenever he wanted now, and hoping he never would.

“You’d better head off,” said Merlin as they broke apart. “Drive safely and stick to the speed that the signs tell you to. Because I swear to god if anything happens to you…”

“Nothing’s going to happen to me,” said Arthur, pressing one last kiss to Merlin’s lips before making his way back to the car. Once he was in with his seatbelt buckled, he wound down his window. “Love you, idiot.”

“Love you too, twozzle” grinned Merlin. He watched as Arthur’s car pulled away and disappeared down a connecting street and chuckled to himself.

Even when he wanted a break, it seemed that the universe was determined for him to have a life of non-stop excitement.

* * *

 **_Breaking: Southend suicide victim is entertainment journalist, Kara Jones, police confirm  
_ ** _13 October 2016 – London_

_Police have confirmed that the body of a woman found dead in her Southend home belongs to the popular entertainment journalist, Kara Jones (28)._

_Initial reports state the cause of death is poisoning by a yet undisclosed substance and is believed to have been taken with a half-finished cup of coffee found near the body at the time of discovery._

_No foul play is suspected at this time. There were no signs of forced entry or a struggle and the victim left a note which the police are choosing not to disclose. The possibility of murder has not yet been ruled out._

_Jones’ body was discovered on the morning of October 12 by her cleaner who had been given a set of keys for easy access and was identified later that evening by a family member who wishes to remain anonymous._

_An autopsy is currently being performed, the results of which, along with a toxicology report, will be released tomorrow afternoon._

Merlin read and reread the article several times, unable to believe what it said. He’d never pretend that he’d liked the woman but never in a million years would he have wished her dead. It was difficult to think that just a few weeks go he’d been yelling at her and now she just _wasn’t_ anymore and oh god, had he yelled at someone who was _that_ close to killing herself? He knew that it probably wasn’t what had pushed her over the edge but it probably hadn’t helped.

Telling himself he was being ridiculous, but nonetheless incredibly shaken, Merlin decided to take a shower, trying his best to push all thoughts of Kara Jones from his mind. Instead he thought about Arthur and about how easy it had been between them once they’d both stopped being stubborn asses. The night before had been amazing and Merlin decided he would have made up with Arthur ages ago if he had thought that that’s where it would lead.

On that vein of thought, Merlin remembered that he’d promised Arthur to at least try giving his dad a second chance, a thought that he was now still grappling with. All those nights he and his mum had stayed up crying. All the missed birthdays, Christmases, sports games and school concerts. All the times his mum had had to deal with the worst situations imaginable completely on her own: Will’s mum dying. Will dying. Balinor had missed it all, off doing whatever he had been doing, leaving Hunith and Merlin to pick up the pieces.

But Hunith had always been a really good judge of character and if she had forgiven Balinor and not only that, actually _loved_ him again, surely Merlin could too?

He pulled on a set of fresh clothes and made his way to the kitchen where, to his delight, his mum was baking.

“Welsh cakes?” he asked hopefully at which his mum jumped violently.

“Merlin, you nearly scared the life out of me,” she said. “I could swear that you’re part cat.”

“Sorry, Mum,” said Merlin, kissing her on the cheek. “I forgot that your hearing’s not what it used to be now that you’re getting on in years.”

“Oi, you cheeky monkey!” she said, brandishing the spatula at him. “Anymore of that and I’ll march these straight over the road to Mr and Mrs Davids.”

“You wouldn’t!” said Merlin in mock affront. “They’ll never love them the way that I could.”

“In that case, you’ll just have to live with the disappointment,” Hunith shrugged. “Unless of course you withdraw your earlier remark.”

“I withdraw!” Merlin said dramatically. “Mother you are a young radiant moonbeam in this dull, grey world and you could probably have heard me sneak in were it not for my advanced cat-like genes. Now please don’t send the cakes away”

“I’ve missed your nonsense so much,” said Hunith with a chuckle. “It’s been quiet here without you.”

“Well, not that quiet,” said Merlin, raising an eyebrow. Hunith looked for a moment as if she were about to burst into an apology or an explanation and Merlin pulled her into a hug instead. “It’s alright, Mum. I’m ready to listen. I was just shocked yesterday, is all. I won’t lie and say that I’m a hundred percent thrilled at the idea, but if you think he’s alright then I do to.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” said Hunith, slowly letting go of him. “We didn’t want to tell you until we were sure it was going to last. And then around the six-month mark you got that big gig and your career started taking off. We didn’t want to get in the way of that. And then you were going with that lovely Pendragon lad and then with that handsome Jones boy and we thought you just might have enough on your plate without us adding to it.”

Merlin resisted the urge to laugh. Trust his mum to make his high-profile celebrity dating escapades sound like they were just flings with boys on his street.

“I would have made space on my plate for this, Mum,” said Merlin, settling down at the small kitchen table. “I love you so much and it’s been so hard to see you lonely for so long. If I had any idea that you were as happy as you seem I would have been happy for you, even if it took me a while to warm up to the idea. In any case, I know now and if you love him and you’re happy, I’ll do my best to do the same.”

“Oh, _cariad_ ,” said Hunith, fondly smoothing down Merlin’s hair, “when did you become such a man?”

Merlin smiled but didn’t respond. He didn’t feel much like a man, especially in his old childhood home with his mum baking treats for him.

“I’m on shift tonight at the hospital,” said Hunith, setting a plate of the finished cakes in front of Merlin, “but Balinor will be here. Maybe the two of you could use the opportunity to talk and get on the same page?”

“I’ll do that” said Merlin, and before she could say anymore about it, Merlin took a bite out of one the cakes and Hunith laughed as Merlin realised a second too late that they were roughly the same temperature as the surface of the sun.

He hoped it wasn’t a sign of how his chat with Balinor was going to go.

That evening found Merlin in the living room glued to the news channel as new information on the Kara Jones suicide case unfolded. He told himself not to, that it would just upset him, but it was like something out of a movie and he found it impossible to look away.

_“...that police are now treating the case as a murder investigation. This comes after reports that Jones’ suicide note contains information that might implicate at least two suspects in her death early Wednesday morning. Police say that though there were no signs of forced entry or any indication that there had been a struggle, they have not ruled out the possibility of murder as, according to Jones’ next-of-kin, the circumstances are suspicious.”_

The report cut to a police press conference where a severe-looking woman called Katherine Annis was explaining.

_“Ms Jones’ next-of-kin believes it unlikely this was voluntary suicide as she had had no prior history of mental health issues and was in a healthy state of mind when they left her just a few hours before her body was discovered. Though there can be no doubt that the victim took her own life, the use of cyanide poison as well as irregularities in the suicide note have led us to believe that she may have been coerced into it. From here forward we will investigate her death as a murder.”_

“Shit,” said Merlin, wondering who would ever be that cruel. A crazy fan? A vengeful celebrity? The more he heard the more sick to his stomach he felt.

“Horrible news that,” said Balinor who had just arrived back from dropping his mother off at work. Merlin turned the volume down so it was just barely audible. “She was so young.”

“Too young,” Merlin agreed. “I met her a couple of times actually. She was a reporter. Really good at her job, but horrible to be on the receiving end of.”

“You don’t think that’s perhaps why they might have done it?” asked Balinor. “Perhaps she said something to the wrong person at the wrong time?”

“It’s a possibility,” said Merlin, glancing over to the telly where the story had changed to more depressing Brexit news. He watched absent-mindedly as politicians addressed crowds and scary statistics flashed across the screen, trying to work out how he was going to start the awkward conversation he was supposed to have with his father. Merlin was immensely grateful when Balinor took the responsibility off of his hands.

“Merlin, I know this is all really… well it’s more than a bit fucked up and that’s my fault,” he said. “And I’m sorry. I realise that you’re probably never going to completely forgive me and I don’t expect you to. What I did to your mother and you was inexcusable and I’m going to have to live with that knowledge every day for the rest of my life.”

Merlin didn’t respond because he didn’t trust himself to speak.

“I do love you though, Merlin. And I love your mother too. Very much. I want to do it right this time. I spent thirteen years of my life destroying myself and everything that mattered to me, and after that I spent seven getting better so that I could mend things. This isn’t a brash decision. It took a long time for me to work up the courage to come back to you both and I’ve had a lot of time to think about this. I want to fix what I pulled apart, even if it takes me the rest of my life.”

Merlin was quiet for a moment as he considered what Balinor was saying. This was the first time he had heard any kind of explanation as to why his father had left and from the way he talked it sounded like it had been because of some kind of substance abuse that had started a while before he had left. But if Balinor had been recovering for seven years, surely that was enough time to prove that he was serious about changing?

Merlin sighed and made up his mind.

“I’m gay,” he said. “I have a boyfriend. Is that a problem for you?”

“Not at all,” said Balinor.

“And you promise you’re going love and stay with Mum for as long as she wants you?”

He looked Balinor right in the eye, wanting to see if there was any hint of hesitation there. There wasn’t.

“I’m not going anywhere, son,” he said. “Not this time.”

“Good,” said Merlin with a small smile. “Then that’s that. Welcome home, Dad.”

The words felt strange on his tongue, but when he saw how they caused Balinor’s face to light up he was glad he’d said them.

The rest of the evening was surprisingly pleasant. Though the conversation was stilted at times, it flowed freely and easily at others and the more Merlin got to know his dad again, the more he was glad he’d given him another chance. He had a dry, cynical sense of humour, some of the most interesting anecdotes Merlin had ever heard and an absolutely spot-on taste in music. They’d never have a typical father-son relationship, but Merlin reasoned that ‘typical’ was boring anyway.

By the time he climbed into bed that night, Merlin knew that the rest of the week was going to be alright.

 _Maybe beyond that too,_ he smiled to himself as he saw a call from Arthur flash across his screen.

“Well hello, handsome,” he said, settling back onto his pillows.

 _“God it’s so good to hear your voice,”_ said Arthur. He sounded absolutely exhausted. _“Sorry I’ve been so quiet today. It’s been absolute pandemonium the last few hours.”_

“How so?” asked Merlin.

_“Well on top of the meeting with the forensic accountant and the other three business meetings I had this afternoon, the police showed up a couple of hours ago to question Agravaine. Something to do with the Kara Jones suicide.”_

“Whoa, what now?” said Merlin, now sitting bolt-upright in bed. The police were questioning _Agravaine?”_

_“Apparently there were a few calls between them the day leading up to the murder and the police just want to make sure that there was nothing weird about them. Agravaine says that they were just a few calls to ask about an article he had heard she was publishing soon. They seemed to buy that. And he had a pretty solid alibi because he was at a benefit dinner with any number of witnesses when the police say it happened.”_

“Shit,” said Merlin. “No wonder you sound like you’ve been dragged through the wars.”

 _“‘S’alright,”_ Arthur yawned. _“At least I knew I could call you at the end of the day. It more than makes up for the rest.”_

“Arthur, I don't want to be rude, but go to bed,” said Merlin fondly. “We’ll chat tomorrow. Right now you need sleep.”

“But…”

“No buts,” said Merlin. “I’m not trying to chase you off, but you sound like you’re about to pass out on the phone anyway and you worry the fuck out of me when you don’t sleep. Tomorrow is another day.”

 _“Fine,”_ Arthur sighed dramatically. _“I guess I can wait until then. Feel free to pester me with calls and texts all day. I might not always be able to answer but you’ll eventually catch me when I have a free moment.”_

“I’ll do that,” Merlin grinned. “Love you, twozzle.”

“Love you too, idiot,” Arthur replied. “Sweet dreams.”

“You too,” Merlin replied and ended the call.

He lay back on his bed staring up at the glow-in-the-dark stars and thought about his and Arthur’s conversation. Agravaine, of all people, had been questioned about Kara Jones’ death. And though Arthur seemed satisfied that it was just a routine thing to gather information, Merlin was disturbed by how easily he could imagine Agravaine being a murderer.

* * *

His lovely week in the country with his parents (a concept that still knocked him sideways) was too long and Merlin found himself antsy the whole way back to London. He was excited to get back to work, excited to catch up with his crazy group of friends again and, most of all, he was excited to see Arthur.

After dropping off his suitcase at the flat, Merlin called a cab and made his way to Excalibur, unable to wait any longer than he had to.

He was pleased and surprised to find the whole gang in one place. Arthur was eagerly telling the group a story while they all listened with expressions that varied from hilarity to horror and Merlin took a moment to just enjoy the sight of Arthur surrounded by a group of people who genuinely cared about him. When Arthur glanced towards the door and saw him standing there, he found it very difficult not to dissolve into a puddle of love-struck patheticness at the way his face lit up.

He made his way over to them and plopped down on Arthur’s lap.

“So what did I miss?” he asked. Gwen and Ellie immediately jumped up to hug him and he stretched to give all of the Knights fist-bumps.

“You just missed me telling the story of my horrifically bad audition for my first-year talent show at uni,” said Arthur. “Also known as the one time I tried to have talent and nearly killed an entire row of lecturers as a result.”

“It's a good thing you're pretty,” he chuckled, giving Arthur a quick peck on the cheek.

“Whoa whoa whoa, what’s going on here?” asked Elyan, staring, as most of the group were in complete confusion. “Is Penrys a thing again?”

“I prefer Endragon, don’t you?” Merlin asked Arthur.

“Nah, that won't work,” he replied. “Just sounds like you dropped the first letter of my surname then. Emdragon maybe?”

“Emdragon,” Merlin nodded.

“So, wait, this is actually happening?” asked Gwen. “You guys actually finally sorted out your shit?”

“Language, Guinevere!” said Merlin in mock offense. “And yeah. It… it’s a long story but basically we made up.”

“And then made out, right?” smirked Gwaine, waggling his eyebrows at them.

“Yeah,” Arthur said and Merlin found the faint pink to his cheeks absolutely adorable.

“Aw yay, that’s all of us now,” said Ellie beaming around the group.

“Er, no it isn’t, thanks,” said Kay next to her.

“Aw, don’t worry, love. We’ll find someone for you soon,” said Ellie, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek.

“You’d better, homewrecker,” he replied. “Me and Gwaine had a good thing going.”

“I didn’t think you’d be back so soon,” said Arthur as Ellie, Gwaine and Kay dissolved into a playful argument. “I thought you were going home first.”

“I did,” said Merlin, “but I haven’t seen you since last Wednesday and I thought that that was unacceptable.”

“Oh did you now?” said Arthur with a smile.

“Definitely,” Merlin replied. “I also wanted to ask if you wanted to come round to mine tonight? Gwen and Gwaine will be out – I checked – so we’ll have the place to ourselves.”

“Merlin, I told you, I don’t know if I’m ready for –”

“Not for that, you arse!” laughed Merlin. “I just fancy takeout and a movie and you seem like you’d be fun to cuddle.”

“Oh,” said Arthur, blushing deeply. “Alright then.”

Merlin leaned in to kiss him and just before their lips met Agravaine’s oily tones interrupted them.

“There you are,” he said, striding over to them. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere. There’s a Geoffrey Monmouth here to see you.”

Merlin scrambled to his feet to allow Arthur to stand up.

“Thanks, Uncle,” said Arthur before turning to Merlin and giving him a quick kiss. “Sorry, love. I’ll see you later.”

“Good luck,” smiled Merlin as Arthur dashed off to his office. He glanced at Agravaine who was staring at him with an icy expression.

“You two are looking cozy again,” he said with a sneer. “Missed your name in the papers that much?”

The chatter from the group behind him died down as they listened in on what was happening.

“Well the thing is that I’m kind of becoming famous enough without him,” said Merlin. “My name is in the papers now because I’m actually good at my job. And I’m ‘cozy’ with Arthur because we’re together. For real this time. Turns out we’re kind of perfect for each other.”

“Oh, Emrys, you _say_ it’s real,” said Agravaine taking a step closer, “but the minute you find cock that comes with a better pay package you’ll forget his name.”

“Oooh, sure that’s not just deflection?” said Merlin. “Starting to get worried that Arthur’s figuring out you’re not the doting uncle he thought you were?”

Merlin turned to glance at the rest of the group and was surprised when Agravaine’s fist collided painfully with his face. Something furious and primal surged up in Merlin at that. Lunging forward, he grabbed Agravaine’s lapel in one hand and prepared to swing with his other. Lance grabbed his arms before he could and was now holding him back as Merlin desperately struggled to get loose. Percy had Agravaine in a similar hold.

“Get him out of here!” said Lance and Percy, with Elyan’s help,dragged Agravaine out of the break room. Merlin struggled against Lance’s grasp, wanting nothing more than to run after them and destroy the slimy prick once and for all.

“Let me go, Lance!” he commanded.

“No, you’re going home before you do something you’ll regret,” Lance replied and, loosening his grasp just enough so that Merlin could walk comfortably, he began steering him downstairs, the rest of the group in tow. Somewhere behind them, Kay and Gwaine were muttering angrily about Agravaine while Ellie quietly sobbed.

“Shouldn’t we take him to a hospital?” asked Gwen who was quietly radiating rage. “You know, in case there’s a concussion or something?”

“I don’t think he was hit that hard,” said Lance. “And it looks like Agravaine mostly caught Merlin’s cheek anyway. I think he just needs an ice pack and somewhere to cool down.”

He didn’t want to cool down. He seethed all the way to the car park and in the backseat for the entire journey to the flat, not wanting to let go of the anger for a moment in case he forgot just how much he actually hated Agravaine.

It was only when Gwen placed a tub of emergency ice-cream in front of him while applying a sealed bag of frozen peas to his face, that Merlin finally relented.

“I think we’re going to leave you alone for a bit,” said Gwen. “You always feel a lot better after a bit of alone time.”

“Thanks, Gwen,” said Merlin, attempting to smile and wincing at the pain it caused him. Instead he turned to Lance. “And thanks for holding me back. I don’t know what I thought I was going to do.”

“I’d have probably reacted the same if it was me,” said Lance kindly. “Let us know if you need anything alright? And maybe try to stay awake just in case.”

“Will do,” said Merlin as the two of them turned to leave. “Er, guys, just please don’t tell Arthur? He’s with the foren… he’s in an important meeting and he needs to concentrate and not be worrying about me. I’ll tell him everything when he comes round later.”

“Alright,” said Gwen, kissing his good cheek. “Feel better soon, love.”

“Thanks,” said Merlin and the two of them left.

Merlin lay back on the couch with the peas on his face trying to make sense of what had just happened. Clearly he was right in assuming that Agravaine had something to hide if that’s the way he had reacted to the slightest provocation. And if he was somehow involved in the Kara Jones case, he was probably more dangerous that Merlin had thought.

And if Arthur didn’t realise that soon, he might be in trouble.

He tried to not let this new terrifying thought overwhelm him, instead putting on one of his Classic Who boxsets and disappearing into the fantastic world of special effects from the seventies while tucking into his emergency ice-cream. It worked so well as a distraction that Merlin nearly jumped out of his skin when, an episode or two in, there was a frantic knock at the door.

“Why the fuck wouldn’t you come straight to me, you enormous idiot?” Arthur said as soon as Merlin opened the door. Despite yelling at him, Arthur pulled him into a tight hug. “Fuck, Merlin, this is the kind of stuff you’re supposed to tell your boyfriend. I was so worried about you.”

“You were in a meeting with Geoffrey,” said Merlin. “You’re _still_ supposed to be in that meeting. It’s important.”

“Not as important as you!” said Arthur, letting go of Merlin to look at him. “God it’s so bruised. Agravaine’s bloody lucky I was more worried about seeing if you were okay than finding wherever the hell he’s disappeared to and beating the ever-loving shit out of him.”

“I’m glad you didn’t,” said Merlin, reaching up a hand to push Arthur’s hair from his eyes. “Agravaine is… I mean I don’t –”

“You were right about him, Merlin,” interrupted Arthur. He was now physically shaking and Merlin rubbed his arms soothingly. “It was him. Geoffrey just told me. He’s been embezzling from Excalibur and I’ve just blindly let him have a free run of everything. I’ve been listening to all his bullshit strategies about how to fix it for _years_. I sent away so many promising acts because we couldn’t afford them. And now this. Just… fuck, love, I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, there’s nothing to apologise for,” said Merlin, pulling Arthur into a gentle kiss. “You know what’s going on now and you can take steps to fix it. Most importantly, you’re here and now we can get to all that junk food and cuddling you agreed to.”

“Yeah,” said Arthur. “You’re right. Let’s just… yeah.”

“I’ll make us coffee,” said Merlin, giving Arthur another peck before making his way to the kitchen. Arthur went to the living room and threw himself down on one of the couches.

“Peas and ice-cream?” he chuckled, spotting them on the table. “Pregnancy cravings or something?”

“Ha-bloody-ha,” said Merlin, flicking on the kettle and setting two mugs out on the counter. “The peas were for my cheek and the ice-cream was for my soul.”

“And did it work?” he asked, laughing.

“A little,” Merlin replied, throwing a spoon of instant coffee into each of the mugs. It was then that he realised the flaw in his plan. “Shit, love, we don’t have sugar. I’ll have to run to the cornershop quickly.”

“No need,” said Arthur, opening his briefcase and pulling out two sachets of his coconut palm sugar. “I always keep a few in here to use at work.”

“Resourcefulness,” grinned Merlin as he took them from Arthur and threw them into Arthur’s mug “a remarkably sexy trait.”

“Did I ever tell you about how I built my own music empire?” Arthur responded in a sultry voice, pulling what Merlin assumed was supposed to be a sexy face.

“Oh god, please pull that face again sometime I’m not handling hot water,” giggled Merlin as he filled the mugs. “I would very much love a photo.”

“I’ll see if it can be arranged,” said Arthur in the same tone and Merlin had to seriously concentrate not to spill milk on the counter from giggling so much. He went to put the milk back in the fridge and then pulled out his mobile.

“If you could just give those a stir and then pick a film for us,” said Merlin, typing up the delivery number. “I’m going to order dinner so long. Pizza alright?”

“Pizza’s great,” said Arthur. “Nothing with pineapple, anchovies or mushrooms though.”

“Duly noted,” said Merlin just as the pizza place answered the call. “Hi, yeah, I’d like to order one Hot Mess with extra chilli, a Warrior with extra bacon and a garlic bread. Yeah, that's it… cool, I’ll hold.”

Arthur, who had been perusing the DVDs with his cup of coffee came back to the counter and set it down with a grimace. Merlin gave him a questioning look.

“I picked up yours by mistake,” he laughed, retrieving his own and heading back to the DVD rack. Merlin chuckled as the delivery operator picked up the call again.

“Hi, yeah I am still here… Yes, that’s correct,” said Merlin, unable to take his eyes off of Arthur as he stood perusing the titles and sipping his coffee. It was still so strange to him the universe had decided that he and this perfectly imperfect lump of human could finally have each other. Merlin couldn’t remember a time in his life when he’d ever been happier than he was in that moment.

The magic was ruined somewhat when Arthur suddenly gave a loud cough. Merlin wondered if he was coming down with a cold. He hoped not. There had been a lot of spit-swapping between them and Merlin was supposed to be performing on the Graham Norton show next week.

The next cough was more violent and Merlin pulled his mobile away from his ear this time.

“You alright there, love?” he asked, sudden panic rising when Arthur tried to and couldn’t respond. He didn’t seem to be able to breathe.

_FUCK._

Hanging up his call with the pizza place, he immediately dialled 999, willing and praying them to answer as quickly as they could. Just as he got through though, Arthur collapsed heavily, convulsed violently and then was completely unconscious.

Merlin’s world stopped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaah I'm so sorry about the cliffhanger, but I'll have the next chapter up for you really soon! 
> 
> Thanks so much for all the kudos and comments! x♥x


	12. DI Aredian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's so late, lovelies! I try to make up for it in the end notes x

“ARTHUR!” screamed Merlin, dropping to the floor next to him.

“Emergency, which service?” asked a woman’s voice on the other end of the phone.

“Please, my boyfriend’s not breathing and he just collapsed. I think… his coffee... he must have… poison or something I don’t know. Just _please_.”

“Okay sir, give us your address and we’ll send help right away. I’ll do my best to assist you until they get there.”

Merlin choked out his address through his panicked sobs. The world felt like it was spinning out of control. The only thing keeping him grounded was his determination to keep Arthur, the most precious thing he had, alive.

With the operator’s help, Merlin managed to get Arthur breathing again, but it was laboured and shallow and Merlin was terrified of what would happen if the paramedics didn’t arrive in time.

“Please, please stay with me, love,” he murmured into Arthur’s hair as he tried to follow the operator's instructions. “Stay, stay, stay.”

“An air ambulance is on its way to you right now, please ensure that your door is unlocked to allow the paramedics easy access.”

Merlin was reluctant to leave Arthur but the thought of a locked door delaying his help forced him up. It was only a minute or so later that Merlin heard the unmistakeable sound of a helicopter hovering above their building. Moments after that two paramedics burst through the door with a stretcher and immediately began seeing to Arthur. The operator ended the call and Merlin, though no less worried, felt a small sense of relief that Arthur was now getting proper medical attention.

“Sir, we’re about to have him lifted into the chopper,” said one of the paramedics after hooking Arthur up to some sort of breathing apparatus. “Space is unfortunately very limited so we have an emergency car waiting downstairs to take you to the hospital just behind him.”

Merlin, feeling like he’d never be able to speak again, nodded and watched as the paramedics lifted Arthur towards the passageway outside his flat, attached the stretcher to cables from the helicopter and hoisted him over the wall. Arthur was pulled up into the helicopter and the paramedics followed after. Merlin, after barely making sure the flat was locked, raced downstairs to the promised car and was relieved when he saw the blue and red flashing lights..

“Merlin Emrys, boyfriend of the patient,” he explained as a medical officer opened the back door for him. He jumped in and they were off almost immediately, traveling at speeds Merlin had never done on any London road and hoped never to do again.

Within minutes he was rushing through the doors of the A&E, terrified and shaking. After hearing that Arthur had been rushed immediately to theatre and that his next-of-kin (Merlin assumed it was Morgana) had been informed, Merlin collapsed onto the nearest seat and with trembling hands began texting Gauis, Leon (in case he’d been wrong in assuming Morgana was Arthur’s next-of-kin), Gwen, Ellie and the Knights to let them know what had happened. A kind nurse brought him a cup of sweet tea for the shock and he sat back taking tiny sips of it, begging the universe to keep Arthur safe.

Merlin had always understood why people hated hospitals (the unforgiving sterile scent, the harsh fluorescent lighting, the claustrophobic feeling of having so many people in the same building, the trauma and sadness on people’s faces), but he had never experienced it firsthand. To Merlin, whose mum was a nurse, it had always been a place where he felt cared for. A place where, while getting your plaster-cast put on, your mum lovingly told you off for climbing the tallest tree in the village. A place where you were force-fed jelly and custard after having your tonsils out.

Sitting in the waiting room of the trauma department, surrounded by people with various ailments and injuries, knowing that Arthur was in so much trouble he’d jumped ahead of several people whose conditions looked deathly serious, Merlin decided he loathed hospitals.

It wasn’t long before Leon and Morgana showed up. Morgana pulled Merlin into a tight hug and held on for the longest time as she sobbed into his chest while Leon stood behind her, smoothing gentle circles into her back as he placed an encouraging hand on Merlin’s shoulder. He had never been more grateful to not be alone than he did in that moment.

His friends arrived a while after that and Merlin tried to explain what had happened as calmly as he could, feeling his panic flare the longer he spoke. Was it poison like he thought or was it a heart attack or a stroke brought on by stress? He had been really upset when he’d shown up at Merlin’s door earlier. What if he’d worried himself into this state? Fuck, he should have told him about being punched straight away. He should have done more to calm him down.

“Merlin, you do know that this wasn’t your fault, right?” said Gaius, gripping Merlin’s shoulder comfortingly as if he had seen what Merlin was thinking. “We don’t even know what’s caused it. You did absolutely everything right and as a result he’s made it into proper medical care. He could pull through this. Knowing how stubborn he is, he _will_ pull through it.”

Merlin nodded, but didn’t believe it. He felt so detached from everything around him, as if he was watching everything happen from somewhere else in the room.

 _I don’t even know if he’s alive._ He told himself off as soon as he had the thought. Imagining the worst helped no one.

The universe chose that moment to be kind to him when an older lady in a doctor’s uniform walked into the waiting room. Merlin’s heart just about stopped.

“I’m looking for a Morgana Pendragon?” she asked, glancing down at her clipboard for the name.

“That’s me,” said Morgana, getting up from her seat. She turned to Merlin as she did. “Come with me.”

“I’m not family,” said Merlin, not ready to hear any bad news the doctor might have.

“You definitely are,” she said, dragging him out of his seat towards the doctor. She gave them a questioning look and Morgana explained that Merlin was Arthur’s boyfriend and had been with him at the time of the incident. The doctor gave him a sympathetic smile at that, and while it was lovely, it somehow made everything a million times worse.

“I’m Doctor Alice Boyd,” she said before jumping straight into the prognosis. “Mr Pendragon is stable, but he’s in a coma and is very weak.”

“Oh thank god,” said Morgana grabbing Merlin’s hand. “Any idea what might have caused it?”

“We believe he was poisoned with cyanide,” continued Doctor Boyd and Merlin’s stomach plummeted, “but thankfully a low enough dose that we could catch it in time. Now, I'm not saying this is the case, I'm just preparing you – as cyanide affects the body’s supply of oxygen to the brain and I’ve been informed that Mr Pendragon stopped breathing for a moment or two while waiting for the paramedics to arrive, there may be some brain damage, but we’ll only be able to establish if there is any and the extent of it once he’s awake. For now we’ll be monitoring him to make sure that the antidote has taken full effect and to check that his vital signs remain positive.”

“Can we see him?” asked Morgana who seemed to be processing all this information far better than Merlin was. Doctor Boyd nodded and led them through the doors of the waiting room and into the ward.

Merlin’s mind was racing. Cyanide was a really fast-acting poison and the thought that Arthur could have been taken away from him so suddenly knocked the air from Merlin’s lungs. Why had he put off apologising to Arthur for so long when life was so impossibly fickle?

Just before they reached Arthur’s ward, another horrible thought occurred to Merlin. Hadn’t Kara Jones also been poisoned with cyanide?

All thoughts of Kara Jones and poison, however, were pushed from his mind when he saw Arthur lying in his hospital bed, hooked up to what looked like a dozen different machines, more frail and vulnerable than Merlin had ever seen him before.

Arthur, who strode everywhere with a confidence and grace that Merlin both admired and envied, was never meant to look so diminished.

He dropped into a seat next to Arthur’s bed and took his hand gently, mindful of the tube coming from it. An oxygen mask covered much of Arthur’s face and the sound of his echoey breathing filled the small curtained-off area. In happier times, if Arthur woke up (no, _when_ Arthur woke up), Merlin would probably make a joke about how he sounded like Darth Vader. Merlin knew that Star Wars was Arthur’s favourite film even if he wouldn’t admit it. There was very little humour to be found in it now, though. Not while Arthur looked so defeated.

“We’ve been threatened in the past before, my brother and I,” said Morgana, sitting on the opposite side of the bed and holding Arthur’s other hand. “Mainly people wanting to frighten and intimidate our father while we were growing up, but now we get them from people not happy with our business practices, threats from violent misogynists in my case, threats from homophobic dickheads in Arthur’s case… I just never in my wildest dreams thought that I’d ever be facing someone actually following through on it.”

Merlin didn’t know what to say. What if Morgana thought that he was involved? Why had she insisted he come with her if that was the case? What if it was just to get a moment alone with him to ask?

“At least I know it wasn’t you, Merlin,” said Morgana gently, setting Merlin’s racing heart at ease. “You love him too much for this to even have been a thought that crossed your mind. I just wish I knew who _had_ done it so I could return the favour.”

Her eyes glittered with fury and malice that sent a cold shiver down his spine. Merlin was infinitely grateful that it wasn't aimed at him.

“I, er… I might have an idea,” said Merlin leaning across the bed as he dropped his voice. The theory had suddenly popped into his head but the more that he ran through it the more sense it made. “I don’t know if Arthur told you but he hired a forensic accountant.”

“Thank fuck,” said Morgana. “I’ve only been telling him to for the past two years. Wait, do you think the poisoning is linked to that?”

“That’s exactly what I think,” said Merlin, and the pieces slotted neatly into place in his mind as he did. “What’s more, about five minutes before he drank the poison he told me that they found out that Agravaine has been the one embezzling from Excalibur. Agravaine, who was also questioned last week in connection with the Kara Jones suicide. Apparently it was just because they made a few business calls the day it happened, but they say her death was also –”

“Cyanide poisoning,” said Morgana, her eyes as wide as saucers. “Shit, Merlin, what do we do?”

“I don’t know,” he replied. “I’m his boyfriend and I was with him at the time, so I’ll probably be the prime suspect. I guess we just tell the police what we know when they question us.”

“And hope that they find substantial enough evidence to make the connections,” she said. With her free hand she reached across Arthur to place a gentle hand on Merlin’s arm. “I’m with you no matter what, okay? I don’t care what they tell me. I know that you would never do this.”

“Thanks, Morgana,” said Merlin, grateful that there was at least one person with a level head in this situation.

Morgana left soon after that to allow the others a chance to see Arthur while Merlin stayed at Arthur’s side, afraid that if he let go of his hand something would suddenly go wrong. With the exception of Gwen and Lancelot, who stayed a while to make sure that Merlin was doing alright, most of the others were in and out within two or three minutes. Merlin understood it as discomfort at seeing Arthur this way. He didn’t blame them. Merlin was sure he’d be exactly the same if he wasn’t so hopelessly in love with him.

Gaius was the last to visit and as soon as he walked through the door, Merlin gestured to the seat next to him. As Gaius listened intently, Merlin quietly relayed all that Doctor Boyd had told them as well as his suspicions about Agravaine.

“And god, Gaius, you told me to keep an eye on him. Now look at us,” said Merlin, unable to stop the stinging tears that were threatening to fall from his eyes again.

“No, none of that,” said Gaius, throwing an arm around Merlin. “There was no way you could have known this was going to happen, my boy. Your home should have been the safest place on Earth. This was completely out of your control.”

Merlin didn’t respond. Logically he knew that there was no way he could have known; it still didn’t help the sweeping feeling of guilt that flooded his body every time he glanced at Arthur’s face.

 _If only you’d properly mixed the coffees up and taken a sip of his first,_ thought Merlin, bitterly. _None of this would have happened to Arthur. It would be you in the bed. Arthur would be fine._

“I’m sorry gentlemen, but I’m going to have to ask you to say goodbye for now,” said Doctor Boyd, poking her head through the curtain divider. “Space in here is limited and we need to run a few routine checks before we change shift.”

Gaius and Merlin reluctantly got up. The last place Merlin wanted to be was anywhere apart from Arthur, but he also didn’t want to get in the way of anything that might help him. So, after pressing a soft kiss to Arthur’s forehead and promising he’d be back soon, Merlin followed Gaius out to the waiting room where Morgana and Leon were still sitting.

“They just need to perform some routine checks,” explained Gaius. “You should probably all think about going home and getting some rest.”

“I’m staying,” said Merlin.

“Me too,” said Morgana.

“Babe, if Merlin’s staying with you then I’ll probably head home and freshen up and bit before I come back,” said Leon. “I’ll return with two enormous Mogue coffees though.”

“I’m going to marry the fuck out of you one of these days,” said Morgana, standing on her toes to kiss Leon. Merlin turned to Gaius.

“Thanks for being here,” he said. “And for everything over the past few months. I just… I really appreciate it.”

“I was never fortunate enough to have children,” said Gaius, pulling Merlin into a hug. “But you should know by now that I love all of you at Excalibur as sons and daughters. If there’s ever anything you need, you just have to say.”

“Thanks, Gaius,” said Merlin, giving the old man one last squeeze before letting him say goodbye to Morgana.

Once Leon and Gaius had left, a nurse named Owain ushered them into a smaller waiting room inside the ward.

“I just thought you both might like to wait somewhere a bit more private,” he explained. “I’m sure you don’t want people gawking at you at this difficult time.”

“That’s really kind of you,” said Morgana. “Thanks, Owain.”

“It’s no problem,” he replied. “Please let me know if there’s anything I can get you.”

As he left, Merlin collapsed onto a couch and Morgana sat down next to him, resting her head on his shoulder.

“And now we wait,” she said.

"Yeah," Merlin replied.

They were asleep within minutes.

* * *

Merlin and Morgana were shaken awake not long after by an apologetic Owain.

“Sorry, Miss Pendragon, Mr Emrys, but DI Aredian from the Met would like to speak with you.”

Merlin sat bolt upright. He hadn’t been expecting to be questioned so soon, though he supposed he should be thankful that Arthur’s case had been picked up so quickly. Hopefully that meant that they would catch whoever had done this to Arthur sooner rather than later.

DI Aredian was a formidable-looking man. He was tall and almost regal with an icy gaze that made Merlin’s blood freeze in his veins. While he wanted to believe that Arthur’s case was going to be handled as fairly as possible, Aredian struck Merlin was the type of person who would make up his mind about something and twist the evidence to support it instead of modifying his opinion to fit the evidence.

Merlin had a feeling that he was in trouble.

Of course, it was possible that the reason he felt that way was because of the guilt that was still bubbling inside of him.

“Good evening, Miss Pendragon. Mr Emrys,” said the officer, shaking their hands in turn. “As Mr Llewellyn has informed you I’m DI Stephen Aredian and I’ll be investigating Mr Pendragon’s case. Now, I’d like to speak to the next-of-kin first. I’m assuming that would be the victim’s sister?”

“Yes,” said Morgana who, to Merlin’s surprise, didn’t look at all intimidated by the man towering over them. Merlin wondered if she wasn’t secretly nervous and just had an amazing poker face or if she really didn’t feel the need to be anxious about this interview. She didn't have anything to be particularly worried about. She hadn’t been with Arthur when it had happened.

Merlin, on the other hand, was shitting himself.

“Delightful,” said Aredian, a mirthless smile spreading across his face. “Mr Emrys, could I ask that you make your way to the other waiting room so that I can question Miss Pendragon in private? I’ll send for you when it’s your turn.”

“S-sure,” said Merlin, voice cracking as he did. Not sure what else to add, he flashed Morgana what he hoped looked like an encouraging smile before making his way to the waiting room.

 _They can’t pin this on you,_ thought Merlin to himself as he sat down and flipped distractedly through a pet care magazine from a nearby table. _Even if you’re a suspect, they’ll soon find enough evidence to prove you’re not the one who did it. Just be honest and helpful and everything will be fine._

Merlin wished he believed it.

Thankfully it wasn’t long after that that Leon showed up with the promised towering cup of Mogue coffee.

“Where’s Morgana?” he asked settling in the seat next to Merlin and carefully setting Morgana’s coffee down on the floor next to him.

“Being questioned by DI Aredian,” said Merlin, taking a sip of his coffee. “They’ve only been busy for a few minutes and I’m not sure how much longer they’ll be. I’m up next.”

“How are you feeling about it?” asked Leon, concern etched onto his face.

“Er, not great,” said Merlin honestly. “He didn’t look like the most understanding of officers. I’m just… hopefully he listens to all the facts.”

“I’m sure he will,” said Leon, placing an encouraging hand on Merlin’s shoulder. “I’ve never really been questioned though, so I don’t really know. In any case, it doesn’t help to go in feeling nervous.”

“I suppose you’re right,” said Merlin, taking another swig of coffee. It was a lifeline at this point.

It wasn’t long after that that Morgana came back to let him know that it was his turn with Aredian.

“He just asked me a few questions about who I am and what my relationship with my brother is like,” said Morgana, pulling him into a quick hug. “He also asked a little bit about you and Arthur, but it wasn’t anything too invasive. Just be confident, answer honestly and I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

“Thanks Morgana,” said Merlin, handing her his coffee as she settled down next to Leon.

Every step closer to the waiting room filled Merlin with more dread and by the time he was standing outside the door, he had to take a deep breath just to summon up the courage to open it. However, once he was inside with Aredian’s steely eyes following his progress from the doorway to the sofa, a surge of Adrenaline kicked in and though he was still nervous, he knew he could do this.

“Your name is Merlin Telor Emrys, correct?” asked Aredian.

“Yes,” Merlin replied, annoyed at the fact that while he hadn’t yet said anything, the detective was already furiously scribbling notes on the lined pad in front of him.

“And what is your relationship to Arthur Hadwin Nicholas Pendragon?” continued Aredian.

“I’m his boyfriend.” Merlin had never heard Arthur’s full name before and he wondered with secret amusement if Arthur would have preferred it to stay that way.

“And if the victim wakes up, would he confirm that?”

“ _When_ Arthur wakes up, he’ll tell you that he’s my boyfriend, yeah.”

“Good,” Aredian replied, making another series of notes, and unpleasant smirk in place. “I only ask because I’ve heard rumours that your highly publicised relationship a few months ago was little more than a creative publicity stunt. Do you deny these rumours?”

“No,” said Merlin, panic starting to build. Who had told him about the relationship being fake? Had it just been a hunch? Had Morgana told him? Agravaine? As much as he didn’t want the press to find out about it, Merlin wasn’t going to hide it if it meant that he’d look suspicious to the police. “Ellie, you know, Ellie Godwyn? Well she was being hounded by the press after her breakup with Valiant Wright so Arthur and I started pretend-dating to take some of the heat off of her. It worked, mostly. Once things died down enough, Arthur and I didn’t see the sense in dragging out a fake relationship so we ended it.”

“But you say that you’re really in a relationship now? How did that happen?”

“We got together properly last week,” said Merlin, hating the fact that he was having to talk about his personal life to a complete stranger, and one that creeped him out at that. “I was staying with my parents in Wales and he drove up to surprise me. We’d admitted to each other about a month ago now that we had feelings for each other, but it was in the middle of a fight so we didn’t act on it then.”

“I see,” said Aredian, scribbling down even more notes. “And what was this fight about?”

“I, er, Mordred Jones I think,” said Merlin.

“You think?” Aredian scribbled his next few notes with extra enthusiasm.

“I’d spent a bit of time with Mordred at a movie premiere the night before,” said Merlin. “One that Arthur and I were supposed to go to together before we ended the fake relationship. I’d had a few drinks too many and Mordred and I had spent most of the night swapping flirtatious banter. I think Arthur was jealous so he confronted me about it the next day.”

“And the bruise on your face?” Aredian asked with dangerously raised eyebrows.

“I got into an argument with Arthur’s uncle, Agravaine de Bois, earlier. He punched me.”

“And did you retaliate?”

“I tried, but my friends held me back,” said Merlin, cringing as he said it. If there was anything that was unlikely to help him be cleared as a murder suspect, it was admitting that he’d wanted to hit someone.

“Alright,” said Aredian, drawing a dark line under whatever he’d just written down. Why don’t you tell me what happened to Mr Pendragon earlier this evening and all the events that led up to it?”

Merlin tried as best he could to give Aredian a breakdown of everything that had happened that day, both at Excalibur and at his flat, only pausing when Aredian asked him to clarify times or where they had been standing. Merlin found he was far more comfortable with with this part of the interview. There were no awkward personal questions, no disarming statements. All he had to do was tell Aredian the facts as they had happened.

“One last question: where were you on Tuesday, October eleven between eleven pm and twelve pm?”

“Uh, at home sleeping, I think,” said Merlin, trying to remember.

“You think or you know?” asked Aredian.

“I was definitely at home but I’m not sure if I was asleep yet or not,” said Merlin.

“And is there anyone who could corroborate that story for you? Anyone who was home with you at the time who could confirm your alibi?”

“My roommates were both staying over with their partners that night,” said Merlin, stomach sinking the more he spoke. “But you could maybe ask the neighbours? I got home at around seven and I didn’t leave the house again until noon the next day.”

“Excellent,” he said with an almost gleeful smirk and Merlin felt dread building inside of him. Thankfully the detective seemed satisfied with the information he had gleaned from Merlin and he closed the folder containing his scrawled notes.

“Just one more thing, Mr Emrys,” said Aredian as Merlin stood up to leave. “I take it that this is what you were wearing when the incident occurred?”

“Yeah,” said Merlin.

“In that case, we’ll have to take your clothes to test them for potential evidence. I will have a nurse bring you a hospital gown until you can arrange for more of your own clothes.”

It was worse than humiliating. Not long after Aredian called the ward reception, a nurse arrived with a hospital gown for Merlin and he he had to strip nude, put on the gown and deposit his clothes into a clear plastic bag. The detective left after that and Morgana and Leon came back into the room.

“Aredian took my clothes as evidence,” he said by way of explanation at their puzzled looks.

“You poor thing,” said Morgana sympathetically as she handed back Merlin his (now cold) coffee. “This day really has gone from shit to shittier for you.”

“If you’d like, mate, I could go past your flat and pick up some proper clothes for you?” said Leon.

“You’d be my hero,” said Merlin, who felt horribly exposed in the loose-fitting hospital garb.

“I’ll come with you,” said Morgana to Leon. “I wanted to pack Arthur a hospital bag anyway.”

“Will you be alright here on your own though?” asked Leon.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” said Merlin, not really throwing much confidence into the words as he said them. “Is there any chance you could bring my mobile charger too? It’s plugged in next to my bed.”

“Of course,” said Morgana, kissing Merlin on his cheek. “Ring us if you need anything, alright?”

“I will,” said Merlin. As they left, Merlin settled down on the sofa to catch some sleep until they came back or there was new news about Arthur. He was just about to nod off when Owain shook him awake again.

“Sorry to wake you again, Mr Emrys,” he said apologetically.

“Please, Owain, call me Merlin,” he replied groggily.

“Right, er, Merlin, I thought I should just let you know that they’ve moved Arthur to his own private room if you’d prefer to wait there.”

“Definitely,” said Merlin, immediately springing up and following the nurse. “If they’ve moved him to his own room... that’s a good sign, right?”

“It’s a great sign,” Owain beamed. “It looks like since he only had a very small amount of the poison and since we caught it so quickly, he’s likely to have no lasting effects from this. Other than the coma, which we’re hoping he’ll wake from soon, all his vitals are looking good.”

“Thank god,” breathed Merlin, feeling a world of weight lift from his shoulders.

“You really love him don’t you?” asked Owain, his smile softening into something more gentle.

“More than anything,” said Merlin.

“I’m glad,” said Owain. “I didn’t know you were back together, but I was really hoping that the two of you would work things out.”

Ah. Merlin had briefly forgotten that a good number of people in the building knew who they both were and about their relationship history.

“Thanks,” Merlin replied with a small smile of his own. “I was too.”

“This is his room. Please let us know if there’s anything you need.”

“I will,” said Merlin. “Thank you, Owain.”

“Pleasure, Merlin.”

As Owain made his way up the quiet corridor, Merlin squirted himself some of the hand sanitizer from the dispenser next to the door and made his way inside.

Arthur still looked as small and weak as he had looked in the ICU, but he was hooked up to far fewer machines and Merlin took that as a victory. Even his oxygen mask from earlier had been replaced by a clear tube instead.

After pushing back the hair from his forehead and kissing it softly, Merlin sat in a comfortable-looking armchair next to his bed and began texting everyone the news.

He was midway through a text to his mum catching her up on the night’s events when he heard Arthur stir in the bed in front of him. He immediately dropped his phone and gently took hold of Arthur’s hand.

“Merlin…” he said groggily, wearing a dopey smile when his eyes eventually opened and met Merlin’s. Merlin beamed back, only vaguely aware that there were tears rolling down his cheeks. Arthur’s smile dropped into a confused frown. “Merlin, what’s going on? Where am I? Did something happen? Why’re you crying? What happened to your face?”

“Oh god it’s just so good to hear your voice,” laughed Merlin wetly, leaning forward to press a quick kiss to Arthur’s lips. Arthur looked, if possible, even more confused after that. “I’m just going to push this button to call the nurse and then I’ll explain everything.”

“‘Kay,” said Arthur as Merlin pressed the assistance button on the keypad. “You called her, now tell me.”

“You were poisoned,” said Merlin. “I don’t know how and I don’t know why but the doctor who helped you when you got here says it was cyanide.”

“Oh well at least it was one of the cool ones,” said Arthur with a weak grin which, at Merlin’s unamused frown, faltered. “God, sorry, that was a really dickish thing to say. You must have been so worried.”

“It’s alright, you’re awake now,” said Merlin, squeezing his hand lightly. “You thankfully didn’t get dosed with much and they caught it pretty quickly so the nurse says there shouldn’t be any lasting damage. Oh speaking of, here he is.”

Owain had just walked into the room and was beaming at the two of them.

“Glad to see you awake, Mr Pendragon,” he said, grabbing the clipboard and immediately taking notes of the machine readings.

“You can call him Arthur, Owain,” said Merlin.

“Right,” said Owain, setting down his clipboard to pick up a blood pressure monitor. “Arthur, I’m just going to strap this onto you so I can take your blood pressure. It’s going to squeeze your arm a bit and might be slightly uncomfortable, but it’ll be really quick.”

“I, er, okay,” said Arthur bemusedly as Owain busied himself with the straps. Turning to Merlin, he frowned again. “You still haven’t told me what’s wrong with your face.”

“That’s not very nice. You used to tell me I was good-looking,” joked Merlin to cover the fact that he was genuinely worried the lack of oxygen might have been affecting Arthur’s memory. Arthur rolled his eyes, and Merlin relented. “Agravaine punched me, remember? We got into an argument at Excalibur and he punched me. You told me off for not telling you straight away.”

“Oh yeah, I remember,” said Arthur and Merlin felt his heart rate return to normal. “Fuck, you don’t think it was him, do you? But _how_?”

“I don’t know one way or another yet,” said Merlin. “It’s only been a few hours since it happened, but Morgana and I have both been questioned so they’re probably looking into it. We’ll likely know in the next few days.”

“Gentlemen, as important as all of this seems to be,” said Owain, writing down Arthur’s blood pressure and hanging up the clipboard behind Arthur’s bed again, “I’m going to have to ask you to stick to far less exciting topics of discussion. Arthur is still in recovery and needs rest. I’m going to go fetch you a sleeping pill so that you get a good eight hours and you can discuss this all again when he’s awake.”

Owain left and Merlin couldn’t help but smile fondly at the childish pout on Arthur’s face. He was reminded sharply of how a very drunk Arthur had pulled the exact same face at Gwaine’s party all of those months ago.

“It’s okay, pretty pouter,” said Merlin, playing soothingly with Arthur’s hair. “I’ll still be here in the morning.”

“You’d better be,” smiled Arthur. “Anyway, before Owain comes back, I meant to ask: what the fuck are you wearing?”

“Same thing you are,” said Merlin. “A hospital gown. DI Aredian took my clothes as evidence since it’s what I was wearing at the time you were poisoned. Don’t worry though. Leon and Morgana are off getting you and me fresh clothes.”

“Were they here?”

“Yeah, they left not too long ago,” explained Merlin. “Gwen and Ellie, the Knights and Gaius were here for a bit too.”

“That’s… that was nice of them,” said Arthur fiddling awkwardly with his sheets. “I mean they didn’t have to.”

“They’re your friends,” said Merlin, stroking Arthur’s hand with his thumb. “Of course they had to.”

Arthur tried to turn away from Merlin at this and Merlin could tell that it was because he was trying to blink away tears without Merlin noticing, touched at the knowledge that he had friends that cared that much about him. Merlin felt such a surge of affection for the prat at that moment that the rest of the world disappeared for a second or two.

“What?” Arthur asked when he eventually turned back to Merlin and saw him wearing what he supposed must be a silly smile of some variety.

“I just love you so much,” he said and stood up to kiss Arthur again. It was gentle at first because Merlin was still very aware that Arthur had just come out of a coma, but then Arthur (imp that he was) parted his lips to scrape Merlin’s bottom lip with his teeth and Merlin moaned loudly at that, temporarily forgetting where he was.

A polite cough from the door reminded him.

“Here’s your pill, Arthur,” said Owain and Merlin snapped back into his seat as if he’d been caught in the middle of something far worse than just an innocent kiss. The nurse chuckled as he handed Arthur a little plastic cap and a glass of water.

“Cheers,” he said, tipping the glass Owain’s way and easily swallowing the small capsule. “How long till it kicks in?”

“A few minutes,” said Owain.

“Alright,” said Arthur. “And will Merlin be allowed to stay with me while I sleep?”

“I’ll make sure of it,” Owain assured them. “Sleep tight, you two.”

“Thanks,” said Merlin, shuffling his chair closer to the bed.

“Merlin,” said Arthur. “Er, thanks for being here. I know it’s not easy when it’s an emergency. I mean with my dad I… I…”

“You’re welcome, love,” said Merlin, sparing him the trouble of bringing up memories of his father. “In case you didn’t know, I’d go through far worse for you.”

“Hope you never have to,” said Arthur, whose eyes were starting to get heavier. “Sing me a song? I don’t know if anyone’s ever told you, but your voice is magic. You should go professional.”

Merlin chuckled and began singing an old Welsh lullaby his mother used to sing to him whenever he was ill as a child. Arthur settled back down onto his pillow as he listened, looking completely happy and contented. He was asleep before Merlin finished the song.

Merlin watched Arthur for a while as he slept, thanking the universe and everything in it for the fact that he could hear his heartbeat beeping softly through the otherwise silent room, before folding his arms onto the bed in front of him and falling asleep to the comforting sound of Arthur’s deep breathing.

* * *

It took Merlin a moment or two to work out where he was the next morning, but with the faint beeping of machines and hushed conversation from the corridor outside, it all came rushing back to him.

He sat up gingerly because of the agony his shoulders and neck were in after sleeping in a weird position all night and glanced around the room as he stretched. The chair on the opposite side of Arthur’s bed had been empty when he’d gone to sleep and Merlin smiled at how it was now filled with Morgana curled up and sleeping peacefully in Leon’s lap. He knew that as the two people who had known Arthur the longest this situation had to be so difficult for them and he was glad that they had each other to help each other through it.

Merlin gently lifted Arthur’s hand and kissed it softly, smiling as Arthur stirred at the touch.

“Shh, love, it’s not time to wake up yet. Sleep a bit more,” he said, smoothing his hair down, and, after placing another soft kiss on his forehead, got up to find the bathroom. On his way, he spotted a neatly folded pile of clothes with a note attached to them. It was addressed to him.

 

_Merlin_

_Unfortunately your flat is a crime scene at the moment and since the investigation is ongoing, we couldn’t get in to get your clothes. We did, however, bring you some of Arthur’s. It’s some of his old workout clothes (they’re the only things he has that look small enough to fit you), so they probably won’t be super stylish, but it should be a lot more comfortable than that hospital gown._

_Thanks again for everything you’re doing for my idiot brother. He has no idea how lucky he is to have you. Don’t worry, though. As soon as he wakes up tomorrow morning I’ll be sure to remind him._

_Morgana xx_

 

Merlin smiled at the note and picked up the pile of clothes. They were soft and smelled a little like Arthur and though he probably wouldn’t make a habit of wearing them in public, at this point anything was better than what he had on now.

Once he was dressed and feeling somewhat human again, he decided to risk a cup of coffee from the machine in the cafeteria, figuring that even a disastrous cup of coffee was better than walking around like a zombie all day. Surprisingly enough, the coffee turned out to not be that terrible and, feeling a lot more positive about the day ahead, Merlin decided to go for a quick stroll outside to get some fresh air into his lungs.

It was a testament to what a strange few hours it had been that he barely batted an eyelid when he walked headlong into Mordred just as he walked out of the building.

“Mordred?” Merlin asked, shaking spilled coffee off his hand. “What are you doing here?”

“Looking for you,” he said. “I don’t have much time to explain, but it’s to do with Arthur’s poisoning. You need to come with me.”

Mordred grabbed Merlin’s arm and began tugging him towards a waiting cab. Merlin was filled with sudden panic. Something wasn’t right. Mordred looked pale and drawn. He had dark rings around his eyes and his hair was disheveled and dirty. Wrenching himself from Mordred’s grasp, Merlin took a step back and resisted the urge to run.

“What do you want?” he asked loudly so that people would be watching if something went wrong.

“Please, Merlin, we’re making a scene,” said Mordred, glancing nervously around them. “I’ll explain everything to you in a short while. I know you have no reason to trust me but just please come with me. We don’t want people overhearing and I really need your help with this.”

“How do I know I can trust you?” asked Merlin. “I mean shit, you dumped me with hardly any explanation and then two weeks later, Arthur is almost murdered in my flat. How do I know you’re not involved in all this? Fuck, as far as I know _anyone_ could be involved in all this.”

“I…” Mordred started and his voice faltered. “Look, you’re trying to find out what happened to Arthur, right? Well, I want to know what happened to Kara.”

The name was spoken with so much grief and affection that it took Merlin a moment or two to figure out how to phrase his next question tactfully.

“Mordred, were you and Kara… I mean, did you know her?”

Mordred’s face crumpled, heartbroken, and though Merlin still had his reservations about the situation, he moved closer to pull him into a comforting embrace. As Mordred sobbed quietly into Merlin’s shoulder, his next whispered words answered a host of questions Merlin had been asking over the past few months, while also seeming to pull every scrap of oxygen from the atmosphere in an instant.

“I didn’t just know her, Merlin; I _loved_ her. She was my wife.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooooo this was really late (and a lot shorter than usual - that was the story's fault though :P ), BUT as an apology/thank-you-for-being-so-patient gift, I've made [all the songs from the story downloadable on SoundCloud](https://soundcloud.com/aislynnprice/sets/in-my-cardboard-walls-songs) so you don't have to be online to listen to them. :)
> 
> As always, thank you so much for your kind comments and kudos! I can't believe we're on the last two chapters now O_O - Ash x
> 
>  **02/02/2017 –** AAAAAAGH everyone, I'm so sorry the next update is taking so long. A LOT of shit is happening at the moment. I got officially diagnosed with ADHD last month and started taking meds for that, I'm in the process of looking for a new job to be able to afford said meds, the company I currently work for is merging with another company so work is chaos and I'm maid of honour for my best friend's wedding in May so there's all of that too. This, and of course the large spans of time that I spend screaming after reading about current events, means that writing has taken a back seat the last while. I AM WRITING THOUGH, whenever I get the time and energy to. I really really appreciate your patience and excitement for this story. I'm going to post the next two chapters together, so please bear with me. 
> 
> For those of you screaming about the news with me – stay strong and take care of yourself ♥♥♥


	13. My Deal With The Devil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sooooo sorry that it's taken me almost an entire year to update. I swear I never meant to leave this hanging for so long, but life, you know?
> 
> Anyway, I really hope you enjoy this – I'm aiming to have the next and final chapter up by the end of the weekend.
> 
> Thank you once again for your patience and for sticking with this story for so long. Your kind comments mean the world to me. ♥
> 
>  **WARNING:** This chapter contains mentions of minor character death, suicide and murder.

It was extremely difficult for Merlin to decide what he was meant to be feeling in that moment.

He supposed that part of him had always suspected that something was off with Mordred, but it had been pleasantly suppressed by mild hero-worship and even stronger attraction. Now every uneasy laugh, perplexing remark and sideways glance was thrown into sharp relief. Kara and Mordred. Kara and Mordred _Jones_. God, they had the same surname – how could it be possible that no one had drawn the connection before?

He disentangled himself from Mordred and took a step back.

“How is that even possible?”

“We were childhood sweethearts,” Mordred replied, raking an unsteady hand through his unwashed curls. “Please, Merlin, I’ll explain everything to you as soon as we get out of here.”

“Not a fuck, Mordred.” He let out a huff of humourless laughter. “I have the utmost sympathy for you. Believe me, I do. But you’ll have to forgive me if I’m not thrilled at the idea of going off somewhere with someone who has just admitted to living a lie for the past however many years.”

 _“Merlin…”_ Mordred frustratedly pleaded. When Merlin refused to budge, Mordred sighed. “Fine, come here.”

He grabbed Merlin’s elbow and directed him around the corner, where there were fewer people.

“Okay, if telling you the whole sordid story means that you’ll actually agree to come with me, here it goes. Kara and I got married in our last year of secondary. She’d found out that she was pregnant and her parents, who are the worst kind of religious nutters, insisted we get married to preserve her virtue or whatever. We were young. Really young. Too young. God, sixteen isn’t the age to be making any lasting life decisions, but we were in love and excited and stupid. It all felt like some brilliant adventure at the time. Then Kara lost the baby and her parents wanted us to get a divorce even though we’d never needed each other more. So we ran away to London, changed our surname from Owen to Jones and started a new life.”

Merlin’s heart constricted painfully. As the words kept tumbling out of Mordred’s mouth, Merlin wondered when he had last had someone to talk to about this.

“Kara had wanted to be a journalist for as long as I’d known her, so we both worked our arses off to put her through college, while at the same time trying to save enough so that she could go to uni. Kara always insisted that I use my free nights to find places to play my music and that’s how Agravaine found me. I was playing at this seedy little pub one night and he came up to me afterwards and asked me how much I was being paid for the gig. It wasn’t much. I mean, I was completely unknown at the time and – you’ll know – anything you get paid for your music when you’re first starting out seems too good to be true. Anyway, I told Agravaine and he immediately went to the pub owner and demanded he pay me more. The bloke was reluctant at first but Agravaine was relentless and I eventually got paid triple what we’d first agreed on. It was the most money I had seen in a long time and I was convinced then that Agravaine was some kind of godsend, so when he left his card and asked me to call him when I was ready to make a real career out of music, I immediately went home to discuss it with Kara.”

“And then you signed up with Agravaine?” asked Merlin with a grimace. Everything was beginning to make a twisted amount of sense.

“Not initially,” Mordred replied. “Kara and I had a meeting with him and told him that we couldn’t afford to risk everything when we were so close to finally having enough for Kara to study. Agravaine, slimy git that he is, told us not worry about all that and immediately began making arrangements. It was barely ten minutes later when he announced that Kara had a place at a really good school for the next academic year, all paid for, provided that we both sign contracts with him.

“And we signed them. Of _course_ we signed them. We had spent our late teens as poor as church mice, trying to scrape together enough for some kind of future. This seemed like chance of a lifetime. We didn’t realise at the time that we’d effectively sold our souls. It didn’t matter as much then that part of my contract was that I couldn’t be seen in a relationship so that I was more marketable, because I was so thrilled to be making a real living from my music. And the knowledge that part of Kara’s contract was that Agravaine would have a say in whatever she published seemed completely harmless while she was studying and there were no major stakes. As long as we were discrete and careful about what we did, we had a new peace and freedom that felt exciting and foreign. It was like suddenly remembering that we weren’t old. We still had so much life left.

“It was only when all the shit with Arthur happened that I realised something was off.”

Merlin didn’t respond to this. He waited with bated breath to hear Mordred’s side of the story that swam to the surface of Merlin's mind in moments of insecurity.

“We don’t have to talk about the Arthur stuff if you’d rather not,” said Mordred glancing over at Merlin. “I know things are probably still really raw for you.”

“Like they aren’t for you?” said Merlin. “Honestly, just tell me what happened, Mordred.”

“Well, there’s not actually that much to it, other than the fact that I think Agravaine was hoping to use me to publicly out him. I had stupidly mentioned at some point that I was bi and Agravaine latched on to the idea with a scary amount of enthusiasm. He initially encouraged and later demanded that I get close to Arthur – that I flirt with Arthur. I refused at first because the idea of cheating on Kara made me sick to my stomach, but he quickly threatened to tank her career just as it was finally starting to take off. So I did it. I flirted my arse off and Arthur was so desperately lonely and repressed that it didn’t take long for it to look like Agravaine was going to get what he wanted. We kissed a few times and went on one or two dates that might as well have been two blokes just hanging out for how careful Arthur was about them. I felt cheaper at that time than I ever had when Kara and I were earning barely enough to scrape by.

“It was just as I was working out that it was starting to become more than just messing around for Arthur – that he was starting to develop real feelings for me – that Agravaine pulled me from Excalibur and forced me to sign with Mercia. I realised then that I was just a puppet to be used for whatever shitty thing he needed me to do. From that point on, if he needed dirt on an artist or celebrity, he’d send me in and… well let’s just say Kara and I had an arrangement when it came to Agravaine ‘jobs’. They didn’t count, but they still hurt. In our sickening new routine, I’d flirt, kiss and sleep with whoever Agravaine’s victim was and pass Kara the information to publish in whatever celebrity rag offered the most for it.”

“Like with the car park incident with Valiant and Cenred? Was that Agravaine using you?”

“No,” said Mordred, scrubbing a hand down his pale and exhausted face. “Val and Ced work for Agravaine too, so I wasn’t needed there. But, for instance, with you…”

 _“Ah,”_ said Merlin, another few puzzle pieces slotting into place. “I was an Agravaine assignment.”

“Yeah,” said Mordred, his hand balling into a white-knuckled fist at his side. “When you and Arthur were still… well, Agravaine suspected that the relationship was bullshit so he initially wanted me to get you to ditch Arthur for me to confirm his suspicions. Once Arthur told him everything, it wasn’t necessary anymore. But then you guys had the breakup and Agravaine wanted to discredit your relationship with Arthur without outright saying that it was fake, so he got me a last minute ticket to the Mortal Labyrinth premiere with the mission to make sure we connected.”

“It worked,” said Merlin, resolving never to doubt Gwen ever again. That girl knew what was up.

“It did,” said Mordred, “And fuck, Merlin, I’m so sorry. I don’t know how involved you got with feelings but I promise you that I really didn’t want to hurt you. It’s what happens when you give any part of your life to Agravaine – he uses it to mercilessly control you. It was only after Ellie said that thing about risk being worth it if you love someone that I actually summoned the courage to find a plan for Kara and I to escape Agravaine. But Agravaine… he’s even more ruthless and powerful than we thought and now Kara…”

Mordred closed his eyes as if just the thought was causing him physical pain. He breathed deeply for a moment or two before opening his eyes to look at Merlin again. At any other time Merlin would have felt uncomfortable at this much eye-contact with another person, but Mordred’s eyes were hollow and hungry, as if desperately trying to grasp at whatever warmth and hope they could get and Merlin found that he couldn’t look away.

Eventually though, Mordred glanced down at his pocket to pull out his mobile.

“She tried to warn me,” he said, tapping open his photo album. His brow was deeply furrowed as he swiped to find the image he was looking for. Once it appeared that he had found it, he thrust the phone into Merlin’s hand. “That was her suicide note. I took a photo because they wouldn’t let me keep it. She left me a message, Merlin. She had a gun or god knows what pointed at her and she somehow still had the presence of mind to send me a message.”

Though slightly perturbed at the idea of being let in on the personal last words of a woman he had actively disliked (as much as he tried to reason that this was actually Agravaine’s fault), Merlin read the note.

 

_my songbird_

_i hate to do this but it can’t go on anymore. there’s so much to say, but not enough time to say it. i’m so Very sorry for putting you through All of this. i only wish that i had more time now to assure you of how much i Love you And the immeasurable worth of what you have been for me through the cruelly Numbered years. oh how i wish i could steal a few more days, hours, moments to repay you, but something Dark and evil is pushing me towards the edge And i’ve run out of time to give._

_always know, love, that i never wanted to leave you. i tried to stay as long as i could, but i have to Go. there’s no other way out._

_also know, love, that i never Regretted Any of the Very short days i spent with you. even in the hard times when it All seemed impossible, you were what I woke up for each morning – all i ever Needed. my Everything._

_oh my love, i need you To promise now to hold Onto the sweet, Kind, gentle heart of the man I fell in Love with. don’t Let this make you bitter and cold and don’t ever think that this is because you didn’t love me enough._

_YOU were perfect, this world was not._

_all my love until i see you again_

_kara_

_p.s. we’ll always have paris \- x –_

 

Merlin’s initial thought upon seeing the unusual punctuation was that the stress of her situation had screwed up her command of the English language, until he noticed that underneath the photocopy of her note, scrawled in hasty blue pen, was another note.

 

_VAL AND AGRAVAINE TO KILL YOU_

 

Merlin scanned through Kara’s words again, his eyes darting to each strangely capitalised word, and he was blown away at what she had somehow managed to do despite being faced with the imminent end of her life.

“She was a genius,” said Mordred softly, probably noticing the mixture of surprise and horror Merlin felt as it crept across his face. “A stupid, selfless genius who used her last moments to warn me instead of naming her killer.”

“Holy shit, Mordred,” said Merlin. “What now?”

“I’ve been working with Chief Inspector Katherine Annis. She’s on my side a hundred percent, but says she has to leave the case alone for now because she’s using it to sniff out officers who she believes are being paid to deliberately change the outcome of cases like this. That’s where I was hoping to take you now. She thinks that Aridean is going to try to pin Kara and Arthur on us, painting it like we worked together to… she just wants to make sure that you know what might happen.”

“When is she expecting us?”

“In the next fifteen minutes or so. If we leave now, we should make it on time.”

“Okay, I’m going to go with you,” said Merlin, “but first let me run in to let Arthur know. With all the shit going on, I don’t want to disappear and have him worry about me.” Mordred nodded and Merlin immediately began sprinting back towards the entrance of the hospital.

He almost tripped over his feet when, to his surprise, he saw Arthur striding gingerly towards him. His face was deeply etched with concern that eased slightly when he noticed Merlin. In his attempts to reach him, Arthur stumbled clumsily and almost fell over. Merlin immediately rushed to him and reached out a hand to help stabilise him. It wasn’t a moment later that he heard the first siren and, instinctively, Merlin knew that it was for him.

“Love, they’re about to take me away,” said Merlin, taking a step closer to Arthur. “I know you’re not altogether here right now, but please try to understand and remember as much of this as possible. They’re going to say things about me that aren’t true. They’re going to say that I killed Kara Jones and that I tried to kill you too. That I did it because I love Mordred. Don’t listen to a word of it, alright? I love _you_ and I would never _ever_ do anything to intentionally hurt you, you hear me?”

The sirens were so loud they were almost deafening. Merlin, unsure of what was about to happen to him, pulled Arthur into one last hug.

“I love you,” he repeated.

“What’s going on, Merlin?” his eyes were wide with concern and in that moment, it was hard to believe that Arthur was seven years older than him. He looked so impossibly small and defeated.

“I love you, Arthur,” Merlin said again, as police officers began surrounding him.

“Merlin Emrys,” smirked DI Aredian, his voice a perfect mirror of the cold, steely cuffs now being snapped around his wrists, “you are under arrest for the murder of Kara Jones and the attempted murder of Arthur Pendragon. You do not have to say anything but it may harm your defence if you do not mention, when questioned, something which you later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given in evidence.”

A few feet away from him, Mordred was also being served his police caution.

Merlin tried to keep his eyes fixed on his angry and confused Arthur, who at first tried to fight his way through the line of police officers in front of him to get to Merlin, but was now just watching on as Merlin was manhandled into the back of the nearest police car. As they drove off, a nurse was trying to tug Arthur inside and away from the cameras, but he wouldn’t budge.

The last thing Merlin saw as they rounded the corner was Arthur, resolutely still and seemingly impervious to the chaos around him. Every wish he had left went into hoping that Arthur wouldn’t lose faith in him. The small hope that Arthur would still love and trust him after all of this had been cleared up was the only thing that was going to get him through this.

That, and the certain knowledge that Agravaine was behind this and that someday soon he would be rotting in a prison cell, far out of the reach of anyone Merlin loved and cared about.

* * *

Merlin, like most musicians who had dreamed of making it big someday, imagined his life post-breakout in detail. He had imagined signing the record contract, hearing his first single on the radio, playing his first stadium gig to a sold-out audience.

Never in a million years did he imagine that his music career would lead to the cold Scotland Yard holding cell in which he now found himself.

As he lay on the bed, staring up at the bleak grey of the ceiling above him, he wondered how much of what was happening to him could have been avoided by just becoming the marketer he had studied to become. He wouldn’t be in this cell, for one. He would have never had to stare into the cold eyes of Kara Jones. He would never have been betrayed by Mordred. He would never have had to deal with Agravaine.

 _You also would have never met Arthur,_ said a familiar unhelpful voice in his head. _And doesn’t he make all of this worth it?_

Merlin was pulled from his thoughts by the sound of approaching footsteps and the sound of his bars being unlocked.

“Hands behind your back, please, Mr Emrys. You’re being taken to the interrogation room,” explained the kinder-looking of the two officers now entering his cell. The other began slipping another set of heavy cuffs around his wrists. Merlin briefly considered making a comment about how they should buy him a drink first, but thought better of it. If Agravaine had people on the inside, the last thing he wanted was to make things worse for himself.

The officers and Merlin made their way down one or two of the frigid passages, finally entering through an unassuming door halfway down one of them. After removing his cuffs, they sat Merlin in a chair on one side of the wooden table so that he was faced with his reflection in the two-way mirror on the opposite wall. The two days he had been locked up had not been kind to him. A five-o’-clock shadow dusted his face and his black eye was enhanced by the dark rings under his eyes from the stress of the last few days. Merlin felt anger bubble beneath the surface of his skin. This was unfair and sick. His boyfriend had been poisoned two days ago and had barely begun his recovery when Merlin had last seen him. No one had told him anything since he had arrived here, even though Katherine Annis supposedly knew that he was innocent, if Mordred was to be believed. What if Agravaine had got to Arthur? What if he was in danger right now? Merlin was completely powerless to protect him and the knowledge of it made every minute in these icy walls pure agony.

Merlin’s inner tirade was interrupted by another tirade right outside the door.

_“… and as such it is my job to interrogate any and all suspects. I will not let you interfere and tamper with my case.”_

The second voice was much calmer and more measured – dangerous even.

_“You’re forgetting your place, Aredian. If you continue being insubordinate I will take you off this case faster than you can say ‘incompetence’. Now, as your murder and attempted murder case has also turned into a likely kidnapping at the hand of one of your officers, I suggest you get to the important task of finding the victim. I will interrogate the suspects.”_

There was the sound of furious strides down the hallway and then the door of the room was creaking open again.

He recognised her as soon as he saw her. Her red hair was pulled back into a severe bun that mirrored the rigid and restrained nature of her expression. Though Merlin noted that she was shorter than he had thought she was when watching her on the news, she was still clearly not someone to be trifled with. Despite this, her face relaxed as she settled on the chair on the other side of the table and her expression softened into the warmest look he had received since his arrest.

“Merlin Emrys, I’m DCI Katherine Annis,” she said, extending a hand for Merlin to shake which Merlin did. “Firstly, that red light on the wall means that this conversation is being listened to but not by any of Aredian’s people, so you don’t have to be afraid of what you say. Secondly, on behalf of the Met, I would like to apologise for what we’ve put you through these past few days.”

The horrible reality of her words to Aredian suddenly struck Merlin and he looked at her in terror.

“God, did you say that there’s been a kidnapping? Who? Not Arthur?”

Annis’ expression softened further into what looked like pity and Merlin’s worst fears were confirmed.

“He disappeared from the hospital yesterday,” she explained. “Security footage shows what appears to be one of our officers leading Arthur from his room in the early hours of the morning. Neither of them has been spotted since.”

 _“Are you fucking kidding me?”_ yelled Merlin, feeling all the simmering anger of the past few days rise to the surface. “Aren’t you people supposed to be watching people who have recently almost been murdered? Or is that just the old-fashioned way the police operate?”

“Merlin, I understand that you’re upset, but I can –“

“UPSET? I’m fucking livid!” Merlin was standing now, kicking back his chair in anger. The officer standing against the wall took a step closer, but Annis raised a hand to stop him. “You _knew_ someone wanted him dead – you _knew_ that someone actively tried to kill him! How the fuck did you let this happen?”

“Merlin, I don’t know how much Mordred told you before you were arrested, but we are in the process of trying to uncover a number of officers that we believe are corrupt. For obvious reasons, we haven’t been able to brief everyone. It was my understanding that the officers I posted to protect Mr Pendragon were clean. I had personally mentored them. Please know that if I had had the slightest suspicion otherwise they wouldn’t have been placed anywhere near that room.”

“Yeah that’s great and all but that doesn’t change the fact that my boyfriend is missing or hurt or… or worse and it’s your incompetence that made it possible. God and when were you planning to tell me? After he showed up dead somewhere?”

Merlin’s breath was growing shallow and panicky. He needed air. He needed out – to find Arthur before something awful happened to him. He could just walk out. Why shouldn’t he? He wasn’t a suspect and Annis knew it. What possible repercussions could there be?

A moment after this thought crossed his mind, the door to the interrogation room was being opened again. Merlin was so relieved to see a friendly face, to see someone as confused and furious as he was that as soon as Mordred’s cuffs were unlocked, Merlin hugged him tightly, taking comfort in the warmth and understanding he found there and trying to radiate as much of it back as possible.

The tears were falling before he had time to think about stopping them.

Mordred put an arm around Merlin’s shoulders and led them to the table. Annis said nothing but offered Merlin a packet of tissues from her pocket which he reluctantly took.

“Has there been a new development? Is that why we’re both here?” Mordred asked, his voice tired and worn. Merlin wondered if he had slept at all since he found out about Kara’s death.

“We have security footage of what appears to be an as of yet unidentified officer leading Arthur from his hospital room. Neither has been seen since then.”

Mordred looked as livid as Merlin felt, but instead of shouting his feelings as Merlin had, he simply folded his arms and waited for what Annis would say next.

“We have a team of analysts trying to identify the officer in the security footage which will give us a much clearer idea of what happened. In the meantime, our hope is that DI Aredian will lead us to wherever Arthur is being held. Mordred, the reason I called you here is that we need to find out what Kara knew. We have been from the bottom to the top of her flat and we can’t find anything that would drive Agravaine to have her killed.”

“We wanted out,” said Mordred. “We were planning to break our contracts with him.”

“Yes, I understand that,” Annis replied, “but what I don’t understand is why Agravaine would take the dangerous route of having Kara killed instead of just tanking your careers like he threatened to. He doesn’t strike me as the type to make life more difficult for himself than it needs to be. Then there’s his excuse for all those calls between him and Kara that day. I don’t think the story about the article is as made up as we once believed it was.”

“Are you saying that Kara was planning to publish something on Agravaine?” asked Merlin. “Why wouldn’t she just publish it then? Why call him up about it?”

“She must have been using it as a bargaining chip to guarantee that Agravaine would leave us alone,” said Mordred, now paler than he had been a moment ago, “and she buried it when she realised that Agravaine was far more likely to get rid of her than negotiate with her.”

“My thoughts exactly,” Annis agreed. She shuffled through the pages of the file in front of her, finally pulling out a copy of Kara’s suicide note – the one Mordred had showed him a photo of. This time, Merlin saw that the line _“p.s. we’ll always have paris – x”_ was underlined and that “paris” was circled with two enormous question marks scrawled next to it. “This is the only line of Kara’s note that still doesn’t make sense to me. Based on the composition of the rest of her note, it seems too casual and superficial to not be intentional. With that in mind, can you please tell me what significance Paris played in your relationship?”

“I’ve told you – it’s where we went for our honeymoon,” Mordred replied as if the memory of it caused him physical pain to recall. “I don’t understand why she couldn’t have just been leaving me a reminder of what was probably the last time either of us was truly happy.”

Annis was quiet for a moment and spoke her next sentence as if measuring each word.

“Of course that’s what she was doing on one level, but your wife has proven that she was a masterful writer. Every word, every letter and punctuation mark in this letter is intentional and right now the only part of it we haven’t deciphered is this line. It may be the clue that leads us to her dirt on Agravaine, so I need you to really think – was there perhaps an inside joke or personal story the two of you shared that was linked to Paris?”

“None that immediately spring to mind,” said Mordred. “And it would be kind of pointless for her to leave a secret message about something I can’t remember, not so?”

“Very well,” said Annis, reaching down next to her for a box. “Here’s another idea. These are all items from her flat that have any connection to Paris or France. Is there anything in here that tells you something?”

She handed Mordred a pair of latex gloves which he pulled on before gently removing the contents of the box one by one with trembling hands. There was nothing too thrilling amongst the seemingly random assortment of objects: a set of car keys with an Eiffel Tower key ring, a mug that bore the slogan _‘reste calme et parlons Français’_ on a background of the French flag, a glittering snow globe containing a miniature Notre Dame and a men’s _“Paris Je T’aime”_ t-shirt. So when Mordred removed the final item, a simple wooden jewellery box, and Merlin was hit with a wave of nostalgia at the sight, he couldn’t help but gasp.

“ _You_ recognise it?” said Annis, her brow furrowing in confusion as she handed Merlin a pair of gloves so that he could handle it.

“Not this one exactly,” said Merlin, noting that the design differed slightly. Where Kara’s box had the Eiffel Tower burnt onto the top of it, the one Merlin had known had had the Palace of Versailles instead. “My best friend had a box like this growing up. He got it when his mum passed away. We used to use it to hide all of our contraband. You know… like sweets and stuff.”

Annis raised a suspicious eyebrow and Merlin felt his ears grow hot under her gaze. It was probably best not to admit to his teenage drug use in front of the police. He hastily finished pulling on his gloves and took the box gently from Mordred.

“Anyway, if I’m right and this is the same kind of box, there’s a false bottom to it. I just need to…” Merlin opened the hinged lid and slid the front face of the box up to reveal the slot for the false bottom. He was right. Gently, he reached into the box and slid out the thin sheet of wood that formed the bottom, gasping at the sight of a flash drive padded with socks to keep it from rattling.

“Oh my god, that has to be it,” said Mordred, staring at it with wide eyes. “That has to be the Agravaine story.”

“There’s only one way to find out,” said Annis, standing up abruptly from the desk and addressing the officer standing against the wall. “Daira, please take all this back to Evidence. I’m taking Mr Emrys and Mr Jones to my office.”

“Of course Ma’am,” Daira replied, immediately stepping over to the table and pulling on a pair of gloves.

“Follow me,” said Annis, leading them out of the interrogation room and down one or two indistinguishable corridors until they arrived at an office with the words ‘Detective Chief Inspector Katherine Annis’ emblazoned across the window. Annis hastily unlocked the office door and practically threw herself into her seat, plugging in the flash drive as she did. A few moments later, her eyes widened. “It’s all here. Oh my god, she was an absolute genius.”

She beckoned Mordred and Merlin to stand on her side of the computer and showed them what she was seeing. It was almost beyond belief. There were files upon files of evidence she had collected over the years – conversations that she had recorded both in person and over the phone (including the most recent ones between her and Agravaine on the day of her death), copies of her articles before and after Agravaine had distorted them into near fiction, folders full of incriminating photos and video footage and finally, a file entitled _‘My Deal with the Devil’_ which Merlin realised must be the article that had led to her death.

“Open it,” said Mordred.

“Mordred, are you sure?” said Merlin, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Won’t it be distressing for you?”

“She wants it to be read so that’s what I’m going to do,” he said, setting his jaw.

“I want to read it too, so for the sake of time I’ll read it out loud,” said Annis, opening the file.

_In the most laughably unfunny and ironic way, this story (which was supposed to be my ticket to freedom and a life that actually belongs to me), has turned out to be my death sentence. You have to know that, off the bat, when I first sat down to type these words, to tell this story, it was with the mindset that I would finally be able to escape and stop living this lie in which I’m trapped. And while it’s possible that the threats of murder and rape that have been set to me in the past few hours might not come to anything, if you are reading this now, you now know what this man is capable of._

_Agravaine Du Bois is the devil and I am one of the fools who sold their soul for his lies._

_I am not alone in this – just the first to actually have their soul demanded of them. Du Bois, unassuming as he seems at first glance, is a master manipulator with numerous flies trapped in his web of deceit, including the one person I love more than life itself. It is for his sake now that I lay out this demon’s many sins. It’s too late for me, I know that now, but I’m hoping that by some grace I don’t deserve, he won’t suffer the same fate._

_But I am getting ahead of myself._

_In the beginning, there was a young man and the young woman who fell in love with him. Some would argue that we were too young – even we conceded as much on the nights when we'd drink and bitterly mutter about how different things might have been. Back then I was the practical, repressed, self-righteous result of an upbringing that taught me that life was a set of rules and consequences for breaking them. How then could my head not be turned by the beautiful, poetic mind of Mordred Owen, who believed wholeheartedly that life was a set of experiences and that the only lasting consequence life had to offer was regret at not taking every chance at adventure that life handed him?_

Kara then began her beautifully woven telling of Mordred’s story from a few mornings ago, and Merlin felt his mind about her change. They really had just been two scared and exhausted kids who wanted a chance at a better life. Everything that followed, all the bile and wretchedness, it was all Agravaine’s doing.

_Mordred and I suffered this new adventure gladly. Though our time together was limited and highly clandestine, we both took comfort in the fact that the other was doing what they had always dreamed of. Despite the unusual emptiness of my bed, I rested well each night in the knowledge that my husband was finally being recognised for the musical and lyrical genius he was and that our time apart was only for a season while Du Bois set Mordred’s name up in lights._

_In my naivety, when signing the contract to give Du Bois final say in the articles I published, I had thought that he had meant it from a place of wanting to offer me additional inside information from the many whispers of the industry to which he was privy. And, to his credit, it started that way. When I wrote my first scathing article about Catrina West making waves for all the wrong reasons, Du Bois supplied me with a seemingly endless supply of evidence that she had lip-synched her way through every single one of her live performances, leading to her fall from grace and my ascent to a position as one of the most prolific celebrity journalists in the UK._

_It only escalated from there. Lives have been ruined by the biting words typed at my hand and the further malicious twisting of the truth at Du Bois’. It became increasingly difficult to separate my work and hatred of it from my personality and before long I found myself using my spiteful words as an outlet for my anger and frustration. This, of course, doesn’t excuse the things I’ve written. I am still responsible for not stopping this madness earlier, but you have to understand that this is what Du Bois does. He twists everything so that you eventually forget that you are simply being coerced into being the villain and actually begin to feel like you are the villain._

_My husband was going through the same thing. His forced available-bachelor act was beginning to weigh on him and Du Bois’ insistence that he should flirt but never touch made things all the worse. We would steal an evening or two together where we could, but for the most part, we were both incredibly lonely and miserable. The initial glamour of our new lives had worn off and all either of us wanted to do was go back to what we had known before._

_Mordred was the first to crack. In a moment of pure bravery (or stupidity) he insisted that he had been ‘single’ long enough to market himself and it was about time he got to be with his wife again, even if he had to pretend that it was a brand new relationship. Du Bois’ reaction was a malevolent chuckle and condescending ‘we’ll see’. It later transpired that this meant that Agravaine had no intention of letting Mordred be with anyone if it didn’t suit his purposes. And this, in turn, meant that Du Bois fully intended to exploit Mordred’s sexuality._

_Despite having to keep it quiet for most of his career, Mordred has never been shy about being bisexual, insisting that it’s just one of many aspects of what makes him who he is. Without Du Bois’ interference, it would never have occurred to him to keep it quiet. Du Bois had other ideas about what would be a deal breaker for his audience though, and being open about his sexuality was one of them. Besides, didn’t he think that the mystery was so much more fun than the truth? Wasn’t the ambiguity and implication more fun to talk about than the bare black-and-white facts?_

_This philosophy didn’t last long and Du Bois’ first foray into forcing Mordred into a relationship came with Arthur Pendragon. It was the first of many relationships, both sexual and non-sexual, that my husband had absolutely no say in._

_This may seem a shock to those who know Agravaine Du Bois as the brother of the late Ygraine Du Bois and therefore Arthur’s seemingly doting uncle, but Du Bois’ relationship with Arthur is insidious to the point of abusive. To contextualise it, it must be understood that when Ygraine died Du Bois was fully under the impression that he would be inheriting Avalon Records, which at the time was a highly successful independent record label. Instead, Avalon Records was bequeathed to Arthur with Du Bois’ acting as interim manager it until Arthur came of age. Though the slow decline of the record label has often been attributed to its dated practices and refusal to remain relevant, Du Bois has admitted in so many words (clips available at www.karaknows.com/my-deal-with-the-devil) that he deliberately mismanaged the label so that Arthur’s inheritance would turn out to be far more curse than blessing. Indeed, by the time Arthur inherited it, it was nearly unsalvageable and despite managing to scrape a few more years out of it, Avalon Records closed its doors for good in June 2009, a bitter foreshadowing of Uther Pendragon's untimely death in the same month a few years later._

_Mordred was one of the first artists signed to Pendragon’s new venture, Excalibur Records, which he began in late 2007 to allow himself the freedom to sign fresh new acts that actually had a half-decent chance of being successful. It was a match made in music heaven. Mordred’s soulful folk was set to put Excalibur Records on the map, which was precisely the opposite of what Excalibur’s new PR Manager, Du Bois, wanted. His subsequent plan to derail it was brutally simple: he would eventually organise a contract buyout with another label, but before that, cause a public relations nightmare that would take Excalibur down with it._

_Du Bois had, what was in his mind, the perfect recipe for disaster. He had two handsome, lonely men (one touch-starved and contractually forbidden from being in a relationship and the other desperately repressed and unable to convincingly deny the rumours that he was gay) plus a set of small confined offices where they would see each other every day for hours at a time. All he needed to do was prod Mordred towards Arthur and the tentatively stacked dominos would collapse one after the other._

Merlin put an arm around Mordred as Annis read Kara’s account of Agravaine’s emotional and psychological abuse. It sounded like hell and Merlin realised how lucky he was to only have a black eye to show for their conflict.

 _That, and an injured and missing boyfriend who was almost murdered,_ jeered a chillingly malicious voice that sounded an awful lot like Agravaine’s. _We mustn’t forget that._

Annis continued reading.

_Apart from forced libel and near prostitution, I could list here in detail all of Du Bois' heinous crimes. There are many. There’s his rumoured embezzlement of Avalon’s Finances (which I would not be surprised to see replicated in the recent financial failings of the once booming Excalibur); his manipulation and coercion of Cenred King and Valiant Wright into carrying out his dirty work, throwing the lives of the band and those connected to them into turmoil; the skilful masterminding of Mordred’s first highly public and completely fake relationship with Merlin Emrys without Emrys being aware of it; getting Sophia Timor pregnant, blaming it on Arthur and cruelly abandoning her when she stopped being of use to him. I could list the details, but there is simply no longer any time. For that, you will have to visit the aforementioned website and confront the overwhelming evidence for yourself._

_There is no more time._

_It is here, staring down the barrel of this metaphorical (or perhaps literal) gun that I wish to personally apologise to anyone whom I might have hurt with my biting words and insensitive lack of discretion. Were it up to me alone, many of the things that are now known about you would have remained a tight-lipped secret and many of the rumours that were unfairly spread about you would never have seen the light of day. I take full responsibility for my actions and know that had I been a bit braver, your lives might be very different now. I know I have made a great many enemies and rightly so, but I hope you realise that with freedom over my talents, I would have put them to far better use. I would have been investigating a character like Du Bois as an objective third party. Instead, I am a part of his twisted truth._

_Now as part of that truth, knowing that I will not survive the fall, I am dismantling my section of the web and praying the rest unravels with it._

_My last words are for the one person to whom it physically pains me to have to say goodbye._

_Mordred, my love, if you managed to find this and are reading it now, know that I would never trade a single moment that was spent with you. I love you more than any words I put here could possibly express, even if I did have all the time in the world. You don’t feature in a single one of my regrets except that we didn’t get the eighty or so years together it felt like we should have been promised._

_Even though I’m afraid, I’m alright now. I’m at peace knowing that even when I’m still, I won’t be silenced. I take solace in knowing that if I’m going down, I’m taking the son of a bitch who ruined your life with me._

_Be brave and carry on for me. I know you don’t always see it, but you are a gift to this world. Go show every other practical, repressed, self-righteous little girl and boy in this world that magic is real. That they can be anything they want to be. That they don’t have to settle for being successful, that they can be something far greater – they can be good._

_And once I have paid my devil his debt, I too will finally be good._

A chill ran down Merlin’s spine as he opened his arms to envelope Mordred. Enormous silent sobs were racking his body and Merlin felt that if he didn’t hold him, Mordred would shake apart. Tears were stinging his own eyes and even Annis was pulling a tissue across hers.

Kara’s words had cut to the heart of the tragedy that this was. No one in this story had asked to be a part of it. They were victims of a sociopath who cared for no one’s interests but his own.

“Right, I’m copying the contents of this drive to my computer and then you two are coming with me.”

“Where are we going?” asked Mordred in a hollow, distant voice. It was gut-wrenching and raw and Merlin felt almost physically ill at the grief of it.

“I think it’s about time Sophia Timor finally had the opportunity to tell the truth.”


	14. The Choice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Additional Warnings:**
> 
> Violence, Character Death (Not Merlin, Arthur or anyone they call a friend - promise) and Suicide Mention. Proceed with caution.

Merlin had never experienced tension like that fifteen minute journey to Sophia’s flat. Every bump in the road, every crackle from the police radio seemed to fill him with an indescribable dread. His heart was racing and he couldn’t stop his trembling once it had started.

Almost as if sensing Merlin’s distress, Mordred reached out to take his hand and this time there was nothing sinister or unnerving or exciting about it. It was a friendly lifeline keeping him just enough above the surface that he didn’t sink into the panic that was threatening to overwhelm him.

Annis said nothing while she drove. Her brows were furrowed and her mouth was little more than a thin grim line. Merlin found his hatred for her growing with every passing minute. Her incompetence and her playing around with other people’s lives were the reasons that Arthur was now missing. All Merlin could do to keep a level head was clutch onto Mordred’s hand and listen intently for any hint of information over the radio.

“Oh fuck no,” Annis muttered, abruptly pulling over. She hastily unbuckled her seatbelt and flung herself out of the car. Merlin looked up at the building to their right in and immediately saw what Annis was swearing about. Thick black smoke was issuing from a window on the second floor and Merlin knew instinctively that it had to be coming from Sophia’s flat. His heart fell to the pit of his stomach.

_Arthur might still be in there._

“You wait here,” she said to Merlin and Mordred before calling for backup. Less than a minute later, two more cars showed up, sirens wailing and lights flashing blindingly in the gathering dusk. A group of officers led by Annis charged into the building and all Merlin and Mordred could do was wait in agonising terror.

Two more police cars showed up. Sensing drama, a small crowd had gathered around the building and the new set of officers began cordoning off the area to keep them back. Merlin hoped to every god that the lights of the police cars were enough to obscure their view of Mordred and him. The last thing he needed was the press in his face.

A minute or two later, a fire engine came screaming around the corner and a new flurry of urgent activity started as they connected their hoses and set up their ladders. Flames were beginning to lick out of the windows now and at the sight of it, Merlin pulled away from Mordred, opened the door and was violently sick on the pavement.

Annis came running out of the building a few minutes later with a group of officers in tow. She beckoned them to get out of the car.

“Sophia’s not there.” Annis’ tone was grave. “Neither is Arthur, though we have reason to believe that he was being held there not long ago. We _did_ find DI Aredian and Cenred King – both shot, doused in petrol and badly burnt. Aredian was dead on arrival, but Cenred still had a pulse when we got to him. He was also wearing a police uniform, so I’m pretty sure we now know who kidnapped Arthur.”

Merlin was almost sick again.

“You didn’t see any sign of Arthur and Sophia?” asked Mordred.

“We searched everywhere and couldn’t find them,” said Annis. “Cenred must have handed over Arthur at some point, though we don’t know to whom. Aredian left Scotland Yard just over an hour and a half ago so this fire is really recent.”

“So what now?” asked Mordred.

“I’m going to try to track down Du Bois and you two are going back to Scotland Yard to collect your effects,” said Annis. “From there you are free to go. I will make sure that our officers take you wherever you want to be.”

“And if I want to help you look?” asked Merlin, terrified at the idea of just having to sit around waiting for news.

“It’s too risky from this point, Merlin,” said Annis. “But we will try our best to keep you informed.”

Merlin glared at her furiously and Annis’ grim face softened.

“I know that this must be incredibly difficult for you,” she said, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder, “but if it’s any consolation, this fire means that Agravaine is panicking. He’s not thinking his actions through and he’s making mistakes. It won’t be long until we catch him.”

Merlin didn’t respond, instead making his way towards the car where two officers were waiting. A panicked Agravaine making mistakes that included burning people to death was the furthest thing from a consolation he could think of.

* * *

It was difficult to put into words how grateful he was that, upon arriving at Mogue with Mordred, his mum and dad were among the small group of people in the otherwise empty coffee shop. It was relief enough being with his friends again, but seeing his mum’s face light up and breathing in the comforting scent of baking and floral soap as she hugged him tighter than he’d ever been hugged before helped loosen the large anxious knot that he’d had in his stomach for the past few days. And even though there was a long way to go in restoring their relationship, feeling his father’s large hand rest reassuringly on his shoulder made Merlin feel inexplicably safe and protected.

When his mum finally released him, Gwen immediately took over, squeezing him so tight that for a while he could almost convince himself that she was holding him together.

“We were all so worried,” she said. “I knew there was no way they could keep you, but still – you must have been so terrified.”

He was interrupted before he could reply.

“What’s _he_ doing here?” asked Kay loudly. Merlin let go of Gwen to look at Mordred who was standing apart from everyone, clearly unsure of himself.

“Would you like me to tell them the whole story?” he asked him, knowing that he had to tell the group something but also wanting to spare Mordred from having to relive his pain again. Mordred nodded and Merlin immediately began explaining about Mordred and Kara’s relationship, how Agravaine had blackmailed them into going along with his schemes, and how Mordred and Merlin’s brief fling had all been a part of Agravaine’s plan to bring down Excalibur. When Merlin explained how Kara’s suicide was forced and how she had left clues in her note, Hunith, tears pouring down her cheeks, made her way over to Mordred and pulled him into a fierce hug. Though Merlin had seen Mordred cry a lot in the past few days, it was nothing compared to this. It seemed that the floodgates of his grief had opened and he was no longer able to contain the pain and anguish that he was feeling.

Leon made his way over to the coffee bar to fix a strong pot of tea for Mordred and Merlin and Morgana slipped away, returning moments later with two thick blankets. After making sure that Mordred’s blanket was wrapped tightly around him, Merlin’s mum led him to a nearby couch and began speaking to him in soothing tones, somewhere between her nurse’s voice and the voice she used when comforting Merlin. He felt something in his chest lighten slightly at that. He hadn’t realised just how worried he’d been about Mordred until now.

While Morgana asked Leon and Kay to go out and get dinner for everyone, Gwen, Lance, Ellie and Gwaine marched Merlin over to another couch a short distance away and began making sure he was alright. Though initially annoyed at being fussed over, Merlin found that he was too exhausted to put up much of a fight. After plugging his mobile into the charger Gwaine brought him, and settling his head down on the pillow Morgana provided, Merlin was unable to do anything but slip into irresistible sleep.

* * *

When Merlin woke up, it was pitch-black outside and everyone else in the shop was asleep. It looked like Morgana and Leon had pulled down every item of bedding they owned to host everyone. Gwen was curled up in a blanket on Lance’s lap in one of the armchairs opposite Merlin; the other one was occupied by Kay who was sprawled across it like a starfish. Percy sat on the floor with his back against Kay’s chair, his arms wrapped around Elyan with his chin resting on the top of his head. Leon and Morgana were sharing a single mattress near the coffee counter. Gwaine and Ellie were wrapped up in a thick duvet on the couch opposite Mordred’s and near them, someone had cleared away several tables to make way for a queen-sized mattress where his parents slept, his mum’s head resting gently on his dad’s arm. The sight of them made his heart ache in the best possible way. He felt suddenly like his four-year-old self, stumbling into their dark bedroom after being woken up by a nightmare.

He wished he could wake up from this nightmare.

After tiptoeing to use the bathroom in the green room (not wanting to disturb anyone) and tiptoeing back, Merlin noticed that someone had left him a plate of assorted pizza slices. He couldn’t think of anything he wanted to do less right now than eat. Instead, he settled for switching on his phone, trying his best to prepare himself for the tsunami of messages and notifications he would no doubt now have.

It was worse than he imagined it would be. His notifications and inboxes were so cluttered that it was nearly impossible to tell what was important, but Merlin found the process of clearing away what wasn’t necessary strangely therapeutic. Indeed by the time he had narrowed his texts and emails to only those from his friends and family, Merlin found that he was ready to face their reactions to the events of the last few days. He read Arthur’s last, his eyes darting hungrily over his boyfriend’s panicked messages.

 _RECEIVED [11:21]: They gave me more sedatives after you were taken away and I’ve only just woken up now. Morgana just told me everything. I’m fuming at what they’ve done to you and I’m trying everything to get to you but it’s like bloody Alcatraz here._  
_RECEIVED [11:23] I don’t know when you’ll get this but when you do, I just want you to know that of course I know that everything they’re saying is bullshit._  
_RECEIVED [11:23] I recognised DI Aredian as soon as I saw him. He’s an old friend of Agravaine’s._  
_RECEIVED [11:24] I was angry about him trying to destroy Excalibur and I’m angry about him poisoning me, but it’s nothing compared to the rage and hatred I feel knowing that he’s hurting you to get to me._  
_RECEIVED [11:28] Maybe it’s a good thing I’m practically under bed-arrest. The next time I see Agravaine I’ll fucking kill him._

_RECEIVED [23:55] Everything hurts without you._

Merlin felt tears sting the back of his eyes, but refused to let them fall. Giving into his panic wasn’t going to help him find Arthur. Gathering his composure, he began wracking his brain to think of anywhere significant Agravaine might have taken Arthur, but he didn’t know enough about them outside of how he’d seen them act at Excalibur to have any useful leads, and there was no way he would have taken Arthur to Excalibur. He’d definitely know that it was the first place that the Met would look. Beyond that, Merlin had no idea where to even begin.

He tossed his phone down beside him on the sofa and raked his hands through his hair. It was difficult not to succumb to the overwhelming defeat he was feeling. He should have demanded that Annis let him go long before she did. He should have demanded to speak to a lawyer. Instead he had blindly gone along with their plan, trusting that what they were doing was going to stop Agravaine.

Merlin’s mobile began buzzing loudly next to him.

His screen said ‘No Caller ID’ and though everything in Merlin was telling him not to answer it, the small glimmer of unreasonable hope that it might be Arthur urged him to grab it and sprint to the green room.

“Hello?” he answered and his stomach plummeted when he heard the familiar oily voice on the other end of the phone.

_“Listen carefully. I’m about to offer you a chance to rescue Arthur, but if at any point I suspect that anyone but you knows about it, I will kill him without a moment’s hesitation. Do we have an understanding?”_

“Oh, Agravaine, it’s so lovely to hear from you again,” Merlin sniped sarcastically. He was completely terrified but he refused to give Agravaine the satisfaction of knowing that.

 _“Do we have an understanding?”_ Agravaine repeated more forcefully.

“Sure,” said Merlin, “though you’ll have to forgive me if I have a trouble believing you. History hasn’t exactly shown you to be a bastion of honesty.”

 _“Always so clever with words,”_ said Agravaine and Merlin could practically hear his sneer. _“Where are you now?”_

“Isn’t that what you’re supposed to be telling me?” Merlin retorted.

 _“I want to know how likely it is that you’ll be overheard,”_ said Agravaine, _“but if you insist on being a bad sport, so be it. Getting rid of my nephew now would make my life a lot easier.”_

Agravaine had Merlin backed up into a corner and he was relishing it. He could hear it in every slimy word he uttered. As long as he had Arthur, he had the upper hand and Merlin would have no choice but to go along with whatever Agravaine was planning. He was just another one of Agravaine’s little flies, trying to fight off a gleeful spider without the use of his limbs.

“I’m in the green room at Mogue,” Merlin replied. “Everyone else is asleep in the coffee shop.”

 _“Good,”_ said Agravaine. _“Now, I’m sure you’re dying to hear about this offer of mine.”_

“Before we carry on,” said Merlin, his heart hammering painfully against his ribcage, “what guarantee do I have that you haven’t already done something to Arthur? How do I know that he’s alive and he’s with you?”

 _“Fair enough. If you’re willing to uphold your end of the agreement I should prove that I am willing to do the same.”_ When Agravaine spoke again, Merlin realised that he had pulled the mobile away from his face. _“Val, take Arthur’s gag off for a second. I think it’d be best if Emrys heard where we are from him.”_

Merlin didn’t think it was possible for his stomach become more knotted than it already was, but it did. Valiant being there could only make things worse for Arthur.

There was a heart-stopping silence for a moment and Merlin’s heart constricted painfully. Were they bluffing? Had they already taken care of Arthur?

 _“Talk, you piece of shite,”_ growled Valiant and his words were followed by what sounded like a snapping twig and a cry of pain that Merlin realised could only be Arthur. _“There’s at least nine more here that I can crack for you if you’d like?_

 _“He knows that we’re not lying now, Arthur.”_ Agravaine’s voice was grimy and cloying even over a phone held at a distance. _“There’s no point in trying to pretend that you’re not here. Besides, who knows when next you’ll get the chance to talk to him?”_

After a second’s hesitation, Merlin heard Arthur’s voice and it was like music to his ears.

 _“M-Merlin, we’re in Ealdor. I’m so sorry,”_ he said, his voice louder than Agravaine’s or Valiant’s had been. Agravaine was clearly holding the phone against his ear.

“Don’t be stupid, you have nothing to be sorry about,” said Merlin, feeling hot tears of relief and fear flood his eyes. “I love you and I’m going to come get you, alright?”

 _“No, Merlin, you have to promise me that you won’t go along with whatever Agravaine is planning,”_ said Arthur, his voice suddenly panicky. _“Do you really think he’s going to let either of us get out of this alive? I saw what he did to Cenred and Aredian. He’s a psychopath. Don’t – “_

 _“That’s enough out of you,”_ growled Valiant. Merlin heard another snapping sound and another heart-wrenching cry of pain.

 _“I think that should suffice as evidence that we aren’t lying about Arthur’s wellbeing.”_ Agravaine’s snide voice was once again loud and clear. _“Now, if you want to keep him breathing I suggest that you follow my instructions to the letter.”_

“It doesn’t sound like I have much of a choice, do I?” Merlin replied, his blood pressure rising at Agravaine’s malevolent chuckle.

 _“Oh, Emrys, I can already tell that this is going to be fun,”_ he said. Merlin had never had the urge to kill before but he was sure that that’s what was flooding his body now. His rage and nausea only worsened as Agravaine listed his instructions and when they finally ended the call, Merlin was shaking with a combination of anger and fear. While he was under no illusion that Agravaine was going to use whatever little game he had planned to hurt Arthur, what choice did he really have but to comply?

Tiptoeing through the café as he gathered his effects, it suddenly occurred to Merlin that he had no idea how he was going to get there. There was little-to-no chance that there would be a train leaving at this time of night and he didn’t think he would have much more luck finding a bus. His only other option was to find a cabbie brave enough to trust that he would be paid handsomely once this night was over.

“Merlin?” said a soft voice next to him, making him nearly jump out of his skin.

“Mordred, you scared me half to death,” said Merlin, his rapidly thudding heartbeat slowly returning back to normal.

“Are you going somewhere?” he asked, sitting upright.

“No,” Merlin replied hastily, but instantly regretted it. If anyone deserved the truth, it was Mordred. “Actually, yes, I am. I just got a call from Agravaine.”

 _“Agravaine?”_ Mordred asked incredulously.

“God, Mordred, keep your voice down,” said Merlin, glancing around to see if anyone heard them, but no one in the room had even stirred. “Yes, he’s giving me a chance to rescue Arthur.”

“You can’t seriously believe that he means it?” said Mordred, getting to his feet. “Merlin, you know what kind of a man he is. There’s absolutely no way that there isn’t a catch to this.”

“What choice do I have, Mordred?” Merlin replied. “He says if I’m not there by sunup, he’s going to kill Arthur anyway. At least this way I have a fraction of a chance.”

“Jesus.” Mordred scrubbed a hand down his face. It was hard to tell in the dim neon light from behind the bar, but Merlin was sure that sleep had done little to change how tired and worn he looked.

“Look, no one’s supposed to know, so can I trust you to keep this to yourself? If Agravaine knows that anyone else knows, he’s going to kill Arthur outright.” There was a note of pleading to his voice that he was not entirely embarrassed about. He would drop to his knees and beg if it meant not risking this one chance to save Arthur.

“It’s going to be difficult to tell anyone seeing as I’m coming with you,” Mordred replied, his piercing eyes blazing with determination.

“I’m supposed to turn up alone –“

“I won’t go with you all the way,” Mordred interrupts, “just most of the way. I don’t think you should be alone right now. Someone needs to help you make sane and rational decisions. For one, you don’t drive – how were you planning on getting there?”

“Night bus or cab,” Merlin shrugged.

“Too slow and too expensive,” Mordred countered. “I’ll drive you.”

“With what car? We were dropped off here by the Met, remember?”

“So we’ll take one of theirs.” Mordred gestured around the small crowd of sleeping people. “It’s not like they’re using them at the minute.”

Merlin was filled with a sudden thrill of hope.

“You’d do that?” he asked.

“Without you we might never have found Kara’s article,” said Mordred, placing a hand on Merlin’s shoulder. “I reckon I owe you.”

Merlin, placed a grateful hand over his and began helping him gather his things.

Within ten minutes they were seated in Merlin’s mum’s old Toyota and pulling out of Mogue’s car park. They were silent as they drove and the only break in the stillness was a momentary panic that the car behind them was following them. Mordred tried to explain it away, saying that they were taking the quickest route to the M4 and the car was likely just headed the same way, but even he didn’t sound completely convinced. The actual explanation came a few moments later when Merlin’s phone rang.

“Hello?” he answered cautiously in case it was Agravaine.

 _“Merlin, this is DS Annis_ ,” said the familiar brisk voice on the other end. _“I’m on my way from Scotland Yard to Ealdor as we speak. Now, before you panic, we intercepted your call from Du Bois and that’s what we’re responding to. No one apart from a small team of my choosing knows about the call, and with Aredian gone it’s unlikely that Agravaine will find out that we are assisting you. Mordred is in the car with you right now, is that correct?”_

“Y-yes,” Merlin replied, not sure how she could possibly know that.

_“Alright, would it be possible for you to put me on speaker phone? He’ll also need to hear what I’m about to tell you.”_

“Sure, just give me a sec.” While Merlin fumbled with his phone, he explained to Mordred that Annis was on the line so that he didn’t get too much of a fright when he heard her voice. “Okay you’re on.”

_“Great. Mordred, I’m very glad that it’s you driving Merlin. It will make our plan a lot easier to execute. If you’re observant, you may have noticed that you’re being followed by a silver Hyundai. These are the officers I placed outside Mogue for your protection. Another set of officers has been dispatched to keep an eye on your friends and family and two more cars including mine will be following you to Ealdor. We have also notified the authorities and emergency services there so should the worst happen, we are prepared for it.”_

Merlin swallowed at this. He couldn’t let himself think of the worst happening.

_“We would obviously prefer that the worst doesn’t happen, so in order to ensure that we have the best chance of getting everyone out of this alive, I need you to cooperate with me to the best of your ability. Now, as we still haven’t been able to locate Sophia Timor, we believe that she is also with Agravaine. It would explain why he’s still working with Valiant Wright – he would need an extra set of hands to handle both a weakened Arthur and a heavily pregnant Sophia. He didn’t mention her in his call to you, so my guess is that he’s either killed her and is dumping the body there, or she’s alive and he’s going to use her to his advantage. I’m telling you now so that you have the four hours or so before you get there to prepare yourself for either outcome.”_

Next to him, Mordred shuddered violently.

 _“How long until you need to fill up with fuel, Mordred?”_ asked Annis.

“About two hours I reckon,” Mordred replied. In the sweeping amber lights, Merlin could see that his jaw was set and a fierce determination was etched onto every feature of his face.

_“Alright, let us know when you’re pulling off and we’ll meet you there. Merlin, I’ll be giving you an earpiece so that we can communicate with you when you confront Agravaine. Based on his description of the area, it sounds like we will have some tree cover. We can discuss that further in person though. For now, just focus on getting yourself ready to face whatever is waiting for you in Ealdor. Sleep if you can – you’ll function a lot better on a rested brain. Mordred, if at any stage you feel tired, let me know and I will get one of our officers to drive in your place.”_

“Noted, thanks,” said Mordred.

 _“Drive safely,”_ said Annis, ending the call.

It was quiet again after that, the only sound coming from the steady hiss of the tyres against the road and the rush of air from passing cars. Though Merlin tried to bear the quiet for Mordred’s sake, there was nothing for him to latch onto and his thoughts were swirling and rapidly spiralling into panic.

“Mordred, do you mind if I put some music on?” he asked.

“Please do,” said Mordred. In the sweep of passing headlights, Merlin could see that he was wearing a weak smile.

Merlin turned on the cassette deck and was unsurprised to hear the familiar sounds of Joan Baez filtering through the small speakers. The tape was worn and the sound came out slightly warbled, but it was still the audio equivalent of a steaming mug of tea. Despite the growing fear inside of him, this small reminder of home was enough to keep his unhelpful thoughts at bay.

“Your mum has excellent taste,” said Mordred.

“This is pretty much all she listens to,” Merlin replied. “I often say she brainwashed me into becoming a folk musician, but she doesn’t really appreciate the joke.”

Mordred laughed politely at that and the two of them listened to a few verses of ‘Diamonds and Rust’.

“The man that was there with her, is that her boyfriend or something?” asked Mordred after a verse or two.

“My dad actually,” Merlin replied.

“Oh shit,” said Mordred. “But I thought you said that he wasn’t in the picture anymore? I thought that was the whole point of ‘Synthetic’.”

“As far as I was aware, he wasn’t until last week,” said Merlin, trying not to think about how many times he had heard his mum cry along to this song because of Balinor. “He made up with her after trying to patch things up with me and they’ve been together most of the year now.”

“That’s… good?” asked Mordred.

“It is,” Merlin confirmed. “He’s completely turned his life around. I think he’s going to fight for it this time.”

“That’s great then,” smiled Mordred.

“Mordred, I know that you and Kara weren’t on good terms with her parents, but what were yours like?” Merlin asked. Then, deciding it was too rude just to ask that without softening it, he added, “only if you’re comfortable telling me, mind.”

“My parents were alright,” says Mordred, his eyes fixed firmly on the road in front of them. “A little misguided sometimes, like most parents are, but certainly nothing like Kara’s.”

“And you’re not in contact with them anymore?” asked Merlin and when Mordred shook his head, he added “Why?”

“When we first ran away it was fear that any contact with anyone in Wales would tip Kara’s parents off, but after we signed with Agravaine he made sure that all lines of communication between us and anyone we used to know were severed. I have no idea if they’re even alive anymore.”

“Jesus, that’s…” Merlin trailed off, watching the dark swallow up the white line along the side of the road. “I know that this is all his doing, but I struggle to get my head around how one man could ruin so many lives. I don’t know what’s going to happen when we get to Ealdor, but I hope to every god Agravaine dies. Prison is too good for him.”

Out of the corner of his eye he thought he saw Mordred give him a quick glance, but he said nothing and once again only the sounds of the old worn cassette filled the car.

As anxious as Merlin was about what he was about to do, he still hadn’t had more than a few hours of sleep over the last few days and as hard as he tried, it soon became impossible for him to keep his eyes open. Against his will and better judgement, Merlin fell asleep.

* * *

Sirens filled the air, though they sounded warped and discordant to Merlin. The only thing that was louder was the sound of his rushing pulse and having his sense of hearing so overwhelmed only added to the fear of what he was seeing in front of him.

On the banks of the Ealdor River, almost exactly where Arthur and Merlin had shared their first real date, the Excalibur Records building was burning. And though he had no idea how, he knew that Arthur was trapped inside.

Lungs burning from the smoke, Merlin raced towards the front door and tried to wrench it open, fighting against the pain as the metal handle scorched his hand. He had to get to Arthur. Nothing else mattered now.

Then suddenly, almost as if the thought had called out to him, Arthur was racing through the foyer towards him, face blackened with ash and soot and his eyes full of terror.

“It’s too late Merlin,” he said, and despite the barrier of glass between them and the cacophony of the sirens, Merlin could hear him as clearly as if he was standing next to him. “He’s won. You’re too late.”

With one last terrified look, Arthur reached out his hand and was engulfed in the flames consuming the building.

“NO!” Merlin screamed, pounding desperately at the glass, ignoring the way it was burning him more and more with each blow he struck. He had to get to Arthur. It couldn’t be too late. He still had time. He could still get to him. He still had time.

And then, standing completely unscathed in the midst of the flames, was Agravaine. He was laughing maniacally and his normally slick hair fell about his face framing the eyes and teeth that were glowing evilly in the firelight.

However, just as Merlin began redoubling his efforts to get through the glass to kill the man who had ruined the lives of so many people he cared about, the world gave an almighty lurch and his eyes snapped open.

He was covered in cold sweat and extremely disorientated, but when he glanced next to him and saw Mordred, face white, trying to pull his mum’s violently jerking car off to the side of the road, Merlin remembered where he was and what was happening.

“No, shit shit shit shit,” said Mordred as he brought the car to an abrupt and shaky stop. Smoke was pouring from the bonnet and through it, to Merlin’s horror, he could see that the clouds around the horizon were to fading to a lighter grey. “Merlin, you have to phone Annis and tell her what’s happening.”

Merlin didn’t need telling twice and he dialled her number as the two of them got out of the car.

 _“Merlin, is everything okay?”_ she asked instead of greeting him.

“Our car’s broken down,” he replied. “There’s smoke coming from the bonnet and it’s almost sunup and we’re stuck.”

 _“Alright, don’t panic. We’re around five minutes away from you and we’re not too far outside of Ealdor. We’ll signal for backup immediately and in the meantime the officers behind you in the convoy will remain with the car. You two will come with me and I can brief you while we travel the last few miles.”_ Merlin let out a shuddering breath and Annis, in a far gentler tone than she usually used, continued. _“I know my word likely doesn’t count for much after all you’ve been through, but we have the upper hand here. Agravaine is expecting you and only you. We’ll reach them in time and we’ll do everything in our power to help you save Arthur. You have to trust me now though, alright?”_

“Alright,” said Merlin, and after assuring them again that they would be there soon, Annis ended the call.

Merlin relayed the message to Mordred who had lifted the bonnet of the car and was poking around it in a desperate attempt to fix whatever was going on with the engine. Despite Annis’ calm decisiveness and her promise that the plan would be successful, Merlin found himself trembling less from the early November air and more from his own unsteady nerves.

The silver Hyundai arrived a minute later and as Mordred explained to the officers what had gone wrong, Merlin leaned against the side of their car, worrying his lip between his teeth at the growing ring of light grey around them. Flashes of his nightmare were playing in his mind on a loop and though he tried to remind himself it was just a dream, the sight of Arthur being swallowed by flames and Agravaine’s demonic smile were burned into his mind.

He jumped a few moments later when an arm slid around his waist, but relaxed when he saw it was Mordred. He didn’t say anything, just offered a comforting presence and Merlin found himself forever grateful that he wasn’t facing this alone.

“Here they come,” said Mordred as another car pulled up behind the Hyundai. Arm still securely around Merlin, he led him to where Annis was waiting for them

While an officer taped a wire under Merlin’s shirt, she explained how Merlin should approach Agravaine, what he should say and what he should avoid saying. Merlin didn’t have the strength to respond in anything more than monosyllabic answers and to his relief, Mordred seemed to realise this and began asking Annis for clarification on certain points or else mentioning things that he thought Merlin might be worrying about. Within a matter of minutes, Merlin and Mordred were in the back of Annis’ car as she talked them through the plan one last time.

The edges of the horizon were almost white when they pulled over again.

“Alright, Merlin, you’ll have to run the rest. Remember what we discussed – try your best to keep a level head, don’t rise to his bait and keep him talking for as long as possible. If Valiant Wright is still a threat, you should say…”

“I’m here as promised,” Merlin supplied robotically, his heart hammering furiously.

“Right. And if he’s not a threat?”

“I’m here like I said I would be.”

“Great,” said Annis. She took a deep breath. “Good luck, Merlin. I’m sorry it had to come to this.”

“So am I,” said Merlin and after giving Mordred a grateful hug, he stepped out of the car and began running the familiar route to Ealdor. The distance had never felt so vast and his speed had never been so important. Merlin ran as fast as he could, until he was sure his lungs would give out and then somehow found the strength to run some more, spurred by the only thought echoing through his mind.

_Save Arthur._

Merlin’s lungs were on fire and he was nursing a painful stitch in his side when he finally reached the river. Jogging along the bank for a while, he soon found what he was looking for. It was too dark to make out details, but Merlin could see a figure standing in a rowboat in the centre of the river with two indiscernible shapes on either side of him. As he ran towards it, he noticed that on the bank, not far from where Arthur and Merlin had been eating sushi just over a week ago, Valiant Wright was lying motionless, his face purple and a rope tight around his neck.

Merlin fought the urge to throw up.

“Agravaine, I’m here like I said I would be,” he said as loud as he could without yelling.

“Emrys! I was beginning to think you’d had second thoughts,” said Agravaine in his trademark oily tone.

“Not when it comes to Arthur,” said Merlin, hoping he sounded far braver than he felt.

“How _romantic_ ,” Agravaine replied and though it was still too dark to make out his features at this distance, he could hear the smirk in his voice. “It’s so nice to see that good old-fashioned chivalry isn’t completely dead.”

As Merlin strode up to the bank opposite the boat, he realised with horror what the shapes were. Arthur and Sophia were slumped over unconscious (but thankfully visibly breathing) on either side of Agravaine, bound, gagged and strapped to what looked like heavy concrete slabs. While Merlin was ready to jump in after Arthur and Sophia in a heartbeat, the concrete would make the task of saving them almost impossible.

The scales were tipped decidedly in Agravaine’s favour.

“So am I going to hear this offer of yours or did you just bring me here to comment on my willingness to go through with it?” said Merlin, trying to sound as confident as he could.

“I don’t think you’ll be as willing to go through with it once you hear my terms,” said Agravaine. “You’ve probably noticed that I’ve brought along dear Miss Timor to add a flare of drama.”

Merlin didn’t trust himself to respond to that in a level-headed way so he waited for Agravaine to continue.

“Well, after the spectacular way you’ve made my life fall to shit, you couldn’t honestly expect me to make this easy for you, could you? So here’s how this is going to work: I know about the Kara Jones article and I know that there’s no way I’m getting out of this, so in your last bit of good news for a while, I’m going to get rid of myself for you. You’ll notice that my legs are tied to both Arthur and Sophia. If I were to tip over the boat now I would sink to the bottom of the river taking both of them with me.

“I am, however, willing to cut one of them free. Your task is simple: do you save the man you claim to love or a helpless young woman and her unborn child? They’re unconscious as a kindness to you. Whoever you choose not to save won’t even know that you failed them.”

For a moment, all the sound disappeared from the world as the horror of what he’d just been asked to do hit him.

 _“Jesus fuck,”_ he heard Annis’ voice say in his ear. _“Merlin, we’re on our way to you right now. Do everything you can to delay that decision.”_

The static from his earpiece disappeared after that and Merlin realised that he was now completely on his own. He couldn’t let that get to him though. Summoning all of his nerve, Merlin squared his shoulders and forced himself to meet Agravaine’s cold gaze.

“Good to see good old-fashioned chivalry hasn’t been wasted on you,” he said and Agravaine laughed – a bone-chilling sound that shot straight down Merlin’s spine. “Am I allowed time to consider my decision?”

“Why not?” said Agravaine through a malevolent grin. “After all, it’s a pretty hefty decision with life-or-death consequences. Allowing you a few moments to weigh up the options seems reasonable.”

“Can I ask you something while I consider, though?” asked Merlin. “I mean, if you’re being honest with me – which I suspect you are – this _is_ going to be the last conversation of your life, so it’s not like you have anything to lose.”

“Why don’t you ask your question and I’ll see if I feel like answering it?” said Agravaine. In the gathering light Merlin could see that he was sheet-white and that his dark hair was damp and plastered to his head. Both Arthur and Sophia looked blue with cold.

“Very well then,” said Merlin, taking a deep breath. “What made you do all of this? Kara’s article implies that you were motivated by spite after not inheriting your sister’s record label, but there’s no way someone just holding a grudge could cause this much destruction.”

“Oh that was definitely part of it, but only part,” said Agravaine. “The rest of it was Uther and his ungrateful brat, the promise of more money than I could ever spend, and the realisation that the more control I had the more I could control. We all have our vices and mine, I’ve discovered, is power. There is no greater thrill than having every aspect of your life at your command. That’s why you’ve been such a thorn in my side.”

“Because you can’t control me?”

“Because you broke my control over others,” Agravaine replied, some of his smug veneer slipping to reveal the bitter anger beneath it. “All of my plans were working perfectly until you showed up. Suddenly Arthur’s head was filled with you and he wouldn’t hear a word against you. And though for a brief moment Mordred managed to help me regain some of the upper-hand, you managed to destroy my control over him too. After poisoning Kara and Arthur I debated long and hard whether or not I should do the same to you, but I decided that that would be too easy for you. I want the effects of what I do to you to last.”

“So you’re punishing me by finally finding a way to control me?” asked Merlin in a hollow voice.

“Very succinctly put, Merlin,” said Agravaine in mock pride. “Maybe you _are_ as talented with words as everyone says you are.”

Merlin felt rage wash through him. He could handle relinquishing some of his control, but not like this – not when it was going to hurt others in the process.

“So, what, I play your game now and I’m supposed to believe that you’re going to honour your word?”

“My dear Emrys,” said Agravaine, smug grin back in place, “where would the fun be in going back on this deal? If you choose to save Sophia and her child, you have to live every day with the knowledge that you allowed the love of your life to die. If you choose Arthur, you’ll have to look him in the eye and tell him that you allowed a lonely and manipulated woman and her innocent unborn child to die so that he could live. Do you really think that Arthur – self-sacrificing, insufferably noble Arthur – would want to stay with a monster like that?”

“So either way I lose him?”

“Seems that way,” Agravaine replied in a casual tone. Merlin hated the fact that he wasn’t close enough to hurt him.

“Why drag Sophia into all this anyway?” Merlin asked, trying his hardest to calm his racing heart and buy more time.

“Did you not just hear me explain how devastating I’ve made your decision by adding her?” asked Agravaine with an incredulous laugh which died down when he noticed Merlin’s face. “Oh, you mean into _all_ of this, not just this situation. Easy: she was there.”

“She was _there_?” asked Merlin, his hands balling into fists at his sides with the effort of keeping his voice level.

“Simply put, I knew from the moment she walked into her job interview that she was someone who could be incredibly useful to me. She seemed intelligent enough to follow a plan and not ruin it, but not so intelligent that she would realise what was actually happening until it was too late. She was talentless and fame-hungry and I could tell that she thought working near celebrities might make her one someday. She could be easily manipulated by the rich and powerful and so I began laying the groundwork, making her trust me, making her infatuated with me.

“At first I wasn’t sure how I was going to use her, but then she texted me one night to say that she’d stumbled across a very drunk and very upset Arthur at one of the clubs she frequented and it all became clear. She got her fifteen minutes of fame and I got to put Arthur through hell for a short while.”

“According to Kara, you abandoned her after finding out that the baby is actually yours,” said Merlin, and Agravaine shrugged as if to say ‘so what?’

“Merlin, you know, as fun as it’s been travelling down memory lane with you, I’m getting bored now. And in any case, I think you’ve had ample time to make your decision,” he said. “Unless you’d prefer that they freeze to death?”

Merlin looked behind Agravaine into the forest, but there was still no sign of any of the promised officers. Merlin would have to make a decision. Hopefully cutting through the rope would take long enough to give them more time.

“I… I already know who I’m choosing,” said Merlin, feeling his stomach roil at the words.

“And?”

“And I want… I want you to set Sophia free,” said Merlin, feeling tears sting his eyes. As hard as he tried to fight them, days of bad sleep and high emotion were taking their toll and all he could do was give in and collapse to his knees as he watched Agravaine gleefully begin to cut the ropes binding Sophia. Merlin stared at Arthur through his tears, knowing full well that unless help arrived in time, he might have just sentenced him to death.

_I’m so sorry, love. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me, I couldn’t… I didn’t have…_

He willed Arthur to wake up, to start fighting against the ropes, to kick out at Agravaine, to slow him down – but it was no use. Arthur was out cold.

Just when it looked hopeless, when Agravaine was cutting the last of the rope tying Sophia to the concrete slab, smiling maniacally at Merlin in anticipation of what he was about to do, Merlin heard his earpiece crackle back to life.

_“Merlin, on your stomach now!”_

Without a moment’s hesitation, he threw himself to the ground as the unmistakeable sounds of gunshots cut violently through the early morning quiet. He heard Agravaine let out a cry of pain but dared not look up to see what was happening

“Stand down!” an officer behind him yelled.

“Shit, he’s drawing a weapon,” he heard another officer say, and two more shots were fired. This time, however, there was no sound from Agravaine and Merlin chanced a glance at the scene.

Blood was spreading across Agravaine’s white shirt from two bullet holes in his chest and his usual smirk had been washed off of his face as he stared down at his wounds. The gun in his hand clattered to the floor of the boat and he teetered for a moment or two before falling over the side of the boat tipping it upside-down.

Merlin was in the water before he knew what he was doing. He was vaguely aware that a few of the officers had jumped in after him, but he didn’t turn to look. His hands desperately clasped around the first person he could reach and it was only after he had made it safely back to the riverbank that he saw that it was Sophia. As a team of paramedics rushed to help her, Merlin was pulled to his feet.

The officers were still desperately trying to hoist Arthur and Agravaine out of the water. Without thinking, Merlin tried to dive back into the water, but the person who pulled him up wrapped a strong pair of arms around him, keeping him firmly in place.

“Merlin, don’t be stupid, you’re only going to get in the way,” said Mordred, his voice strained with the effort of keeping hold of the violently struggling Merlin.

“Let go of me, Mordred!” he said. “I did this to him! I need to fix it!”

“I’m not going to, Merlin,” said Mordred. “This is what they do. They’ll save him.”

Merlin could feel himself trembling, though whether it was from the cold or fear or his helpless wracking sobs, he couldn’t tell. Mordred, true to his word, held tightly onto him as the officers finally managed to hoist Arthur and Agravaine onto the bank beside Sophia. A second team of paramedics immediately set to work, one cutting through his bonds, another pressing down forcefully on Arthur’s chest and checking for breath that didn’t seem to be coming.

_Come on, love. Fight it. This can’t be it. This can’t be all you get._

The longer the paramedics worked on him, the less feeling Merlin seemed to have in his body and soon Mordred had to hold him upright.

And then Merlin heard the most beautiful sound he had ever heard in his entire life as Arthur coughed out the water that filled his lungs.

“Oh my god, oh my god,” said Merlin, the feeling returning to his limbs as he struggled free to rush to Arthur’s side. Blinking through tears, Merlin caught Arthur’s hand in his and let out a choked laugh at the way Arthur’s fingers curled weakly around his.

“Merlin?” he asked croakily.

“Shh, love, I’m here,” he said, beaming down at him. “I’m here.”

“Thank you,” said Arthur weakly.

“If you want to thank me, get better, alright?” said Merlin. “You’re not going to leave me alone, you hear?”

“Understood,” said Arthur with a weak smile.

Merlin refused to let go of his hand as they loaded him onto a gurney and into an ambulance and only reluctantly parted with him when they rushed him into casualty at the hospital where he’d spent many of his childhood years. Exhausted, Merlin sat in one of the seats wrapped a large towel he’d been handed as soon as he arrived, leafing through an ancient Hardy Boys paperback that he’d read hundreds of times to give his hands something to do as he waited for news. He thankfully didn’t have to wait for too long.

“He’s a fighter, your millionaire,” said Sister Llewellyn, one of his mum’s good friends, as she sat next to Merlin and placed a comforting hand on his arm. “No major injuries. We have him on oxygen for the time being and we’ve tended to his fractured ribs and fingers, but apart from that and a fair bit of bruising, he’s alright. You’ll see. He’ll be right as rain in no time thanks to you. Now, because he was still recovering from his poisoning, the doctors are still running a few tests, but as soon as they’re done you should be able to visit him. In the meantime, let’s get you into something dryer and warmer.”

After his various cuts and grazes had been patched up and he’d been given a fresh set of clothes, Merlin was told that Arthur was ready to see him.

“Only a short visit, mind,” said Sister Llewellyn, with a fond smile, “he’s doing well, but he’s been through quite an ordeal and he needs his rest. I think seeing you for a bit will definitely do him the world of good though.”

“Thanks, Sister,” Merlin replied as he pushed through the door into Arthur’s room. It was still a shock to see him bandaged up with pipes attached to him, but it was infinitely more bearable with Sister Llewellyn’s assurance that he was going to make a full recovery. As soon as Arthur saw Merlin, his face split into a wide grin and Merlin couldn’t help but feel pleased at the way the beeps on Arthur’s heart rate monitor suddenly sped up.

“Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,” said Arthur croakily as Merlin reached his bed and leaned over to kiss him. It was nowhere near the big sweeping romantic kiss he thought they deserved after all they’d been through, but for now it was enough.

“I was thinking the same thing,” said Merlin, settling into one of the chairs next to the bed. “Let’s not to do any of that again.”

“Agreed.” Arthur smiled, sliding his hand nearer to Merlin’s and wrapping his unbandaged fingers around it. “Agravaine’s dead. They reckon he was dead before he hit the water.”

“Good,” said Merlin. Arthur didn’t say anything to that, just nodded, and for a while Merlin wasn’t sure what to say. He was sure that Arthur hated Agravaine as much as he did now, but up until a week ago, he’d thought that he’d had a doting uncle. He was still going to need a while to process all of that. What was he supposed to be doing to help him through that?

Thankfully, he was spared saying something potentially awkward by a knock at the door. It was Sister Llewellyn.

“Don’t worry,” she said, seeing their faces fall. “I’m not cutting your visit short. I just wanted to let you know that Sophia Timor has just had her baby girl and she’s tiny but perfectly healthy. Mr Pendragon, Sophia has asked me to thank you for everything you did for her through that ordeal and as a thanks, she would like to name her daughter after you. She thought that ‘Arthura’ might be a bit too stuffy, so instead she was thinking ‘Penny’ after ‘Pendragon’. She won’t, though, if it makes you uncomfortable at all.”

“No, that’s…” Merlin could see how touched he was by the gesture. “That’s really kind of her. Please tell her that I can’t wait to meet little Penny.”

Arthur smiled after Sister Llewellyn as she left the room and Merlin couldn’t help but feel sick with guilt.

“No, no, no,” said Arthur with a concerned pout he noticed Merlin’s expression. “You were all smiles a moment ago and then your face went sad. How can you be sad about Baby Penny?”

“I’m not sad about her it’s just…” Merlin placed his other hand carefully on top of Arthur’s. “Agravaine had you strapped to concrete slabs and tied to him so that when he jumped in the river to kill himself, he’d drown you too. He let me choose one of you to save though and I chose Sophia.”

“Good,” said Arthur, squeezing Merlin’s hand with his good fingers. “That’s what I would have wanted you to do.”

“I regretted it as soon as I said it though,” said Merlin, now unable to meet Arthur’s eyes. “Even though I knew that there was help coming, there was a chance that they wouldn’t make it in time and that you might… I didn’t want Sophia to die but if it meant that you got to live I…”

“Hey, look at me,” said Arthur, nudging Merlin until he looked up and met his eyes. “There was no winning that fucked up little game. It was designed so that you would lose no matter what you chose. Even if you regretted saving Sophia because of what it would cost you, you still did it. You made the brave choice and thanks to you there’s now a brand new little human in the world. Your choice made that happen.”

“But…” Merlin trailed off, not entirely sure what he wanted to say.

Arthur pursed his lips for a moment and then fixed Merlin with a serious expression.

“Look, there’ll be so much time to be sad and angry and frustrated and heartbroken later. I know we have a lot of mending ahead of us. But, just for now, can I just enjoy the fact that you’re actually here with me? Can I just please be happy about the fact that I’m alive and that my gorgeous, talented, heroic boyfriend came to my rescue?”

Merlin felt tears sting his eyes, but he fought them back bravely and finally allowed himself to bask in the happiness and relief that it was all over and that they’d both survived it.

“You forgot ‘sexy’,” he said, allowing a smile to tug at the corners of his mouth.

“I did, didn’t I?” said Arthur, reaching up with his unbandaged hand to tug him closer by the collar. “How careless.”

Unable to help himself, Merlin pressed his lips to Arthur’s, feeling for the first time in a long time that maybe everything would be alright.


	15. Two Years Later

“This is like the millionth time I’ve said this, but I just can’t get over how perfect he is,” said Merlin as he sat in a booth at Mogue cuddling Baby Thomas and drinking in the soft, round face, tuft of curly black hair and sweet little nose that just begged to be gently pressed at all times. “I still can’t believe you actually made this.”

“Well, I had help,” Gwen replied with an amused smile.

“Lance? Hardly,” Merlin rolled his eyes and Gwen laughed quietly. She and Lance were natural parents and though Tom was actually the result of an ‘ultimately fortuitous overestimation of the shelf-life of latex’ (as Lance had delicately put it), Merlin couldn’t imagine them without him now.

“Got anything special planned for your anniversary?” asked Gwen, sipping on her latte.

“Not really,” said Merlin, repositioning Tom after he moved around slightly in his sleep. “We’re going away as soon as Morgana and Leon get back from their honeymoon so we’ll celebrate it properly then. Arthur’s made us reservations for dinner tonight and we’ll probably just exchange small gifts.”

“That sounds lovely,” smiled Gwen. “I can’t believe it’s been two years for you already.”

“I can’t quite believe it either. How long was my relationship before this one, like five months?”

“Four months and one week,” Gwen replied. “I remember – you were very proud of it at the time.”

“Jesus that feels like decades ago now,” said Merlin. “Putting up with Arthur will have that effect on you.”

“He doesn’t annoy you half as much as you claim he does,” said Gwen, quirking an eyebrow. “In fact, I distinctly remember one infamous movie night where an incredibly drunk you said that you love it when he pushes your buttons because one of those buttons always activates your little –“

 _“Guinevere!”_ said Merlin in mock-scandalised voice, placing a hand over Tom’s ear. “Not in front of my godson.”

“You’re a nightmare,” laughed Gwen and her gaze drifted from Merlin to the entrance of Mogue where Mordred had just walked in with an extremely exuberant toddler in his arms.

“Coffee!” the toddler exclaimed as Mordred removed his sunglasses and hung them on the neck of his shirt.

“Yay! That’s my clever girl,” smiled Mordred as he pointed out Merlin and Gwen to Penny and walked over to meet them. “You do know that you’re not actually allowed coffee though, Pen-Pen?”

“No coffee?” she asked and Mordred shook his head to emphasise his point. Her tiny face broke into a thoughtful frown for a moment. “Juice?”

“Juice,” Mordred agreed, settling Penny down in the booth next to Gwen.

“Mana!” said Penny, her face transforming into the biggest smile as she realised who she was sitting next to. ‘Mana’ they had discovered (after much confusion) was Penny’s deep two-year-old conviction that Gwen was Moana from the Disney movie and since absolutely nothing they told her could convince her otherwise, it had stuck.

“Hi, Pen-Pen,” said Gwen, pulling the girl into a tight hug before standing up to hug Mordred who then crossed over to the other side of the table, slid into the seat next to Merlin and promptly began cooing over Tom without greeting him.

“Hello to you too, good friend,” said Merlin, pretending to be offended at the slight. “I am also a human that exists.”

“When you somehow miraculously become as adorable as Tom, I’ll start greeting you first,” said Mordred and Merlin let out a fake huff of indignation which caused a fit of giggles from Penny.

“Is Soph on her way?” asked Gwen after Mordred ordered two coffees and an apple juice.

“Yeah, she saw a scarf on sale a few shops back so she stopped to get it quickly,” he said. “She should be here soon.”

“How are things going between you two?” asked Gwen.

“Good,” smiled Mordred. “Great, actually. We’re moving in together.”

“What? That’s so great!” said Merlin excitedly. Though Mordred had been understandably broken after the Agravaine incidents, he’d struck up an unlikely friendship with Sophia after helping her through Penny’s birth. The two had become nearly inseparable after that and with the way they talked about each other and how Penny was pretty convinced Mordred was her dad anyway, no one was really surprised when they announced that they were dating.

“Thanks, mate. I’m hoping to be in and settled by next Saturday,” said Mordred.

“Oh, so that’s a no on the babysitting then?” asked Gwen, teasingly and Merlin scowled.

“Guinevere, if it’s anyone’s turn to babysit, surely it’s Arthur and me? When was the last time we got a turn?”

“Literally two days ago,” said Gwen, rolling her eyes. “In any case, you know it’s on a roster. It’s Elyan and Percy next.”

“And after that?”

“Kay.”

“And after him?”

“Gwaine and Ellie.”

“And then?”

“Well, then Morgana and Leon are back so...”

“Yikes, Tom,” said Merlin, gently bouncing the sleeping baby in his arms. “Will we ever meet again?”

“Shut up, Merlin. You live literally two doors away and you know you’re our emergency sitters.”

“Fine, you win,” laughed Merlin. “Speaking of passing the baby around, I actually have to hand Tom back to you. Arthur’s picking me up at six so I’d better leave now if I still want to look pretty for dinner. You can have your son back for the time being.”

“I appreciate it so much,” said Gwen sarcastically, carefully taking Tom from Merlin. With one last wave to the rest of the table and a high-five for Penny, Merlin made his way home to change.

Upon opening up his wardrobe to decide what to wear, he was pleasantly surprised to find a brand new suit with a sticky note next to it that said _‘WEAR ME TONIGHT x’_.

So apparently dinner was going to be pretty special.

After showering, putting on the new suit, attempting to fix his unruly locks into some kind of order and spraying himself with a bit of the cologne Arthur liked so much, Merlin made his way downstairs just as there was a knock at the door.

“Forget your keys?” laughed Merlin as he opened the door to reveal his boyfriend.

“It’s romantic like this, alright?” said Arthur, pressing a quick kiss to Merlin’s lips and handing him a huge bunch of flowers.

“Okay, sure, I’ll give you that,” said Merlin, making his way to the kitchen to put his flowers in water.

Minutes later, they were in Arthur’s Aston pulling out of the parking garage and into the heavy London traffic.

“I can tell that dinner is going to be such an effort tonight,” said Arthur glancing over at Merlin.

“How so?” he asked.

“Because you look sinfully good in that suit and I’m going to spend all night dying to tear it off.”

“Well, if you play your cards right…,” grinned Merlin, squeezing Arthur’s thigh. “You really didn’t have to get me a whole new suit for tonight though.”

“Nonsense, you deserve it,” said Arthur. “I don’t spoil you enough.”

“You literally gave me a record deal.”

“That’s different.”

“It feels the same.”

“That’s because you still don’t have any idea of how talented you are,” said Arthur. “If I didn’t sign you, someone else would’ve.”

“I love you,” said Merlin, trying his hardest to change the subject to stop the blush that he felt creeping into his cheeks.

“I love you too,” Arthur replied, lifting Merlin’s hand that was resting on Arthur’s thigh to kiss it.

“Where are we going?” asked Merlin.

“Nope, not telling you. It’s a surprise.” Arthur was grinning in that diabolical way he smiled when he was plotting.

“We’re going to Le Dragon, aren’t we?” said Merlin and the grin vanished from Arthur’s face.

“How did you guess that?” asked Arthur.

“Because if we’re not eating at Mogue, or the chippy near Excalibur or getting takeout from that Thai place down the street, we’re at Le Dragon,” said Merlin, trying and failing to mask his amusement. “You’re not exactly James Bond when it comes to secrets.”

Arthur pouted.

“I would have worked it out when we got there anyway, love,” said Merlin. “And I love Le Dragon, so now I can be just as excited as you are.”

“Oh alright,” Arthur huffed in annoyance, but the corners of his mouth betrayed his amusement like they always did.

When Merlin tried to climb out of the car after they pulled up outside of the restaurant, he found himself being pushed back into his seat.

“Patience,” said Arthur before climbing out and walking around the car to open Merlin’s door for him. Once Merlin was out, he offered him his arm. “Well, handsome, shall we?”

“I believe we shall,” Merlin laughed, not sure whether to be annoyed or charmed by Arthur’s new gentleman shtick.

As they passed the kitchen on their way to their usual table, Merlin waved at Gilli who, after completing his course, was now a Chef de Partie at the restaurant. After seating them and opening the bottle of champagne that was waiting for them at their table, their waiter left to see to their usual order.

“To two years,” said Arthur, raising one of the glasses the waiter had poured.

“To two years,” said Merlin, clinking his glass to Arthur’s.

“You know why I always book this table?” asked Arthur, smiling fondly at Merlin as he reached across it to take his hand.

“I don’t actually, but I’m sure the answer is going to be as complicated and mathematical as the reason we have to keep the red couch in the same place for the rest of eternity.”

“Alright, well, ignoring that,” said Arthur. “The reason I always book this table is because it’s the table I’ve always booked.”

“Why am I not surprised that your answer is a riddle?” laughed Merlin.

 _“Merlin,”_ whined Arthur. “You’re missing the point. I’ve literally never sat at a different table at this restaurant. That means that it was in this exact spot two and a half years ago that I first noticed a slightly gangly but compellingly handsome bloke staring at me over his dessert. It was in this spot that that same bloke called me out for being a complete prick to my waiter. It was in this spot a few weeks after that that I took that bloke out to thank him for saving my record label and it was at that lunch that I realised that I was more than a little bit crazy about him.”

Merlin didn’t know what to say. For all that Arthur claimed not to have the same way with words Merlin did, he was doing an alright job.

“And sure, it took an embarrassingly long time for me to actually act on it in a non-shitty way,” Arthur continued and Merlin couldn’t help but melt slightly at the way his cheeks were flushed pink, “but the fact that despite all the bullshit he’s been dragged through, he’s still here and he’s still willing to share his life with me has to mean that his table is the luckiest goddamn table in London.”

Merlin forgot how to breathe.

“Merlin, each time we come here, I fall more in love with you. And it’s not even anything you’re actively doing. You’re just being yourself. You just… you just seem to become more lovely, more generous, more kind and more beautiful the more I get to know you and I just love you. I love you more than I thought it was possible to love anything, and though I know that what I’m about to put you through isn’t likely to be the most pleasant of experiences given my level of skill in this department, there’s something I really want to do for you.”

Arthur raised a hand and the lights in the restaurant dimmed as the room was filled with the sound of a strumming guitar. To Merlin’s surprise Arthur began to sing. It was shaky and he missed notes here and there, but it was the sweetest most beautiful thing Merlin had ever witnessed. As he listened to the words, he realised he didn’t know this song and, what’s more, he realised that he’d overheard Ellie, Gwaine and Arthur speaking about it, though at the time he’d had no idea that this is what they were doing.

At the chorus, it became a flash mob as all the people in the restaurant began singing along with Arthur in perfect harmony. And during the second verse when all the Knights, Gwen, Ellie, Morgana, Leon, Gaius, Mordred, Sophia and his parents poured out of the kitchen, Merlin was struck with the sudden thought that this might all be leading to something far bigger than he’d imagined when preparing for their date that night.

His suspicions were confirmed when, with the last note still ringing through the restaurant, Arthur dropped to one knee holding a small velvet box.

“Merlin, the past few years haven’t been easy for either of us and there have been many times when I wasn’t sure I was strong enough to carry on. But in those times you’ve been my strength and my hope and my joy. I know that writing you a simple little song and singing to you in the most awful way you’ve ever been sung to is hardly the way to convince you that you’re my world now, but I meant every off-key bit of it. You are everything to me and I want the world to know that.”

Merlin’s heart was racing and his hands were trembling. He knew what was coming next and was scared to even move for fear that he might ruin it.

“Merlin Telor Emrys, I don’t want to ever face this world without you, so would you do the honour of becoming my husband?”

Merlin tried to say yes, but it was impossible through the tears of absolute love and happiness now flooding his eyes, so instead he nodded and pulled Arthur into a fierce hug.

“You’re my everything too,” he said through his sudden downpour and when he pulled away and noticed that Arthur was also crying, he reached up to wipe away the tears from his face.

As Arthur slipped the ring onto his finger and their friends and family gathered around them to congratulate them, Merlin was fully aware of how flimsy this all was – like the palace of cardboard boxes they’d built to entertain Penny one rainy Saturday afternoon. But for the first time, Merlin was beginning to appreciate that the fact that the beautiful things in life weren’t permanent was what made them so beautiful.

And while he had this beautiful thing, this beautiful thing that had almost been taken from him before, he would keep it as best he could.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We did it! Almost two years after I started writing this, it's finished. If you've been reading this from when I started this you've been with me through changing jobs, two of my best friends getting married, getting diagnosed with ADHD, and the decision to start studying again. It's been a pretty wild time for me, so I'm so grateful for your kind comments and patience with me as I tried to get my ish together and finish this thing. 
> 
> Thank you so so much to everyone who's supported this work and listened to the silly little songs I wrote to go along with it. I appreciate every comment, kudo, read and listen. You're all the absolute best ♥♥♥
> 
>  **UPDATE:** I couldn't mention Arthur's big romantic song at the end and not actually write it :D You can find it here: [Luckiest](https://soundcloud.com/aislynnprice/luckiest?in=aislynnprice/sets/in-my-cardboard-walls-songs)
> 
> Ash xx


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